"Not telling?!"

[Aleric]

To my amazement I see that some authors, even

hosted ones, have selected the "Not telling" for

their sexuality.

 

I think that gives a very wrong signal to the young

gays/bi's that might visit this site. I SCREAMS that

you are ashamed of your sexuality and it should be

something to hide!?

 

I hereby call for all authors to reconsider! Be 'proud'

about your capability to love. Don't be afraid to tell

the world!

 

Aleric

[Crackerwriter]

Absolutely agreed young sir!

[Myr]

It is probably more of a "I didn't update my profile" situation. I think it defualts to "Not Telling"

 

Myr

[rainbow]

Hi Aleric

 

I agree with you. It me fifty years to come out. And wow am I glad I did, its was like a weight came of my shoulder. And now I am pround it.

 

Rainbow

[GREEN]

what about the right for us to tell whom we please. I don't feel the need to tell you my nationality or my religion, Why should I tell you what my sexuality is. I Think that is something you share with someone when and if you feel comfortable with the person that you share it with. I think that it's very rude for you t ask that about anybody. Yeah we have our pride but we shouldn't have to put a label on it if we don't please. I don't think it gives a wrong signal but it gets you to know someone first.

Edited January 24, 2005 by green

[DomLuka]

I have to agree with green on this one. even authors have a right to their privacy. sexuality is a personal thing and a sensative subject for some. besides, if someone really wants to know, why not just ask?

Edited January 25, 2005 by DomLuka

[Crackerwriter]

I think the point was missed. No one is twisting any arms around here. No one says you HAVE to declare your sexuality. It was a suggestion to reconsider.

 

On the other hand, I can see that some of our younger authors might, (and I only say MIGHT), still be uncomfortable about coming out so openly. As Rainbow says, it took him fifty years to do so.

 

As a suggestion, perhaps Myr could change the default line to: 'I might tell you if you ask' which would leave more room for manoeuvre, especially for those of you who may feel uncomfortable about openly declaring your sexuality.

 

However my personal opinion stands and I'm not at all bothered about declaring mine, and that I'm gay. As Aleric points out, it would be more harmful if some young readers got the message that it was some dirty secret, that they should hide. On the other hand it might cause more worry if they thought that they had to tell everyone.

 

For those that are not openly 'out' (and I don't mean those who shout about it), I can sympathise. There are many of us who've been there. No one says you have to wave a banner and stuff the news down people's throats so they get mad at you.

 

But for anyone who forgot to put the information in, especially authors, please reconsider?

[GunRunner]

OK, I can jump on the bandwagon here as well ... Being an Author (although on this board I am listed as a member ) does tend to put more of a spotlight on your profile, I am not sure that it places a responsibility. I agree with both sides here. Cracker / Aleric .. you both make a valid point ... Young writers / readers are going to be impressionable and it is nice for them to see people who aren't afraid of being open. On the other hand, Green also argues well about just telling those who they please, which is also PERFECTLY acceptable. Some people are not always as "ready" to be open. And ... Situations and Circumstances can play a big role. For example, I am reminded of the main character of Bill W's Castaway Hotel (my favorite net story of all time!!) Josh Currie --- At one point in his life, married to a woman, has children (but in his heart loves men as well ... Bi) when his situation changes he is in love with a man (but still loves women ... Bi) With this in mind, look at our choices that we have listed (Gay, Straight, Bi - Leaning Male, Bi-Leaning Female, Not Telling) I think that we should have the not telling one changed to ' ? ' and there hould also be one that says ' Ask Me" we should also, in my opinion, change the Bi ones to just 'Bi' as that one is kind of hard to pin at times, as I said it is purely situational and circumstancial in many situations.

Above all, what we need to do is just create the atmosphere that is welcoming to anyone, and I feel that we are on the right track for that.

For myself personally, I left it at the default because there wasn't a correct catagory that fit me. Right now, I am married, and I have children, but I am still bi. Which by the way, took me until I was 35 before I ever told a soul. If my situation were to change, by death, or divorce, or any other means, I could go either way. Lets face it friends. LOVE IS LOVE ... PERIOD! MAN OR WOMAN. This is a stand that we have all taken in one way or another, and I think that we have purveyed that in here as well. I am quite content in telling people this, and if a young writer or reader or anyone were to ask me these types of questions, I would openly tell them what I believe in my heart, and encourage them to answer the same questiond FOR THEMSELVES. And if they wanted to talk to me .. I am a good ear. Life is continually a quest for self discovery. That is what we need to nurture!

For those who were able to shout from the roof-tops all along -- that is great for you. For those who had to hold it in -- that is understandable. For those who aren't sure which way to go -- Many of us are here to help you and listen if you need to talk. We have a great bunch in here.

Remember friends, the first step always remains the same ... To thine own self be true.

 

Enough of my soapbox.

I am here for anyone ...

-Gun

[GunRunner]

I guess I could have also added that we could get rid of that little feature all together

[DomLuka]

Or maybe an option to leave it blank...? It's good to have pride, but the reality is that not everyone is ready to give up their privacy on certain issues. I think it's reasonable if they dont want to tell. But, it's probably like Myr said, maybe some forgot to update their profile. But, I still say if you're curious, ask. Not a lot of harm in that, right?

