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It's going to be fun doing their relationship from the other side, and digging a bit deeper into Kevin, because I always found him to be such an interesting character. Hopefully it sheds a little more light on what went wrong in their relationship--they were a great couple in a lot of ways, but Becker also tended to put Kevin on a pedestal. I think Kevin's take is going to round everything out a bit more.

Oh jeez, you're right. I know about a million future Carvers. He's going to be even more tedious when he's losing his youth, isn't he. It's kind of funny to think about how this story is set just over 10 years ago. In 2018, Kevin would be about 31, Becker about 30. Hopefully with their shit together? Glad you're liking Kevin's point of view... It's interesting to revisit some very old Becker chapters (like the scene where they met--I wrote that maybe 3 or 4 years ago at this point) and reuse the same dialogue but through a different lens. Not every scene between them is going to be pulled from "Best Four Years"--Kevin remembers some very different moments than Becker does--but it'll get more interesting once their relationship heats up. (Which should be soon; this whole story will only be about 10-12 chapters, whereas their relationship took nearly double that to develop in "Best Four Years.")

Glad you’re enjoying it. They’re both interesting, albeit different, characters. I think the most telling line in this chapter about their relationship was Kevin realizing that Becker, for lack of a better phrase, has such first world problems. Kevin’s had a tough life—this isn’t going to be an especially happy story—but, in the present action of the story in Paris, he’s at least in a good place.

I generally don’t like spinning off characters—I think the Becker story works specifically because everything is so filtered through him—but I started thinking about doing it during the Thanksgiving chapter. And then, after Kevin and Becker’s breakup, I thought we needed Kevin’s side of the story too. So hopefully it fills him out a bit more.

Yeah, it’s been fun to explore Kevin a little bit, because we’ve only seen him through Becker’s eyes. This story jumps around a lot (these are the three main storylines, but it’ll bounce around beyond that), so Becker is definitely still a big part… hoping it gives a different take on their relationship.

First of all, thanks to everyone for commenting. Second of all, not to keep commenting repeatedly on my own story, but... I have news! The spin-off of "The Best Four Years of Adam Becker," featuring Kevin Malley's semester in Paris, is officially posted. It's called "Against the World," and I hope you'll take a look! (And give it comments, so it doesn't look so sad and unloved.)

Carver goes down as the most hated character I’ve ever written, officially. I was writing the first chapter of the Kevin spin-off, and Carver is featured pretty prominently… and I have to say, damn, he’s obnoxious to write in larger doses. So, I'd like to officially apologize for inflicting that kid on the world.

Thanks! Some of the first things I wrote for this story were the breakup scenes—I had no idea the rest of the story or any of the characters, but I was going through a bad breakup (5 years ago—crazy to think) and wanted to try to capture something. They were heavily edited to fit the story, obviously, but I think the rawness is there. This is hard for Becker. He’s gotten his heart broken for the first time, and that’s awful. I love the little scene with Luke though, because of the softness. It’s not in my outline for this story—I actually completely forgot about Luke until I rereading the Christmas chapter from last year and remembered that they had a little (very subtle) flirtation—but you’re right: it was an easy and quiet coming out. Which is a very huge step for Becker, considering what ended his relationship with Kevin. More coming very soon. (Including the Kevin spin-off, which was just posted!)

Glad you’re liking it. Uncle Pete is definitely not my most subtle character, but I think he works as a crystal ball into the future—not just the hypothetical future, but the future Becker I think fears is most likely to happen, especially now that he’s lost Kevin. I can’t promise things get easier for Becker before they get harder… but that said Becker definitely is on the rebound. And he’s not going to be shy about it either.

I don’t know if I’d call it unstable, but they’re college students—a lot of what they do involves bed and bottle (No? Just Tulane?) And their relationship has had to develop almost entirely behind closed doors. In some ways, I think that’s why Kevin moved to end it—because it wasn’t moving forward. But, like anything, time will tell. Kevin will be back in this story in several chapters, and things will pick up (or won’t) where they left off.

