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CarlHoliday

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Blog Entries posted by CarlHoliday

  2. CarlHoliday
    Once upon a time someone went down a hole and couldn't find his way back out.
     
    Until now.
     
    Seems the muse has found me no matter how hard I tried to keep her at bay or was it something else preventing her from giving me that urge to share. Don't know.
     
    Still plagued with the bipolar shit. Some days good, some days bad. Some days very, very bad.
     
    The new story is only just over 22,000 words long, barely a novella. If published, the font size would be a bit larger than normal, the font style would be a bit wider than usual, the leading would be a bit airy, and the justification settings would allow more intercharacter space. All of this would allow the book to be printed in a sizable volume that would feel good in a reader's hands.
     
    It's broken up into five chapters.
     
    Actually it's all written since I'd want to drop of the ledge again and not be able to finish it in a timely manner.
     
    Anys, I hope you enjoy the adventure.
     
  3. CarlHoliday

    6 days

    By CarlHoliday,

    22,000 plus words.
     
    Chapter 1 off to the editor.
     
    One week, and considering I haven't written practically anything except bits and pieces and uncompleted works, I think it's an accomplishment.
     
    And, it's stayed light as any fairy tale should.
     
    Though there is a bit of offal and blood, but that's just the way I do things.
     
    Thinking of doing a dragon story next, course it won't be your usual dragon story. I see the knight as a bit of a dandy. Probably the gold embellishments on his shiny armor or is it the pink plume on his helm. I see him seeking an as yet undiscovered dragon, something legend hasn't quite caught up with yet, but he's certain it'll be hiding in its lair when he finally finds it. So, yes, the knight is a bit of a odd sort with obscure ideas about how dragons live. He's mostly looking for plunder, not that he actually knows what that is.
     
    Or, in his very words: "Well, you see, it's dragons that's got all the plunder and all I want is a bit of it, say a mule's worth. I've got me lance and sword to stick him, or her, with to make my point. I hope it isn't a her with little dragonlets crawling about. I'm not adverse to sticking them too, but think of the fables that will follow about Sir Gladhand killing baby dragons. I'd be a disgrace to my family, I would. So I'm off to find a dragon and steal a bit of plunder. Oh, and I already do have me own mule to tote the plunder, whatever it is."
     
    "Have you seen any plunder before, so you'll know when you find it?"
     
    "Well, no, not actually, but if it's in a dragon's lair then it's bound to be plunder, don't you think?"
     
    Or, something like that.
     
    Have to keep thinking lighthearted and humorous. A bit of fun, sex, blood, and gore, all the really nice things you'd expect in a fairy tale.
  4. CarlHoliday

    Pixies!

    By CarlHoliday,

    Just when I thought this story couldn't get any weirder, the pixies showed up.
     
    Seems they're caught in the castle, too, but they know how to get out and have enlisted Gregor's assistance. Well, it wasn't hard since he very much wants to get out, too.
     
    Also, the sorcerer has been named, though he doesn't yet know the significance of that event. We'll have to see.
     
    Plus, we now know how everything can go wrong, forever dooming Gregor to the evils in the castle.
     
    Actually, it's all coming together. Hopefully, everything will be resolved within a couple chapters. This isn't going to be a long story and the chapters aren't that long either. But, considering I haven't been able to write any fiction for over a year, I think things are working out okay.
     
    Just think of it. Pixies!
     
    Why is it pixies always seem to come to the rescue at the last minute? And, they don't even have little, tiny horses, either.
  5. CarlHoliday
    If at some point in the future a doctor offers you Gabapentin for pain control, run away as fast as you can. Our GP seems to think this is the latest and greatest panacea to be available.
     
    This is a dangerous medicine.
     
    Yes, it will probably cause you to be drowsy, but a good twelve hours of sleep takes care of that. Do you have four extra hours, plus a couple more of feeling very drowsy? I didn't; and I wasn't up to the theoretical theraputic dose. I was only takeing 400 mg and it was wiping me out.
     
    Then there are the other, more obscure side effects.
     
