DarkShadow

No ruffling felt Though I have to wonder. Why is it petty or egotistical for us after taking the time from our day to labor over our writing and stick it out there like a post-it wondering if it's being read. Many readers simply don't post feedback. I guess I don't see much difference than someone going out to eat and leaving a tip for the waiter or waitress for doing a nice job. You acknowledge their time and effort and leave them a little something. If you dont', I know in the past when I have waited tables, if you came back in, you didn't get as good a service from me. Why.. because obviously you didn't appreciate it, so why would I put forth that extra effort? I don't think it's out of bounds to expect a 30 second reply for hours of our work. I don't think it's too much to ask that we hold our words hostage for the ransom of some semblence of acknowledgement. We can all sit here and say we write only for us. If that were truly the case, then the words would stay on our computers and never be seen. That.. obviously... is not the case. If I didn't want someone to see what I created, I don't think I would post it. That would be like painting a portrait and then burning it. Why bother? I write for me as much as the reader. I like the outworldly contact and growth that I can gain from criticism.

$2 a bottle... LOL You crack me up Jack! I wonder if this is the difference between a seasoned writer and one so very new like myself. Much like in 'Falls Creek Lessons' I think sometimes it is forgotten what it is to be 'new' at a thing. All the little nuances forgotten because it has become so familiar over the passage of time. I don't bend to every whim of my readers or editors, but I do take their words very seriously. I fear that my writing has long since passed 'hobby' for me and become more 'obsession'. I do love it though! The idea of having several chapters laying there unviewed is a complete paradox in my mind! lol I don't know how you all can stand it. I suspect that is something that time gives a more seasoned and experienced writer. I look forward to when that times rolls around!

I guess that depends on how strong your binoculars are, and who draws the blinds

For me, the reader's comments and opinions mean a LOT. I don't let them shape the story, but I do pay close attention to what they pose as problem areas or questions that they may have. At first, my readers complained about short chapters. I've gotten over that, and just write it however it fits best for me. Currently, that's a standard ten pages. I don't know why it works out that way for me, but a chapter always seems to end at close to ten pages. I worked it out finally and found that most of the books I read were about 20 to 30 pages per chapter. A typed page would equal about 2 pages of a paperback. So... if I have a 15 chapter story, that would equal to about a 300 page book. That seems pretty reasonable to me, so I let the wants for longer chapters roll off my back. I didn't when I first began and the writing suffered for it. I tried to merge too much information into a chapter without a breaking point. I found myself reading back through the chapter and needing a break seeming to find none in sight. It made reading the chapter grueling. I started to watch how late it was and choosing whether or not I had another 30 minutes to read the next chapter. I don't like that and so... I'm content with where I am on that now. I've gotten some very in depth input reviews and offers of information from some of the readers at nifty and of course here. For instance, I had many readers asking questions about specific 'details' about one character or another. It led me to realize that I wasn't rounding them out well enough. There were too many questions from too many people, wanting to know the character 'better'. So with each chapter according to the latest feed back, I make a point to work harder on that specific detail. Then I usually review back through the story. If it doesn't pain me to read it, I send it off to my editor. My editor then slaps me around a bit and I revise the story and then, with a fresh mind, decide whether or not I'm going to add additional content. By this point, my mind is fresh, and usually... there's at least one thing I realize is missing from a particular chapter. (another for instance) I wrote the entire chapter 6 of The druid, and only just before I was getting ready to send it off to my editor, I realized I had completely forgotten to include the dog!!!! Now, normally, this might not have been such a big deal, but in previous chapters I made a distinct effort to explain the significance of this dog to the main character. So.... heh a few last minute plugged in sentences. My editor will give me back the autopsy I called the next chapter, and then I'll add more content and hopefully have something that won't embarrass me to post lol So, to me, feedback is absolutely crucial. I cannot learn without it no matter how badly it might sting when it arrives. I need it, or I will never improve. 9 times out of 10... the criticism is completely valid and even though it might bruise my ego, I suck it up, learn from the truth of their words, and fix it. It isn't easy for me... my writing is my baby lol I spend at least 8 to 10 hours a day writing or reading. (yes... lol I have no life... I'm okay with that right now It's why you'll see my posts to damn near any thread. I know I HAVE to have feedback to become better, and I don't want anyone to feel they've not gotten at least something from what they've written. I'm only on this site and nifty. (which is about to change) Midnight's Rainbow is only going to be here. That will be either my curse or thanks to the board for beings such a great place. 'The Druid' I think I'm going to start spreading around. I like the story and it seems to not send the reader into a coma. Earth Reborn (my first travesty of print) got more attention than it should have probably because it started on Nifty, and got points for its 'stroke' factor. Either way, the two or three hundred emails really stoked me to keep writing. Thus, "Midnight's Rainbow" and "The Druid' were born. I've probably only got about 30 or so religious readers. Every few chapters I'll send out a warning if the feedback doesn't start flowing, I'm not going to post it anymore. Usually the next day 30 or 40 emails. It's a sick fetish I know, but I need to know people are reading and WANT more. I need to know where to improve so I can suck in even more readers. I want to be as good a writer as I can possibly be! I want this one thing I think I can almost do to sparkle damnit! lol So... now that you've seen a bit into that sick and twisted psychie of mine... That is how I feel about the paramount importance of feedback and increased reader base.

