VampireMystic

No major complaints with the mechanics. There are a few typos, and it strikes me as weird for a teenager to refer to his body as a "slim teenage frame." Content -wise you paint a vivid picture of the dark storm of emotions going on behind Zach's smiles and jokes. We have his pain, his fear, his worn anger that he shouldn't have to suffer this, and his acceptance of it. Part of his mind has been molded to think he deserves it, even as part of him is still fighting to say he doesn't. The conflicts do confuse the narrative flow a bit, but I think they are an accurate and essential component of portraying Zach's mind. Though my storms are fueled by something different than the physical abuse Zach receives from his father, this character is someone I feel I relate too profoundly. Not only do you succeed in making him real, you're able to make his world real, by presenting the reader with the reasons Zach doesn't just turn his father in like the after school specials say. Especially with stories where something controversial or out of the ordinary is going on, it becomes very important to address the reader's reaction of "how can this happen?" And you do. I would have liked more detail as to where his mom goes and what about her work could distract her enough not to notice what's happening around her, but maybe that will be revealed in time. When you wrote this you gave yourself an excellent leading man, conflict from multiple directions (plot-wise) and a diverse cast to explore. A great example of a first chapter. Thank you, once again, for sharing. Edited for glaring typos although one was ironic, 9/7/22

Here in chapter 2, we get our first glimpses of everyone at the lot: Bryson: protecting first, asking questions later. Max: all anger and toughness Jenna: pretty and quiet Dion: contemplative and not very talkative Dylan: shyness personified Michael: pretty, jealous, and Trevor's bitch. Kid: silent, scared, and Max's shadow Jun: so far he seems practical and, of course, Trevor: almost the archetype of "the devil with an Angel's face." You do little more "telling" than "showing" in Chapter 2, but it's not too much of a turnoff. Where I think it hurts the chapter the most, is Justin's growing suspicions and their evasiveness. I think there would've been more suspense is instead of "staying" that it was happening directly to the reader, it was more subtle. You do a great job of moving the story along and generating interest here. I, as a reader, have a lot of questions that I want to know the answers to making sure I'll read on. (With these reviews, it's another way to have a dialogue with you Comicality, as well as giving the the rest of the GA community the chance to get to know me, based on what I point out in what I think about it. ~ VM

Comicality, Your writing is never failed to be convey emotion, and draw the reader into your stories. At least for me. Gone from Daylight was the first one of your stories I ever read. Though my first reading of it was years ago, I instantly sympathized with the character Justin because you're writing let me clearly picture his tortured heart and soul. Since then, I've had to deal with intense sources of stress and the symptoms of Clinical Depression. Though my experience with depression has had little to do directly with my sexuality, I can say that, looking back at chapter 1, the sympathy I once felt for a situation I could only imagine has become empathy for a kindred soul. I have never gone so far as to attempt to commit suicide. But I do know what it feels like to suffer from circumstances and from people that are out of my control. I know what it is to feel helpless in the face of my problems. I know what it is to feel alone. I know how it can all wear on a person, eroding your self-confidence, destroying your ability to see the good in yourself. I know how exhausting depression is, how much harder it makes its to do anything, to move, to think, to have hope. You don't really talk about any of that in the first chapter, not by name. But reading chapter 1 again, I can see it anyway. I can now relate my pain with Justin's pain. Even if the types and the amounts of what he suffered is different. What you say, and what you don't say, you make Justin into a real person. A person who doesn't understand why he's had to suffer, a real person who doesn't see what it's doing to him, or a way to help himself. I think that in order for you to have written this, you've been on the inside of depression. Whether you have or not, the sensitivity and strength I can imagine it taking to create a character like Justin with such realism is something rare and beautiful. Looking at Gone from Daylight from a new perspective transforms what I know comes after chapter 1 into a story about perseverance in the face of suffering, the relief love can bring, and that hope can be rewarded. (I intend to review each chapter as I reread it. I hope you find my interpretations, opinions, and suggestions useful.) ~ VM

"Everything that lives, eats. It just so happens that humans are more than animals, humans think. That can make it complicated, being one step higher on the food chain. A wolf kills a rabbit because its instincts take over when the rabbit crosses it's path. But, what happens when both hunter and prey, are both capable of thinking, feeling, choosing?"

The humans gave so many names to things, poor attempts to explain or express things. One City, two names “Chicago,” the “Windy City,” words—noisome sounds... with hardly any meaning, and less permanence. The City’s many large buildings channeled the air currents, focused them, so that even small gusts were magnified, so the moniker was fitting at least. And there were other reasons, if the stories coming out of Chicago were even partly true… then the “Windy City” had a meaning to his own kind.

Red. The color of passion's fire, virgin's blush, and life's blood.

No. Attraction can be sparked in a look. "Like" can begin in a night. But love takes time and trial.

Sex in story is only fulfilling for me if there is an emotional foundation for it between the characters, And I do not mean some kind of limited butterflys-in-the stomach natural magnetism. I mean a real foundation of feeling and friendship. On a related note a hate to see this pattern in stories, particularly when there are supernatural protagonists, wherein the leads are genetically meant for eacch other to the point they have an instant overwhelming attraction, whether or not the two people like each other, want to be in a relationship, or even share the same sexuality.

One cannot "edit" death out of life, why edit it out of your reading? The fact that life ends adds a certain amount of the meaning, after all. If you could live forever, what you choose to do matters less, because there is always time to do something else. With mortality comes the necessity of sacrificing things that you could do in exchange for what you "did." And especially in stories, how and why a character dies in very important. If I remember correctly the two hunting dogs in "Where the Red Fern Grows" were mortally wounded saving the life of the boy who loved them. (One died of wounds, the other died of heartbreak.) It would be a very different story if you just stopped in the middle. Honor the writer, honor the world of the characters, read on!

It varies. Among my coping mechanism of choice are such diversions as reading (either old fashioned paper, or on my Kindle), Writing if my brain is still functional and my muse, which sleeps more soundly than I, is awake as well, and listening to music. My taste in music varies with my mood, lately Linkin Park is a good lullaby though. I've also been known to let my Kindle read to me with its Robotic voice. But last night, out of desperation, I tried my first audiobook. It's narrated by James Marsters, "Spyke" from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Not a bad job an hour in, but he's ot as sexy without the British accent.