RichEisbrouch
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Everything posted by RichEisbrouch
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Thanks. As I've mentioned, there may be an occasional posting, but nothing like the regularity of this collection. Those examples took me years to collect.
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Remember My Name? Lately, a number of people - some who've surprised me - have been asking, "What famous people have you worked with?" as though that might validate my living or make their lives, by association, slightly more exciting. When they say "famous", I assume they're talking about actors and actresses, since I'm not exactly working with Mother Teresa. Still, how famous should any actress or actor be? Talented, maybe. Perhaps, well-known. But famous? Larry - this is a class
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Of Cabbages & Unsolicited Scripts Yep, I've been at it again: reading scripts for the local regional theater. Why? It's cheaper than going to the dentist. You might enjoy these. Or you might prefer root canal work. In any case, some dialogue samples from the mouths of drooling playwrights: THE H TRAIN TO BROOKLYN--"I feel I've been puked on. Left out to dry in the rain. Run through the ringer. Unwanted. Unloved. An orphan in a basket on someone's doorstep...All my life people've
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He was a bovine person during his undergraduate times yet the foreign education has transformed his personality. Seeing other cultures can really open one's mind to the diversity of the rest of the world, unless the student chooses to study in England. The good olden educational methods from way back The belief of the newly opened vice president. Monitoring the quiver of differences. Employees working there to take care of all the food being stored, making sure that the rats
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The Gas Biz Actually, the worst thing about managing the gas station is I have to be up at five A.M., an hour best left to skittering rats. I wake to the sadistic ringing of my almost twin alarm clocks: the gentler electric one rests near my bed; the wind-up that sounds with the subtlety of Madame DeFarge lurks across the room. Out of bed, I stumble about, aiming for switches: on my clocks, the stove, the medieval razor which each morning randomly plucks a portion of my beard. I shower
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Thanks. And thank you for spending part of your day reading. I tend to write short, quick-reading books, designed to be read in one or two sittings. But I'm still surprised when someone reads them that way.
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What About Bats? When I woke this morning, it was dark and something was scratching at my window. I rarely wake at night; I'm the oldest of four kids and sleep practically without guilt. Then again, I rarely hear mid-night noises at my window. I squinted toward the sound, but, without my glasses, saw only a blur. I wasn't expecting much: a moth; maybe a dead leaf against the screen. Ghostly faces, I'm convinced, are confined to horror movies and Shakespeare's plays. The rare face t
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1970 The Annual Christmas Message (Brought to you by Xerox, the most redundant name in advertising) 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS... No, I'm lying. 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE TWENTY-FIRST OF DECEMBER... Unpoetic, but, nonetheless, what it 'twere. 'TWAS THE NIGHT OF DECEMBER TWENTIETH... "Where were you on the night of December Twentieth?" "I was home merrily typing a letter full of cheer and optimism to my friends." "They read this crap?" "They have t
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Government operates on a demoncratic system. With the society developing boomeringly, the world is changing vapidly. As raw as leaves in the fall. There are alway cones and pons to any issue. I agree a little bite. He is a cow but I am a flower. The efficacy of the begel system. Leather jackets which are made of sheep fur. Humans are going to Mass to discover the possibility to exist in human form there. Kongfucious. Igored. School life is only tiny wa
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The Red-Headed League There’s a Sherlock Holmes story called “The Red-Headed League” about a man who sits at a desk all day hand copying The Encyclopedia Britannica. About a year ago, I kind of joined that league. I grade essays for a living. It’s a slick job: I push out of bed at 8:25, and I’m working at 8:30, after a nineteen-step commute. I don’t have to drive. I don’t have to shave. I don’t even have to dress if I don’t want to, though syntax and nudity don’t mix. I grad
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Ragweed Rag Every summer, I’m besieged by the Giant Ragweed and its friends. I’m armed with eye drops, nose spray, decongestants, Kleenex, antihistamines, a clump of garlic, Blue Shield, and a small silver cross. I lie on my bed, air conditioner pumping, my arsenal spread around me like relics of a dead pharaoh. Still, I wheeze and claw my eyes like a straw-hat Oedipus. When my eyes get it, I can’t read or write, can’t watch TV, and every time I blow my nose, my glasses need to be scr
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There are a blossom of fitting bars and gyms mushrooming cities to their ever corners now. Illfluenced by my peers. Sunshine power make your brain strong. He had a strong bones which I realized when he died. There were many bones after burning his body. Luckly, she borned four children, so that we could never concerned about if she have no people to take care about her. Image, if my granmother just borned one kid, it will make a lot of mess when she get illness. Attitudes to
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Owah-Tagu-Siam The phrase "Owah-Tagu-Siam" came into my head today and, for reasons known only to my brain, seems to refuse to leave. Forced to think about where I first heard those words, I -- possibly wrongly -- come to seventh grade, lunch, Jay Gladky, Bob Grimm, Mike Raphan, and Bob Grandt. Seventh grade was kind of an unmoored year for me, especially the first half. I didn't yet have my paper route for financing, I was still struggling unsuccessfully with my first foreign langua
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Scribble Lately, I’ve been playing computer Scrabble. I was given the CD some time ago as a present, then stalled before installing it. Why? Because I have no willpower, and I knew what would happen. Finally, my fingers were hurting too much from playing computer Hearts, even though I limited myself to one game a day and switched the mouse back and forth from my right to left hands. So I hooked up Scrabble, set it on Champion, the top competition, and got the crap beaten out of me.
