Depression

[Mark92]

Bee could you come forward and say a bit more? Then take advice from some of these guys? It all helps however small.

 

And Dragonmando what a powerful piece. We all deserve a hug and even if you slap my face for it, you ARE going to get one

[Celethiel]

I have fought the dark,

It's tendrils wrapping around me,

It is my friends who ignited my spark

So that I may once more dance beneath the Silvery Tree

sorry that popped into my head, Actually my friends not my family and not doctors, that finally allowed me to successfully fight my depression, their support, and their basic friendship That includes Tiger btw..... Having a pet helps a bit as well... you are not alone, though it feels like it once in a while, especially when you enter depression.
Btw Mark92 you should make a panel...
No Tiger they don't do that, they however can cause terrible mood swings, and Manic episodes though (which means among other things Bouncing around the house like a mad man yelling at your boyfriend suddenly for the littlest things(and yes i am on a weak Paxil dose and it caused it)) which will cause your doctor to put you on a mood stabilizer (which are anti-psychodics), people whom are on Paxil (anti-depressant) have been known to go into a sudden swing into deep depression and commit suicide. Not to mention weight gain, which is caused by both anti-depressants and mood-stablizers.... drugs are a band-aid, a quick fix, if long lasting fix, not a true fix. And doctors don't totally know how they'll interact with other drugs you might be taking after all how many thousands of drugs are there...lol
Sorry that last part came off condiscending... I didn't mean for it to...

[Mark92]

I dont want to do medication at all for all the reasons above. I cant afford to let my animals suffer. They are my income. I dont know how to do anything else but the job I do. I may be a good farmer, I may know tons about being as green as I can be and organic too. But I know jack shit about anything else.

I wish some of the more experienced ones here would make a panel Celethie. All I know are my own experiences, which many are unique to my upbringing. My knowledge doesnt cover many variations of depression. But forgive me for saying the "older" ones, (meaning older than me) Know from experience how therapists and medication can help some. I dont think there is one cure all.

I know a few here are talking about the young gay suicide rate. Well isnt this the best place to get to those younger ones and older ones who are having problems?

I am not a mod or admin or anyone of real importance here. But I do wish someone would see this as a good place to start.

[Zolia Lily]

I'm going to haul you up right there by the scruff of your neck, Mark! So you're not a moderator or admin, and are younger than other members and have only your own experience to fall back on- I don't think any of this makes you any less important than anyone else or any less able to be the one to create a panel or a group. After all, we each only have our own experiences to fall back on, and I think everyone's experiences are equally important.

 

Shall we start one then, Mark? I've been a bit absent but I'm trying to make time to be online more now i'm settled in my new home and job... I have no idea what starting a group or panel involves or how it's done, but getting people talking and giving people the chance to reach out is something I feel really strongly about and would definitely get involved in.

 

[Celethiel]

Neither am I Mark, and I may be a little over 10 years older then you, but that does not give me the corner on wisdom. Believe me Age does not make one wise, it can however make someone stuck in their ways. The whole "cant teach an old dog new tricks" is a true statement.... Anyway all you can do is ask, because if you do not ask you will never gain anything from it a yes or a no answer is both a learning experience, where as saying nothing is also a learning experience but not the same kind of one, rather the kind that say's You should have asked or said something. *frowns* why has my age not changed, I am 30 as of September...not twenty-nine...

I am only experienced in my own problems and many of us are, it is our own life experience that makes us who we are, and gives us what we know. It is not the length of the trip but the journey that makes us wise.

[Mark92]

I have written to Myr suggesting a panel. And he replied that he had passed it on to Cia and Trebs. As his workload and school is a little too much at the moment. So its in their hands now. Thank you everyone who is interested in this. And thank you Lily I needed that LOL all

[Aximili Chaosmembrane]

Wow! This has been an insightful discussion. I've also faced depression on my own, but I produced my first published story because of it (no, it's not here on GA yet, but I'll post it soon). But I don't want to have to rely on that to be able to write.

 

I also see friends suffer from it. It's sad that I don't know enough to help them, and sharing my own experience and opinion doesn't seem to help much.

 

@Mark, I think your initiative is highly commendable, and at such a young age! I don't know anyone who successfully committed suicide, but the thought of one of my dear friends dying in such a sad state is unbearable.

