How would YOU show what another character is thinking while being limited to the main character's overall point of view?

[LJCC]

8 hours ago, ChromedOutCortex said:

So if I understand correctly, since I'm writing the story from dad's POV he would have no access to his sons' thoughts. Like IRL, I wouldn't know what my kid is thinking when I say something, I can only surmise what he might be thinking based on his actions (or inaction), body language (stiffness/rigid) or facial expressions (eye roll, smirk, side eye). So rather than Alex thinking something, I would need to write it as what dad thinks is going on based on what he sees/hears/perceives. 

When you're writing with 1st person POV, you're writing with blinders on. You only have one path of sight, which is the 180' degree at which your character's line of sight can see. If your narrator looks straight ahead, those are the things you can describe. If N slightly angles their view to their left and right, it's the extent of how you can describe things. In no way can the narrator elaborate on the things he cannot see. If he does describe them, it would be things that had already happened in the past based on the extent of how he'd acquired such knowledge. For example, behind the narrator is a church. He could say:

• Martha, my gossipy neighbor, told me about a robbery at the Cathedral Square last week.

He wouldn't have an idea that the same robbers that attempted to rob the church would be robbing the place again as he's walking through the town because it's literally behind him.

So, putting words in the mouth of your narrator's son literally pertains to that emotion from the narrator's perspective because, as a rule with first-person POV, unless the narrator can read minds, the narrator wouldn't know other people's truths apart from their version of how he/she would explain things. UNLESS those around him have some one-on-one time and tell him whatever they're feeling. This leads to the question of: Are these characters telling him what they're really feeling, or are they just saying what the narrator wants to hear? Are they lying or being truthful?

And yes, you can surmise, BASED on WHATEVER your character sees (eye roll, smirk, side eye). Because whatever explanation your narrator creates for the people around him is an opinion formed on his own. He can interpret the eye roll as an attempt to question authority, a typical teenage way of dismissing things, a disparaging remark on whatever he did, or he can describe it and not think about it while still putting it in the story because you want the readers to think he doesn't think about the eye roll, but in fact, it's an intricate emotion leading to his son not having respect, and it bothers him (SUBTEXT). It can be as simple and complex as that, with him interpreting one single gesture.

[RoyceWW]

On 2/1/2025 at 7:37 PM, LJCC said:

When you're writing with 1st person POV, you're writing with blinders on. You only have one path of sight, which is the 180' degree at which your character's line of sight can see. If your narrator looks straight ahead, those are the things you can describe. If N slightly angles their view to their left and right, it's the extent of how you can describe things. In no way can the narrator elaborate on the things he cannot see. If he does describe them, it would be things that had already happened in the past based on the extent of how he'd acquired such knowledge. For example, behind the narrator is a church. He could say:

• Martha, my gossipy neighbor, told me about a robbery at the Cathedral Square last week.

He wouldn't have an idea that the same robbers that attempted to rob the church would be robbing the place again as he's walking through the town because it's literally behind him.

So, putting words in the mouth of your narrator's son literally pertains to that emotion from the narrator's perspective because, as a rule with first-person POV, unless the narrator can read minds, the narrator wouldn't know other people's truths apart from their version of how he/she would explain things. UNLESS those around him have some one-on-one time and tell him whatever they're feeling. This leads to the question of: Are these characters telling him what they're really feeling, or are they just saying what the narrator wants to hear? Are they lying or being truthful?

And yes, you can surmise, BASED on WHATEVER your character sees (eye roll, smirk, side eye). Because whatever explanation your narrator creates for the people around him is an opinion formed on his own. He can interpret the eye roll as an attempt to question authority, a typical teenage way of dismissing things, a disparaging remark on whatever he did, or he can describe it and not think about it while still putting it in the story because you want the readers to think he doesn't think about the eye roll, but in fact, it's an intricate emotion leading to his son not having respect, and it bothers him (SUBTEXT). It can be as simple and complex as that, with him interpreting one single gesture.