Smiles, Dom

[JulienGregg]

Is it really that important that we know the sexuality of every member or author of this site? I think that sexuality is a personal thing, and although I'm completely comfortable sharing my orientation with just about anyone who asks and isn't trying to be rude about it, many others aren't. Should we be just like the "biggots" and demand to know?

[Myr]

A reply to a few different things:

1) GunRunner, I've updated your profile. I get so busy that I have to be reminded to change a profile from "Member" to "Author" when someone signs up.

2) I have added some more options to the whole sexuality question. Consider it a demographical survey. Everyone has the option to put "Not Telling", which, of course, is a person's option. It doesn't necessarily mean what Aleric implies.

 

As a personal note, I'm no activist. In fact, *gasp*, I would fall into the Log Cabin Republicans... I'm out to a few people, which does include my parents. But without me telling someone, nobody would know. I've put this option on the board to satisfy scientific curosity, not to be out and proud, or insult people that aren't.

 

Myr

[GunRunner]

Thanks for the update ....

What I was saying though is not an attempt at pursuing someone in the possible event that they might make a stand. My intentions were based solely on putting this board in a positive light and letting people know that there are those that will listen for those that want to talk. Not many people until recently had any clue about me, other than my close family and a few friends, but in here it is safe ... And I like it that way

 

-Gun

[Aleric]

Dear authors,

 

Of course I do NOT mean that everyone should be telling their

sexuality to everyone they meet in real life. I am not doing that either,

not at all! Only when I feel comfortable with it I might.

 

No, I was solely and only talking about the profile field of the authors

on this site. Even then I don't need to know what the exact sexuality is,

but - reading the stories you write and the fact that you are an author

on the site gayauthors.org might give a MAJOR clue heheh.

 

My concern is the use of the words "Not telling" by someone KNOWN

to be gay (being an author on gayauthors) which signals that they are

ashamed of saying it outloud. The reason I thought that is because I

looked at the profile of my God-author Comicality and was shocked

to see that he said he didn't want to come out for his sexuality! My world

tumbled down, I ran to close my curtains and hide in shame.. If even The

Great Comicality stamps his gayness as "something that you can't come

out for" then then... But surely Myr is right. He probably just didn't update it.

 

So, then a request to Myr - perhaps you can change the *default* value to

'not updated' or something like that. I tell you, I was really shocked - so

it's not unthinkable that many other young readers get a mental kick down

too, by this default.

 

No need to remove it - everyone has the right to take that as their answer.

 

Aleric

 

PS There are many many different kinds of sexuality. Perhaps some

will be shocked if I say it bluntly outloud here... but concluding from the

type of stories on this site, this is NOT just another 'gay' site. Absolutely not

We, or at least most of us, clearly, are the kind that know how to appreciate

the beauty of youth over masculine muscle power and huge cocks.

THAT is why I like this site, and that is why I hope to make friends here.

We should understand eachother a whole lot better than the average 'gay'

would. ... However (moral)... I am not saying that the list of 'sexuality' in the

profile is to be extended with too much detail. I, too, would feel uncomfortable

with that, even -just- on a site like this.

[DomLuka]

We, or at least most of us, clearly, are the kind that know how to appreciate

the beauty of youth over masculine muscle power and huge cocks.

 

Amen!

[GREEN]

Sorry! maybe I overreacted a little. I really believe that it's ones choice to define oneself to others. I think thought that many of you have brought out a valid point, but what is topping any of you from changing your status in the first place. You say that it's not proper for gay authors to say I'm not telling and perhaps that is right, but isn't it enought that they have shared wonderful stories with us?

 

Most people come here for a reason and some find much more here and we should.We should be happy with what they share and be thankful.

Edited January 29, 2005 by green

[Myr]

I do know of two straight men that are writing gay stories. They are exploring in literature what they don't wish to explore in person.

 

Also, if you look at published work, most of the gay stories are published by straight women... Mercedes Lackey, Tanya Huff, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Lynn Flewelling... well, you get the idea.

 

So, just because you have writing here, doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.

[Crackerwriter]

Valid point Myr, and I did wonder about that actually.

[Umbathri]

We, or at least most of us, clearly, are the kind that know how to appreciate

the beauty of youth over masculine muscle power and huge cocks.

 

Amen!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutly..

 

As far as coming out, I sure havent. Told my mother once, but Im positive shes blocked it out or somthing. But when I saw the option for listing my sexuality I didnt hesitate. The anonymity of the internet is its own mask. It can allow you be to as free and open as you want, and withdraw at a moments notice if you need to. Iv been scareing myself with how honest in myself ive been the last couple days, maybe I should slow down a little. I hope I havent been scaring to many people in the last day with my posts.

 

If anyone ever did find out I was coming to places like this, well I could prolly deal with it, cause thats what Ive done, taken that first step in my own small way.

 

~Umbathri