James Carnarvon

There was some great character work in this chapter! Every aspect of James' reaction to Casper's revelations about Father was shaped by his own traumatic experience, and the trauma came boiling out in spectacular style in the confrontation with Father at the end. James' loyalty to Casper is rather wonderful too. Interesting that he should pick this moment to face up to his own sexuality and admit it to his friend (even though Casper already knew it). So, James and Casper finally agree to have no more secrets between them. Let's hope that included telling Casper that he was planning to talk to Father, otherwise James' word is worth very little.

Ah, I see. James is going to be mad when he finds out!

So, 'off-screen' if you will, we have a resolution of sorts to the cliff-hanger at the end of the last chapter. Who were the 'other two' Tsuru brought in? Charlie and Twenty-Three, I hope. It was brave of Casper to call Father. There will be fallout from it, but at least the others will be aware of their connection and may, in due course, be able to help Casper deal with it.

Oh, boy. Too many cliff-hangers! I'm glad Caleb didn't become a killer (unless he is one already?), but it left them all wide open to Leanne's counter-attack. This has been an exciting few chapters full of weird and wonderful imagery around Tsuru's improvised forest and her ghostly horde. I keep hoping that you'll allow us a pause for breath (and I really thought you would at the end of this 17-chapter episode), but then even more things go wrong and the anxious wait continues!

What a spectacular showdown this was! I'm glad Charlie and his mother escaped, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if Charlie starts to manifest after this experience. As for Hideyoshi... well, I hope he survives.

I hope Caleb does what he says he is going to do with his borrowed power and that he doesn't go on some kind of revenge rampage. I'm quite glad that you've stopped adding plotlines like crazy for the moment. For the last few chapters it has felt like you have your major playing pieces on the board and are now taking them all on their interconnected journeys. Part of me wishes this were the simpler, more human story suggested by your original premise (even with the flying), rather than being all elves and goblins at the same time, but I'm enjoying the ride all the same!

Charlie? Oh, boy, is James going to be pissed if they do anything to hurt him! I shouldn't really be surprised - it was mentioned a few chapters ago that there are a lot of kids with magical potential at James' school. Still enjoying the twists and turns...

It was bad form for Casper to lie to James after James apologised. Of course, it would be very difficult for him to tell the whole truth... but still...

A very helpful therapy session, I think! On to the next chapter...

So there was no great conspiracy or Machiavellian motive; James was just in the wrong place in the wrong time and was attacked by a nobody. That's more or less how I expected it would be - thanks for resolving it. And, now, the attacker has been (more than) punished.

I just knew Casper would pick up on something during that scene with Charlie... I enjoyed the scene where Casper seems to tease James about it a little, but there was also something slightly off about it. I'm afraid I just don't trust Casper any more, since he clearly has something weird going on with Father.

I don't think it was Father who attacked James. Father's MO is to seduce through mind control; James was violently assaulted. I guess we may finally get to find out soon.

Another great chapter for character moments (that's what I'm really here for). James got a well-deserved chance to vent his feelings, and Hideyoshi was smart enough not to take it personally. Nice trick there with the mud pie - I have to admit I didn't get it until you explained it in the comments.

Great chapter. Tasha rightly takes Caleb to task for his motives; Caleb is forced to admit that he was (at least partly) just trying to impress James. James seems to be on a collision course with his family now. At least he has started thinking about telling them already, but when the truth comes out it's going to be complicated!

James seemed mightily confused by that encounter in all sorts of ways! I enjoyed it - a fun, anarchic and generally rather cool setup with two powerful boys testing out each other's abilities.

So that was Father, right, somehow disguised as a teenager? That's how it looked in the last chapter. If so, something happened between Father and Casper that we didn't see in the gap between chapters. I'm worried that Father might have Casper in his thrall, like some kind of spy or sleeper agent.

Just when things start to look hopeful for Casper, you threaten to snatch it away! I hope he makes it.

MORE new characters! Even at 3-4 chapters a night I'm in danger of losing track. Did you plan all this, or did it just... sort of... happen?

Great to understand better the connections between all the adults in this story... and clearly they are aware of Father, so why haven't they taken him on?

That’s true, although I think Enzo’s homophobia is more due to his negative upbringing and his experience with a predator rather than a closeted sexuality. I don’t think I would want to spend a whole story inside Enzo’s head. Thank you for all the chapter reactions. I’m glad you enjoyed the story!

James went astral! Now I don't know what to think! But I'm very glad he managed to pull himself back together into one piece.

Storylines are starting to connect. Another exciting couple of chapters... a great rescue by Tasha and then by Hideyoshi. How is James going to explain the gash on his leg?

Hey there drsawzall, Since you've been such a great commenter on my own stories, I thought I'd check out one of yours as well. I aim to do this for some of my other regular readers, too, although I'm a bit tied up reading through Rhythminthemind's magnum opus at the moment to embark on anything else with multiple chapters. I chose this one because it's the first one you shared here, and as a one-shot story it was the ideal taster. I've decided not to write a review - mainly because, for me, graphic descriptions of sexual scenes detract from a good story. This is purely a personal preference of mine and not a judgement on the quality of your writing. At a glance, it's apparent that our writing styles couldn't be more different, but I found a lot to enjoy in this tale. Like others who have commented, I really liked the repetition of the line "I really like Tommy Banks!!", complete with extra exclamation marks. This, more than anything, captured the breathless excitement and trepidation of that first teenage crush. Overall, I enjoyed your protagonist, who is not too idealised - he seems like a nice kid, but he has a mouth on him that gets him into trouble. He told his story in a conversational style that I quite liked. I liked the contrast between the nasty Mr. Lewis and the supportive Mr. Duncan. It was a bold choice for Mr. Duncan to get injured, and I felt very sorry for him, but the potential implications for the awful Jarred were very entertaining. I'd like to know a bit more about the uncles. The descriptive writing was at its best when you were describing the island cabin. Although the description was brief, the picture it painted was atmospheric and romantic, but you kept it grounded by talking about getting pond grit under the... you know... I would be interested in reading more of your work when I have the time, preferably a bit less horny 😉. I see that your stories seem to be linked by a common location; would you like to make a recommendation?

This was a particularly well-written chapter, I think. By watching the whole scene unfold from inside Casper's head, we got a true insight into the nature of Father's power and the insidious way he uses it to seduce children. Big respect to Casper for finding a way to listen to that little voice at the back of his mind and throw Father's influence off. Did his own power help him? Casper, get this through your head now: Go. Find. James. And. Tasha!

Casper is having the never-ending day from hell! He will be safer with Father after a fashion, but I would hate to see him get brainwashed and exploited like the rest of the kids. This chapter was a very exciting and well-written action piece. You seem to have a great aptitude for storyboarding interesting and dynamic combat scenarios. It's hard to see at this stage, though, how you will ever be able to rein your story back in to become more contained!