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Ringo Our neighbors have a little dog – and this isn’t going off into “And Bingo was his name,” or “He would have murdered all the Jews,” depending on which childhood song you’re remembering. Coincidentally, the dog’s name is Ringo, after the famous Beatle. But Ringo-the-mutt is tiny, not much larger than a Chihuahua, though furrier and black-and-white. And he occasionally manages to creep under our neighbors’ front gate. Last night, as I was finishing up walking our dogs, I noticed th
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This statement is very dilemmatic. This is too flappancy. It should not be up to the patient for the doctor to learn to practice skills. This is what corpses are useful for. When jobs are further from where most workers live, it's necessary to sacrifice work time for communication. Poor work may depend on the quality of food supplied in the cafeteria. Dark and tinny rooms. All machines should have a fali safe. The lows of reason. The surfs in the factory. The
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Thank You For Reading Time My subscription to Time magazine was set to expire at the end of the year, but I had a discount coupon that expired sooner, so on May 2nd, I sent them the coupon, the mailing label, and a check for sixty bucks to pay for another three years. Simple. Almost four weeks later, on May 27th, I got a letter from their customer service department, returning my check, coupon, and mailing label and explaining that they’d been damaged, either in mailing or opening. And
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The Bullet Story New Year's morning, just after 3:30, there was a sharp, loud "THWACK!" which woke Tom and me, and we knew in a moment it was neither an earthquake nor St. Nick. But the kids next door had been having a party, and there had been occasional screaming and the sounds of single, sporadic, fireworks, and, at a previous party when Lizzie's single dad, Jim, had been away, a kitchen window had been smashed. So I said to Tom, "Relax. It's looks like they've just broken another w
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Certain career paths are interdisciplinary while others may be obscure and specific. In every field, people need to know how to read bleak scholarly articles and write byzantine papers. A President that has an affair in the White House is one such scandal to be mentioned. Especially if this President is married to the First Lady at the time. Working out has always made me more facetious. One of our presidents had indentations that led to fathering children. This could prove t
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My 42-Buck Adventure If you’ve got to have a flat tire in New York City, maybe the best place to do it is in a parking garage. Not that the attendant was all that helpful. Friendly, yes. Cheerful, absolutely, especially considering the hour. And he clearly spoke more words of English than I know in whatever Eastern European country’s language his accent hinted at but didn’t confirm because he spoke so little at all. After I paid the twelve bucks for the parking and tipped him three mor
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Collections When my neighbor's husband died, suddenly, at 65, of course, I asked her, “Is there anything I can do?” “Actually, yes,” she told me. It seemed Don had a collection. Two collections, really, and they filled 9 storage rooms. Nine. Each room was about 10 feet wide, by 20 feet long, by 8 feet high. And jammed. The first collection was of clothes – high end women's fashions. All were size 6. None had ever been worn. Most still had their price tags attached.
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This is a collection of my short non-fiction pieces. It's mostly lightweight stuff, just written to make you smile or laugh. This collection parallels that of my short fiction on this site -- Circumstances. Also, pretty lightweight. Enjoy.
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Yep, yup, yeah, yessir!
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Redress struce. Clutivation Better moronic skills. Old people do not have the opportunity to go somewhere unless they go outside. They drink alcohor to reword their hard work. Many people in my family drink archihole every night so they are getting fatter day by day. My Grandma goes walking for 2 whores everyday. My groundmother. A turgid assertion. Weekend muscles. Walter Gate. Pros and corns. People lost their lives and houses. The increase b
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1 Alan Damschroeder 48. 6'-1" 180. Blond-brown hair. Light blue eyes. Clean shaven. Athletic. Well-educated. Married. Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Pablo Ruiz 26. 6'-0" 185. Black hair. Brown eyes. Mustache/beard. Gym rat. BS in Business/U of I. Single. Cedar Rapids, Iowa. 2 From Ruiz Woke into darkness this morning and immediately knew that I was in a bed I’d never slept in, in a room I’d never been in. Tried to remember how I got to this place and everything w