[Celethiel]

good Mark, Aximili I am glad you found Our discussions insightful

[Zolia Lily]

Aximili- I really used to feel that I wrote more, better and had more inspiration when I was down. I don't think it's uncommon, given how many famous writers and poets have suffered from depression. Anyone else find the same thing?

 

Wanted to point out, too, that I didn't mean to infer in an ealier post that medication isn't the right way to treat depression. Everyone's experience is unique and stopping medication without help like I did is hardly something I would say everyone should do.

[Mark92]

I write a lot when I'm down, I dont publish all of it but some I do. It really does help me to share my past. I've never liked pity given or self. I probably wouldnt be who I am now without the past I have endured. So writing is good also someone who not only listens but hears. And follows that up with still being there afterwards and caring.

[Greg_A]

I tend to write poetry when I'm down. I have a horrible time trying to express myself even during the best of times. When I'm depressed it becomes next to impossible. And so I write. I don't share very much of that though.

 

On the same note, my story Alex and Zach was written in response to an 8 year bout of depression. It was a way for me to try and work my way thru it. Figure out where I was and where I was going. I'm still not sure I've figured that out!

[Mark92]

I hav'nt read that yet but now I will add it on my to read list. Thank you for sharing Greg

[ashessnow]

I stayed away from this topic since I started it, I partly wanted to give others a chance to talk, but mostly I have a hard time talking about something I've had to deal with for so long.

 

I used to take medication for it but all anti-depressants have the annoying affect of making me feel...fuzzy, if that's the right word.

 

I voluntarily committed myself a couple of years ago when I found that I was slowly being less able to function and having some pretty serious problems. I had dropped out of school for a while, but Ive been able to go back this semester.

 

Still depressed, but it is not as bad as it was. I always write more when depressed. Which is helpful.

[Aximili Chaosmembrane]

Yeah, I guess writing when depressed feels therapeutic.

 

Hmm, I'm not sure anyone ever got over their depression completely, but I guess it's always best not to make it rule one's life, right?

[Mark92]

I think helping yourself as much as you are able is a big thing. Admitting you need help, then getting it, and accepting it and then working on it.

Just asking someone for help isnt enough. You have to put some effort in too.

I call my depression the "dark side" and often tell it to "eff off " and leave me alone. The voice of my past was 18 years in my head, getting it out isnt easy. But I am getting there. Getting past it. Pushing it away, not just asking it to go.

My mums bedroom was the epicentre of all that was wrong. When she died I gutted the room, its all new and fresh. But I still cant go in there for any length of time. I clean and air it regularly, but in my head , mum is still in it. I dont use the upstairs at all now. Everything I need is downstairs. Everyday I do the same ritual chores I have done since I was 12, but now i'm swapping them round making small changes, so it isnt the same. This is my life now, not just lived to serve mum.

[Zolia Lily]

I don't know if anyone's depression ever entirely goes away. I bloody hope it does! Generally now I can tell if i'm getting low and try to do something about it. I start to excercise, write, hang out with friends more, generally try to keep myself busy, and I find that helps. I also find now when I get low i don't go SO low as i used to.

 

I think you're both definitely right though- you have to be active and work at fighting it. Hoping it goes away won't do it.

I read an article the other day which i read because of the tagline on the front of the magazine - it was talking about the POSITIVE side of despression, which struck me as insane enough that i actually read the article. I kind of agreed with some of what the article was saying though. The author was saying that depression is the emotional equivalent of pain ; it demands you change something, that you do something to heal and get better, lets you know that what you're currently doing or accepting or the way things currently are just isn't healthy for you, and that depression therefore makes you take steps to change your life for the better. I kind of like this idea, but still. I think she missed the point about how it doesn't just vanish on a dime.......

[Mark92]

I totally agree Lily, I dont think there is any way it goes altogether. And getting the lows to be not as low is great. Stuby notices when I get the "down."

Just voices really, of the past, all the bad names and stuff like that. You have got to keep fighting, or life isnt worth living.

I have never been the "woe is me" person. What I went through, was what I thought everyone had. Why should I complain. I had nobody elses experiences to learn from.

I sometimes think a lot of mine, is fear of the unknown. I have 10 acres whats mine, after that I call "the outside" A lot of it is totally unknown to me.

But I am knowledgable about a lot of things, I research stuff until there is nothing left to read. But it has to interest me in the first place. And up to April this year. "The outside" didnt interest me one bit. I was too busy, had too many chores to do. So from April this year is all I have had, but now the days arnt long enough to cram in as much as I need to learn.