AGAINST THE WORLD CHAPTER ONE “Kevin, you’re gay,” says Aaron, turning abruptly to me. “Hot bartender: gay or straight?” The words stuck to me: Kevin, you’re gay. Tossed out, so cavalier, by someone I had known for 48 hours. Without judgment. Without interpretation. A fact. The hot bartender is hot. Obviously. Though I have no clue about his sexuality. “I don’t know,” I reply. “Useless,” goes Nina, shaking her head. “Straight?” suggests Ross, heterosexuall

Kevin’s been the poor kid, the military brat, the boy without a dad, the neighborhood pot dealer, the study abroad student. Because he’s always known that, when things get tough, you just turn the page and move on. If only he could get his mind off the three very different men he left behind.

The Amicos swept into the Becker house like a natural disaster, one day before Christmas. Or, at least, two of the four Amicos did: Nonna and Uncle Pete, my mom’s mother and older brother. We were missing my two cousins, Nicole and Kaitlyn, who were off with Aunt Diane this year, Uncle Pete’s first ex-wife. “Hey, Mary Cath,” said Uncle Pete, giving my mom a hug. Nonna stood just behind him in the front doorway, a Mother Superior in a heavy black coat, a gold cross hanging around her

Wow, I don’t know how I missed this (for a month.) All of your analysis about Kevin is spot-on… and I do think that New York changed Kevin and Becker’s relationship for exactly the reasons you stated—Kevin had a very positive reaction to his summer where he got to play with being out, and Becker is still deeply afraid of all of it. And I think that, eventually, Kevin was being given the opportunity to be out again in a new setting, to unlock that feeling again, and realized that he wanted that. More than he wanted a long-distance relationship. That said, I’m almost done with the first chapter of the Kevin story. It’s already pretty different from this story: it’s set in Paris, but less linear, mostly flashbacks. So we’ll get to see a lot of the relationship from Kevin’s perspective, and hopefully that fleshes everything out a little bit more. Putting up the next chapter of this story, though, right now!

I mean, I pulled bits from memories and an old journal entry for the breakup scene—the line “light and fun,” intended complimentarily but interpreted hurtfully, always stuck with me and made it into this scene verbatim—but no, I’ve had my heart broken in the past but this is all Becker’s pan. Also, you do have a better memory than I do: I went back and yes, Kevin and the DMV were covertly in chapter one as kind of a teaser (added while editing to post on here; I had already written the beginning of Kevin and Becker’s relationship by then.) I try to subscribe to the principle of Chekhov’s gun, and you’re right that there’s a ton in throwaway dialogue—including the examples you cite. Characters have a tendency to pop back up, because college is a very small place and people do pop back up. It’s also easy because this story is effectively outlined already—I’ve taken a ton of unexpected detours, but I generally know the checkpoints. (Which, sadly, means this breakup scene was also always part of the outline.) As for Carver, he was done deliberately as a character, but I think people read too much into the sexual tension, which was definitely only one-sided. Carver, who I should add doesn’t reappear in this story, was written as a negative image of Becker on two points in Kevin’s mind: Carver is unapologetically gay and unapologetically honest. In some ways, Kevin “chooses” Carver over Becker when he goes to Paris and comes out—truth and honesty over secrecy and facades—but his feelings for Carver aren’t romantic. And like I said, both Kevin and Becker have some growing up to do but nothing is off the table for them.

It was always fiction, but this project initially just started because I was having terrible writer’s block—so I just started stringing together college memories into a loosely fictional narrative so I could at least put some words on a page. Which is why I think the first few chapters are kind of loose and ambling and aimless (most of the anecdotes in the first five or so chapters are true.) It wasn’t until Kevin came into the picture that the plot and characters started to develop and deviated significantly from fact. I’m definitely not Becker, though. He has some traits of mine, and we were more similar at the beginning, but he’s definitely developed into his own character by now.

