Alex and Zach by Greg_A

[Frostina]

A lot of readers are pretty familiar with this story for those who are NOT, Greg finally decided to bring this story to GA. ( **does a happy dance** ) Sooo.... Feel free to discuss the story here!

 

Alex and Zach meet while transfering into a new college as Juniors and quickly become best friends. Alex soon learns that he would like to become more than just friends with Zach, but will Zach's troubled past stand in there way.

 

 

I cant wait to get (re)started!!

 

thanks Greg!

[rogi24g]

I've seen somewhere this story but couldn't find it again..so I'm happy to see it here to finally read it whole

[Greg_A]

Gulp! Uh, thanks Frosty! The good news is the story is already completed so there shouldn't be huge wait times between chapters. I just have to find where I saved the various chapters on my pc. And since this is a fresh start I'm taking minor advantage and correcting a few minor things from the original posting. Like using the wrong names. But I'm not doing a re-write - way too lazy for that.

 

I'll try and remember to poke my head in here from time to time. Thanks again Frsoty - and to everyone who reads A&Z!

[Greg_A]

Just posted Chapter 10 of Alex and Zach - getting close to the end of the story! This chapter is probably my second favorite chapter out of the entire story. I think cuz it's kinda warm and fuzzy and it allows me to wallow in my mushy side! After the last couple of chapters with all their dark and serious scenes it was really nice to get back to some fun again.

 

I also wanted to take a second to thank everyone who has read my story. And also a big thank you for all the very kind reviews. I must admit I didn't expect all the notice it has received. Thank you to all! I feel very guilty that I haven't yet made a reply to all your reviews, but I fully intend to!

[Nephylim]

I really like this story because it is unfolding gently and every chapter progresses the story and has something interesting to say. I like both Alex and Zach as characters and in particular I like the fact that they both have their flaws. There is nothing most frustrating than characters who are perfect and never get a zit or take a step out of place, or even make a mistake and spend the rest of the story beating themselves up about it because it's the only one they have ever made.

 

Characters need to be flawed to be beliveable

[Greg_A]

I really like this story because it is unfolding gently and every chapter progresses the story and has something interesting to say. I like both Alex and Zach as characters and in particular I like the fact that they both have their flaws. There is nothing most frustrating than characters who are perfect and never get a zit or take a step out of place, or even make a mistake and spend the rest of the story beating themselves up about it because it's the only one they have ever made.

 

Characters need to be flawed to be beliveable

 

Thanks Nephy! You are much too kind and I really appreciate it.

 

And I agree with you whole heartedly about the characters in a story needing flaws. Without 'em, the characters just aren't believable and who can really relate with someone who is perfect? Of course in the case of A&Z, writing those flaws in wasn't really so hard since the characters have real people behind them. It's not that big of a secret that the story is more or less an autobiography - a fictionalized autobiography if such a category exists! And lord knows I have all kinds of flaws and a whole freight train of issues and baggage in my life!

 

On the subject of character flaws, I always kinda wonder if I shouldn't have expanded on a few of the flaws in Dr. Edwards. Re-reading the story I sometimes think I made him seem almost too good to be true. But I was trying to write him as Zach saw him back then, and at that time Dr. Edwards was everything Zach could have hoped for in a father figure. Actually, he was more than Zach had ever hoped for and never knew existed. So maybe I did ok.

 

Thanks again for following my story Nephy!

[Greg_A]

I finally got around to posting Was It Worth It which is the one chapter sequel to Alex and Zach. It has to do with the ending of their relationship so obviously it's not a happy ever after story. But if you would like to read it, here's the link:

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/greg-a/wasitworthit

[Lisa]

Greg, ok so I found the forum. Is this the right place to be? I never venture further than to check out the latest stories on the left of my screen, so this is new territory for me.

 

First off I want to apologize if I seemed harsh. I still don't understand any of this. What is life worth, what is a "great" job worth if you don't have your loved one by your side to share it with? I would have given up everything to be with the person I loved. Regardless of what they said about any job. I would have gone up there w/Alex and looked around, brought my resume to different banks, whatever I needed to do.

 

Ok, so it was a long time ago before the new tech age. There were still cell phones (or car phones I think I remember them called) way back then. And landlines. And I know they had computers b/c I worked with computers in the 80's. There were ways to keep in touch.

