Jump to content

Tiff

Classic Author
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    723

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by Tiff

  1. Tiff
    I started my first full time job three weeks ago. And it's such an adjustment. I went from college life of commuting, skipping classes, goofing off, to bumming around for a year, also goofing off....to sitting in an office 9-5, dealing with bitchy employees who like to play tattletale and teacher's pet...GAHHHHH, and seriously the day just crawls by!
     
    In reality, it's not so bad. I spend most days surfing the net, and this past week, I didn't do anything since the nurse and research director --my direct bosses--weren't in for the most part. There's not much I can do without their approval. But the best day was Friday. Payday and free skin treatment. Only one doctor was in the office, so everyone ran around, listening to music, getting free skin treatment. I got some as well. I'm going to see about getting a chemical peel and Fraxel laser next time, woohoo. What could cost hundreds in cosmetic procedures will be free for me. Maybe it's best I hang onto this job for a bit...
     
    Nonetheless, it's hard succumbing to this daily routine. Weekends pass by entirely too fast (I spend it all by cleaning the house, buying groceries, and cooking in hopes my Mom will be encouraged to eat--she's depressed and nervous about upcoming chemo), and by the time I get home from work, I make dinner, eat it, watch TV, and shower, before hopping into bed around 10-11. I have no life. I miss youth. I miss college. I should have appreciated it more, tried more things, lived life a bit more. Anyone else share those regrets? Like you don't realize how good life could potentially be, until you passed that phase/period of your life? I think about that a lot, even though I try not to. It's not healthy to wonder what could have been, because I can only go forward.
     
    I wish I could win the lottery. Or land some crazy, high paying job/gig where I can bum out and make thousands or millions. Ah, to dream, right? But working for the Man, and being the Man's bitch, it ain't easy. He steals a lot from my paychecks every two weeks to the point I'm considering getting a second job on the weekends and evenings. I'd really like to have more money saved up so I can visit my sister more often or meet up with her when she travels. It's lonely without her in the house, even if she's happier in Cali, starting her own life, developing her own roots there.
     
    On a different note, I have some ideas for new stories or possible anthologies. I can doodle on a notebook at work and create some plots and characters just for fun and see where it leads me. If anyone at work asks, I'll just say I'm stimulating my creativity. Wonder if that would work, as long as I looked genuine and innocent enough.
     
    Cheers--tomorrow is another day doing the Man's dirty work.
     
    P.S. I bought candy today for Halloween. A lot of little kids in my neighborhood and they're so young and cute. Last year I went to the Halloween parade and as I was leaving, a couple kids came up to me, but I didn't have any since I wasn't planning on being home at all. You should have seen their faces. They looked crushed. I felt like a monster
  2. Tiff
    I've been borderline obsessed for the past two weeks. I don't like it. It's a horrible feeling. I'm not sure which is worse: passing through life without really registering anything or anyone, OR emotionally latching onto a random person and being consumed by them. I'm thinking the former is a better option, since I won't have to deal with this obsession! Obsession blows chunks! My thoughts are constantly on this guy and I get moody just thinking about him. It's disgusting and I really dislike it and I want it to go away RIGHT NOW! What's even worse is that I met this guy one time! Yes, one time! How is it humanly possible to get obsessed/infatuated after one stinking meeting?!? Can anyone tell me the answer to that??
     
    OK, let me rewind and give some backstory, since this sounds like a massive ball of confused ramblings. About three weeks ago I rushed to see my mother since she said she was feeling ill and she sounded scared on the phone. Anyway, I postponed work for a week and just stayed with her, but I was bored out of my mind since she didn't really do much other than sleep and shuffle around aimlessly. That led to me posting a platonic ad on craigslist. It wasn't even requesting anything, more like ranting how much I hated my friends for being busy and having lives, how it sucked to be bored, etc. But I got a bunch of responses. This one guy wrote a couple emails, we exchanged numbers. He texted me once, but after that I kind of forgot about him. Then a few days later he texted again and asked to meet up. I was already busy that week, so I suggested the upcoming weekend. He agreed.
     