Chapter 6 - Dicentra Spectabilis "Bleeding Heart" has been officially sent to the editor. I hope to have it out in the next couple of days. Sterling's fast so here's hoping! Now... time to get to work on Midnight's Rainbow... LOL ... the work never ends... but I do love it!

WOW! Thank you for that! That's really cool!

You slay me Graeme!

Gladly! Now thinking of that will give my mind something to ponder tomorrow night! It should be quite a scene! Poor Graeme... Come fly to Florida! We'll go sit by the ocean and watch the show!

I want that boy's head on a stick!

LOL sorry about that hun. I didn't even think of you when I wrote those words I'll have to work on my politically correct animal terminology in the future. Take care! --- As for you Goat. I loved chapter 2!!! It was so sweet! Flowed well, everything seemed to drop into place better than I would have ever hoped. Now... time to take cafe of that little monster of a brother!

Yahoo News: "The annual Leonid meteor shower could produce a strong outburst this weekend for residents of the North America and Western Europe." "A brief surge of activity is expected begin around 11:45 p.m. ET Saturday, Nov. 18. In Europe, that corresponds to early Sunday morning, Nov. 19 at 4:45 GMT. The outburst could last up to two hours." I have watched the last few and they were quite spectacular. If you are able to, you should step out and take a couple minutes to stair at the sky tomorrow night!

I'm sorry I gave you that impression. I'm trying to be gentle here. I guess what seemed so odd to me, was that you gave so much development to the characters and then gave the reader a 'free for all'. 42 pages for me is not enough to make a link into the psychie of this depth. Don't you think the same could have been accomplished with a less graphic representation? Is the sex and domination, and submlimation a necessity in a play by play view of this fashion? If you think it is, then that's all there is to it. It's your story and you are entitled to write it any way you like! I've read stories like this before that were stretched out. Even though I didn't care for all of the 'topic' I LOVED the story. Ann Rice wrote a sleeping beauty series under the pseudoname of A. N. Roquelaure. It is absolutely fabulous and where I think you could be with very little work I don't have any issues about it being graphic. I did feel the undercurrents and turmoil in the characters. I suppose the almost 'instant' reconciliation left me looking on as though it wasn't real. How can we give depth to something that is fixed in a matter of hours? We all want to mirror the story we read. We want to find pieces of ourselves in the characters we read, and I feel, nothing this complicated could be so easily reconciled. Though... as I said... just my opinion. I'm certain others will have a completely different view of it. I'm sorry I didn't give you a gentler review. I did my best to be considerate to you and the story. As I said... They were only my opinions and I'm not the best of writers. (not by a long shot) I was just doing my best to be honest, gentle, and to keep my promise. Take care!

Erotic is a feather.. Sick, is when you use the whole bird. Heheh.... I trust the Goat not to go too far into the realm of obscurity.

Yes... this is a shamless bump... well.. because I think it deserves it. I hope you all get a chance to review it. Take care.

Allll righty then! I read it. I'm going to start by saying, that I'm not into S&M, sadism, or golden showers. The idea of drinking urine makes me want to wretch (and I nearly did). So... this really isn't a story for me. For someone into those things, I think they would absolutely LOVE this story. You've got really good character development here, and the beginnings of a very versitile plot. I get the impression that you intended this to be a jerk off story, and if that was you goal, you succeeded. If you post this on nifty, I am certain you would receive throngs of emails begging for you next submission. Your sentences are often a bit long. You should split them up. If a sentence can be separated into two, your best option is to do so. Not every time or you'll risk sounding stilted and abrupt, but enough that you don't take an mental breath at finally finding a period. You turned the tables on the guy toward the end which was a pleasant surprise, though when the 'friends' arrived it kind of rang out 'porno' to me. If it were me, I'd shave off 3/4 of the sex and write a second chapter. Maybe finally have Oclac meet someone who's 'into' that sort of thing and have them build a relationship. I guess my biggest hang up was that you started this story out so robust and ended it with a cumshot. (so to speak) On another side of things, there's a danger of losing the reader if it is too hard for them to get through dialogue. Accents are difficult to maintain and even more difficult to decipher when they are too thick. It makes it tedius to read and follow the story. I'd suggest lightening up on them a bit. All of this is of course just my opinion. You've got a lot of potential and I'd like to see more writing from you. The dialogue between the shop owner and the orcs where they described the different types of orcs and methods of maintaining the peace was fabulous. You gave all of your characters so much depth it made me really like them.. Well... except for Vozall. Didn't care for him much though he did come around at the end. So... I hope to leave you on a good note, and please take my more critical words with a grain of salt. I think you write well and show amazing potential. This just wasn't my kind of 'topic'. Take care!