 

I totally agree. First-person POV is all about limits—you can only describe what the narrator sees, hears, or knows. If they don’t have direct knowledge of something, they can only guess or rely on what others tell them. I also like the point about subtext. A simple gesture, like an eye roll, can mean different things depending on how the narrator interprets it, which adds depth to the story.

[RoyceWW]

On 2/1/2025 at 7:37 PM, LJCC said:

When you're writing with 1st person POV, you're writing with blinders on. You only have one path of sight, which is the 180' degree at which your character's line of sight can see. If your narrator looks straight ahead, those are the things you can describe. If N slightly angles their view to their left and right, it's the extent of how you can describe things. In no way can the narrator elaborate on the things he cannot see. If he does describe them, it would be things that had already happened in the past based on the extent of how he'd acquired such knowledge. For example, behind the narrator is a church. He could say:

• Martha, my gossipy neighbor, told me about a robbery at the Cathedral Square last week.

He wouldn't have an idea that the same robbers that attempted to rob the church would be robbing the place again as he's walking through the town because it's literally behind him.

So, putting words in the mouth of your narrator's son literally pertains to that emotion from the narrator's perspective because, as a rule with first-person POV, unless the narrator can read minds, the narrator wouldn't know other people's truths apart from their version of how he/she would explain things. UNLESS those around him have some one-on-one time and tell him whatever they're feeling. This leads to the question of: Are these characters telling him what they're really feeling, or are they just saying what the narrator wants to hear? Are they lying or being truthful?

Writing in the first-person POV is all about limitations and perception. The narrator can only describe what they see, hear, or know from past experiences. If something happens behind them, they have no way of knowing unless someone tells them. Their interpretation of gestures, like an eye roll or a smirk, is subjective, adding layers of subtext. This got me thinking—maybe I should use a writing service to analyze this better. I found that https://personalstatementhelper.com/ offers help with writing and understanding narrative techniques. Could be useful for mastering these concepts. And yes, you can surmise, BASED on WHATEVER your character sees (eye roll, smirk, side eye). Because whatever explanation your narrator creates for the people around him is an opinion formed on his own. He can interpret the eye roll as an attempt to question authority, a typical teenage way of dismissing things, a disparaging remark on whatever he did, or he can describe it and not think about it while still putting it in the story because you want the readers to think he doesn't think about the eye roll, but in fact, it's an intricate emotion leading to his son not having respect, and it bothers him (SUBTEXT). It can be as simple and complex as that, with him interpreting one single gesture.

This also means that first-person narration creates a natural sense of mystery. Readers must piece together the truth from the narrator’s limited and possibly biased perspective.

[Inkognito]

Like others have mentioned, subtext is key, and this is where truly knowing your characters becomes invaluable.

*Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, and I don’t claim to be. I’m also not a published author. Hell, I don’t even have a college degree.

That said, I'd like to share a few techniques I use, along with examples from my own stories, to show what a character is feeling beyond what’s directly stated in words or actions.

 

*This post is long, so I’m using spoilers to keep things tidy and easy to navigate.

 

 

1.   Disruptions in Established Behavior

(Focuses on when a character’s usual habits or patterns break)

 

Spoiler

Deviation from a character’s usual pattern is a huge flag to the POV character and to the reader that something’s going on beneath the surface.

• Someone who’s always sarcastic suddenly gives a half-hearted reply.
• A typically confident person starts avoiding eye contact.
• A detail-oriented character becomes forgetful or distracted.
• Someone usually calm begins fidgeting or snapping.
• A character known for listening suddenly zones out or seems disinterested.
• A person known for being stoic/reserved/guarded suddenly opens up and shares an intimate detail about their life.

These are emotional reactions wrapped in changed habits. The POV character may not have the full picture, but they feel the shift.

Example:

Grithen is usually stoic, emotionally shut off, and rarely says much. But when he’s found alone, holding a decades-old protest armband, he quietly reveals that who he is now is just the ash of the fire he once was.

 

Quote

 

Inside, a figure sat near the far wall. Broad shoulders. Short-cropped hair. Still as stone.

Grithen.

Aaven hesitated. He was about to keep walking, respect the man's privacy, or whatever approximation of it existed in a house like this, but something caught his eye.