    Fast forward to the weekend and I had no idea what to expect. I was sort of blah about the whole meeting since we didn't talk via email or phone at all, so I was wondering if I was meeting up with a lame ass. I know internet meetups are dangerous, but we met at the Starbucks on my college campus, and it's a really busy area in general. And I know that place so well, I could easily make a run for it. Anyway, I didn't know what the guy looked like, except that he was Asian, because of his last name. He was a bit late looking for parking so I sat inside Starbucks, texting my friend and reading emails on my phone, when I see this tall Asian guy looking inside, looking confused and hesitant, and reaching for his phone. So I waved and voila, there we were. At first, I wasn't obsessed with him. I mean, yeah, he looked good, but I wasn't sure if he was boring as hell. So we had lunch, went to the mall because he needed clothes for an upcoming trip, and that's when I started to look a little more. And after we parted ways, thus began the obsession. It wasn't just about his looks either. I'm really not that shallow. But my mother is ill. And his father is ill. Our lives seem kind of parallel and it was a bit shocking to meet someone in my exact situation. I guess besides his pretty face, it would be nice to talk to someone and have them truly understand, rather than just nodding sympathetically and merely pretending to understand. I've had enough of that over the years.
     
    I nicknamed him Hot Guy to everyone I talk to him about. We haven't hung out again and I'm pretty sure we won't. I already deleted his number because I'm that positive we won't hang out again. It makes me a little sad though, and I feel a little crazy missing someone I just met once. But the real thing that bugs me I guess is how people just drift in and out of your life, a passing glance, a few chats, and then they're gone, and all you're left with is a memory. Just makes me realize how big and isolated this world is and how insignificant I am and how weak the connections I have with people really are, and just...I don't even know anymore.
     
    I did text him twice to hang out, but the first time he had plans in the city, the second time he was jammed up at work. Half of my other male friends said that was a brush off, the other half said he was probably just busy. However, even I think it was a brush off, because I'm realistic, not optimistic, but that doesn't make the suck factor of the situation any less suckier. Not to mention he was totally out of my league. You can just tell sometimes. But this is a website full of guys: that was definitely a brush off, right?
     
    For anyone who read all of this, thanks for putting up with my boring, whiny, and umm, desperate rant...You are insanely awesome and I need to be more like you.
  3. Tiff
    The guy in the room next to mine was smoking pot last night. No doubt about it. I was wondering where that smell was coming from. At first I thought the windows becauses the windows in this hotel are weird and don't really close, so it's always kind of loud. But then I passed by the adjourning doors, and the smell really hit me and I knew.
     
    I was thinking, "Hmm, what a nice way for me to fall asleep." And I think the guy had the TV on all night long or had a girl come in at some point. I was in and out of sleeping, for whatever reasons. I was so tired, and assed out around 10 P.M. but it would be much later for me in NY. That might explain why I kept waking up at funny hours. I'm still working with the jet lag.
     
    The Turd is supposed to come pick me up to go hiking, umm, over an HOUR ago, but I figure he's still sleeping because he's been having crummy sleep for the past few days, and I don't want to disturb him. We can always go hiking another day. I'm thinking of using his tardiness to my advantage and crashing again. But instead I'm talking to this guy and sort of breaking up with him. He's older and so serious and planned our freaking marriage before we even went on more than ten dates! It's creepy, so as soon as I felt those feelings of doubt come in, I had to ride with it, and I broke it off. Not too sure if we can remain friends, but how many exes remain friends, right? It sucks, but that's how life goes. Nonetheless, it was still an experience to learn from, so I won't really let it get me down. This is life, and it's a shit hole sometimes. Like, a giant septic tank exploding over my head...ok, maybe not that drastic, but you get the idea.
     
    Anyway, I'm in Hawaii now and I'm having a great time. The weather is loads better than what I was dealing with. It's super hot and sunny during the day, but breezy and pleasant at night. Perfect. We haven't really done much other than hit a billion malls, Mike did massive shopping, I had fun dressing the pretty boy up in all these shirts and sweaters. I went to work with him, but just sat around using his laptop to write a random short story.
     
