VampireMystic

From the previous chapter: ". I grabbed a white t-shirt, some sweatpants, and a pair of socks, and went into the bathroom to hang up my clothes on the shower rod. I toweled off and got dressed without any underwear " I like to read in the dark mode and it screws with things when I copy. Sorry. Watch for those continuity errors boys and girls. I feel like an ass, pointing out something like this. It's not a criticism . It's not a demand it be edited. And I'm not trying to embarrass you, Com. To me, it's like: "see? See? I'm paying attention" I was looking forward to what I thought was going to happen.. I bet you if I reread the reader comments forum thread, something like this should be in an email? Let me know if I'm annoying you oh great one

(I love this emoji) Praise be to the wizard behind the keyboard! ( I might edit every comment I've ever put on a Comicality story to include that.) Hey are you still selling those CDs of My Only Escape? Now that I think about it, I'm praying that the audio files weren't eaten by one of your Infamous computer failures. You've depicted the extremes and abrupt switches in Zack's thoughts well, for me.

She may be the character we know least about. Except for the father. We see her less, we'll let her win. we don't know what might be in her background. There might be some watershed moment in her past that completely informs her behavior. The fact that she stands her ground in that kitchen and lets him go makes him go, almost entirely redeems her so far for me. It may in fact be a sign of exactly the waking up you are wanting to see. As others have said, disappearing reappearing supporting characters are something to watch out for. (I'm aware I'm commenting on the early chapters of something that goes much further ahead. This is just a general point.) The supporting characters need to be, even if only for the author, almost as real and permanent as the leads. I believe this, I struggle with this. There is a breach of characterization that bothers me. The father. If he is a control freak, how come he didn't notice the basement was clean. I expected him to go down and check it just to make sure it was exactly the punishment he had in mind, even if he only looked that morning. I expected either: he would argue the point that it couldn't have been Zack that had done it. Somehow corner Zack with his lie that night about the bathroom. Or accuse him of lying about being the one who cleaned it. Or that he would see it and trash it so that Zack had to clean it again. and catch him "lying"about it being clean However, the bastard is human and arrogant and it's not impossible that it could happen exactly the way it did, simply because he was too self-assured to check. I consider myself an extremely open-minded optimist. in fact I teeter on the edge of plummeting into negativity. I'm entirely more ready to overestimate my villains. This probably only stood out to me because I'm a vicious scourge upon the lives of my characters. ( maybe it was a writing prompt I picked up somewhere, but I sometimes imagine what it would be like to meet my characters. As interesting as that might be, the fantasy usually turns into a Lynch Mob) I don't know. I had more to say I think but I'll leave it on a funny note.

Uhh Comsie, Sir? Wasn't there something about Adam's cousin's sister's something, someone letting them in the side door of the theater so they didn't have to pay? Hehe

keep in mind that this is been going on for about 6 years by this point. If behavioral changes are subtle enough, over a length of time, rhey just become the new normal and don't stand out. People have an intense ability to rationalize. If someone believes, for example, that fathers don't hurt Sons, they will rationalize a great deal rather than question that essential belief. Same if they truly deeply believe that certain things can't happen to people they know, that they only happened elsewhere. I'm not defending the mother explicitly, but I am telling you this is reasonable. As a character, we don't know anything about the mother or her background. She may have something in her that leads her to stay silent even if she suspects rather than confront. As for teachers, also keep in mind that we don't explicitly know when this is happening. teachers and other stuff we're trained a lot differently when the PlayStation 1 was in its Heyday if that's what we're dealing with. Also, if this is a large school the teachers probably have too much on their plate just doing their job. They may not have enough time with any individual student to notice details. Also, Zack himself is working to deliberately mask the emotions obfuscate evidence. So far, we haven't even seen a single direct conversation between Zach and an instructor. They may suspect, that something is wrong, but without more evidence or direct testimony they probably don't have enough to even begin something. Sigh. Okay. Umm... Look, a squirrel!