    For the wife, it messed up her glucose levels. As a diabetic, she can't have waking up with a reading over 300.
     
    For me, well, let's just say that it messed up the nice, calm mental state I've been trying to maintain since being put on Depakote and Wellbutrin. Life was going along and then hostility and anger shot through the roof. Depression sunk me into an unbelievable gloom. I was, in a word, dangerous, to myself and others. Quite frankly, that old demon, suicide, raised its ugly head and tapped me on the shoulder, offering eternal solace.
     
    The dreams? Yes, they were abnormal, weirdly abnormal, strange, scary, but not nightmarish. I kind of like dreams where I'm the star, it's quite another thing to have a dream where you're just a face in the crowd, not even an extra in the movie, just one of those people over there on the edge of the set hoping to get a glance at their favorite actor. I do not like dreams where I look across the street and see myself going into a building and not coming out, then going off doing something I have no memory of. I do not like being someone else. It's just too weird.
     
    So, I stopped taking the vile medicine.
     
    And, I'm much better, thank you very much.
     
    Hostility and anger are back down to manageable levels, depression is practically nonexistent, I feel okay. Just okay, middling, which I'm supposed to feel on Depakote.
     
    I can deal with middling.
     
    The dreams are back to normal, too.
     
    Quite frankly, I kind of like okie-dokie.
     
  6. CarlHoliday

    The End

    By CarlHoliday,

    Well, I guess it was inevitable that The Artists would end early. After a nine month hiatus, strings become frayed and some brake unexpectedly. There just didn't seem to be sufficient need to go on because it could've gone on. The story was setup to go on for at least the four years the freshmen, Six and Casey, had ahead of them. But, it wasn't to be. Sometimes life just gets in the way of what you're doing.
     
    So why give Casey HIV? I suppose to kill him off, too, so that future stories, if they are to occur, will center on stories around the Six character.
     
    Was Casey expendable in the beginning? Probably, deep down in the subconscious, the obese kid was doomed to a horrible end.
     
    The new story is up to chapter 2 and won't start posting until I have quite a few more considering my current state of mind.
     
    I went to the shrink on Monday and we upped the antidepressant. Then, on Tuesday, I went to my GP for my age 60 physical and she gave me Gabapentin to control the arthritic pain I'm experiencing in my knees. Unfortunately, some of the side effects of this drug are depression (got it already), suicidal thoughts (don't want them), and arthralgia (joint pain). I don't have much faith in this drug doing anything, but doing me a great deal of harm.
     
    Primarily, Gabapentin is a seizure drug, but one of its side benefits is easing nerve pain. Of course, no one knows how this drug actually works, since human experimentation is somewhat limited due to legal and ethical issues about killing lab humans for immediate dissection. From what I read Gabapentin is structually similar to some of the neuro transmitters, but doesn't seem to interact with them. Also, it isn't metabolized by the body. It easily slips through the renal system in its original form as if unused by the body. However it does seem to calm the brain and provide relief for pain. Somewhat like most of the antidepressants I've taken. All you have to get through the side effects.
     
     
  7. CarlHoliday
    Although I'm not quite ready for it, the new story is coming up out of the depths of my imagination.
     
    Sci-Fi this time. In the far distant future on a planet far, far away.
     
    People live long lives due to nanotechnology's ability to continuously keep their bodies vibrant and viable. The protagonist, Martello Conger, dreams of living long enough to become King of the Planet even though he is seventy-third in line and realistically has little hope of achieving that august title. Barring some unfortunate accident that prevents his nanos from repairing his body, like vaporization or surreptious removal of his nanos, he figures he'll have to live to at least 600, which even to him is a long, long time.
     
    Robots do most of the dirty work. Bots are inherently nonconfrontational, but sometimes it seems they're doing a lot of things outside their programming and it's not unknown for a bot to reprogram itself for it's own purposes.
     