Haha, even Carver! I think it’s funny he’s so despised. I mean, I understand why—he’s obnoxious and aggressively blunt—but I just think it’s funny because he’s only made one appearance. He does hang like a specter though, in a lot of ways. Kevin’s first gay friend, who wants to sleep with him. But yeah, I agree: Kevin needs to have a voice because Becker can’t be trusted to be objective, which is why I’m (temporarily) spinning him off. But his story is nonlinear, and will cover only his time in Paris and flashbacks—so it doesn’t preclude anything from happening when the two of them are back in the same city. There’s still hope! And, as I’ve said, a lot of plot left for their relationship. Glad you’re enjoying it though—I actually started writing this in 2013, so two years before it was even published on here. (Writing on and off though.) I’ve written a first draft through to the beginning of senior year and outlined everything beyond that, though most scenes are very barren which is why it takes me a bit between chapters. But it’s funny: this started as a collection of recent memories but, now five years older, there’s some removed wisdom, which is nice. It feels much more fictional and objective and creative than it did when I started.

Glad you’re enjoying this story—it’s been a fun one to write. I moved to New Orleans a year after Katrina, as did Becker, and it really was very stark once you left the parts of the city that were rebuilt. I never got lost in New Orleans East, but I drove through there: I still remember houses in the middle of the streets, empty buildings, the Katrina crosses painted on the walls. It was a crazy time, especially (as I see when I visit) how much the city has changed these days. As for Kevin… it’s so interesting to me that everyone was surprised by the breakup, because I was actually afraid I was foreshadowing it too hard. I think Kevin was completely falling apart under the weight of the lies that, basically, Becker was forcing him to maintain. And realized Becker was never going to change. Like, the quote you mention about kissing at the Eiffel Tower… you also have to remember Becker’s brutal rejection of Kevin’s optimism: “Good,” he said. “You know what? It’ll be great. It’ll be like New York again. I mean, yeah, we’ll be apart, but it’s only temporary, and you’ll visit me right in the middle, so it’s only three months on each side. And when you’re in Paris, you can meet everyone, and we can be open about everything again. I can kiss you at the Eiffel Tower.” “Well,” I texted back, “just play it discreet until I get there, you know? And we’ll sort it out when we’re together. And we don’t even have to stay in Paris the whole time. Have you ever been to Dubrovnik? Or Barcelona?” Maybe fifteen seconds went by, before he sent back: “I haven’t been anywhere. Remember?” Kevin’s fantasy was about more than kissing at the Eiffel Tower… it was about being out and open. And Becker’s response was to shut that down and discuss going to different places (once again) to be by themselves. And there were so many moments like this, where Kevin kept trying to talk about being out together, and Becker kept shutting it down. Until the preceding chapter, which is where I was afraid people would start to see where this was headed—when Kevin said about his family: “You can’t keep pouring your love into people who won’t love you when they see who you really are. At some point, you have to say, ‘This is who I am. And this is who I want to be. And I’m going to live my life on my own terms, no matter how much it bothers you and no matter how much you try to hold me back.’” I didn’t want there to be any villains or perfect people in this story—and I don’t think there are. I think Kevin was completely in the right to break up with Becker, but I think he handled it poorly. But there are plenty of interpretations. The good news is that we do get both sides of the story: Kevin’s getting a spinoff story, and Becker obviously will continue to narrate this one. There’s a ton of stuff still to come, so I hope you’ll stick with it—the next string of chapters are (at least, in outline) some of my favorites.

Thanks—this was definitely the hardest chapter to write, both because of the sadness and just because it was so hard to get the tone and language right. So many drafts of this one. But I agree: it had to happen. Kevin’s arc (starting back from his quasi-coming out over the summer) was leading him to coming out, whether that was with Becker or not. But there’s still plenty of plot left between them—though Kevin is, obviously, gone for the next several chapters—so it’ll get interesting once they're reunited again and in the interim. And you’re totally right about coming out—at this point, the characters have all made it clear they don’t care who’s gay: it’s Becker who cares. And it gets *so* much worse the longer he waits. Glad you're enjoying this story--and thanks for reading. We're not even halfway yet, if you can imagine that. Becker definitely deserves to at least be honest with himself. Most of the fights he had with Kevin (and, looking back, they actually fought *way* more than I remembered) were because Becker was being a selfish prick. Kevin could've handled a lot of things better for sure, but ultimately, he had to do what was best for him, and I think he did. But, as I've said to some of the other commenters, there's a lot that happens between these two--and I can't wait for everyone to see what comes next!