The last line is the kind of emotional Cliffhanger that could have ended this if it was one shot.

*Stands* "Hi, my name is VampireMystic, and I'm a Comicality fan. It's been 0 minutes since I got to the end of something. One-shots are safer. Beginning middle end, all right there. This was a series though, so now I've got that hunger. For another one. Trust me folks, vampire is in my name, I know Hunger. *Comedy drum sting* It won't subside until the next chapter. Little chance of freedom until it's officially 'complete.' (Not just moving to another book. Sit down, GFD. You too, Billy), I mean done. Finished. Resolved. End credits. The End. What can scare me, as a Comicality fan looking forward to finally 'knowing,' is the idea that when I finally read THE END I'll be glued to my seat, scanning the credits, hoping, even after all the... everything... it took to get to this point (anyone else hearing Uma Thurman as Quentin Tarantino's The Bride right now? Squirrel!) Ahem. *checks notecard* What scares me, is that when I finally see this: THE END I might be looking for: ..? So, why risk another hunger? Simple: I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. (and that's all I have to say about that.) I wanted to know, I thought I knew, then I thought I missed the point completely, and now I'm waiting for the next chapter. *sits* Meeting leader: "Well, thanks for sharing... so who wants to go next?" Someone in the back: "Get back to work!" Me: "Yeah, yeah." *starts to go* *pauses* "You know I don't have to be writing copy for a story to be working on it, right?" *Goes on* *at the exit now, pauses * " I'm only going because I want to!" *leaves* Fade to black. Roll credits. (...?)

I'd swear I read almost the exact thing on Nifty.org, years ago, with a few differences: The older boy had forearm crutches. The wrestling started as imitating DragobBallZ. That one had two chapters. But I think they covered the same arc. (Physical, then emotional) Google has failed me in finding this other "A Step Brother I Could Love," however, I asked that author about a third chapter. (At the time) Their answer was something like: "going on would require bringing in the parents, and can't see how it would go." Even if this has nothing to do with the other story I'm remembering, the same fault exists. If it goes on, the relationship has to interact with the wider world. Com doesn't shy away from conflict, so it probably WASN'T his story. However, the relationship would likely go through a lot of bad before it recovered. And he has so much else to write already. PS - I don't have a step brother fetish. I just have a really good memory for stories and titles.

Ok. Yesterday I read the original version. 2006 anthology. Thank you anthology throwback blog! Today: Lightbulb! The title was familiar. There's more somewhere. Found! Read! *Dreamy Sigh *Comsie's got me hooked on something else. And then the inevitable crash. Hunger. Withdrawal. The "you've reached the end of this series for now" message on Crunchyroll. (Comsie-roll) The man writes addictive substantive stories. Hello, my name is VampireMystic, and I'm a Comicality fan. It's been 10 minutes since I got to the end of something. *sits* Group: Hi Vamp! (Ugh. 7 or 10 years ago, why didn't I lead with Mystic...) Sorry, saw a squirrel. Ahem. Believe me. I'm right there with Comsie that you have to write what you're in the mind space to write. It took me 6 years to find my way back to my story, Predators. (Lot's more soon.) And, even more so, now that I'm writing again I understand that it takes minutes to read what someone took weeks or months to write. We should just be thankful he doesn't pull a Netflix and cancel stories because he "has too many hits." Comicality sensei Respect, mine, you have. *bows* Seriously I have *one* story... Shut up, novels in the other folder, I'll get to you when I'm damn good and ready! Oh, alright, Predators. *gets back to work*

*watches his previous comment evolve wings, and take to the air* "Fly my pretty, fly..."