    Society is structured by task. The Royals own the large estates where all of the food is grown. The Guildsmen (Artisans, Tradesmen, Merchants, and Scholars) live in the cities and towns and pledge their fielty to the local Royal, or in some cases to a more powerful Royal in another region. The Enchanters weave various magic spells, communicate with the gods, provide enticement and sexual pleasure, and are the only people on the planet with the knowledge of how nanos work. Enchanters are the only people on the planet who can legally kill another person for cause, such as a capital crime or the desire of a person who feels they have lived too long.
     
    Martello who graduated from university three years earlier has just come out of a three year nano induced coma that replaced two legs and an arm that were severed in an accident. He is leaving his family for a rite of passage trek across his continent, a distance of over twenty thousand kilometers. In all likelihood he'll never come home again, either by finding property he can develop for his estate, being captured and sold into slavery on another planet, or being captured and killed by robbers, rogue bots, or some wild animal that's come down from the less populated polar regions.
     
    As I seen it, there are many hazards on this long walk, but there are also many opportunities for unimagined pleasures. It sounds like a fun, light story with just enough variety to keep it going until Martello either dies or finds someone to share his future.
     
     
  8. CarlHoliday

    New knee

    By CarlHoliday,

    Hatch Mesa, east of Green River, UT
     
    Went to Orthopedics to discuss relapse of knee problem with PA-C. Offered three options: deal with it as I have been, which is not an option because I need a good knee to drive; get a shot of cortisone into the joint, which is not an option because this is only a temporary cure and the problem will come back; or, get a new knee.
     
    I need a good knee to do my chosen line of work.
     
    It takes about a month for the process to go from deciding to do and getting it done. Then it takes quite a bit of time to get back up to speed. Maybe the recession will be over by then.
     
  9. CarlHoliday
    The Three Gossips in Arches National Park, UT (from our knee pain shortened road trip)
     
    Still trying to get my life back in order.
     
    I've started working on a short story about an old man dying in a nursing home; or, he may already be dead and just hasn't realized it. It's more of an exercise to keep me writing than a real writing project. Then, again, maybe it will work out to be something.
     
    My knee is back to the way it was before surgery. Going to Ortho tomorrow to talk about what needs to be done.
     
    Psychologically I seem to be doing just dandy. Buproprion for depression and Divalproex for bi-polar seems to be just the right combination to keep me on an even keel.
     
    I know I should try to refocus on getting The Artists back online, but I seem to be losing interest in that project entirely.
     
     
  10. CarlHoliday

    Bad knee!

    By CarlHoliday,

    I am trying very hard not to be overly depressed about this because we are in Flagstaff, AZ, and that's a long way from home. Day before yesterday I drove from Moab, UT, to Moriarty, NM, 432 miles which isn't all that far considering we stopped a few times to stretch the legs, but it was no use.
     
    The knee I had surgery on isn't as well as I thought. In fact, it's almost back to being a bad knee.
     
    Yesterday we drove from Moriarty to Flagstaff, with a side trip through Petrified Forest NP (lots of photos) and Meteor Crater (didn't pay $15 per per to see hole in ground I saw on "Nova" a couple years ago). Today we were going to go up to Tuba City or down to Jerome, but I think we're going to head toward the next stop toward home.
     
    Road trips with bad knees are a definite pain and, while the oxycodone makes me feel okie-dokie, I'd rather not have to use it while I'm supposed to be on vacation.
     
    I think we'll go to Kingman today. There's a long stretch of Old Route 66 through Peach Springs I might take and maybe stop at the Grand Canyon Caverns, too. Maybe we'll just hang around Flagstaff until the oxycodone wears off and I can drive again.
     
     
  11. CarlHoliday

    Facebook

    By CarlHoliday,

    The real side of me has set up an account on Facebook and has been looking for friends and acquaintances, but since I have few friends or acquaintances I've been forced to add relatives to the mix. So far I've found, in order of discovery, a nephew, a niece, and a cousin. There is a blog friend who sent one of my aliases a note to join, but though I responded, she hasn't acknowledged the request to hook up.
     
    This morning my cousin (there are six of us, a year apart) sent me an email to catch up on old news.
     
