Just a small update. I've started to see a therapist, and it's going well.
He lets me talk and listens and points out different nuances of a specific situation. Which makes me think of my issues in another light. It's quite helpful. Especially with dealing/talking with my supervisor. My anxiety is less now as well, but maybe it's because my project is finally working.
He helped me work out that some of my anxiety stems from me being a perfectionist and via self-evaluation and self-reevaluation lets me see that maybe my imperfections aren't that big of a deal. Maybe I can even accept them.
So the few things that we talked about and what we're working on is:
- Work relations with my supervisor. He asked me why I have such a big urge to please my supervisor, as all my actions were meant to please him while all he does is step out of his role as a supervisor.
- Speaking to people. Which is something I have a hard time doing. He asked me if it was because I read too much into subtle changes in their expression and mannerism.
Anyways, it's going better. But all this reflection of why I feel the way I feel is tiresome.