    Oh, but Mike and I did walk into the hotel room next door to us. At one point, he was completely inside and I locked the door, but I quickly let him back into my room when he swore he heard keys. All I heard was: "Tiff let me in. Tiff let me in. Tiff, LET ME IN!"
     
    And Mike has been letting me drive his car. I don't think my style is much different than his, just a tad more aggressive. I did almost miss the Kinau exit off the freeway, but I made it by speeding ahead and cutting off the guy behind us. Mike said he was on the verge of dying, but come on now, what's the big deal? Like I said, I made the exit. Jeesh. Some people. Not too sure what else we have planned for the remainder of the trip, but I just like getting away for a bit.
     
    Btw, I hate flying. I really thought I was going to vomit myself on the plane ride. Four hours for the first flight, eight hours for the next one. And the eight hour one had a bumpy landing, so for those twenty minutes, I was breathing heavily and sweating like a beast, praying we would land soon, or calculating how fast I could make it to the bathroom to spew my guts out. It would be hard since I was in the middle seat between two other ladies.
     
    When I come home I plan to post a new story, completed, just not edited entirely. Nothing amazing, but the banner Steve made is pretty damn awesome. So if the story is total crap, at least look at the mad cool banner he made. Kudos to him.
     
    I'm hungry. I'll either walk somewhere to get food or finally wake up Mike. My phone battery is dying, and I left my charger at home. I really wish I remembered how to walk to his house...
  4. Tiff

    12 Gays of Christmas

    By Tiff,

    Did anyone see this youtube video? I'm sure many of the youtube addicts have. My best friend showed this to me a few days ago and I could not stop laughing over how cute it was. I saw the rockettes at Radio City around THanksgiving when my sister flew in from California. And it was a great show...now in the 12 Gays of Christmas basically make their own little Rockette dance.
     
    Anyway, if anyone wants to check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSedhEoutP0
     
    Hope everyone had a great Christmas and that no one went off the deep end after seeing relatives. I had a surprisingly good time at my Aunt's But the drama free atmosphere could be due to the fact that my uncle's girlfriend no longer comes to any family gatherings since she almost got into a fist fight with my aunt. My father had to hold back his sister. And to think I chose that year to go snowboarding and thus missed the greatest would be catfight of 2004. To this day, it is still my biggest regret in life.
     
    And with that...2009 is right around the corner. SIGH. Anyone have interesting plans? Because I sure don't.
  5. Tiff
    Ever wake up in the morning in such a pissy mood that you would rather crawl under a rock and just die? That's how I felt this morning. For one thing, I'm not a morning person, although lately I'm proud to say that I'm no longer exhibiting nocturnal behavior, such as going to sleep at 5AM and actually waving my father off as he heads to work, like a normal functioning being.
     
    I was supposed to have an interview today, but I'm staying with my mother in Jersey. I didn't feel like driving into Manhattan, since that's a total bitch and takes more time. Then that leaves public transportation. However, that's just as assholic as driving in, especially when there's construction, and they shut down the bus depot. By the time I head to the other one, I'd be late! Grrr!
     
    So here's what I did: I called my mom and said, "F**K it!" I went home, after getting a nice cup of Kona coffee mixed with hot chocolate, my favorite. YUM. And I asked the woman if I could reschedule my interview. I probably blew my chances of getting that job, then again, you never know the generosity level of people.
     
    Yet all is well, for now at least. It turns out that the job I interviewed for last week got back to me, and if the final interview goes well, I'm pretty much hired. I should be happy, because I wanted that job. The employers are totally cool, laid back jetsetters. I would have a really flexible schedule, and easy job taking care of their house or running their errands. But I'm one of those messed up people, that whenever I get something I want, I decide I don't want it anymore. What is wrong with me? Am I one of those people like just like the hunt, the chase, the search, whatever it may pertain to? I'm thinking I am, because this guy I'm talking to, as soon as he started to indicate he liked me back, I'm kind of edging away. GAHHHHH!
     
    SIGH....I'll get over myself in a few days. I'll take that job so I can save up more money to travel. And ironically, the start date of this job is right after I get back from Hawaii. Not bad.
     
