jikarn

This is a really great start. It's obvious you're still kind of cutting your teeth and waiting for the story and characters to write themselves, and I've seen this setup done quite a bit, but it looks like a story that will eventually grow into something really special. I know the beginning is trying to get anything established. If I had a critique it would be to slow the pacing just a bit. Let the characters simmer for a bit, relax and get comfortable, and just be themselves before shaking things up too much. But with that small gripe out of the way, I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Hmm I remember seeing a plot like this in Six Feet Under. It seems to be the cultural norm that all gays are promiscuous, but the playful manor is eventually going to end up doing more harm than good. I'm sure it'll be back to monogamy eventually (though maybe not for both parties) In the meantime though, it does carry some guilty pleasure sexy moments for both the boys and the audience. Amber may be pushy and unrelenting about most views but her own, and she certainly could go about it more tenderly, but she certainly has a point about being in dangerous waters. Even if nothing crashes, it certainly could have. I like the thread, but I hope the story branches a little bit. The first story could get away with being about one main plot, but you have a life and more characters now, and I hope we get some weaving subplots to go back and forth to instead of one focus. Too many good characters not to use the opportunities. Keep up the good work.

Wow. I say again, I haven't seen such a combination of believable and realistic, and non-formulaic storytelling for quite some time. I especially love the social attitudes here. No forced gay bashing, and the internal worries of the people not out have far more to do with themselves than any outside pressure. Even then, it looks to be almost a matter of time. Plus, Jameson is a type of character we don't see very often in fiction, but we all know exists, the Camp Straight. Not much else to say except great story, and I'm looking forward to what happens next. I have ideas of what it might be, but I don't want to pull you in one direction or another by saying anything.

Wow!. You had a good premise to start with, but you completely burned the rulebook in one sentence. I thought this would be a well written, "find someone better" story, but now this can go in several different directions, and I'm on the edge of my seat trying to figure out which one you might take. That's what a great twist does after all.

You know, I'm usually much more articulate, but right now I can only say... Darn you and your cliffhangers!!

Huh. As sweet as Brett is being, these are real issues, and I kind of think he's bending over backwards. It's great to be supportive, but these kind of things are important and can potentially affect the rest of their lives. Plus escapist fantasy aside, I think the total commitment and confidence to be together forever is pretty early in the relationship. Young love can feel that way, sure, but it's never healthy to get that involved that fast, especially since the two have so little experience dating. His support on waiting to be intimate felt a bit off too. Don't get me wrong, it was the right thing to do, and I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes, but I would think that the first person view would warrant just a hair more frustration. I think it only really stands out here because of how well the rest of the realistic relationship issues are portrayed, instead of just being idealistic escapism. You've got great characters here, and well written personalities and character dynamics. It sets the bar so high that some of the minor inconsistencies (at least as I see them) are more obvious, where they might have been glanced over in another work. Read the whole thing up to this point in a day by the way. Great work. Admittedly could use some polish. (the bashing in the first story was clunky in spots) But for what is probably a first story, you have a lot to be proud of. I, like many others, are missing Tiff, but I understand you can't force it if you don't know what to do with her. I'd have ideas, but it's not my place to get involved with someone else's story. (though I do get the image of Sam curiously asking Brett about the differences between being with a guy vs. a girl)

Just when I think something's starting to get lost, you manage to read my mind and bring it back. This was a very dense chapter with plenty going on, but as always it was the little things that made the difference. You obviously picked and chose well what to focus on, and what to gloss over relatively quickly. The Cody thing didn't need a whole subplot, (though that could have been an interesting direction to take.) and the fight scene didn't really add anything new. Who knows, maybe something will come out of it. The main centerpiece of the chapter seemed to be with Dusty and Erik. By the way it's nice to get some actual horse work back into the story, and this was a great way of doing that. Great to see Dusty get some focus too, especially on his future. What really got me though was Dylan's return. All the people, all the horses, and all the dogs together in the same place. Heartwarming at its finest. TJ is obviously looking for Jazz, that much is clear, and I know Devon will love it. Honestly though, so much happened it's tough to comment on it all. There were things I wish had happened a little differently, but it was a step back into the right direction. (lol, as if you ever lost it in the first place) Seems like you took a step back, and are now ready to get started with more developments.

About what I expected, We saw where the story was going, but at least it was paced well enough that it wasn't drawn out. I really don't have much to say to be honest. I do wonder how the heck Cody managed to get Erik alone and apparently at least beginning to participate in the first place. What really stood out were the minor moments of levity, along with your usually stellar personal interaction. The brief laugh shared by TJ and Dusty and Dylan's moments at the end of the chapter being standouts. Rather than the chapter itself, I'm more happy with where the story can go from here. Erik's plot can go in several directions, we get another coming out story, this one may not go as smooth as the others, and everyone is once again settling into the big happy family routine. We wouldn't have it any other way.

