CLS

I always mean to leave a comment so here it is finally -- your writing is astonishing, not just in the technical sense, but in the way you seem to know every minute detail of the settings that animate your stories, whether the intricacies of mental hospitals and psychiatry, the habits of world-class poker players or the ins and outs of professional wrestling. You write about all these as if you had complete first-hand knowledge, and I don't see how any ordinary mortal could. I think this utter mastery of detail, along, of course, with your flowing and graceful prose, is what make your stories rise way above the ordinary. In your writing, you yourself have transcended the stars. Not to spoil all that, but just one tiny quibble: your stories are a bit awash in exclamation points! The sentences that have them often contain their own excitement, which doesn't need to be underlined ...

Of course this is great writing, as everyone else says. But I want to add that you sell yourself short by calling it a spinoff. It's really not, it's an integral part of the main story, because we are learning details about the history and the personality of other main characters such as Becker, but also others, and about events we didn't know about, or now see from a different perspective. It's just the story now as seen by Kevin, rather than by Adam, and you could have just as easily divided the main story into sections, depending on whose voice you were using. And that's how I'm reading it; it enriches and deepens the story, as I'm sure subsequent chapters will continue to do. It's harder to do this since you titled the main story "The Best Four Years of Adam Becker", but if you had a more inclusive title, you could put it all together. Just a thought.

This was another great chapter. The little sister business is priceless, and figuring out what she knows could be a long-running diversion. And: please, I don't want to be your de facto editor. But "I lied down next to him"?? "I lied" can only mean I didn't tell the truth. You meant "I lay down next to him". Lie, lay lain! We'll pass over "with me write behind her" -- sounds like late night bleariness. Now that I got that off my chest, I should probably ... lie down?

I guess I got impatient at the slow pace, so I stopped for long enough that I had to read Freshman year from start to finish. It's actually an exhilarating experience to do that because the characters are so vivid, just to see them come to life and develop over the course of the year, is pretty amazing. And you are such a talented writer, you have such an ear for dialogue, and such a knack for describing scenes so that you can imagine yourself being there, even if you've never been to Tulane. So thank you for all this, and I hope that the next three years will move along just a little faster. And ... please forgive me for mentioning this ... but I wish you would get lie, lay, lain, and lay, laid, laid straight, because they are mostly wrong in the text. I know it's a pretty minor issue, but I guess I have a little of the English teacher in me

Umm, I do realize this is now three years after your last chapter, and that by now the story probably seems like someone else's. But you've begun a new story (so I know that you still exist). Just think what a feeling of accomplishment and finality you'll get if you can put together those last few chapters to finish what has really been quite a brilliant story so far. This is one of the best stream-of-consciousness efforts I've seen in creative writing, and I think it would be a shame to suddenly drop it at this almost-finished stage. And if you actually wish you could change some previous chapters, you wouldn't be the first to do that. But I have to say that I didn't see anything that was drastically in need of change. Authors can be endlessly critical of their own work, which is usually why they don't finish it. CLS

What a great chapter! Your writing has risen to a new level. Very impressive. We all look forward to more.

I do really enjoy your story and I think you write well. But ... do you realize how many times you use "spit" as a synonym for "say? "Defended" also makes a few too many appearances. Try mixing up the language a little more; your editor should be telling you this!

I do love this story, Mr. Canuck. But here is my fear: since this is more or less autobiographical, I hope that you won't stop writing once you have finished telling your own story. You're such a talented and entertaining writer that I hope we can look forward to more stories once you have done with this one! You owe this to your admiring public

OK: the good news (and I hope I didn't miss someone else noticing this since it's kind of obvious) is that if there are really 18 weeks of Twoey this means we can look forward to 126 chapters in all, which is great, since I love this story. But: I do have one question. In real life, has anyone ever been as clueless as David? I mean clueless about everything going on in his personal life, how other people relate to him, what his own feelings and motives are, what is likely to happen? Like he will just be able to break up with Kathy right after the dance (unless she asks him to marry him first )? Or how the guys are "just" trying to get him to join the wrestling team and that is why they are all over him like a cheap suit? OK, poetic license. But could we have just a little bit of reality check here, now and then? Just a tiny little bit?

Nice chapter, and the story is a lot of fun! But let me pick one nit: "Cali" ! I've lived in California for many years and have never yet, once, heard anyone call it "Cali". I only see that in stories, just thought you would want to know this, lol. CLS

This is such a beautifully crafted chapter. "Shy!". A perfect set-piece on how people use euphemisms to tiptoe into conversations each is a little terrified of, and continue to use them until they acquire the shades of meaning that lets each understand what the other is really saying. Sociolinguists could learn something from this. Even the similes are just right: "News whipped through the fraternity like Spanish flu". A little trite, but maybe intentionally so -- to imply that the fraternity life here looks a little like a disease spreading -- manic and out of control. Or "we continued our walk, side by side, down the broken sidewalk, like pallbearers" -- to express a painful level of discomfort. And on and on. Just such a pleasure to read.

I love your story and want to encourage you to keep at it. Your writing is literate and colorful and your characters are full of telling and believable detail. The story moves along crisply, even when not much is happening. Every paragraph fills in a picture that is more and more vivid and real. I have never been to Tulane but feel like I already know all about it. And your character Adam is witty, clever and insecure for all the reasons you spell out. You make us want to know how it will all turn out for him, and to hope for the best. I am looking forward to more.

Hi Furnished Soul, I just wanted to say that I think that you do a great job with the stream-of-consciousness style. It's not for everyone, but your writing is colorful, compact and clear. I have seen so much bad writing in this genre that I am SO grateful when someone can actually write so well and hold the reader's attention. You say in your blog that you hope to write a novel, so let me say that you should get around to it soon, and that I hope to read it! CLS