Sorcerer

As dark as you say this is going to get, the Kid, is a straight shooter, showing my age by that line. He is honest with himself, and whether he likes or not,also with those he cares for. That's not a guaranty of a way out of his situation, but it is a way for him to see how to get there. As a friend of my once said, honesty is the best policy, just most people don't want to pay the premiums. Jamie does, and all to much comes with that. As Dylan said, "but to live outside the law, you must be honest."

Helping out while his mother died, and helping out with cash to support the family after, takes it toll. If he is a little overly self-centered it is only compensating for what he feel he has to do to man up to the situation at hand.

Lost my mom at 20 after a thirteen year battle with leukemia. Watching her go down hill, was indeed wrenching. Thanks for the writing, am enjoying it. Having been through it, it helps explain the character more. As well as his willingness to step up to the plate to help out his family.

My sister at 17 had a mustang V6, and won a rally against other mustangs, all of which had V8's. She kept on racing until she decided enough was enough. Can definitely see Jamie as a possible reality.

Lost my mom at 20 after a thirteen year battle with leukemia. Watching her go down hill, was indeed wrenching. Thanks for the writing, am enjoying it.

Am no writer, but do read a lot. You have the making of a good story. The characters are reasonable, to a degree, just a bit to much hyperbole. It is almost as if you are rushing to tell the story, and not giving it room enough to breathe. You do drama good, and characterization is fine, it just feels like a few to many tight scenes, that could be leavened, but not with mere filler, more with subtlety, more time to read, depth. Please do not take this wrong, like the outline and the characters, just can see more here, and am fully cognizant that it is more than could be done by me.

What a wonderful odd couple. The dialogue seemed real, the setting have seen many times, but the interaction, just flowed as it can. Bored Candace, wanting someone to talk to, and Sterling, nice name, especially good for a jewelry store scene, trying to get something enlightening into his life. Perhaps Sterling is merely dulled by his "mall rat" existence, and needs some shining up, silver is like that, easily dulled.

The crafting of a short story is a high art, glad to see the craft well done.

What seems to me a rather implausible situation is filled with good dialogue, and a not unreasonable setting for all the participants. Good going.

Wonderful first chapter, is there to be a second?

Ben Dover should read some of Emily Dickinson's poetry, as it was originally written. It has capitalization all over the map. Just as Zack's walls are beginning to weaken, Brody walks right on in, to help knock them down for good. Double entendre intended.

Hoping this chapter is an example of two steps forward, one step back. That happens a lot.

This is not meant meanly. But Brody seems to me to be in the position of Geppetto turning Zack, ever so slowly, into a real boy. It a wonderful transformation to see. As Zack emerges from the inside to reveal it to the world around him. It is a work of ART or alchemy, to have Zack be transformed, by removing the base hatreds his father has inflicted upon him, so that the true gold of who Zack is can emerge into the sunlight. If you ever saw, Brother Sun, Sister Moon, a film by Zeffirelli towards the end, Pope Innocent III,says, in focusing on original sin, we forget original innocence. It is good to see that emerge again, from Zack.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais NIn, never expected to read a chapter that personified it. Beautifully written, it is always so difficult to keep a mask on, and so much expands, so fast, when it finally comes off. Zack is truly lucky that he has friends, real friends. My reading habit is to limit myself to one chapter a day, at the most. Keep writing, this feels so real. Thanks.

The mother may be getting a bum rap. So far what we know about her is that she works, and works late when she can. She has some kind of dress code or uniform that is required, but no idea of what she does. Does the father even work, is he just a stay home drinker, but not quite drunk? She seems to have the right instincts. Zack sees hers as his only safety zone before Brody, that says a lot. It may be intermittent but she is there for him, on at least some occasions. That she has noticed his change, and her happiness at seeing him happy again is real, for both of them. It may help to remember that most physical abuse, and sexual abuse of children, is by either a relative or friend, which is why it is not thought about. It just seems to crazy to consider.

NimirRaj Even good friends can make mistakes. He is trying to give Zack his space, sometimes that is right, in this case it isn't. How does one know for sure in all cases?

Am so glad that stayed with your story. It has been the most gut wrenching one for me, so far. Tend to strongly avoid such tales, but the writing and the description of the inner life of Zack, is phenomenal. Have never been abused, thankfully, but spent a good part of my youth, pre-12 in hospitals, so there is that disassociation, the ability to have everything seem alright, that strikes a chord of memory. Good going!