 

So what happened? When did he find someone else? Did you? I'm crying as I'm writing this b/c I just think it's so tragic. It must have been horrible to write both these stories.

[Greg_A]

Greg, ok so I found the forum. Is this the right place to be? I never venture further than to check out the latest stories on the left of my screen, so this is new territory for me.

 

First off I want to apologize if I seemed harsh. I still don't understand any of this. What is life worth, what is a "great" job worth if you don't have your loved one by your side to share it with? I would have given up everything to be with the person I loved. Regardless of what they said about any job. I would have gone up there w/Alex and looked around, brought my resume to different banks, whatever I needed to do.

 

Ok, so it was a long time ago before the new tech age. There were still cell phones (or car phones I think I remember them called) way back then. And landlines. And I know they had computers b/c I worked with computers in the 80's. There were ways to keep in touch.

 

So what happened? When did he find someone else? Did you? I'm crying as I'm writing this b/c I just think it's so tragic. It must have been horrible to write both these stories.

 

Yep - you are in the right forum! You can thank Frosty for that - she is the one who started it. Truthfully, I probably never would have thought of starting it.

 

And no need to apologize - you weren't harsh by any means. Believe me, after originally posting WIWI I got a lot of email that was, uhm, shall we say less than complimentary? All is good. And in a strange way I do take it as compliment. It means I wrote the story well enough that you started caring for the characters. What better praise is there?

 

I'll try to answer a few of your questions, although that might be a novel by itself! Please don't think the decision to break up was made lightly. In reality there were more than a few, uhm lets just say loud discussions about that. But I couldn't bring myself to write about all of that. It was hard enough writing the litle I did about the split - I couldn't rehash all of the arguments.

 

I know it's hard to understand - and this is where I probably failed as an author in explaining. And I'm probably going to fail trying to explain it here, but I'll give it a go. The breakup wasn't really about a job. That was just an incidental really. The breakup was more about wanting the other to fulfill their dreams, and about guilt that we had held the other one back. Alex always felt guilty about the fact that I didn't complete my degree. In the back of his mind he always thought that since he had completed his, he should have been able to get a good paying job and been able to send me back to school. And for my part, I always felt guilty that I had held Alex back from getting that job in his field for a couple of reasons - blatant homophobia in his field, and the fact that he moved to where I lived which was a much smaller town with less opportunities for him.

 

I know, the immediate counter argument is, once he got his job I should have followed him to his new place and found a new job of my own. And believe me, I was more than willing. But he won every argument we had about that by asking me a question I've never been able to answer - if I hated watching him be miserable all those years in a job he hated, then how did I think he would feel watching me be miserable in one I would hate? He always asked me how he was suppose to deal with the guilt of knowing I gave up doing something I enjoyed so he could be happy? And even though I would have been happy just being with him, I didn't have an answer for him.

 

And you can set your mind at ease - we did keep in touch. Quite often actually. And visited each other too whenever we could. Truthfully, in some ways it probably would have been eaiser if we had distanced ourselves from each other a bit more. But I was determined to keep Alex in my life in whatever way I could. Alex did eventually find another guy to share his life. I'll admit I wasn't real fond of him at first. I tried to hide that though cuz I wanted to keep Alex in my life. You notice I said tried. Alex tells me I was only a little bit of a growly bear. What can I say? I'm no saint! Eventually though he won a grudging respect from me - he is a super nice guy and really good for Alex. And over time I became less growly and even started liking the guy.

 

As for me, did I find anyone? Hmmm - that one is much harder to answer. I did have a relationship with a, well, I guess you could call him a human, shortly after Alex started seeing his guy. It was just a bit of a disaster though - probably because we didn't really care enough about each other to even try and make it work. I was only in it to try and prove something and that's a lousy reason to be in a relationship. I've had a couple of other relationships since that were a little different I guess you could say, but they all ended for various reasons. The last one ended 3 years ago.

 

I hope this helps. And hopefully I explained a little more - although I know I probably haven't shed a great deal of understanding on all of the reasons. Thanks again for reading - and for commenting!

[Lisa]

Now I'm even more upset b/c Alex moved on. I hate that fact.

 

Ok, so I get it that he moved where the job is. He got the job. What I STILL don't get is why would the both of you assume YOU COULDN'T GET A JOB YOU LOVED TOO????? You didn't even try! I bet there were tons of banks where Alex moved. You could have gone up there and applied to every single bank in any capacity. Once you got in the door, after your probationary period, you could look for job postings for other positions.