Honestly? I'm not sure I liked this one. I'm not sure if it's just the high standard, or the fact that the pacing seemed slower and not as much seemed to be happening. I can tell however, that this was mostly setup. The cliffhanger is obviously important, and you still have TJ and Devon running around. That isn't going to go over well, and the boys will more likely hold it against Devon far longer for the dishonesty than the relationship in the long run. Once again though, I can't tell what threads are tied together. TJ may earn a redemption here taking out Cody/Jamie (could be a twin brother for all I know) and in either case there needs to be a reason for why the heck Cody's there in the first place. I'm far more interested in what's happening to Erik and his place in all this. That being said, maybe it's going somewhere, but at this point it just looks out of left field for a cliffhanger and soap opera drama. Maybe if it was better foreshadowed it would have been easier to swallow. The birthday bit was special, but it wasn't anything that hasn't been in the story before. I have to wonder if the illness subplot was just a way of getting the two out of the way to get focus without the rest of the large family (which by the way, have also been getting less focus.) It ran the huge risk of being filler, and some was, but there was a beautiful saving grace. Once again you have the chance to send the boys to bed together to solve all of life's little problems, and you don't take it. I can't stress enough how wonderful this choice is. Granted it's also been done with the other boys, and I did feel that realistically more physical temptation would have been present. These stories run the risk of sex being the cement of the relationship, and the "reward" that brings the best in life for the couple. THE something special to share. Relationships are built on love first, and every one of the couples here keeps it front and center. I do hope we check in with Mattie and some other characters that haven't checked in for awhile, but then again, there is so much up in the air already. Ah heck, it's nothing I haven't said before. You know it, and I shan't repeat it yet another time.

You know, for someone who didn't hide his initial bitterness over Jessie's introduction, I have to say that he and Dylan are now hands down my favorite couple in this story. I can't place my finger on it, but it's just how the relationship is written. Many of the other characters have great personalities and dynamics, but it boils down to this. The other couples are characters feel like highly developed compelling personalities developed for a romance story. These two feel like guys I know, and reminds me of relationships that I've actually been in. I hope there's something going with Jamie other than just a pair for Erik, but you've proven yourself before. I can see this going one of two ways. TJ does turn out to be bad news (a tragedy, but a very plausible one. He wouldn't even have to be an outright villain, just a guy who made some mistakes a relationship can't continue with) and Jamie is confirmed to be straight sending Devon and Erik into eachother's arms, Or, it'll be a slow road for both, but they do end up with their own first choices. What pleasantly surprises me is that I don't have a preference, either story would prove a great character journey, or you could just as easily take a third option. As for the illness subplot, it had plenty of sweet moments, and as I said, I think it confirmed my favorite pairing, but it didn't move much else along. Maybe it was just there for some added realism. I do applaud you for taking what could have been major screentime dealing with an idiot physician pushing HIV, and toning it back to a background discussion. That's all that was really needed. One thing I haven't given you enough credit for is some of the narration, the long story beats covering a great amount of time without a lot of personal interaction or dialog. This was more prevalent in the second story, (I think around the rodeo) and I just have to ask... how do you do it? It is insanely difficult to do that kind of montage with the right pacing, the right characterization, and the right balance to sweep through large events without focusing directly on the scene or dialog, and keep it an engaging as the rest. I honestly did not know it was possible, or even conceived of a story being told in that way successfully. It sweeps flawlessly in those chapters, and if I ever write anything myself you can bet I'll look to them for reference. There's only so many ways I can give compliments where they are due, so I'll just post before I begin repeating myself. (This story needs its own TV series. Not even joking)

I've been waiting for this for awhile, and it was well worth the wait. More than almost any other author I've seen, you've got some of the best insight and portrayal of relationships I've ever known. Not just gay relationships, not even romantic relationships, but the ability to naturally choose and capture interactions between the personalities you create. There isn't a spoken word or action that doesn't feel 100% genuine, and very little is shoehorned in just to take the plot where you wanted it to go. Even the breakup, while not needed from a story standpoint, was perfectly portrayed, and it's this type of additional care that makes these stories so wonderful to read. I admit, I'm kind of disappointed to see the trust/treachery subplot be brushed aside, but with everything else introduced, it was barely an issue. Devon and TJ's interaction has plenty of potential. Will the two troublemakers be two guys rough around the edges that keep each other under control? Will they just cause trouble for each other? Even if they do work out, will it raise too much tension with the other boys? And where does Erik play into all this? (a great addition by the way) This is probably what I'm most interested in learning more about. It could either be slow redemption, or a train wreck, and I have no clue which. That's probably the greatest gift this start has. I genuinely don't know where it's going. I prey that Dylan's fever isn't an "original fever" which would make the story take a dark and unexpected turn indeed. I don't know how it could be, but again, it's part of why I like this story. You've probably hooked me for life, and I'll be waiting for updates with baited breath.