[Tara00]

I don't know how I never came across this topic before. I feel depressed for about 6 months in a year. Most of my friends leave me alone when I'm in that mode and I hate it. They think I would like the space but what I need is support and company which I hardly ever get.

 

Depression is caused due to many factors. Most of us have had a very low or bad span of life which we can't get over sub-consciously. For some, it could be genetic but I think it is rare. For me, I have had tough times in life, the memories of which just bubble up to the surface and I get severely depressed when I think about them. Also, because of those times, I have very low self-worth which makes me anxious about my future.

 

I try to laugh things off and people might think I'm a happy person if they take me at face value, but underlying it is severe anxiety and depression which shows its ugly head from time to time.

It's definitely not self-pity 'cause if it would be, I wouldn't want to hide it from people. I'd have rather wanted me some sympathy. But, I don't feel so comfortable discussing my issues with anyone which I would actually like to do sometime.

 

I have some great things going for me in life, and those are worth living for. We always think more about the negatives and don't enjoy the positives to the fullest. We keep thinking about how people and time have wronged us but we forget how many people have cared or care for us to bring us to the point where we are.

 

I am trying to fight depression although I haven't been too successful because when I think things are going okay in life, suddenly something takes me back to one of the lowest points in life.

 

Anti-depressants are like alcohol. They might work but you're not yourself. They curb your issue for the time being but they are NOT the cure. I avoid medication 'cause I want to seriously get over my depression and anxiety. That won't happen unless I'm in my complete senses and make a conscious effort towards it.

 

Playing violin or writing a blog works for me.

 

Thank you all for sharing your views and experiences. It helped.

[Mark92]

I don't know how I never came across this topic before. I feel depressed for about 6 months in a year. Most of my friends leave me alone when I'm in that mode and I hate it. They think I would like the space but what I need is support and company which I hardly ever get.

 

Depression is caused due to many factors. Most of us have had a very low or bad span of life which we can't get over sub-consciously. For some, it could be genetic but I think it is rare. For me, I have had tough times in life, the memories of which just bubble up to the surface and I get severely depressed when I think about them. Also, because of those times, I have very low self-worth which makes me anxious about my future.

 

I try to laugh things off and people might think I'm a happy person if they take me at face value, but underlying it is severe anxiety and depression which shows its ugly head from time to time.

It's definitely not self-pity 'cause if it would be, I wouldn't want to hide it from people. I'd have rather wanted me some sympathy. But, I don't feel so comfortable discussing my issues with anyone which I would actually like to do sometime.

 

I have some great things going for me in life, and those are worth living for. We always think more about the negatives and don't enjoy the positives to the fullest. We keep thinking about how people and time have wronged us but we forget how many people have cared or care for us to bring us to the point where we are.

 

I am trying to fight depression although I haven't been too successful because when I think things are going okay in life, suddenly something takes me back to one of the lowest points in life.

 

Anti-depressants are like alcohol. They might work but you're not yourself. They curb your issue for the time being but they are NOT the cure. I avoid medication 'cause I want to seriously get over my depression and anxiety. That won't happen unless I'm in my complete senses and make a conscious effort towards it.

 

Playing violin or writing a blog works for me.

 

Thank you all for sharing your views and experiences. It helped.

 

 

Thank you for sharing Tara. It's not always easy to come forward and say what the problem is, but I say too you and everyone who reads this. I'm, an ear that will not just listen, but hear too.

I have put in questions about having a panel. Just waiting for it to be answered. I've even got people wanting to help and be an ear. So I hope the powers that be get back to me soon.

[Aximili Chaosmembrane]

@Lily: I agree. It seems easy for those who are not experiencing it to just say "you'll get over it" or "things get better." But they're like an audience watching a horror movie, and the person experiencing the depression is the "real" person in the movie. It's scary as hell in there. No matter how much the person rationalizes, depression hits back heavily.

 

@Tara: Isn't it ironic when you need your friends to be there, they seem to distance themselves? When you need an ear that will listen, it seems so rare. Sometimes, there's no other outlet but writing it somewhere.

