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That's exactly it. And I was a lot like Becker when I was 19, but I'm amazed by how minor his problems seem to me. Maybe that's just being a teenager, because Becker does mirror a lot of my college experiences. I don't know. (I actually have the doc up now for the next "Best Four Years" chapter, which is the beginning of a wonderful tailspin on Becker's part, kickstarted by the last line of this "Against the World" chapter. Still dabbling a bit.)

Thanks—that messiness of the ending is what I was going for! I really hate wrapping things up so neatly—especially because Kevin’s still a young guy figuring himself out—but I like where he ends up here. (Though I feel like Matt needs more closure. Undecided.) Hope to head back to Becker at some point. It’s hard because I started writing him so long ago that college feels far off (and, not to be my own worst critic, but I feel like the writing is just *so much worse* than this story.)

Thanks. In some ways, it does feel right to me to end the story here, because I love how this chapter leaves Kevin: hopeful but uncertain. (Which is, I think, the only way he’s going to wind up.) But, whether it ends here or has another chapter, I’m also glad I ended it—I hated how I left it (for months!) unfinished.

Glad you liked it! It’s been a great story to write: Kevin felt so real to me too, even when I was writing him. You just have to feel bad for the guy, I think.

Thanks—I appreciate that, and glad it stuck with you. (It stuck with me after I wrote it, too.) One of the reasons I wrote this story, actually, was because of the response I got on here to the breakup chapter in “Becker,” and I thought Kevin’s perspective was needed. I never thought he’d turn out so deep, to be honest, considering he was written as “the love interest.” And yeah, it’s the Matt storyline that I feel didn’t quite end as satisfying as it should. That’s the part I keep feeling like I have to go back to, even as the rest is fairly wrapped up.

Thanks—I’m glad I could pull it off. He’s a been an interesting character to get to explore. An emotionally-taxing one to write, for sure.

Thanks. I think that’s what Kevin always needed: someone who actually gets that he’s in pain, in a way that Matt and Becker never did or could. I like where this chapter ends him, looking towards the future with hope rather than something he'll eventually need to run away from.

CHAPTER TEN “You have to do it,” Ben scolded me, as he stirred his vodka-soda ferociously with the straw. “Here I was, thinking we’d fuck tonight, but you haven’t even told your boyfriend it’s over.” I’d made the mistake of getting drunk the other day and telling Ben Farber that I was planning to end things with Becker before I went to Paris. In the clear light of (relative) sobriety, it seemed like a mistake. And yes, there was so much about Becker that drove me insane, but the

It was a tough chapter to write, that’s for sure! High school really was Kevin’s first attempt to create something good and permanent, and it ended so painfully and humiliatingly for him. Really awful. I was surprised by how zen Kevin turned out being, though, when leaving things behind. Like, he’s upset with Matt for all of a couple paragraphs, and then he’s just ready to go, and his biggest gripe is basically that he can’t and has to stare the ugly past in the face for two more months until graduation. I always thought, in “Best Four Years,” that Kevin’s relationship with Becker was really doomed after the New York summer chapter, when Kevin essentially ruled out living as a closeted rich kid. But I didn’t realize, until I wrote this chapter, that Kevin understood that too on some deeper level. And so he basically manufactured the study abroad just so he could shake up his life the only way he knew how: make a clean break, leave everything, and reinvent himself better, without having to stare this ugly past (Becker) in the face too. Obviously, that’s not healthy, especially because he carries all of that hurt with him. I can’t promise Kevin will heal, or even that there will be a ton of closure (I go back and forth.) But I think a lot of this story has been about him learning to accept himself and the world around him in a more mature way. We didn’t get any “present day” in this chapter, but I do think he’s on his way for that. Though you’ll all be the judge.

Don’t Fucking Do Stupid Shit. Fucked that to hell, didn’t I. Lynn Barber had taken off, run down the hallway, but Matt and I were frozen. Pained seconds. “What do we say?” I whispered to Matt, as we both quickly and quietly pulled our clothes back on. I could tell the lines in Matt’s face. The worry. But of course he was worried: as we had to go downstairs to face his mom. I debated climbing out the window and disappearing, maybe forever. Take the Tercel and drive:

Glad I am too! I’ve missed this story.

I don’t mean to shit too much on Becker! Haha. It’s a good story, and I’ve loved writing it. It’s the same thing, though: it’s a lot of harnessing your cringey old self into a story, which is sometimes fun nostalgia and sometimes an ugly mirror. I just have to be in the right mindset, and I’m less and less in it, is what I meant. But I do hope to finish it, at some point. And Becker hooking up with Tripp’s friend always makes me laugh because… that’s also something pulled from real life. Oops.

Yeah, that's totally it. I've actually written very rough first drafts of Becker all the way through the beginning of his senior year. Basically, the story is my college memories with a loose plot laid on top of it. Especially early on in the story, where there's some random events that don't really add to the main plot--those things generally happened to me or my friends. But yeah, the older I get, the less interesting I find a closeted 19-year-old, and the less fresh and life-shaping my college memories seem. Part of life, I guess. BUT THAT SAID, yes, there is a chapter of "Becker" almost done. Problem is, how Becker was originally structured, the original Sophomore Spring Chapter 2 follows the events of Chapter 9 of this story. I tried to add some fluff to stall for time but could never get it into a rhythm, so I just stopped updating. Basically: Chapter 9 of this story has to come first, BUT I think I might release both that and the next chapter of Becker simultaneously. Because I think it'd be fun to read them in tandem: Against the World first, then Best Four Years right after. (No spoilers though.)

Haha, I’ve said it before: Kevin writes himself. I’m just along for the ride.

I am too, actually. It gets harder and harder writing Becker, the older (and more removed from college—ten years!) I get. Kevin’s a meatier and more interesting character to me, at this point of my life. I’ve thought about where Kevin would be in 2020, and it’s something to think about. But who knows!