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Wesley8890

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  1. Wesley8890
    Don't call me a child and say my life has been easy. My life has been far from easy. My first real happy memory is being a birthday party for the first time by people who cared for me, I don't know how old I was but it was at least 4, and it was given to me not by my biological parents. Another HAPPY memory in a courthouse being given a new last name by a family who showed me love. I was seven. It was even said go ahead take them they're not my problem now. Yes looking back I can see how I was a problem I was a replacement baby for the child you lost as the result of negligence. Nine months after the death of one child another is born. But you didn't show it love did you? No the conditions that child grew up in proves it didn't it father? Or should I refer to you as what I call you now. Uncle Jack? It was your oldest sister who took me in and my little brother, a little brother who I had to take care after we'd been locked in a closet where we messed ourselves. She, the woman who had to raise you and your other sibling decided to raise what we're supposed to be your children. And she raised me better than you ever would. We would see each other at family events and you'd give me petty cash because of your guilt that you weren't a good enough father. At the time I didn't understand why Uncle Jack always gave me money but I do now. And now because I have an opinion about my country, I am a child that has had an easy life. I've not had an easy life, I had to watch my mama's health decline knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better, that is not easy! I have found my best friend dead on the floor because for the first day in a year I didn't check on her! That was not easy. Now I am taking care of my brother who you never had anything to do with, and my real daddy,who gave more love than you ever even tried to, he is in his sixties out there still trying to make sure I have a roof over my head! Something you never did. Don't say my life is easy not when you decided that after you were free from me and my brother you could start a family, a family that you wanted! I am far from a child and I am far from having had an easy life. And to all my other aunt's out there who want to say something just remember I've got stuff to say to you to, like how in the last year you've all but abandoned me and my brother not coming to my house because it was where mama died, she was your sister, yes and you came by to brag about whichever daughter you didn't disown this week, she was my mother and I have to live in this house not you but you can't come in because it's too hard, let's not forget the aunt who forgot we existed until mama died, or the one who's constantly drunk me can barely pass a drug test but thinks she can pass judgement on others, or the one who has a justification for every action and preaches the words of God when she herself can't live by them, when was the last time you saw your schizophrenic son? There are only three people in my life who I can say truly love me, my mama, my daddy, and my little brother, yeah I've got two older brothers but they don't give a damn, pretty sure when daddy dies I'll be abandoned by them because I'm not their brother they've never treated me as such just as a nuisance. Honestly the only reason I haven't ended it all yet was because I have one person who depends on me and as long as he needs me I will. After that I just don't know. 
  2. Wesley8890

    1st meeting

    By Wesley8890,

    I did something today. Something I've never thought i would ever do. I met my brother who i haven't seen in twenty years. Me and my little brother were adopted young. I have an older brother by four years but I hadn't seen him since elementary school. It wasn't his fault that his mother (my former mother or as I call her egg donor) was a lying manipulative witch. And I'm being nice there. She was also negligent. He's a good guy, he was crying. He remembered where I lived, and asked to see me, and I thought what have i got to lose? 
    it wasn't a tear jerking experience for me but he seemed genuine. But tell me am I took for believing he's not her?
  3. Wesley8890

    To my big bro

    By Wesley8890,

    Its September 28th. You should be twenty nine today. But you didn't even reach two years old. I'm sorry that you never even reached two years old. I'm sorry I never got to know you. I'm sorry you died in a fire crying by yourself. I'm sorry your mother wasn't there when sure should've been. I'm sorry your father wasn't there when he should've been. I'm sorry I wasn't there, but then I couldn't have been. I'm sorry that your parents thought so little of you that almost exactly to the day nine months later I was born. I'm sorry they thought they could replace you. I'm sorry you never got to meet our little brother. I'm sorry you never got a pair of decent parents like we did when we were adopted. I'm sorry I never got to tell you I liked boys. I'm sorry you never got a chance to find out who you liked. I'm sorry we never got to give each other birthday presents, or wedgies, or wet willies. I'm sorry that you never had a chance to live. I'm sorry I never visit your grave.
     
    What I'm not sorry for is remembering you. I'm not sorry that I honor you when I use my middle name. I'm not sorry that I remember your birthday. I'm not sorry for never forgiving your parents. I'm not sorry that I hate them for not being there for them. I'm not sorry for loving you even though we never got a chance to meet.
     
    Happy Birthday to you, my Big brother, Wesley Irvin Evans from me your little bro Jack Wesley Wimberly
  4. Wesley8890

    What scares me

    By Wesley8890,

    The thing that scares me most is love. I'm scared because I love easily. I find someone I can connect to and within a week I feel love for that person. I've done this twice and both times that love was not returned. In fact the first time the other guy and I were planning to celebrate his birthday together. The day before I was to come over I tried texting him and he didn't reply as a matter of fact the message was never delivered. I then called his number and that's when my heart broke when the message said 'the number you are trying to dial is no longer in service' my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. I cried, I didn't eat, I barely slept. I felt rejected and alone. Being bipolar this didn't do much for my mentality. So now when I go into a relationship I try not to get attached to people but it doesn't work. I'm not saying I'm easy to love, but I love easy. That's what scares me more than anything
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