Twists like this are always hard to write, because you’re walking a fine line between signaling it too heavily vs. making it come out of left field. I think, ultimately, Kevin was drifting closer to the point where he had to make changes in order to be happy. And yeah, they both did dickish things to each other along the way, but they also both loved each other deeply. Very real: I actually took a lot of the breakup scene was fictionalized from a journal entry I wrote about six years ago, when my first boyfriend broke up with me. So it was hard to write this chapter because a) it meant reliving a painful experience, even one from long ago, and b) I really liked Kevin and Becker together as a couple and it’s tough to break them up. Becker definitely has a lot of soul-searching to do about this—which luckily, we get to stick around for. The next chapters are going to be fun ones.

I actually debated whether to have Kevin tell Becker about coming out in advance, but I ultimately decided not to. Not because Kevin wanted to slap Becker in the face, but because Kevin’s so used to having an expiration date on interpersonal relationships that I think he genuinely didn’t consider his now-ex as being part of the decision at all. (Which, I suppose, is its own slap in the face.) I’m actually currently working on the first chapter of a Kevin spinoff. I'm not 100% sure it'll actually see the light of day, but hopefully get to see the fallout from both perspectives. I think it'd be so interesting to see Kevin without everything being filtered through Becker's point of view. Haha, my guilty pleasure is early-2000s music, so I love this. Very period-appropriate. I can almost picture Becker listening to this during the inevitable breakup-sad-music phase. Rest assured: plenty of rebound sex—the next string of chapters, post-breakup, are actually my favorite out of everything that’s been first-drafted. Becker, uncorked. But I do agree it was inevitable: this is their first relationship, they're young, one of them didn't want to come out, and one of them is leaving the country for nearly a year. Kevin, of course, comes back after the next semester—believe me, there’s still a ton of plot left between the two of them—but it's fun to take these characters out of the steadiness of a relationship. I’ve always hated that too many online stories get the characters together, and then all the tension disappears because the couple is already Happily Ever After even as the story keeps going. I didn't want to fall into that trap with these two.

Thanks for reading and commenting! I really wanted this breakup to be a little murky--like any breakup, there's two sides to the story, and infinite interpretations of how it happened. I think, over the last few chapters (and really, even starting back at the summer chapter), Kevin had just reached the point where he couldn't lie anymore, and that unfortunately meant shedding the people who didn't want him to come out: his family and his boyfriend. But, on the flip side, Kevin's impulsive coming out as he leaves the country definitely leaves Becker mopping up the fallout on his own, which isn't going to be easy.

“Okay, so,” Kevin said. “I was going to bring this up after lunch, but I didn’t want to put it off. We need to talk about something serious.” He was pacing in front of me, in his bedroom. And I had rarely seen Kevin like this: pacing. Acting serious. It made me nervous; I didn’t know what to expect, but I could feel my heart beginning to race, assuming the nuclear option had just been deployed. We need to talk about something serious. When had we ever talked about something serious,

Yeah, it’s crazy—my brother is still in college and the style is so different these days. And I can’t even imagine beyond the superficial. It’s just so funny that this story became essentially a period piece because that wasn’t my intention at all; it’s just taken me so damn long to write it!

Thanks! When I started writing the very first drafts of this story (five years ago, wow), it felt so much more contemporary that I didn’t try to date things, but 2007 really does feel like a different era by this point. And there have been a few chapters around “history,” like the 2006 election and them wandering through post-Katrina New Orleans East, but it’s fun to drop the casual little reminders of the time period. And I swear “Beautiful Girls” was everywhere in 2007, wasn’t it? (Though just wait for Soulja Boy to invade next semester... what a weird time to be alive.) We’re definitely headed to something though—there’s one more chapter left of this semester—though I really can’t say much more without spoiling. But obviously, this very shoddy status quo isn't going to hold forever. Thank you! Hopefully not too long a wait—the next chapter is kind of a tricky one to write, but it’s almost done and should be up here soonish.