    OK, enough of my ramblings about jobs and coffee and my numerous mind issues. :wacko:
     
    I have my defensive driving course tonight and tomorrow. It's two consecutive evenings, probably lecture style or something. Dear God, help me to not fall asleep. I'm so bitter about that ticket still and that assface lawyer who didn't help me. I just know that when I sit in the course tonight, I'll be staring hard at the detective teaching it, and think: DIE, DIE, DIE!!! It's really awful to think that, since he wasn't the one who gave me the ticket, and I was in the wrong by speeding. Nonetheless, bitterness and self-pity usually reigns, so "DIE, DIE, DIE" thoughts it shall be.
     
    Wish me luck.
  6. Tiff

    A bunch of random S**T

    By Tiff,

    I've been taking ginseng pills here and there. I'm supposed to take two pills 2-3 times a day. It's supposed to increase energy or do overall good stuff for your health. Gradually, is the key word though. But I'm impatient and I want energy now. Then I realize my lack of energy is entirely my own fault: Pepsi and chips don't count as meals.
     
    I want to post more chapters of No Fairytale World. It's completed, but I'm adding a new scene in chapter 13, but I'm sort of stuck on it, or can't seem to focus. That's the hold up on the last three chapters. I'll try to do that ASAP.
     
    I hate the increasingly cold weather. I used to be able to tolerate it a lot better when I was younger, but now I find myself missing the warmth, even the humidty, and the sun beating down on me. When my sister took her flight back to L.A. I was so jealous. I was tempted to insert myself in large bag and fly with the baggage transport or whatever its called. I need to move.
     
    I'm a bit bored. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm entertaining the idea of buying a paint ball gun and having an all out war along Queens Blvd, but that would not go over well with angry, aggressive drivers. Although, the beauty of one way streets is that I could probably make a decent getaway if the cops somehow got involved. Yup, I'm definitely bored if I'm conjuring up ways to get into trouble. I need to do something constructive, and ASAP.
     
    Side Note: Aren't flirty texts with your crush a TON of fun?!?
     
    I'm going to book my flight to Hawaii now.
     
    Peace.
     
    P.S. Randomness indeed....
  7. Tiff

    bugs

    By Tiff,

    I hate bugs! Imagine you're innocently collecting quotes for an upcoming paper and out of your peripheral vision, you see something dark on the floor that wasn't there before. Then you look down and notice it's a huge ass spider, so big, it's gotta be a freaking mutation!
     
    I'm wholly grossed out, but I grab a giant magazine and then slam it down on the mutated arachnid. I started using that method to kill bugs awhile ago, since magazines have a large surface area and provide a heavy impact, so the chances of the bug running around are rare. Plus, you can just tear off the back of the magazine and chuck it in the garbage. I don't want to feel the body. Ick.
     
    I made my Mom clean up the remains. She was shocked and grossed out too. Seriously, it was ginormous.
     
    Ok, back to my paper. I'm done sharing my big killing tales.
     
    Peace
  8. Tiff
    Don't those two types of people just annoy the f**k out of you? I'm just so tired of coming across those people. Sure, everyone is a bit snobby in their own way. But there's a difference between actually meaning it or half-meaning it and joking about it in a funny, endearing way. When someone is a snob, and a serious one at that, I just want to punch them! Hardcore! Yes, I have anger issues. I have a punching bag to remedy that. I refused my mom's offer of anger management or some new program called Anger Resolution. Resoultion, my ass!
     
    Nevertheless, snobs are such a turnoff. They may have the goods to back up all their talk, but it's still a turnoff. It makes me want to roll my eyes at whatever they say or the things they suggest, most likely because they believe their words are holy. Then they go insulting other people because they think they're better. Which again, it all stems to opinion and personal taste. A little humility would never hurt anyone and there are always politics everywhere. Life is a popularity contest and not everything is fair and based on talent.
     
