BrianM

Good work! You have me hooked and I will wait, albeit impatiently, for the next chapter. Should you ever re-visit and revise this story, you might give some consideration to giving some rationale to Jason's being able to accept Travis' interest in him. There is no back story there which gives us any insight into Jason's ability to deal in kind with Travis. One would normally assume that a big, macho, 6'4" detective sergeant who is a father might not be open to the affections of another guy. It seems that everyone in the story, even his son and boss, knows something we don't. Perhaps you had planned to outline where he is coming from later on, but at this point in the story the issue is puzzling and detracts from the believability of Jason's response. You do have need of an editor, as there are some issues, such as wrong words, awkward phrasing, lack of grammatical agreement and incorrect case (of verbs) which, while arguably nit-picking, do detract from a really worthwhile story. Otherwise, please keep up the great work!

Great start, if the remainder keeps up the pace and interest it will be an awesome story. I agree with Cia's comments regarding the technical aspects of presenting dialogue, but that is really a quibble. I look forward to finding out where Dice is taking Archie, why Archie has to go and the other characters in the story. Trent the Troll got just what he deserved but decapitation seems a tad extreme.

Marvellous work! An absorbing introduction to a character with so very much potential. I am delighted to see that you will be continuing work with Jerry (and presumably his little cadre (or pack). I can only encourage you, as strongly as possible, to do so. Your writing is of the highest calibre, I always find it enthralling. Thank you.

A most engaging beginning. I am most intrigued to read the next instalment.

Am just loving this story! Terrific work CJ. This chapter was a real tear-jerker with the boys having to part. I must admit that I'm looking forward to one of the bad guys going BANG with the unstable dynamite. How confused will that leave the cops when the detonation device is traced back to Dirk's shop? Why would he want to blow up some crim in Egypt???? LOL.