 

Ok, so what about now? This happened what, a little less than twenty years ago? What are you doing now? He was the love of your life. Go fight for him dammit!

 

Ok, sorry it's none of my business. I don't understand and I never will understand why you didn't go up there and try to find a job.

 

Sorry to get so "in your face" about this. It just saddens me to no end that two people who love each other so, so much could just let that all go for a stupid job, for guilt. To me, it's not worth it. I have a stupid question: what would you have done if say, you were married and had adopted a kid? Ok, I know back then maybe marriage was out of the equation, but what if you did adopt? They let gay couples adopt in the 80's from what I remember. I think....what then?

 

Whatever happened with Alex's brothes? Did they stay close to you? What about his dad?

 

Idk, I'm sorry. My heart is still breaking for you.

[Anya]

I just finished reading "Was it worth it" . It was so sad ....and I have to say...I kind of agree with Lisa ;p

 

Im curious though...are you still in contact with Alex now? And would you be willing to get back together if it was possible? Is Alex even still with that guy?

[Greg_A]

Now I'm even more upset b/c Alex moved on. I hate that fact.

 

Ok, so I get it that he moved where the job is. He got the job. What I STILL don't get is why would the both of you assume YOU COULDN'T GET A JOB YOU LOVED TOO????? You didn't even try! I bet there were tons of banks where Alex moved. You could have gone up there and applied to every single bank in any capacity. Once you got in the door, after your probationary period, you could look for job postings for other positions.

 

Yes, there were banks there and I more than likely could have gotten an entry level job at one of them. But that really wouldn't have solved the problem of Alex's feelings of guilt or his feelings that he had failed in some way. My following him there under those conditions would have ended up tearing us apart with no chance of keeping any kind of relationship at all. His feelings of guilt would have been unfounded, but that wouldn't have made them any less intense for him. When you feel guilty all the time around someone it's pretty hard to keep a relationship going with that person.

 

Ok, so what about now? This happened what, a little less than twenty years ago? What are you doing now? He was the love of your life. Go fight for him dammit!

 

Good heavens! You're aging me! The time frame for WIWI was 13 years ago. A&Z was 21 years ago.

 

Ok, sorry it's none of my business. I don't understand and I never will understand why you didn't go up there and try to find a job.

 

Sorry to get so "in your face" about this. It just saddens me to no end that two people who love each other so, so much could just let that all go for a stupid job, for guilt. To me, it's not worth it. I have a stupid question: what would you have done if say, you were married and had adopted a kid? Ok, I know back then maybe marriage was out of the equation, but what if you did adopt? They let gay couples adopt in the 80's from what I remember. I think....what then?

 

Whatever happened with Alex's brothes? Did they stay close to you? What about his dad?

 

Idk, I'm sorry. My heart is still breaking for you.

 

Honestly, don't apologize. You aren't upsetting me - and believe me I have received a lot more vocal, in your face responses over WIWI. Like I have said before, I don't promise to answer every question that is thrown my way, but I'll try and answer what I can.

 

I honestly can't answer your question about the adoption thing. I'm very glad it wasn't an issue because I have no idea how we would have dealt with that. Not that it was ever really an option since having a child scares me, but if somehow we had had a child I think it would have ended up much worse if you want the truth. In that kind of situation I think the real Alex would have let me move with him for the sake of the child but would have been wracked with even more guilt than he already felt. I just don't think he could have lived under that kind of pressure very long and I think it would have ended up tearing us apart. So, like I said, I'm glad that it wasn't an issue we had to face.

 

As for Alex's brothers - the real Mark followind in his dad's footsteps and is a doctor now with a couple rugrats of his own that I spoil whenever I can. Actually, I shouldn't call them rugrats since they are teenagers and would be highly offended by that description, but isn't an uncles job to embarasses his nephew's and nieces? Getting to play Uncle Greg to them is one of the joys of my life.

 

The real Jason had some trouble settling down in a serious relationship - he was just a little too happy go lucky! That changed a couple years ago though and a wonderful woman he dated off and on over all those years finally got him safely married off. For the record - no it wasn't the real Cindy from my story. They have a little boy of their own who is going to be a real heart breaker when he grows up and of course I get to spoil him rotten too!