    Power Hungry losers really, really irk me. Just like snobs, they're everywhere, in the work office kssing the boss's ass, or in school, being the teacher's pet. But the most annoying aspect of a 'power hungry loser' is that they think they're so damn important when in reality they're not. Some like to talk and talk about their important responsiblities. I'm like thinking, what responsiblities? They have a "title." Big stinking deal! That's about all they have. Nothing else. There is no real work involved. Oh, sometimes they create drama, so they have some work to do. So they can show their power above everyone else. They're the ones that make mountains out of molehills and target someone when there is no issue to begin with. And guess what? Someone else has to come in and clean up the mess. Now tell me, if the 'power hungry loser' was so damn great, why couldn't they fix it without outside help?
     
    Blow a poison dart...btw, random, but has anyone ever seen The Office? One of the workers hid weaponry all around the office and I was cracking up when I saw that. There was a poison blow dart I think. I need to buy some weaponry and become the ninja I'm aspiring to become.
     
    Ok, that was a huge rant and has been annoying me for quite some time, so I just had to say it.
     
    Also, last night I missed Michael Phelps swim against Serbia and I read that it was sooo close! So close that everyone thought Phelps lost!
    I love Phelps. I am so getting my a** to London (?) in 2012 to watch him. Anyway, how did I miss such an amazing race?
     
    Oh yeah, talking to Mike on chat. Grrrr.
     
    I have a friend stalking me to hang out. I was honest with her about why I didn't want to go out with her, but even with blatant honesty, some people can't take a hint...or the truth.
     
    I'm craving cake. I was going to bake some, but then I'd have massive leftovers since my sister, my cake-eating partner left me and moved to California. So I'm contemplating buying a slice or two. Hmmm....
  9. Tiff

    I hate cops

    By Tiff,

    Alright, I'm normally not one to blog, as you can tell by my last blog date. But my mind is jumbled and I need to get some thoughts out.
     
    Ok, the blog title is a bit unfair. I don't hate ALL cops. Far from it. Cops do have their duties and so many cops have risked their lives trying to help and save people. And by God, I love Law and Order shows, but those detectives, no men in uniform, work on real hard cases. Nevertheless, even uniform cops have their purposes. They're the first line of defense. But right now, I'm still hating them. So I don't mean to sound harsh or cruel towards that profession or whatever, as well as insult anyone who may be a cop or knows someone who is one.
     
    However, this is in reference to the cops where my parents now live. It's a quaint surburban town in Central Jersey where the kids are mad rich and spoiled. So it's safe to the say that the cops in this particular area don't really have much crime or delinquents to deal with. A bunch of them are purely high school traffic cops--changing the lights, making sure no one skips school--but no one ever does. The high school has so called old lady teacher aides who act as the new Gestapo. One girl told me she even tried to run away from one of those old ladies and she got caught. This girl was also on the soccer team! Anyway, I digress...
     
    What really pisses me off is that the cops here are young guys, for the most part, who enjoy their power trip, as most people do. They really don't do anything where their life is threatened. IMO, they have the best job ever. Their get own squad car; they literally get to sit around all day; they love their coffee breaks. No pun joke, I once saw four squad cars at a local coffee joint. One car was unmarked.
     
    But back to the point: these cops just sit around waiting for people to come. They usually pull over young kids speeding and old people who may straddle a lane, or if they spot some modification on a souped up car. All these little things they try to get you for, it's ridiculous. I'd have no problem if a cop pulled over someone, or me for the matter, if they were aggressively driving, weaving in between cars, causing potential accidents on major highways, perhaps on bad weather days. Because then there's endangerment. However, I hate how they park their stupid ass squad cars somewhere obscure, near a building, or an unused road, and just WAIT.
     
    Granted, I was speeding, so in all fairness, I was guilty and deserved the ticket, but the roads were clear and I wasn't harming anyone. And of course I chose that day to space out due to lack of sleep. Normally my eyes are rolling around and I've always spotted cops hiding in the past. The one day I let down my guard and BAM, there he is. I don't know if I'm more mad at myself for not being careful, or mad at him, and cops in general for having nothing better to do than sit around, trying to make their daily or monthly quota. It's a tie, I suppose.
     