Grithen wasn't just sitting.

He was holding something.

A small, weathered object sat in his hands, with faded fabric colors barely visible in the light. Aaven couldn't make it out from where he stood.

He lingered in the doorway.

“You just gonna stand there?” Grithen asked without turning.

Aaven cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here.”

“You do now.”

Fair enough.

Aaven stepped inside. “What’s that?” he asked, nodding toward the object.

Grithen turned it slightly, his thumb running over the edge. “Old armband. From back in the day.”

“Yeah?” Aaven moved closer, squinting. He could just make out a pink triangle and some faded text beneath it. “What’s it from?”

“ACT UP. Gay rights protests. Eighties.”

“Oh.” Aaven rested a shoulder on the wall. “You were part of that?”

“Someone had to be.”

The pause felt heavier than the words that came before it.

Grithen let out a quiet sigh. “I was louder back then.” He glanced up at Aaven. “But people change. Not always because they want to.”

He looked down again, his fingers closing gently around the armband. “Back then, they called me Grit. Said I had more guts than sense.”

A hint of a smile flickered, then disappeared. “I guess the name stuck longer than the fire did.”

 

 

 

2.   Shifts in Communication Style

(Zeroes in on changes in tone, language, or delivery)

 

Spoiler

Changes in how someone talks can reveal what they’re feeling, especially when it deviates from their norm.

• Are they now hesitating before they speak?
• Does their tone soften, tighten, or go flat?
• Is someone suddenly speaking less or dodging certain topics?
• Are they a jokester who suddenly became annoyed or went quiet?

These shifts hint at internal turmoil or change without spelling it out.

Example:

Isaac is usually all charm and deflection, but in this scene, his mask slips.

The jokes stop.

The pauses stretch.

He tells a painful story with none of his usual gloss.

Then, in true performance-over-pain fashion, he slips the mask back on as intermission ends and the stage curtains rise.

The show must go on, after all.

 

Quote

 

Aaven padded in and found Isaac sitting cross-legged on the counter, eating peanut butter straight from the jar with the confidence of someone who had nothing to prove.

Isaac grinned when he saw him. “Look who’s creeping around like the handsome devil he is.”

Aaven opened the fridge and pulled out an apple. “Look who’s sitting on the counter like a feral peanut butter goblin.”

Isaac laughed. “Touché, darling.”

Aaven sat at the kitchen island and took a bite, chewing for a moment before asking, “How old are you?”

“Why? Thinking of asking me out?” Isaac said with a wink.

Aaven rolled his eyes. “Just curious.”

Isaac gave an exaggerated sigh. “I was twenty-four when I turned. Early 1920s. So… around one-thirty, give or take.”

Aaven nodded. “Were you always like this?”

Isaac scooped another bite and licked the spoon. “Hmm? Was I always what? Charming?”

Aaven gave him a look. “I meant the attitude. The jokes. The flirting.”

Isaac smiled. “You don’t like the flirting, dear?”

“That’s not the point,” Aaven said. “You said you were turned in the 1920s. Wasn’t it more... I don’t know, frowned upon or something, to be—”

“To be as open and unapologetic as I am now?” Isaac interrupted, his voice edged.

Aaven gave a little shrug. “Yeah. Society was different back then, wasn’t it?”

Isaac nodded slightly, going back to the spoon. “It was.”

They kept eating, the moment hanging between them.

Finally, Isaac spoke again. His voice was low, the teasing tone gone.

“I wasn’t like I am now. Not openly. It was illegal and would have gotten me killed.”

He set the peanut butter jar down on the counter beside him.

“But I didn’t hide well either. Not enough. People knew. Or thought they did. And back then, that was all it took.”

Aaven didn’t speak. He just listened.

“Three men jumped me one night,” Isaac said. “Thought fists could beat the queerness out of me. I don’t know if they would’ve killed me, but it got close.”

He turned the spoon in his fingers.

“Then someone showed up. A vampire. Scared them off. I think they were freshly turned. Probably didn’t mean to get involved. Saw the blood, tried to help, bit me. Then panicked and ran.”

