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Don't call me a child


Don't call me a child and say my life has been easy. My life has been far from easy. My first real happy memory is being a birthday party for the first time by people who cared for me, I don't know how old I was but it was at least 4, and it was given to me not by my biological parents. Another HAPPY memory in a courthouse being given a new last name by a family who showed me love. I was seven. It was even said go ahead take them they're not my problem now. Yes looking back I can see how I was a problem I was a replacement baby for the child you lost as the result of negligence. Nine months after the death of one child another is born. But you didn't show it love did you? No the conditions that child grew up in proves it didn't it father? Or should I refer to you as what I call you now. Uncle Jack? It was your oldest sister who took me in and my little brother, a little brother who I had to take care after we'd been locked in a closet where we messed ourselves. She, the woman who had to raise you and your other sibling decided to raise what we're supposed to be your children. And she raised me better than you ever would. We would see each other at family events and you'd give me petty cash because of your guilt that you weren't a good enough father. At the time I didn't understand why Uncle Jack always gave me money but I do now. And now because I have an opinion about my country, I am a child that has had an easy life. I've not had an easy life, I had to watch my mama's health decline knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better, that is not easy! I have found my best friend dead on the floor because for the first day in a year I didn't check on her! That was not easy. Now I am taking care of my brother who you never had anything to do with, and my real daddy,who gave more love than you ever even tried to, he is in his sixties out there still trying to make sure I have a roof over my head! Something you never did. Don't say my life is easy not when you decided that after you were free from me and my brother you could start a family, a family that you wanted! I am far from a child and I am far from having had an easy life. And to all my other aunt's out there who want to say something just remember I've got stuff to say to you to, like how in the last year you've all but abandoned me and my brother not coming to my house because it was where mama died, she was your sister, yes and you came by to brag about whichever daughter you didn't disown this week, she was my mother and I have to live in this house not you but you can't come in because it's too hard, let's not forget the aunt who forgot we existed until mama died, or the one who's constantly drunk me can barely pass a drug test but thinks she can pass judgement on others, or the one who has a justification for every action and preaches the words of God when she herself can't live by them, when was the last time you saw your schizophrenic son? There are only three people in my life who I can say truly love me, my mama, my daddy, and my little brother, yeah I've got two older brothers but they don't give a damn, pretty sure when daddy dies I'll be abandoned by them because I'm not their brother they've never treated me as such just as a nuisance. Honestly the only reason I haven't ended it all yet was because I have one person who depends on me and as long as he needs me I will. After that I just don't know. 

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Valkyrie

Posted

:hug:  

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Reader1810

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:hug: 

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drpaladin

Posted

:hug:

 

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Headstall

Posted

Sorry, Wes. Your story really hit me. I can't say anything to make it better... families can be pretty messed up... but I am glad you know you are loved by those three people, and rest assured, all of us at GA care about you too. :hug: 

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lilansui

Posted

 A great big hug for you Wes:hug: Family can be really tough to handle. I'm also happy you have people you see as family, people you can lean on, in the end those who stand with you are whose important. 

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Philippe

Posted

Wow, I was so hoping that you were pouring emotions in to a fictional short story. I’m so sorry to know you’ve had these life challenges but now as you share and talk this out I can’t help but think it is indeed getting better. I’ve mentored children in the group homes, I’ve seen the difficulties of learning trust when so many have let them down. Please consideration your advantages in helping others learn to ask and accept help when the it final finds them. This things break my heart ❤️.

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Wesley8890

Posted

1 hour ago, Philippe said:

Wow, I was so hoping that you were pouring emotions in to a fictional short story. I’m so sorry to know you’ve had these life challenges but now as you share and talk this out I can’t help but think it is indeed getting better. I’ve mentored children in the group homes, I’ve seen the difficulties of learning trust when so many have let them down. Please consideration your advantages in helping others learn to ask and accept help when the it final finds them. This things break my heart ❤️.

My story Rescued takes bits and pieces from my life, like the fire in the story, that's how my older brother Wesley died he was barely a year old, and nine months later I'm born with Wesley as my middle name. I wrote it hoping it would help some but it didn't help much 

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Brayon

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:hug:

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Dodger

Posted

I felt sad after reading this blog and like many, I suspect, a little helpless, because I know there's nothing I can do to change the past. I can relate to some of your experiences, and know how deeply these can effect you. I assume you wrote this as a response to a recent accusation, and I hope you did this as an alternative to lashing out, either verbally of physically.

You have issues which have not been resolved and maybe they never will be, but writing about these things, and putting your feelings into words, is the best thing you can do. Some things need to be said, even if those who have hurt you never read them. Even if you decide no one should need them. Putting your frustrations in words is enormously beneficial. It helps you see things clearer and makes you feel a whole lot better. Then, if the time comes when you need to defend yourself verbally, you'll know exactly what to say, because you've already written it down.

To some people, this advice may sound like the bleeding obvious, but this is what was told to me and it has worked. Having a lot of friends who are prepared to read about your problems, without judging you in any way, also helps, and I'm proud to be one of them. 

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Wesley8890

Posted

1 hour ago, Dodger said:

I felt sad after reading this blog and like many, I suspect, a little helpless, because I know there's nothing I can do to change the past. I can relate to some of your experiences, and know how deeply these can effect you. I assume you wrote this as a response to a recent accusation, and I hope you did this as an alternative to lashing out, either verbally of physically.

You have issues which have not been resolved and maybe they never will be, but writing about these things, and putting your feelings into words, is the best thing you can do. Some things need to be said, even if those who have hurt you never read them. Even if you decide no one should need them. Putting your frustrations in words is enormously beneficial. It helps you see things clearer and makes you feel a whole lot better. Then, if the time comes when you need to defend yourself verbally, you'll know exactly what to say, because you've already written it down.

To some people, this advice may sound like the bleeding obvious, but this is what was told to me and it has worked. Having a lot of friends who are prepared to read about your problems, without judging you in any way, also helps, and I'm proud to be one of them. 

Thank you. Thing in this post are things I've been want to say for the past year, if not longer. It's taken so much not to lash out at my family. And believe me on Facebook that uncle is making it real hard not to reply to post that say I love my stepson or I love my grandchild. It takes everything in me not to reply. But having friends like you to listen makes it a bit easier.

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