[Celethiel]

I usually can not actually write when I am down....except poetry, and i tend to write semi-dark to heavily dark at least for me, poetry when i get down. But i usually can't think strait enough to write stories when i am down. I do tend to drown myself into video games however

[Zolia Lily]

Friends definitely are important. I initially believed i was bipolar, rather than depressed, since i had massive mood swings. I had a friend who had a brother who i knew was bipolar, and so when i finally got desperate enough to want to talk to someone, i turned to her for help. I couldn't even speak to her in person, so i wrote her a letter and then she called me later. Her response was so offhand and dismissive I never got up the courage to talk to anyone else about it. It took someone else pointing out to my mum how bad my moodswings were and telling her that that was something she really needed to watch before anyone really noticed. I had gotten so good at putting on a face that no one knew. When i was diagnosed, my mum's response was complete shock. Before i had gone to see the psychologist to see the results of all the tests and things, she'd told me 'oh, you're not depressed or anything', and afterwards when i told a few friends, none of them beleived me either.

I know how lucky I am that i did get diagnosed - i have no idea how long i would have gone on thinking maybe i was normal, maybe this was it and i should just suck it up and stop wondering if something was wrong with me, if someone hadn't told me mum to take me to see someone.

Makes me realise now just how important it is to listen when someone speaks, to take their hand if they reach out. Speaking out was one of the hardest things i had done, and it took me months.

Friends make such a difference... either for the better or the worse...

[Jeff Burton]

I can say I've been depressed for a very long time. I've been told depression can come and go, but for me it's been there for as long as I can remember. There are some periods there where it isn't as bad though.

 

I've tried medication, and I haven't found one yet that doesn't have an adverse effect on me, so I quit taking it.

 

There was a time though when it was bad and it made me very unstable. Usually for me though that lack of stability always occured when I was by myself.

 

These days I'm by myself quite frequently and the episodes, well I haven't had one in a good long while.

 

I definately don't think it's my fault, and it's something I try not to let effect other people. Since I've had it for so long I've grown the ability to ignore it when I'm with people, I've developed a fair amount of self control and pretty much keep it in check.

 

Inside me it's a torrent though. Like a billowing storm that has no end. I can close my eyes and see a bubble surrounding it, keeping the storm contained. How I'm not sure anymore.

 

There are days when it feels like the bubble may come down, I can feel it stretch, and weaken just a little bit but for the most part, it hasn't popped.

 

Like most people who have depression, mine is most likely caused by a serious of unfortunate events that someone mentioned before, is simply the sub concious can not get over. I can relate to that, as these 'events' are numberous and never seem to stop. It does have it's adverse effects, it makes me anti social, quiet and reserved.

 

I've seen how bad life can get, I've been at the bottom many times. Those experiances however have shaped how I handle other people. Since I know how bad it can really be, I'm not really an angry person if some minor to moderate inconveniance caused by someone else occures. Knowing how bad it can really get gave me the ability not to only sympathise or empathise with others, but it gave my heart the ability to be genuine with people. To really care.

 

Really the only people who get it are customers at work, since outside of work I rarely want anything to do with anyone.

 

It's crazy sometimes because in ways I'm surrounded by people yet feel so lonely, yet its all I know how to be.

 

Depression makes me lack ambition, it makes me choose not to care about whats outside my immediate bubble unless I'm drawn to it because someone, somewhere needs some kind of support because they too are hurting.

 

For me it has had its ups and downs, but I wouldn't be me without it. I'm not suicidal, nor am I up in everyones face. I don't express my saddness to the world because I do not feel the need for pity, nor for people feeling sorry for me because I don't feel sorry for myself.

 

Really, I'm a very sensitive and emotional person. Sometimes it feels like I feel certain things a bit harder and more in depth then most people. But I treat life as simply a ride for my soul, for my essense, or whatever spark that's in each of us that makes us 'alive.' I learn what I can, do what I can on my own time, and simply wait it out till the end.

[Mark92]

Thank you all for keeping this thread going.

Even though I didnt start it. I feel a part of it. Trevan you covered a lot of stuff there, I think most of us can identify with, and you too Lily.

I think we all have our masks to cover what is inside.

I really need Stuby to come forward on this, his name Agaith means "false face". I'll have a word and see what I can do.

Mine is improving slowly but I still have some sort of dip in the day. It may be habit? I'm used to them so therefore they are going to happen? I dont know. But I try my damnest to beat it.

[Zolia Lily]

Went to dinner with five friends the other night. I knew one of them is depressed, i have been depressed, and another friend was also depressed, and found out that a fifth friend is bipolar. There was only one person at that table who i didn't know about, and she was staying very very quiet.

It always stuns me that when you start to talk about these things just how alone we're NOT!