Great stuff all around. Dusty was starting to fade into the background, and this brought him back perfectly. He seems to be the character with the fewest problems to begin with. The whole movie confrontation and the self defense issues threaten to add another thread that may be too much, however, this one could have a more immediate payoff with the rising tension of Devon's arrival. I admit, as first I balked at the introduction of yet another character, especially another gay one. (Yeah I know, it's the board it's posted on, but has no one else wondered where the majority of the straight people are lol) For the record, I have since learned to not think so much and go with it. Back to my point though, this gives me the uneasy feeling that maybe not everyone will get a happy ending after all, or at least there will be some hell to go through to earn it. Maybe I'm also growing on the large cast because they do indeed have separate flaws and personalities that create the family dynamic. Dylan's anxiety and Jesse's notice and acceptance of that is refreshingly honest and intelligent writing when the temptation can be to have the magic boyfriend spend a magic night together and fix everything. Even the throwaway line about the discomfort of being in the same bed was spot on in how a real moment in a relationship can work. Romantic probably captures the whole thing in one word actually. (except for the bullies. While I know homophobia does exist, I haven't seen it that overt in real life in quite some time.) The hotel scenes were so sweet, and brought up the relationship that hadn't been touched on in awhile so well I have zero complaints. Heck, you even took a small scoop out of the sugar to bring up a serious conversation that could kill a romantic moment. I guess in a nutshell, you've certainly grown as a writer. This series was never bad, far from it, but the maturity, sophistication, and subtlety in the writing has grown even in the past few chapters. A definite favorite.

There's a lot of heart in this chapter, and a lot of fun. Interesting that most of the story seems to be told in flashback now. The chapter kind of fell into three sections, so I'll review them as such. The entire festival bit was pure fun, and I loved it. People just being themselves, and it was a perfect way of bringing the horses back into the story. Not much else to say, it was just the characters doing what came naturally, which is always fun to let happen in a story. I do feel that there was a slight missed opportunity to bring the parents back, just to check in on them, but other then that, no criticisms at all. The school GSA bit has it's definate upsides. I wonder if you're planning on taking the story off of the ranch, and into the school for a bit. After the previous criticism of juggling too many elements I feel like a hypocrite, but it does leave something to be explored. As for the get-together of Jesse and Dylan, we all saw it coming a mile away. But the creations weren't simply there to be paired up, the chemistry and shared experience is real. Heck, the darker backstories may bring up some second guesses down the line, leading to a potentially much more complicated courtship then we have seen so far. The cast is in place, and you seemed to have reached a point where the characters talk back and begin writing themselves, which to any writer is a dream. After some rocky introductions of elements, you can now just let them play, and have everything on track working smoothly. Well done.

Well apparently I'm a regular reviewer now, and only now can I see where you were really going with this. It seems to have settled and gotten back together in a nice ensemble, and when you focus on smaller groups, it works. Maybe that's the best way to handle it, small groups in short bursts. The trick is to not leave anyone behind for too long, which I think is something you're getting better at. Maybe it's just the fact that Zak is no longer the obvious focal point, along with Dusty (who I do want to see more often.) Unlike my last reviews which were mostly constructive criticism, I can't really find any flaws here. Jesse, though the introduction rubbed me the wrong way, has found a jumper nitche, and a personality that fits nicely (the fact he can be paired doesn't hurt.) Is there still a probably disproportunate level of gay relationships? Probably, but given the board that it's on and the family it creates, I can't really find that as distracting anymore. (though add more and it might) Even the portion with the b*tchy nurse, though technically filler, was more of a character moment than taking up space, and it makes me think of how well plot devices are used. CJ and Mattie's family isn't just rich for the sake of it, it actually allows you to do what you want in the story, while still being believable enough that the story can be grounded. Not everyone has that level of control, and it proves that thought was put into this But most of all, I think the reason that this chapter in particular really works is the fact that it brought the themes back to the forefront. The ranchers, the dogs, the horses, all were tied together under the theme of family that makes some of the clunky or contrived (not quite to the point of breakage) character and element introductions not only justified, but meaningful. This I believe, is what the story is all about, and other than a potential interest for Ace out of obligation, I think our ranchhand family is complete. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and determined to come back on the next update. Congradulations. I'll continue to be watching.

On one hand, I love the story anc characters, so this is going to be tough to do, but I think you've reached a point where you're stretching the story a little thin. Tht's not to say it's bad, far from it. Most of it comes from so many ideas, characters, and even horses being introduced, that it's difficult to keep track of who's doing what. It might have even been more sucessful to do a couple stories from different points of view. Now I could be wrong and everything will lock into place at a different point in the narritive, but it's ovbious you're losing track of characters for some time before you come back to them later after they've nearly been forgotten about. Just as an example, when was the last time Onyx and Phoenix showed up? That said, the elements that HAVE been introduced are great on their own. (except maybe Jessie, who while good in theory, is executed in such a way that even my escapist suspension of disbelief is near it's breaking point) A baby is a great idea, though I think CJ's and Danny rebuilt their trust rather quick. Ace is a character I'd love to see explored more, Dylan as well. Thery have their place in a story, I just don't know if it's this one. But I'm reviewing in circles now. In a nutshell, great as always, but so many elements have really started to be more of a hinderence than a help.