Three questions for bisexuals...

[GWood]

Okay, everyone who's in a relationship has, at least once, woken up in the morning and wished that he or she were in a relationship with someone else. For those of us who are bisexual, another situation can also occur: we can wake up in the morning and wish the gender of our partner was the opposite of what it is.

 

So here are my questions for bisexual folks: (1) How many of you have experienced the second situation above? (2) As a follow-on to (1), how many of you have "straight days" and "gay days?" (3) Maybe you already do, but if you don't, do you wish that you had an understanding partner (of one gender) and a good friend/neighbor (of the other gender) that could fulfill your needs/fantasies? Sorry that I can't really include you totally gay or totally straight folks in these questions, but feel free to comment if you wish. And, please, none of this "you bisexuals can't figure out what you want" stuff.

 

I'll go first. I'm in a committed opposite sex relationship with a wonderful woman (and in no way do I want to jeopardize that). However, there are days when I wish for a man to wake up to, usually in that situation where I'm the bottom. So the answer to (1) is a yes. Also there are days when all I can think about is my wife and what I'm going to do to her when I get home from work, and there are days when all I can think about is doing the same thing to some good-looking guy (or having it done to me), usually on the kitchen table or on the deck. So the answer to (2) is also a yes. As for (3), yes is the answer, but that's not are realistic option for me. Folks here on the East Coast are far less tolerant of such "deviants."

 

So what about you?

[Cyhort]

1: Nope. But that's probably because I've always been more of a one side or the other type of bi, I don't really have many middle of the road days. When I dated girls I wanted to date girls, now I date guys. I've been with my boyfriend for over four years and I've never once wanted him to be a girl.

 

2: I definitely do. Except with me it's gay days and bi days.

 

3: Actually my boyfriends more bi than I am and we've both wanted to try a threeway for a while, one with another guy and one with a girl. But I'd never want a fuck buddy on the side, and neither would he. Playing around with him is one thing but going out on my own and getting laid is cheating, whether I have permission or not, and I'd feel like shit if I did that.

[GWood]

... Playing around with him is one thing but going out on my own and getting laid is cheating, whether I have permission or not, and I'd feel like shit if I did that ...

 

I definitely agree. Cheating is not what I intended when I asked (3). I really intended for the "fidelity" of the relationship to be maintained; most relationships are monogamous and that's what I'd want too. But I've wondered every now and then what it would be like to have an "approved fuckbuddy" in a (male) next door neighbor while staying married to my wife. (Hmmm, and I think I've got a topic for another story in the future....) [Yes, and many will think I'm just plain screwed up, too.... ]

[Cia]

1) Nope, sex is sex and that's always been my mindset. Do I like sex with women? Sure. Do I miss being with a woman since I'm married to a man? No. To me a relationship isn't about the gender of my partner but about the personality of my partner and how we click. For him to be a less jealous, cranky man? Sure. A woman? No.

 

2) I'm me. I'm not 'gay' or 'straight'. I like to eye handsome men and beautiful women all the time but that's as far as it goes. I don't mind having been with one man for 14 years, or maybe it's just that I'm so used to it I don't even really worry about that factor of wanting someone else. I'm happy with my sex life as is and don't feel like I'm missing anything because I can't be with a woman.

 

3) I think that extra partners can work in a relationship... but it would be damn hard to do. You would have to counter jealousy, resentment, fear of abandonment, negative comparisons, ego... face it, it'd be a juggle act and a half to do that. One night stands just aren't smart in this day and age but emotionally I'd see that as being a hell of a lot easier. For me, my marriage is way too important beyond my sex life to risk it for a short time of pleasure that isn't necessary to my happiness, no matter how willing my partner seemed to accept it. Not to mention if my hubby tried being with a woman (he's not bi) I'd be chopping bits of his anatomy off. I don't share and I'm not a hypocrite.

 

I think too many people focus on the belief that bisexuals are focused on the sex of their partner. I have never had that mindset so I just don't understand it. For me, when I looked for a bed partner or a relationship, I was looking for a person. I wasn't looking for a man or a woman, that facet of whoever it was just... was. I'm bi, I think I am lucky to be able to not worry about the gender of who I am attracted to, just what kind of person they are instead. Yay for me, many more chances to find a compatible person (if I'm ever in the market again) than most people.

[hh5]

oh its not always a threesome or foursome or manysome ??

 

So are you saying BI sit in diff part of the brain than gay? so where the is a straight day? Asexual day?

[Marzipan]

When I was in a long relationship with a man I fell for a woman for the first time and that started a phase where I was only attracted to same same sex as myself. I could barely tolerate my mate. In retrospective that could have been just a sign of a bad relationship. When I broke up I thought my next companion would be a woman. I have crushed on a few ladies since the big break up BUT I'm more attracted to men - well, some men. I seem to have very little interest in anyone at the moment and I get more than enough satisfaction on living the worlds I can create through my stories. I have come to terms that my sexuality is in a constant movement and it isn't something stabile. I hope you found my answer for most of the three questions...

[hh5]

When I was in a long relationship with a man I fell for a woman for the first time and that started a phase where I was only attracted to same same sex as myself. I could barely tolerate my mate. In retrospective that could have been just a sign of a bad relationship. When I broke up I thought my next companion would be a woman. I have crushed on a few ladies since the big break up BUT I'm more attracted to men - well, some men. I seem to have very little interest in anyone at the moment and I get more than enough satisfaction on living the worlds I can create through my stories. I have come to terms that my sexuality is in a constant movement and it isn't something stabile. I hope you found my answer for most of the three questions...

 

I am starting to understand ... but sounds a little complex than being 100% gay to have flavors than one flavor

[Russell Timm]

I am starting to understand ... but sounds a little complex than being 100% gay to have flavors than one flavor

 

There are a number of types of bisexuals. I can only speak for myself.

 

For me it is not a question of either or... I need both. Yes, you could call that complicated but (if you are like that and) once you come to terms with it (it is only complicated for some of the people you get involved with) you can carry on with your life.

 

The complication is that there are a number of people (male or female) who think once you have been (to bed) with them (once or a few times) that you need to commit to an exclusive relationship with them.

 

Sorry with my type of bi-sexuality it can't be done.

[DragonMando]

1. Not really. I got with that partner because I liked their mind. I might get peeved at something about their personality eventually and wake up wishing that would change/go away, though.

 

2. Not really sure what you mean on that one. I'm just me and I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to. Plumbing doesn't mean that much to me.

 

3. I have a girlfriend who acts like both and a male best friend who acts like both so...yes? xD