Percy

I’ve posted another chapter to The Waltz. This is a story I wrote a few years ago, and I’m looking for some constructive criticism. Is it clear or confusing when the perspective alternates between characters? Narrative overrun with adverbs? Does the dialogue sound natural? I’m working on something new and trying to get a handle on my weaknesses so that I can fix them this time around. Thanks for reading! http://www.gayauthor.../percy/thewaltz

The underused freeway seemed empty. CABIT

Rye

Testicle

Losing the friendship of someone with whom I'd been close when I transitioned. If you were an Olympic athlete, in what event would you be competing?

New York Giants undertake throws. ABDIL

Zap

Killings in Miami irk cops. POLEN

Hmm. Two questions in one. I'll answer the second. Wish I'd grown taller than 5'8". Leaving part one for the next person: what is something you wish had never happened in your life?

gymnast

I make awesome chili. What's the most disturbing dream you've had?

Iced

Onerous

verbatim

meeting my quotas at work Do you prefer to drive a car or ride as a passenger?

Lecherous

Icon/recon Onerous

Lyric

Owe

Good story, especially the way you built tension through to the end. The character's internal dialogue sounded natural. Very well written. -Percy

I am really enjoying this story so far. The characters are very well drawn and believable. The storyline is definitely holding my attention. Don't keep us waiting long for the next installment!

In this scenario, the moral obligation to come out centers on the financial support he receives from his parents. I would say he is not morally obligated to come out to his parents. Will he be morally obligated to come out to every person or entity from whom he receives money for the rest of his life? Is everyone who is gay obligated to inform every employer for whom they work of that fact in order to be considered moral? Billy’s parents likely raised him with the expectation that he would go to college, gain an employable skill and then become self-supporting. He was not raised with the expectation of having to support himself at 18 nor offered a path that would give him the skills to do so. His “job” then, is to work hard at college and gain that skill. In a sense, his parents are paying him to do so. Just like employers fire employees for being gay, so too may Billy’s parents cut off support if he comes out, however neither the employees nor Billy are at all immoral for not coming out in order to keep their means of financial support. An employee's only moral obligation is to perform the job which their employer hired them to do. Billy's only moral obligation is to work hard at college and leave with a skill that allows him to support himself.

Fun story! Perfect reading on a Sunday afternoon.

I encourage you to continue this storyline. It would be great to bring Paul into the picture and for the reader to see what transpires between Erich and her father when she gets into the house. Good job on the dialogue.

This was an excellent story. Very well paced and original.