    It's my first ticket in five years, well, real ticket, as in moving violation. I got a parking ticket ages ago. So getting my first ticket since getting my license isn't too bad. I'm hoping when I go to court and talk to the lawyer, they'll be lenient because of that fact. No guarantees, of course. But I'm hoping to drop the points down to two, and then I can possibly get rid of the remaining two with a defensive driving course. :wacko: We'll see what happens. No matter what, my parents are (thankfully) cool about it. My mom didn't even blink. My dad brushed it off within seconds. He's too damn stressed with his job and new boss to care about my ticket delinquency But I still feel shitty raising the insurance. Eek.
     
    Again, hope I didn't offend/piss/whatever anyone off. I just really, really needed to rant.
  10. Tiff
    It's funny how the human mind works sometimes. Like, you forget something important, don't even think about it all day long. Then you go to bed, or try to. Then suddenly, the thing you forgot pops into your head!
     
    That's what happened to me.
     
    Rewind- Raining like crazy here, I had to skip class AGAIN to take my Mom to her Chinese doctor and then pick her up, since she's in no condition to drive. There is no one else to help her, so basically it's up to me. And of course, this is the day my professor gives out the paper topics, which is due Monday. Granted I wouldn't even begin writing the paper until Saturday afternoon or evening, it would be nice to know what the topic was, so maybe I could create a basic outline, in my head or something. Why me?
     
    I hate stressing, seriously. Why bother? Like getting straight A's won't gaurantee a good job or whatever. So in theory, stressing about this seems so insignificant, but I'm one of those people that will be losing sleep over this or worrying about it subconciously. Jeez, I hate myself sometimes.
     
    Plus, things have a weird way of working themselves out....right? I hope?
     
    Ah, what a bad way to start the week.
  11. Tiff

    Violent tendencies

    By Tiff,

    Ever been so frustrated that you just wanted to kill someone?
     
    It's disturbing, I know. Watching movies where people die is one thing, but wanting to do it myself is another thing. I believe I may be working myself too thin with work, school, driving my sister everywhere, and taking care of my sick mother.
     
    Thank god I don't own a gun. I'd probably be using that thing like it was going out of style or something.
     
    No, I'm really not crazy. Just overwhelmed.
     
    I may need to find a more constructive and less homicidal way to get my frustrations out.
     
    Oh, winter break has to get here faster. Maybe I can snowboard my troubles away. My sanity depends on it.
     
    Then again, I'll probably be doing a winter class so I can graduate a semester early, and then working more or less full time in order to finance the things I want to do over winter break.
     
    Damn, I've come to the conclusion that life just blows.
  12. Tiff

    Is is Friday yet?

    By Tiff,

    I seriously need Friday to be here already.
     
    The week feels so long, but apparently time is moving slowly only to me. This girl I work with says its going fast. In a way it is. It's just going slow to me because I'm dreading stuff and wish it were over already.
     
    So tired this morning. Ever had trouble sleeping because you were so hungry but too damned lazy to walk downstairs to the fridge? Yeah, that was me last night. A major lazy ass. Anyway, at 7 AM I had to take my sister to the bus station since my Mom was super sick. Then I went to work. Then came home and skipped my classes to take my Mom to the doctor only for the doctor to say, "Only time will make you better."
     
    Worked on my paper, but it's still not done. Huge mental block. I can't seem to focus on Kennedy, Castro, or the Cuban Missile Crisis. Registered for next semesters classes. Easy as eating cake. Wish I had some cake now.
     
    Good note: I like Wednesdays because I really like the TV show America's Next Top model. I know, kinda lame, but little things make me happy. That and my Japanese CD came in the mail today. I was expecting it Monday, but Amazon, you move fast!
     
    Is Friday here yet? I wanna spend Friday sleeping, eating, watching TV, and reading the latest chapter of vlista 'Unbreakable Faith'. Love it. I'm addicted.
     
    I feel so wired right now. Probably out of pure boredom. And I'm a little hungry this time. Luckily, I'm downstairs so access to the fridge is fairly easy.
     