Awesome! I can see all of the ingredients of a long running Comsie love story here. Complex living characters Teenage hormones Internal conflict (Potentials for) external conflict: "It was so uplifting that I never really expected things to change. Things always change” They do. since the statement followed his list of positive coming out experiences, the comment led me to think of experiences that don't go so well. “ All Eyes Watching” Not all eyes are friendly Potential for twists We know almost nothing about the background of the boys. Or their friends. In other news, I want this comment to serve as testimony that this is the first day I’ve ever seen this story. Any awkward phone calls I may have already written, any Irish accents I may have already imagined, existed before reading this story. Also, I know what it feels like when you start out to do a small thing and it just won't stop growing: First, a test tube shatters. Then the box you up-ended onto it starts to creak and slide around. You dive out of the room and slam the door, but it's taken shape, and like a velociraptor, figured out how to open doors. Through the door, it is soon too wide for the hallway, and there goes the drywall. Larger, more complex, more intelligent, on and on it grows. Moats, pits, fences, minefields, it grows past them all. Eventually containment is impossible. You've done all you can to shape it and teach it. You watch it leave... You don't know what you this thing you created is going to do or how it will affect the world... You don't know if they will cheer you or curse you... But you know, you're going to be proud. And you should be, Com, you should be.

I can say that compared to my contemporary or postmodern fiction, (so far a city is a city even if it's on another planet with better technology) high fantasy, with it's need for greater detail and a different vocabulary, develops pacing problems. ( none of it is here yet for that very reason) By the time I've set the stage for a new scene, after the description, the momentum of the previous is lost. Which I then have to rebuild. As if everyone is standing around waiting while it loads. I'm wondering if that's what you meant by losing the audience. Or if you meant losing them in the descriptions themselves.

This comment has almost everything I was going to say . I'll just add that, I think this one of the first articles that made it very clear you need both. Other articles leave me with a clear impression that failing to show over tell is, well... failing.

"Soft heart for hurt boys" I like that. Almost poetic. That may be true. Many things can make a heart change and shift. I hope that my explorations of the hearts and minds of my characters continue to be compelling. I keep saying this, but more is coming.

A Good Read VampireMystic _________________________________ In an isolated corner of the library, past the signs “Special Interest Section” and “LGBPTAQQA” (To which someone had tapped a hand lettered explanation in marker “Alphabet Soup” with a rainbow sticker, Subdued light from nearby reading lamps casts a cozy, inviting look over this corner of the library. A young man is sitting on the floor. He is sitting on his hip, feet curled in front of him. There a rustling

No major complaints with the mechanics. There are a few typos, and it strikes me as weird for a teenager to refer to his body as a "slim teenage frame." Content -wise you paint a vivid picture of the dark storm of emotions going on behind Zach's smiles and jokes. We have his pain, his fear, his worn anger that he shouldn't have to suffer this, and his acceptance of it. Part of his mind has been molded to think he deserves it, even as part of him is still fighting to say he doesn't. The conflicts do confuse the narrative flow a bit, but I think they are an accurate and essential component of portraying Zach's mind. Though my storms are fueled by something different than the physical abuse Zach receives from his father, this character is someone I feel I relate too profoundly. Not only do you succeed in making him real, you're able to make his world real, by presenting the reader with the reasons Zach doesn't just turn his father in like the after school specials say. Especially with stories where something controversial or out of the ordinary is going on, it becomes very important to address the reader's reaction of "how can this happen?" And you do. I would have liked more detail as to where his mom goes and what about her work could distract her enough not to notice what's happening around her, but maybe that will be revealed in time. When you wrote this you gave yourself an excellent leading man, conflict from multiple directions (plot-wise) and a diverse cast to explore. A great example of a first chapter. Thank you, once again, for sharing. Edited for glaring typos although one was ironic, 9/7/22

Here in chapter 2, we get our first glimpses of everyone at the lot: Bryson: protecting first, asking questions later. Max: all anger and toughness Jenna: pretty and quiet Dion: contemplative and not very talkative Dylan: shyness personified Michael: pretty, jealous, and Trevor's bitch. Kid: silent, scared, and Max's shadow Jun: so far he seems practical and, of course, Trevor: almost the archetype of "the devil with an Angel's face." You do little more "telling" than "showing" in Chapter 2, but it's not too much of a turnoff. Where I think it hurts the chapter the most, is Justin's growing suspicions and their evasiveness. I think there would've been more suspense is instead of "staying" that it was happening directly to the reader, it was more subtle. You do a great job of moving the story along and generating interest here. I, as a reader, have a lot of questions that I want to know the answers to making sure I'll read on. (With these reviews, it's another way to have a dialogue with you Comicality, as well as giving the the rest of the GA community the chance to get to know me, based on what I point out in what I think about it. ~ VM

