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1st meeting

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Wesley8890

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I did something today. Something I've never thought i would ever do. I met my brother who i haven't seen in twenty years. Me and my little brother were adopted young. I have an older brother by four years but I hadn't seen him since elementary school. It wasn't his fault that his mother (my former mother or as I call her egg donor) was a lying manipulative witch. And I'm being nice there. She was also negligent. He's a good guy, he was crying. He remembered where I lived, and asked to see me, and I thought what have i got to lose? 

it wasn't a tear jerking experience for me but he seemed genuine. But tell me am I took for believing he's not her?

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That is such a hard thing. So many years, hurt, etc. go into that situation. He is not your birth mother, but I’m sure he would always remind you of her to some degree.

The question is... Do you want some sort of relationship? Is it better for you emotionally to have one, or not? This one can only be answered by your heart J. 🤗

 

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6 minutes ago, BlindAmbition said:

That is such a hard thing. So many years, hurt, etc. go into that situation. He is not your birth mother, but I’m sure he would always remind you of her to some degree.

The question is... Do you want some sort of relationship? Is it better for you emotionally to have one, or not? This one can only be answered by your heart J. 🤗

 

That's the thing though I didn't feel anything when he hugged me. Should I have cried? Felt happy? I just didn't feel anything at all. 

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I think you should cautiously remain in contact.

 

The sins of a parent are not necessarily inherited by a child, but some of the lessons they teach might be. You took what your mother taught you as a negative and have moved away from her examples. It might be good for you to get to know your brother a little better to find out how he responded to those same lessons. If he reacted in a similar manner to you, you could have an ally you never expected! But you won’t know unless you spend more time with him.  ;–)

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2 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

That's the thing though I didn't feel anything when he hugged me. Should I have cried? Felt happy? I just didn't feel anything at all. 

You reacted the way you reacted. At this point, he’s pretty much a stranger. Don’t feel bad for not getting emotional, that’s just our very butch Jack!  ;–)

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1 minute ago, Wesley8890 said:

That's the thing though I didn't feel anything when he hugged me. Should I have cried? Felt happy? I just didn't feel anything at all. 

We deal with things and situations differently. There’s no right reaction. You could have been experiencing a moment of shock. It may take you time to process what you feel.

 

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4 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

I think you should cautiously remain in contact.

 

The sins of a parent are not necessarily inherited by a child, but some of the lessons they teach might be. You took what your mother taught you as a negative and have moved away from her examples. It might be good for you to get to know your brother a little better to find out how he responded to those same lessons. If he reacted in a similar manner to you, you could have an ally you never expected! But you won’t know unless you spend more time with him.  ;–)

He says he doesn't want anything to do with her, but I just don't know. I've told him we could meet again

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3 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

That's the thing though I didn't feel anything when he hugged me. Should I have cried? Felt happy? I just didn't feel anything at all. 

I don't think there's any way you 'should' feel.  You feel what you feel.  You may associate your brother with a difficult time in your life, so it's understandable to be wary of meeting him.  As far as answering the question in the title of your blog... no. I don't believe the sins of the parents should be transferred to the children.  I'm willing to bet your brother didn't have it very easy either.  You said he's a good guy and he was clearly emotional upon seeing you again.  I say give him a chance, but that's entirely up to you.  You know what you can handle emotionally.  :hug: 

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5 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

I don't think there's any way you 'should' feel.  You feel what you feel.  You may associate your brother with a difficult time in your life, so it's understandable to be wary of meeting him.  As far as answering the question in the title of your blog... no. I don't believe the sins of the parents should be transferred to the children.  I'm willing to bet your brother didn't have it very easy either.  You said he's a good guy and he was clearly emotional upon seeing you again.  I say give him a chance, but that's entirely up to you.  You know what you can handle emotionally.  :hug: 

There's another problem though, I don't remember anything from before being adopted. So I don't know how he was before the adoption. He also told me he was the one that started the fire that killed my older brother Wesley. I've never blamed him for that, I've known he had something to do with it but I don't know how to feel about him

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2 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

There's another problem though, I don't remember anything from before being adopted. So I don't know how he was before the adoption. He also told me he was the one that started the fire that killed my older brother Wesley. I've never blamed him for that, I've known he had something to do with it but I don't know how to feel about him

It's totally understandable to not know how to feel.  That's a lot to process.  :hug: 

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Besides, we all know you have plenty of love to share!  ;–)

 

1 minute ago, Wesley8890 said:

There's another problem though, I don't remember anything from before being adopted. So I don't know how he was before the adoption. He also told me he was the one that started the fire that killed my older brother Wesley. I've never blamed him for that, I've known he had something to do with it but I don't know how to feel about him

Only you can decide if he should get the benefit of a fresh start with you. You were there and I wasn’t. I think you need to spend some time sorting through your emotions about this before you see him again.

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As others have said, there is no right way to feel about it. A reunion like this can be more bitter than sweet. Whatever you feel, it's your prerogative to feel it. Allow yourself time to let it sink in. No need to make an immediate decision.

 

As for the sins of the parent... No one is predestined to repeat them. I struggle with the sins of my father, but his sins are not mine.

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Twenty years is a long time - maybe it will just take more than a couple of hours for you to work out how you feel.

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