    Seriously, is it Friday yet?
  13. Tiff

    Sunday is such a bitch

    By Tiff,

    I hate Sunday's. It's the worst day of the whole entire week, ok, maybe not as bad as Monday. Or maybe it IS worse than Monday, because at least once Monday comes, you know you're well on your way to Friday, but with Sunday, you're waiting for the week to start with nervus anticipation. And let me tell you, I get the pre-week jitters and anxiety. It doesn't help that Mondays are one of my worst days with work in the morning and three back to back classes at night. And I commute. It blows.
     
    Random note: This is my first blog ever and it's oddly liberating to be writing about the junk that filters through my head.
     
    Anyways, I'm having a hella rough semester. Having five history classes sucks and it was the worst mistake ever! But due to budget cuts at my school, I had to take what I could get and history being my major, well, I kind of have to suck it up and just do it. I am the poster child for just doing it. I should work for Nike.
     
    Unfortunately, all my classes just love dolling out the papers and I usually have two a week, and they're big ones at that, or I have papers overlapping in due dates. Did I mention it sucks? I just want it to be over already and the middle of December never looked so beautiful before. I can only imagine how I will feel when that time comes, when I hand in my last paper and I am free from school, until the spring semester starts, that is. It's like how an obese person must feel, who hasn't eaten in two hours and then they FINALLY get seated at a buffet. I'm kidding! Well, sorta.
     
     
    So, lately, I've been having disturbing thoughts which sort of tie in with my crappy school mood. When the movie "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" came out awhile back, I dragged my poor mother to see it and I told her, "I need to see this movie, Mom. I need to see a bunch of people get killed, slaughtered, maimed, just so I can feel good about life. Cuz once you see that type of movie, you think, Damn, it is good to be alive!"
     
    And then when I saw the movie, which was grotesque by the way, I did feel slightly better about life, for a short while, until things got more stressful. So now, I'm thinking what other horror movie I should see to feel good. Hmm, perhaps Saw 3? What else is out there?
     
    Yes, yes, I know. A horror movie is not the typical movie you see to feel good. But what can I say? I'm a sick motherf**ker.
     
    I'm hoping the crazy sicko in me will pass once winter break hits and I can be a fun loving kid again, but ah, only time will tell, right?
     
    Alright, I'm out.
     
    Peace
  14. Tiff

    Cloudy Days in Paradise

    By Tiff,

    I love cloudy days. I've always loved them. I think I like the mood it creates, slightly sad, slightly thoughtful, and it gives you a chance to think. On sunny says, people want to be happy and smile and all that blah, blah crap. Today it was on and off cloudy. I bought some groceries and coffee and sat outside, people watching. It's rather fun. I never understood why my dad would sit for hours in Taipain or Fay Da in Chinatown just sipping coffee and watching people. But it's really fun and you get to stare at people and fill in the blanks.
     
    Is it bad that I'm eager to go home? Sure, it's freezing on the East Coast and I heard from my friend it's supposed to snow. I pray that my flight won't be delayed because it's already a super long flight back to the city. But I'm ready to go back. Paradise is only fun for so long, but then I miss the routine and responsiblity of daily life. And my mom misses me and needs help. Help that my father cannot provide and it's frustrating because I'm all the way over here, totally useless. But I did manage to reassure her over the phone and promised to take care of things as soon as I'm back.
     
    I've even made lists of the things I have to do as soon as I'm home. I have sickness I tell ya, a deep sickness. :wacko:
     
    Another note: I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm moody. I'm bored. I declined my sister's offer to spend time with her because I saw her yesterday, and she has a tendency to never stop moving, making herself and others (ME) exhausted. Plus I'll be seeing her tomorrow and on my last day of my trip.
     
    My hotel is in a great location, but my first night I had a middle aged to older woman hacking up a lung. I'd be well on my way to lala Dream land, and *GIANT DEATH INDUCING COUGH* by said lady, I jolt awake.
     
    The next day: I have a sex crazed couple who smokes pot.
     
    My current next door roomie: a guy who is very, very loud in whatever he does, including unpacking.
     
    I am sleep deprived. Add some early morning construction, around 5 or 6 AM...and I'm having homicidal thoughts...again. I'm no stranger to loud noises. I live near a firehouse in NYC, but that's familiar. This is...different.
     