Comicality, Your writing is never failed to be convey emotion, and draw the reader into your stories. At least for me. Gone from Daylight was the first one of your stories I ever read. Though my first reading of it was years ago, I instantly sympathized with the character Justin because you're writing let me clearly picture his tortured heart and soul. Since then, I've had to deal with intense sources of stress and the symptoms of Clinical Depression. Though my experience with depression has had little to do directly with my sexuality, I can say that, looking back at chapter 1, the sympathy I once felt for a situation I could only imagine has become empathy for a kindred soul. I have never gone so far as to attempt to commit suicide. But I do know what it feels like to suffer from circumstances and from people that are out of my control. I know what it is to feel helpless in the face of my problems. I know what it is to feel alone. I know how it can all wear on a person, eroding your self-confidence, destroying your ability to see the good in yourself. I know how exhausting depression is, how much harder it makes its to do anything, to move, to think, to have hope. You don't really talk about any of that in the first chapter, not by name. But reading chapter 1 again, I can see it anyway. I can now relate my pain with Justin's pain. Even if the types and the amounts of what he suffered is different. What you say, and what you don't say, you make Justin into a real person. A person who doesn't understand why he's had to suffer, a real person who doesn't see what it's doing to him, or a way to help himself. I think that in order for you to have written this, you've been on the inside of depression. Whether you have or not, the sensitivity and strength I can imagine it taking to create a character like Justin with such realism is something rare and beautiful. Looking at Gone from Daylight from a new perspective transforms what I know comes after chapter 1 into a story about perseverance in the face of suffering, the relief love can bring, and that hope can be rewarded. (I intend to review each chapter as I reread it. I hope you find my interpretations, opinions, and suggestions useful.) ~ VM

The humans gave so many names to things, poor attempts to explain or express things. One City, two names “Chicago,” the “Windy City,” words—noisome sounds... with hardly any meaning, and less permanence. The City’s many large buildings channeled the air currents, focused them, so that even small gusts were magnified, so the moniker was fitting at least. And there were other reasons, if the stories coming out of Chicago were even partly true… then the “Windy City” had a meaning to his own kind.

"Everything that lives, eats. It just so happens that humans are more than animals, humans think. That can make it complicated, being one step higher on the food chain. A wolf kills a rabbit because its instincts take over when the rabbit crosses it's path. But, what happens when both hunter and prey, are both capable of thinking, feeling, choosing?"

Red. The color of passion's fire, virgin's blush, and life's blood.

No. Attraction can be sparked in a look. "Like" can begin in a night. But love takes time and trial.

Sex in story is only fulfilling for me if there is an emotional foundation for it between the characters, And I do not mean some kind of limited butterflys-in-the stomach natural magnetism. I mean a real foundation of feeling and friendship. On a related note a hate to see this pattern in stories, particularly when there are supernatural protagonists, wherein the leads are genetically meant for eacch other to the point they have an instant overwhelming attraction, whether or not the two people like each other, want to be in a relationship, or even share the same sexuality.

One cannot "edit" death out of life, why edit it out of your reading? The fact that life ends adds a certain amount of the meaning, after all. If you could live forever, what you choose to do matters less, because there is always time to do something else. With mortality comes the necessity of sacrificing things that you could do in exchange for what you "did." And especially in stories, how and why a character dies in very important. If I remember correctly the two hunting dogs in "Where the Red Fern Grows" were mortally wounded saving the life of the boy who loved them. (One died of wounds, the other died of heartbreak.) It would be a very different story if you just stopped in the middle. Honor the writer, honor the world of the characters, read on!