 

Alex's dad still insists I'm one of his boys and I still call him dad. I don't get to see him as often as I'd like since he finally retired, married a very sweet woman, and moved to London with her. They are very happy together, and all of us are thilled for them, but I'd be fibbing if I said I wouldn't be much more happy if they were a little closer. Still, we get to see them pretty often all things considered.

 

This is getting to be a habit of me giving long winded replies. Hopefully that helps answer a few more questions. Thanks for the comments!

[Greg_A]

I just finished reading "Was it worth it" . It was so sad ....and I have to say...I kind of agree with Lisa ;p

 

Im curious though...are you still in contact with Alex now? And would you be willing to get back together if it was possible? Is Alex even still with that guy?

 

Howdy Anya! First let me say thanks so much for reading my story. It really means a lot to me!

 

To answer your questions, yep - Alex is still with 'that guy'! I suppose I'm gonna have to give him a name one of these days although he'd prolly get a kick out of being called "that guy." Actually he'd probably just roll his eyes at me and tell me to use his real name already.

 

And yes, I'm still in contact with the real Alex. Up until a few years ago he and his guy lived just a couple of hours away from me. Not exactly around the corner, but it meant it wasn't that hard for us to manage to see each other fairly regularly. The three of us spent a lot of weekends together at either my place or theirs. And it wasn't unheard of for us to stay at each others homes occassionaly through the week too, although that made for some very early mornings to make it to work on time. A couple years ago though, my guys had to move a much greater distance from me which kinda sucked! We still manage to visit each other from time to time, but it's not nearly as often as we used to.

 

Your other question is much harder to answer. I really don't let my mind wander down that path too much. Alex and his guy are really good for each other and they really do love each other very much. It's a wierd kind of situation cuz Alex and I still love each other very much too. Much to my continuing amazement over all these years, Alex's guy is very accepting of that - he's really a great guy. So I don't think I could ever do anything to even think about jeopardizing their relationship with each other. So I just don't allow myself to ever think about it - at least not too much. But if I'm going to be honest about it, if then yes, if it was somehow or someway an option I would get back together with Alex.

 

Thanks again for reading my story. And for commenting! I appreciate it!

[Lisa]

Ok, first I want to say thank you to Anya for understanding where I was coming from. Maybe it's b/c we're women and more sensitive? lol Ok, low blow. Sorry.

 

Now, not to beat a dead horse, but if Alex would have been wracked with all that guilt if you moved up with him, then he seriously needed to see a therapist. She/he could have worked with him to assuage his fears that you would resent him if you didn't find the "perfect" job. Look, you said yourself you could have found an entry level job. The part I don't understand is why you didn't AT LEAST SEE WHAT WAS AVAILABLE????? You totally didn't even give it a shot! I could see if you went up there and looked around for awhile, even started in an entry level position, but didn't find anything more. I could see that then maybe you would want to go back. Ok, I see that was stupid. Your new boss certainly wouldn't leave your position open for such a long period of time; maybe not at all. Idk, I just think Alex should have seen a therapist and talked about this instead of just leaving you.

 

I'm really glad that you've maintained a relationship with his dad and brothers (and their families) for the past thirteen years. Yeah, sorry about that! I was actually driivng one of my kids to school today and was thinking about the story (it is so heartbreaking to me, I've been thinking about it constantly since I finished reading it), and remembered I saw your age here in the forum and thought, wtf was I thinking? It's only been thirteen years since they were together. Then I got sadder (is that even a word??) all over again, b/c thirteen years is NOTHING! It's still fresh! At least for me it is.

 

So kudos to you Greg b/c you seemed to have handled this all so well and you're friends w/Alex's partner (something I don't think I'd be able to do). and you don't sound bitter, angry, or sad. Just accepting. You don't sound like you have any animosity or resentment towards Alex or his partner. I think you're very brave. I'd still be crying and I know in the long run, I would resent Alex.

 

I hope you find someone who is just as special as you are Greg.

[Anya]

Lol Lisa.

 

Greg...thanks for answering my questions. I think it's great you're still in contact with Alex family : )

 

But it's still sad you guys didn't even try though ;p You never know until you try. I mean who knows...maybe you would have been happy up there and Alex wouldn't have felt guilty? Feeling guilty because of a job....I don't know it just doesn't seem like a grave enough reason to end an otherwise perfect relationship...but I guess you guys knew what you were doing ;p

And Alex has been with his guy for so long now...he must be happy. I'm just sorry you haven't found someone like that again.