    Even worse, last night someone tried to get into my room. I'm hoping they were either drunk or confused and got the room numbers wrong, but the room numbers are awfully large. Thankfully, I bolted the door, but it still freaked me out a bit. Then the loud guy next door, I was afraid he would bust into my room, considering Mike was able to get inside their room. Why have rooms that connect? Why, why, why?!?
     
    The sun has gone down. I plan on walking around for a long time. The nights are so pleasant here, like the summers back home for me. And it's nice to experience summer, but earlier.
     
    I'm also on the 11th floor. It's high up. Cool to look out the little balcony they have on each floor. I wish I had rappelling gear. I wish I knew how to rappel. I'd strap on my harness and crap and fly down the building. I was tempted to do the same thing a few years back at my college. It had a huge window and a long drop. This is a tell tale sign that rampant boredom is setting in, if I'm contemplating these kinds of activities. I hate heights...
     
    I'm out for my walk in Paradise now.
     
    I wonder who my next door hotel roomie will be this time...
  15. Tiff

    Feeling blue

    By Tiff,

    Wow, I haven't blogged in like, ten years. I also didn't know there were more posts in my forum. My bad. I forget to browse around whenever I'm here; usually I post my new chapter and bounce. I have to thank Drewbie! Thanks for being so loyal.
     
    Anyway, been feeling kind of crummy lately or mentally haunted by this book I had to read for my literature course. Music of Chance by Paul Auster. Fantastic book. Reads really quickly, flows well, and well written, full of emotion. In fact, it was written too well and I found myself feeling really bad about the main character Nashe. He lost everything in his life and then at the end, he killed himself by driving head on into another car. The whole book he drifts around, searching for something, but never finding it, and in the core of it all, he yearns for freedom. It just seems so sad, yet fitting, that he dies at the end, because after losing his wife amd his daughter and his good friend was murdered, by killing himself- in a way- he is ultimately freeing himself from whatever plagues him.
     
    I know, I shouldn't get so involved in a fictional book, but by God, it really hit me! Maybe because I'm going through some own issues in my life, with my mother- that the character's life/death stirred up something in me.
     
    Or maybe I'm just stressed. Currently in the process of finishing my Japanese History seminar paper, which might be close to 60 pages by the time I'm done with it. I cannot wait for this semester to be over. With December around the corner, I'm excited for winter break. Calling up old friends, random parties, making holiday plans up the wazoo! Woohoo!
     
    Peace,
     
    P.S. HI ERIC!!!! Love your stories. Can't wait to see more from you in the future.
  16. Tiff

    the woes of being lazy

    By Tiff,

    Laziness really does bite you in the ass. I'm the hugest procrastinator and I know firsthand how laziness can kill you. Like scrambling to finish something for a deadline. But come on, it was Thanksgiving weekend! No one does work! And who can think after inhaling so much damn food?
     
    While I was at work, I was really looking through my planner and realized school is so close to being done. I don't even care about finals. I can cram for that. But I just want class to be over. I don't wanna trek there anymore. Be done with it, I say. But then that means I have to get moving and actually finish things asap, before crap starts to snowball. Hence, my 15 page paper on the Vietname War will be done by Wednesday night, Friday the latest! Ehh....
     
    I am still sore from rollerblading on Saturday. I never used to be like this. I hope it's the cooler weather, but I think I'm catching a glimpse of what it's going to be like aging, from here on out, and I can't say it's like looking at the Mona Lisa. It didn't help that I tripped on some pothole and used my arm to break my fall, and propel myself into some weird forward/side roll, so I didnt land on my butt, but instead back on my blades. I figured, if I was going to fall, I was going to look damned good doing it. Going out with style.
     
    Mom's home from the hospital, but still needs a lot of help. Of course that responsiblity falls on me. Responsibility sucks! It's going to be a long recovery.
     
    I look forward to being a bum when break hits. On the days I'm not working, no one will be able to wake me up, even if they were poking me with a stick or chucking water in my face.
     
    It's going to be glorious. Really. Just really glorious.
×
×
  • Create New...