Minority Stress

[Uziel]

So I read this interesting article: http://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/gay-loneliness/

 

It postulates that gay men suffer from something it called Minority Stress even though we have it better now than we did twenty years ago, at least in the West.

 

What are you thoughts?

[William King]

There's this gay community, clubs, bars, cinema, events, whatever. But you don't live in the gay community, you just visit it - you live in a community - it's made up of a mixture of people. There's work and there's leisure, and gay people everywhere, and friends - some gay, some not. If you want a special friend you need to go find him, just like anybody does, gay or straight. If your life is work all week, party every weekend - drugs and sex - well fuck, that's your choice. Me I think that's just plain stupid, but I can see how you might be lonely. Minority Stress - yeah right, great term for a thesis. It comes down to this, you have to take responsibility for your own life.

[Palantir]

To say that minority groups living in the general community face a degree of stress seems like a statement of the obvious. By definition there are differences of lifestyle, reduced opportunity for meeting like minded people, and, yes, things might be better in some places, but prejudice is still a factor.

Taking responsibility for your own life is great, of course, but probably more important for minority groups than the general population.

[Sasha Distan]

Everyone has something they can/will/might be stressed/anxious/worries about. Defining people's stress as being directly related to their gender/race/sexuality/religion etc can only be divisive and help to divide people. If you are lonely/anxious/worries/stress then it is up to you to do something (find friends/go out/get help/seek therapy) to make your life better.

 

Or wallow in misery. Them's the choices.

[Former Member]

There are stresses to being a minority – even if it’s something like being left-handed (try cutting paper using standard scissors with your left hand). Things are designed for the dominant majority and accommodation to the ‘other’ is very uneven with some getting better treatment than the rest. The differences in treatment can be very subtle or it can be painfully obvious.

 

If you recognize that male is the dominant gender, you start to notice little things like medical research primarily being done on men with the assumption that women will be the same or similar. Until recently, most public venues offered the same or similar numbers of restroom stalls even though, because they sit, women need more stalls for a roughly equal number of users. Diaper changing stations have only recently started to be installed in men’s restrooms. Oddly enough, female is biology’s default gender with male being the ‘other.’

 

Ethnic minorities endure stereotypical representations in the media. Most images of beauty are very white, with blond and blue-eyed much more common than their actual percentage in the US population. In many cases, even the ethnic faces that are seen on mainstream media is more caucasian than average with light-skinned African-Americans and more European-appearing Hispanics the norm.

 

Non-gender conforming males are often bullied or harassed – or worse. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this here. Non-gender conforming females have more leeway, but if they stray too far from the current standards, they too face unfavorable reactions.

 

And since religion has been mentioned, if it weren’t an issue in the US, why has there only been one Openly Atheist in the US Congress? Why do politicians who clearly are not religious pretend to be devout? A recent incident where one claimed that his favorite was ‘Two Corinthians, 3:17’ is very telling.

 

 

I’m sorry, but telling someone to basically just get over it is as unfeeling as telling someone who is depressed to just be happy. Therapy does help, but that’s treating the symptoms and not addressing the cause. Acknowledging that there are real differences and that not everyone is the same does not divide people. Forcing people to try to be the same as everyone else is harmful to their mental health. Differences make us stronger and more interesting.

 

I am very happy for anyone who is not stressed or anxious about the constant slights that society offers to anyone who is other than what the majority sees as ‘normal’ – not everyone is as fortunate.

[Uziel]

Everyone has something they can/will/might be stressed/anxious/worries about. Defining people's stress as being directly related to their gender/race/sexuality/religion etc can only be divisive and help to divide people. If you are lonely/anxious/worries/stress then it is up to you to do something (find friends/go out/get help/seek therapy) to make your life better.

 

Or wallow in misery. Them's the choices.

But there are indeed things against a particular group of people from the same gender, race, sexuality and religion that induce stress. And its just somehow asking them to fix the problem they didn't cause.

 

Droughtquake has said everything I needed to say on the subject.

There are stresses to being a minority – even if it’s something like being left-handed (try cutting paper using standard scissors with your left hand). Things are designed for the dominant majority and accommodation to the ‘other’ is very uneven with some getting better treatment than the rest. The differences in treatment can be very subtle or it can be painfully obvious.

 

If you recognize that male is the dominant gender, you start to notice little things like medical research primarily being done on men with the assumption that women will be the same or similar. Until recently, most public venues offered the same or similar numbers of restroom stalls even though, because they sit, women need more stalls for a roughly equal number of users. Diaper changing stations have only recently started to be installed in men’s restrooms. Oddly enough, female is biology’s default gender with male being the ‘other.’

 

Ethnic minorities endure stereotypical representations in the media. Most images of beauty are very white, with blond and blue-eyed much more common than their actual percentage in the US population. In many cases, even the ethnic faces that are seen on mainstream media is more caucasian than average with light-skinned African-Americans and more European-appearing Hispanics the norm.

 

Non-gender conforming males are often bullied or harassed – or worse. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this here. Non-gender conforming females have more leeway, but if they stray too far from the current standards, they too face unfavorable reactions.

 

And since religion has been mentioned, if it weren’t an issue in the US, why has there only been one Openly Atheist in the US Congress? Why do politicians who clearly are not religious pretend to be devout? A recent incident where one claimed that his favorite was ‘Two Corinthians, 3:17’ is very telling.