Aaven frowned. “And you just… turned? Alone?”

Isaac nodded. “I didn’t know what was happening. I thought I was dying all over again. Ended up in the woods. Wandering. No sense of time. Just fear and… hunger.”

He set the spoon down, his hands tightening around the edge of the counter.

“Lennix and Emerson found me. The wind carried my scent. Vampire and panic travel far, apparently.”

“Were they already living here?” Aaven asked.

“Not here. Nearby. They brought me in. Helped me survive it. I was a mess.” He gave a short laugh. “Lennix was all calm and serious, and Emerson kept poking at me like I was a new species.”

Aaven watched him, unsure what to say.

Isaac seemed to catch it and smirked, the familiar glint sliding back into place like armor.

“Anyway,” he said, hopping down from the counter, “you’re lucky. You get the deluxe intro package. Blood tests, spooky ambiance, and a personal escort from four emotionally unavailable mentors. Very boutique.”

 

 

 

3.   Response Timing & Silence

(Highlights pacing, pauses, and conversational rhythm)

 

Spoiler

What’s not said can be just as important as what is.

• A pause before answering a vulnerable question.
• A quick reply that’s too polished or evasive.
• A silence that lingers when the POV character expected a response.

The gaps, or lack thereof, leave room for the POV character and the reader to fill in the blanks with emotional inference.

Example:

Lennix never rushes to answer.

He lets memory surface slowly, allows emotion to linger in the quiet.

What he withholds speaks just as loudly as what he shares.

And it's in those pauses that we begin to feel the full weight of the centuries he carries.

 

Quote

 

Aaven drummed his fingers lightly on the armrests. “Can I ask you something?”

Lennix finally looked at him.

“How old are you?”

Lennix’s fingers paused mid-spin, and a faint smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “How old do I look?”

Aaven shrugged, studying the sharp angles of Lennix's face in the firelight. "I dunno. Late twenties? Thirty maybe?"

Lennix’s smile lingered. “I was twenty-eight when I turned. Or when I was turned, rather. But I’m not twenty-eight anymore.”

He let the words drift out like a current thick with undertow. “I was born in 1697. That makes me,” He paused in thought. “Roughly three hundred years old this spring.”

Aaven froze, staring.

He then shivered as though he’d just realized he was sitting mere inches from a living ghost.

“Three hundred,” he echoed in a low voice, the weight of centuries settling into the room like dust. “That’s wild.”

“It is,” Lennix agreed, the flicker of humor dimming as his gaze returned to the fire.

Aaven hesitated. “What was your life like back then? Before all this.”

For a long moment, Lennix didn’t answer. The pen started moving again, rolling between his fingers in a steady rhythm. When he finally spoke, his voice was softer, layered, as if uncoffining buried memories.

“I had a good life,” he said. “Privileged. My family was wealthy. My father ran a successful textile business, which I ended up overseeing when I got older. I was well-educated for the time.”

Lennix shifted in his seat. "I was also married. To a woman named Abigail."

"Oh." Aaven hesitated. "So you weren't, like… into guys?"

Lennix raised an eyebrow as he turned back toward Aaven.

Aaven shrugged, then gestured vaguely at Lennix. “I don’t know. You all kind of give off a vibe.”

Lennix gave a small laugh. “No. I loved my wife.”

His words lingered briefly in the quiet.

“But spending a century alone can change a man in ways he never expected.”

Aaven made a face. "That's the sappiest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Time makes a man sappy, I guess."

Aaven furrowed his brow as he thought for a moment. "Your name. Lennix. Isn't that a more modern version of Lennox?"

"Good catch." A flicker of interest passed through Lennix's eyes. "My name was originally Lennox."

"Why change it?"

Lennix's jaw tightened slightly, his gaze drifting briefly toward the fire. "To honor my family," he said, his voice growing heavier. "My pregnant wife and I were attacked and bitten in an alleyway. I survived. She and the baby didn't."

He drew a slow breath before continuing. "We had decided to name our baby after me if the child were a boy, so I laid that spelling to rest with them."

Aaven didn't respond.

