Iso: Editor/beta - Action, Romance - Novel

[J.L. Alberto]

I'm looking for a beta/editor for a new story called Blackout. 

 

It is about a man raised in Tibet after the death of his parents who were making a documentary of the people of a remote village in the region.  He travels to the Chinese capital of Beijing for his pilgrimage to help save his village from destruction from the Chinese government and solve the disappearance of one of his own people.  He becomes a superhero in order to fulfill his goals and along the way finds possible romance with a cute, but shy violinist.

 

I'm looking for someone who can edit and provide advice to improve my story from word choice to sentence structure to how I write how entire scenes.  I have worked with beta readers and editors before.  I use Microsoft Word 2010 and prefer either in line editing or comments. 

 

Here is the beginning of the prologue of the story:

 

“Yes Mom, I’m coming home right now.”

 

Bai placed his phone back into the inside breast pocket of his suit coat and lean back against his seat as the train traveled to his destination.  His mother was cooking his favorite meal back at home in celebration of his promotion he just received at work today and his stomach was already rumbling in anticipation to eat it.

 

Looking through the window behind him, Bai knew it was already night with the city’s skyline lighting up the dark background.  He also knew it was starting to rain by the droplets of waters trailing horizontally on the window caused by the fast speed of the train before it went underground.  He sighed, knowing he did not bring his umbrella for the rainy weather and he would certainly be scolded by his sometimes overbearing mother for coming home completely wet.  Thankfully his promotion will make up for it.

On the side note, the train was almost deserted which he liked since he never liked crowded spaces with the exception of one strange-looking individual who was sitting on the opposite end of the train car from him.  What the person was wearing certainly was not something he would wear to work or even go out in.

 

The man who had to be in his early twenties was wearing a colorful outfit that consisted of a shirt made of a light material with long, wide sleeves and a collar that covered his neck.  He wore pants of the same material with wide pant legs.  Over the shirt and pants was a sleeveless robe lined with fur made of a thick material, maybe animal skin, which extended to the ankles and had vertical slits from the waist down that exposed the legs.  He also wore elbow high, fingerless gloves and knee high, open toe boots made of a same thick material, all lined with fur too.  Decorations included long necklaces that covered his chest and long belts that sagged to the right.

 

The man definitely looked like he came from a remote location in Tibet, but the strange thing was that he was Caucasian with dark brown hair.  Also why was this person in Beijing of all places when he was wearing something like that?

 

As Bai scratched his head, pondering the sight, the man looked up from the magazine he was reading and looked back at Bai.  The handsome man smiled at him, causing him to blush before turning his head back around.

 

Bai decided to spend the rest of his train ride home playing games in his phone, better than losing himself over the mysterious man’s looks.