Lucas,
I do not really know you. All that i do know if you is whats in your blogs in the other site. I am not here to judge you in any way. Just to provide you with words. I do not care how you take my words, although i may say that i really want you to look into them. I am not here to anger you or make you feel more gulity or anything. When i read what you said I would have acted the same way once upon a time. You have to understand the diffrent feeling people have. Maybe Mark did (Although I just speulating since im not him) want you push him away, maybe he did not want to drag you in the turmiol (sp?) he will be going through after his surgery. You did what you thought was right. But Lucas sometimes you have to fight those basic instincts that make you choose an easier way, although the path choosen does not seem simpler.
Luc i do not claim to know what you or Mark feel for each other. But i do know right now both of you need each other, yes you may have us as spare words, but right now you have to take care of each other. You do not need to be hiding away in dark corners, beacause let me tell you sometime you think they are your friends but they are not. They are just a way to escape pain both physical and emotional. Even i can sometimes retreat into these sahdows as you saw me a few weeks ago with after my break down. But a good friend freind help me see that i shouldnt close myself away.
Thats what i am now, A friend offering you a hand and telling you to get out of that bed and do something.
Jules
PS: Oh and if you just choose to go the easy way. I'll find a way of finding you, rip you out of that bed and set you on a one way trip to wear Mark is.