With English being your second language, I think you do extremely well! If you intend on writing more, and enjoy writing, then I don't see where there would ever be any harm in asking for an editor. Actually, if if you don't continue to write, though I hope you do, I'm sure there are beginning editors, that souldn't mind sharpening their skills and working with you. It is all a learning process and that seems to be one of the major points of this site. This is a great place to cultivate ideas, get opinions from a wide variety of people, and do it in a friendly environment that will display our work. So.. if you would like an editor, I see no harm in asking Take care and I'll finish you story today as I promised! Later!

I wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I'll be reading more as soon as I'm able. I've gone through the first few pages and I have to say I like the story. I've been neglecting my own writing so I have GOT to get some work done tonight. When I feel that I've accomplished something and should be going to bed, I'll probably swing back by First, I would suggest requesting an editor here: https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showforum=8 There are MANY great editors on this site, and I found 'amazingly fast' how badly I needed one when I started. The edits teach us how much grammar and spelling we've forgotten over the years. (and I"ve forgotten a LOT!) The editors help so much with reteaching what we've killed off since our years at school. Try not to be discouraged by criticism and slow replies. It takes people a while to get through their promised reading schedule. It takes more time to continue our own writing, editing, etc etc. I've also sent you an email with some basic suggestions etc etc regarding page one. If you have Word... download the little file and take a gander. Please keep in mind it's only suggestion and something to consider. We each have our own style and way of doing things, so no person's way is ever the 'only' way of doing a thing. On that note... I hope to get back to your story soon, but promise it will be either tonight or tomorrow! Take care green guy!

Here is the 18th and final chapter of Earth Reborn: https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...&chapter=18 Please place any comments and criticisms here.

It's a hard lesson to learn when to let the reader take a breath. We eager beavers want to keep them enthralled and breathless with every word... when in reality... even that can wear out a mind. Sometimes we slap you in the head with information so it's easier for us to continue in future chapters. Then we can say... well my god... we explained that 6 chapters ago! Well... who remembers that long ago. Bird gives great criticism... I guess what we all strive for is ... well... we know what's wrong now... how should we fix it? Those answers aren't that easy some times. Yes... you did come down on me before about this kind of thing lol.... but you were gentle How did you word that... 'YOU SUCK' Just Kidding! lol we all know you would never do such a thing.... You've all never been anything but helpful. Like I said above... if we're getting great criticism.. we might as well maximize it. Get the most from it we can. Than again... goats are thick skinned... someone get the ball peen hammer... we'll beat it in! Love you all... didn't mean to cause a stir... just wanted more info! Take care!

I guess what I was wondering... well any writer wonders... is what exactly might you change? Which sentence or paragraph... what led you away or might lead you to ignore any (and specifically this) story. You give great criticism... but it seems vague. What specifically would you change? We all get criticism... it's the best thing we can hope for, because it teaches us the most. What I'm curious about.. is what specifically brought about the criticism. Was it an over all feel, or specific places or events? What events brought about your feelings of 'over exposure'. You know... that kind of thing. Or was it simply culumlative and just kinda popped your brains? I don't want you to think I'm trying to be confrontational, I just figure... if you're getting good criticism... we might as well hope to hear on how to fix it. You know?

It is worth the read. It

OUCH!! Damn boy leave some meat for the vultures! First... It is not fair to say that the story climaxes too soon until you have read it in it

It's not that you forgot anything, well you did, but I just didn't want your effort to go unnoticed or un-reviewed. Especially on your first work. I can't stand for a post to have no replies. I can't stand for work to sit unreviewed lol. It is a quirk of mine. A person's first writing is special, and a critical point I think to the future development. So... heheheh I made this thread for you. Since you ask now for comments Ever since she walked in and caught Dad f**king that damn bitch from his office and got that divorce she's been f**kin' nuts (while I

Well...you can find it here! https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=221 First, I have to say, that I didn't see a discussion thread created for this, so I created one. There was no query or request for critical comments so I'm not going to make any. What I will say is this I think for your first attempt at writing it's great! It's much better than my first attempt. I like the style of writing with the multiple views and the way you give so much background into a character without making it sound like some garish monologue. A couple of spots caught my attention most. I don't know why other than I just love the way they were worded. We're both poor rich kids with no appreciable skills. (this cracks me up!) I love it. Her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes, became like hollow pieces of glass. (this to me was a very vivid mind's image. It painted the scene perfectly.) Lots of plot, lots of intrigue, and some pretty spicy sex. The time shift was smooth and I didn't lose step in the slightest. Everything felt comfortable to me throughout the entire story. So, on that note, I know all of our tastes differ, but I'd encourage you all to go take a peak and this jewel in the making! Take care!