Hello everyone.
I haven't posted here because I didn't want to admit to having some form of depression. But I walked into a mental wall today. I went to work and I couldn't get anything done. All I did was stare into the computer screen and quietly sobbing at my desk. This was unprovoked, it just happened. I've never felt so numb before.
I'm a Ph D Student in chemistry. I think I'm stressed all the time and it's often hard for me to relax when I come home, instead whenever I get a quiet moment, I start thinking about the problems I have at work and potential solutions, and then execute them at work. I've talked to my supervisor about this, that I'm over worked and over stressed. He sits me down and talk to me in lengthy times about how work is important for society and if you don't work, society doesn't work (seriously, this was a 2h monologue...), and at the end of it, he gave me point by point, a couple of reactions to run. He simply doesn't believe in something like this, he just think that I need extra help with work...
I have problems with my parents accepting me being gay, and I have relationship issues. My self-confidence and my belief in my self-worth is at a low. I've been thinking of how nice it would feel to not be alive. I'm not suicidal though, I probably would never be able to commit suicide, so don't worry about that.
A co-worker of mine has had the same issue (work related) where she just can't work anymore and is rehabilitating. She now works at 50% time only and she seems confident that she can make a full recovery. She recommended me to a work therapist that is provided by my university. I'm keen to contact them and maybe just find someone to talk to. I'm worried about several things though;
- How my supervisor might take it, I work on a project that I want to see through, I don't want to "lose" my name on this paper that I've worked so hard on if it turns out that I have to end up taking time off... He does interesting chemist, but his personal flaws is that he's very stubborn (if people doesn't see his way, then they are always wrong), and childish (vindicative, revenge tactics).
- Can I discuss other issues with them? Like my relationship with my parents and relationships? This I might just have to ask them.
- Cognitative Behavioural therapy, which is the way they run this place that my co-worker recommended. I'm quite skeptical that this works. Has anyone tried this form of therapy?
Thanks for reading my wall of text.