 

What about Alex though? Do you think he'd be willing to get back together if there was a chance? Because...you know...there kind of is. It doesn't have to be completely over

Edited October 27, 2011 by Anya

[Greg_A]

Ok, first I want to say thank you to Anya for understanding where I was coming from. Maybe it's b/c we're women and more sensitive? lol Ok, low blow. Sorry.

 

Ouchies! But aren't gay boys supposed to be sensitive??? Love it! But I think you have started a whole other thread with that one!

 

Now, not to beat a dead horse, but if Alex would have been wracked with all that guilt if you moved up with him, then he seriously needed to see a therapist. She/he could have worked with him to assuage his fears that you would resent him if you didn't find the "perfect" job.

 

Well, I'm not so sure that seeing a therapist really would have done much for Alex on this particular subject. I'm thinking that in order for it to have done any good for Alex, Alex's whole background and character would have had to change. He'd roll his eyes at me for saying this, but Alex always had that idea in his head he needed to be my knight in shining armor and take care of me. Not that he treated me like I was frail or in distress or something. But he firmly believed that he should have been able to be the breadwinner, solve the problems, etc. It's kind of hard to explain, and I'm not really doing a very good job of it since I'm making him sound like some kind of chauvinistic pig or something and he was hardly that. I would have thwaped him a good one if he was. But with that kind of mindset it was a blow to his sense of self for all those years and he felt like he had failed. Believe me, I didn't understand it either and it shocked me when he admitted it to me. I don't think he could have ever worked around that problem truthfully.

 

So kudos to you Greg b/c you seemed to have handled this all so well and you're friends w/Alex's partner (something I don't think I'd be able to do). and you don't sound bitter, angry, or sad. Just accepting. You don't sound like you have any animosity or resentment towards Alex or his partner. I think you're very brave. I'd still be crying and I know in the long run, I would resent Alex.

 

I hope you find someone who is just as special as you are Greg.

 

Oh - please don't think I handled it well! I'm not even close to being that strong. For the first eight years after Alex and I parted ways I was pretty much in zombie mode. It took a pretty bad car accident that banged me up pretty bad to jerk me back to the living. Or I should say, tring to figure out how to be a member of the living. I'm still working on that truthfully. Writing A&Z was therapy for me actually after that accident. A way for me to take a look at my life and try and figure out where I had been and how I got to where I was. I honestly never meant to post the silly thing at all. Alex kept badgering me to do it until I finally gave in to get him to shut up. Surprised the hell out of me when people started writing me back saying they liked it. I still accuse Alex of bribing all those people! lol

 

But my typically long winded point is, I didn't really handle our break up all that well. And as far as Alex's guy, well, there at first I"m sure he wondered who the frothing lunatic was. As much as I tried to hide my uhm, lets say dislike for him, he would have had to have been a victim of a bad lobotomy not to have noticed my feelings. It's more of a testament to how great a guy he is that I made it past that stage and even came to care deeply for him. But thanks for thinking so highly of me. And for your good wishes too! It means a lot to me.

[Greg_A]

Lol Lisa.

 

Greg...thanks for answering my questions. I think it's great you're still in contact with Alex family : )

 

Glad to do it! I should thank you for asking the questions! I've always said - both here and in my group - that I wont answer every question thrown my way, but I'll answer what I can.

 

As for Alex's family - I would have been lost without them! There has never been any question in my mind that I want to keep them in my life no matter what. Thank god they wanted to keep me too!

 

 

But it's still sad you guys didn't even try though ;p You never know until you try. I mean who knows...maybe you would have been happy up there and Alex wouldn't have felt guilty? Feeling guilty because of a job....I don't know it just doesn't seem like a grave enough reason to end an otherwise perfect relationship...but I guess you guys knew what you were doing ;p

And Alex has been with his guy for so long now...he must be happy. I'm just sorry you haven't found someone like that again.

 

What about Alex though? Do you think he'd be willing to get back together if there was a chance? Because...you know...there kind of is. It doesn't have to be completely over

 

Oh my! You are asking the dangerous questions aren't you?!?!

 

Yes, I do think he'd be willing. I not only think that, I know it. Uhm, I think that's all I'll say on that one for now.

 

Thanks for the comments and questions Anya! I appreciate them!