 

 

I’m sorry, but telling someone to basically just get over it is as unfeeling as telling someone who is depressed to just be happy. Therapy does help, but that’s treating the symptoms and not addressing the cause. Acknowledging that there are real differences and that not everyone is the same does not divide people. Forcing people to try to be the same as everyone else is harmful to their mental health. Differences make us stronger and more interesting.

 

I am very happy for anyone who is not stressed or anxious about the constant slights that society offers to anyone who is other than what the majority sees as ‘normal’ – not everyone is as fortunate.

I love love love this comment! Thanks for making my day.

[Sasha Distan]

But there are indeed things against a particular group of people from the same gender, race, sexuality and religion that induce stress. And its just somehow asking them to fix the problem they didn't cause.

 

 

not what I said at all, clearly you didn't actually read it.

I never blamed anyone for these problems, I never said they should just 'get over it'. Seeking help is a good thing - wallowing in misery/stress isn't.

What I said was, defining someone's stress as being directly related to their "minority issue" (for lack of a better short term) is always going to be a divisive. It's like saying that Gay white men can't feel stress because they aren't discriminated against in the same way as trans women (this comparison was actually made last year by the UK National Union of Students who declared white gay guys couldn't lead LGTBQ+ groups because they were too privileged).

 

We're all people, we all have things that make us feel less than worthy compared to others, the current culture of over labelling all these things takes away from the issue of actually helping people to deal with the effects of this stress. Otherwise you risk drawing more and more lines in the sand to divide people, saying that someone mixed race can't feel the same stress of someone who is black, or that a white Christian in Zimbabwe is somehow different from a Muslim woman - they are both persecuted. Let's deal with the problem, rather than continually telling people what they can and can't feel/be offended by because of what race/class/culture/religion/sexuality they "belong" to.

[Former Member]

I have seen protests by Gay white men over relatively insignificant issues while they simultaneously ignore much larger concerns. In the ‘90s, Gay men from San Francisco were outraged when the East Bay suburban city of Concord recalled half its City Council and rescinded some Gay Rights legislation (probably Domestic Partners registration). They were ranting and raving about the injustice of the change. They never stopped to think about the fact that Concord was one of the very few Bay Area cities that ever attempted to do so at the time. Aside from Berkeley and Oakland, none of the other cities in the East Bay was ever going to do anything like that! Concord should have been praised for trying.

 

A few years later, parents in a nearby small, very wealthy unincorporated town, Alamo, petitioned the county to change the name of ‘Gay Court’ because their kids were getting teased by homophobic classmates. Instead of pointing out that the schools should use this as a teaching example, a bunch of Gay men from The Castro went out to picket. Nobody learned anything and ‘Gay Court’ became ‘High Eagle Lane.’

 

 

During that time period Trans people were getting attacked and murdered. HIV/AIDS was still infecting new patients. Young LGBTQ students were being bullied and injured. People of Color were being harassed in The Castro, being asked for multiple pieces of ID in some bars.

 

 

Gay white men are still white men with all the privileges that entails. White men do not have to dress up in an attempt to be seen as valued customers. White men are not usually complimented on their English unless they have an obvious accent. White men are not usually asked where they are from unless they have an accent – and people don’t usually continue to ask, ‘No, really, where are you from?’ when the answer is somewhere in the US while the questioner thinks that the answer should be somewhere foreign and exotic. White men do not usually have to deal with crude sexual harassment while walking down the street minding their own business. White men are seen as individuals and are not lumped into a single group based on the continent that their ancestors came from.

 

The levels and kinds of stresses that Gay white men experience are not the same as for others living in the same society. Besides, who is it the came up with the whole concept of race? No one that I know of is attempting to tell you that you cannot be offended. I’m just trying to explain that what you are likely to feel pales in comparison with some of the people you are trying to equate yourself with.

Edited March 16, 2017 by Former Member

[Sasha Distan]

The levels and kinds of stresses that Gay white men experience are not the same as for others living in the same society. Besides, who is it the came up with the whole concept of race? No one that I know of is attempting to tell you that you cannot be offended. I’m just trying to explain that what you are likely to feel pales in comparison with some of the people you are trying to equate yourself with.

 

Try not to make a mistake and make this personal. You know shit-all about me or my race.

[Former Member]

I only know that the stress I feel is nothing compared with Trans women of color in the US, young Gays in high school in rural parts of the US, or Lesbian mothers raising children in neighborhoods like mine. My financial situation is stable, but very limited. I have survived homelessness and joblessness. I have a chosen family as well as a bio family.

 

You are right that I do not know your situation, but I do not believe you are listening to what I said. If others identify you as a white man, there are different perceptions of who you are than if you are non-white or not a cis-male.

 

I believe I have been very clear that my examples are primarily from the US. Your profile indicates you are from ‘Deepest Darkest Rural Sussex’ – as far as I know that is not located in the US. How can this be personal?

[W_L]

Being gay does not make me any less a human being than anyone else, same as being Asian, Blind, or being a High IQ guy.

 

If you approach the world looking for uniqueness for yourself, you will find it rather lonely.

 

If you approach the world, looking for commonality, everyone has points of intersection somewhere, even antagonistic relationships have to intersect.

 

You are only a minority if you choose to view yourself as a minority, if you do not want to expand your horizons beyond what society defines or what your biology defines. Being gay, non-white, Smart, or disabled are not choices, but living my life as I choose is.

 

Beyond all that we are alive right here and now and can make your own life and set a course for our own destinies.