He stared into the flames, unsure what to say that wouldn’t sound hollow.

The fire popped as the silence stretched between them.

Lennix gently cleared his throat. "I also did it to hide. I knew I couldn't stay in town, couldn't be around people. So I sold parts of my family's business to myself under different names and disappeared."

 

 

 

4.   Physical & Spatial Cues

(Covers body language, posture, and physical proximity)

 

Spoiler

Body language and positioning can say what the character won’t.

• A person who once stood tall now hunches their shoulders.
• A reserved character starts leaning in or getting physically closer.
• Someone once close begins keeping their distance.
• Repeated physical tics like pacing, picking at clothing, tapping feet, or shifting weight may emerge.

These silent details carry emotional weight without a single line of dialogue or internal narration.

Example:

Aaven might jokingly call him an “emotional support bat,” but he never directly says “I care.”

He doesn’t have to.

Everything he does screams love at first bat.

 

Quote

 

They moved quickly, Aaven walking with exaggerated care like he carried something made of glass. The bat nestled deeper into his palms.

Inside the lab, Emerson set to work immediately, splintering the bat’s wing with steady hands and a surprising gentleness.

Aaven watched closely. “So, do you have, like… vet training, or are you winging this?”

“It won’t fly for weeks,” Emerson stated, ignoring Aaven's quip. “But the bones are set. It’ll live. You’ll need to care for it in the meantime.”

Aaven sat nearby, cradling the bat delicately in a folded towel.

“I’ve never had a pet before,” he admitted.

Lennix leaned against the counter. “You’ll figure it out. You already are.”

Aaven looked down at the bat again. It blinked slowly, then chirped.

Emerson gathered supplies. “I’m going to run a blood sample. Just a few drops.”

Aaven hesitated. “Is that safe for him?”

“He’s stable. And I need to know if we’re looking at something new.”

He carefully took the sample and slipped it into a centrifuge.

“You think it’s a new species?” Lennix asked.

“Or something that’s been hidden. Isolated. There are over 1400 documented species of bats. Who knows how many more remain undiscovered.”

Aaven stood up. “While you play genetic Where’s Waldo, I’m going to the kitchen to feed him.”

A few minutes later, he sat at the kitchen table with a plate of fruit and the bat nestled on a folded dish towel in his lap. He offered him a sliver of banana. The bat sniffed, nibbled, and gave a small happy chirp.

Aaven sighed in relief. “You like that one. Good. I was worried you would only eat organic.”

The bat tilted his head.

"I should be spiraling further into an existential crisis right now."

He let out a quiet snort. “But here I am feeding fruit to an emotional support bat.”

It let out a soft chirp, like a lullaby played too quietly.

Aaven reached out, one finger stroking gently between his ears. “You’re not just some random bat, are you?”

It blinked once. Another chirp.

Aaven chuckled softly. “No. I didn’t think so.”

He picked up the bat and brought him to eye level. “I need to call you something.”

The bat squirmed and gave a series of quick clicks.

“You kinda sound like a cricket when you’re happy,” he said, reaching for another piece of fruit to give to the little guy.

Then it hit him.

“That’s it. That’s what your name is. Cricket.”

Cricket gave an enthusiastic chirp in response.

“Yeah,” Aaven whispered. “Cricket.”

And then, for the first time in days, he smiled.

 

 

 

This has been brought to you by another Inkognito Irony Moment™, because nothing says “less is more” like a 2,400-word answer on subtext. 

 

 

 

“Well of course it’s not written in stone. It was obviously carved.” 
- Me, probably

[ChromedOutCortex]

@Inkognito Thank you for the detailed response, and examples. Definitely useful and gives me ideas on how I can incorporate more of what you've suggested.

[BendtedWreath]

On 6/22/2025 at 3:02 PM, ChromedOutCortex said:

@Inkognito Thank you for the detailed response, and examples. Definitely useful and gives me ideas on how I can incorporate more of what you've suggested.

Agreed! Thanks so much for sharing, @Inkognito!

[BendtedWreath]

...though considering bats eat crickets, I'd never name a bat Cricket, myself. 🤣