    We're supposed to leave on our road trip sometime this week even though it is supposed to snow all day today. Hopefully, that snow won't be going in our direction though we do have a few mountains to cross between here and there. Tentatively, we'll be heading for Arches National Park, Battleship Texas, Old River Control project, maybe the Natchez Trace, definitely a few relatives in Arkansas, the Permian Basin Petroleum Museum, and Descanso Gardens. There'll be lots of stops between and lots of photos to add to my growing collection at Flickr! I'm looking for a nice restful time driving nearly 6,000 miles between here, there, and back.
     
     
  12. CarlHoliday

    Surprise!

    By CarlHoliday,

    I've kind of known about Diabetic Retinopathy for years as a former co-worker's brother had juvenile diabetese and was going through it as a young adult.
     
    Yesterday I took the wife (Type II Diabetes for 18 years) to see an ophthamalogist because her optometrist said there'd been a change in her left eye.
     
    After the doctor examined my wife and escorted her to the laser room to have her weak capillaries photocoagulated, he gave me a booklet, "Understanding Diabetic Retinopathy."
     
    The alarms went off with a resounding TMI! TMI! TMI!
     
    The bad thing about all of this is that I don't think the wife has a full understanding of what this could eventually lead to. She acts oblivious to any dire outcome.
     
    The other bad thing about this is I was unaware things were getting this bad. She's been going to the optometrist for years and the results of the exams are on her record, but the wife has consistently said everything was okie-dokie. According to the ophthamalogist, there's been a steady, noticeable decline for years.
     
    Denial is not a cure.
  13. CarlHoliday

    What the hell?

    By CarlHoliday,

    When I went to the shrink last Wednesday I told him about being super irritable to the point where people were noticing. Hell, I was noticed the change first. Not only was I irritable, I was downright dangerous. The possibility of road rage incidents was coming back with a vengence. Anger management was out the window.
     
    We discussed the situation and he said the irritability was probably due to the Zoloft working too well and throwing me over to the manic side of my mood stabilizer which has been working just dandy. He said that happened a lot with some antidepressants and while there were a lot of options, maybe we should cut my dosage in half before jumping to a different medicine. He said he knew what Zoloft did and was reluctant to put me through a new course of monitoring side effects.
     
    And, so, Monday night it hits me. I've been through this enough to know. There's no easing into an altered state. With me it's simply BANG, you're dead! We were out to dinner and the situation wasn't going too well -- The waiter didn't listen to the wife, who tends to chatter too much, and messed up her order; and, in doing so, forgot to give me some extra condiments. Since I'm not one to bring fault to a situation, I let it ride, all the while letting the waiter's ineptitude simmer inside -- and before I knew I went from okie-dokie to depressed.
     
    The next morning (yesterday) I was still depressed and sinking lower, so I called the clinic and told the nurse what happened.
     
    "Are you suicidal?"
     
    "No."
     
    "Okay, I'll tell the doctor. We should get back to you within 24 hours."
     
    I guess it was a good thing I rarely get suicidal because 24 hours is a long time to wait for someone to solve a problem.
     
    Unable to find solace, I put myself into doing things. In other words, I worked out of the depression.
     
    An interesting outcome of the situation was that I was able to write a little once I made the decision not to be depressed. It wasn't much, maybe a sentence or two, but it was tapping into the creative and pulling out a string of words that fit the puzzle.
     
    The nurse called back just before the clinic closed. She said my shrink wanted me to go back to a full dose of Zoloft and we'd talk about the situation the next time we met.
     
    As far as I'm concerned we already had that conversation. 50 mg of Zoloft puts me over the bar and I become dangerous to myself and others. 25 mg keeps me in familiar territory, it might be sad territory, but at least it's safe.
     
    The choice was simple. I still didn't feel all that well, but at least I'm not mad for the silliest reasons.
     
     
  14. CarlHoliday

    Undone

    By CarlHoliday,

    Well, our son isn't going on vacation with us. He's just quick smoking, again, so his nerves are just about shot and he doesn't want to put up with his mother's stupidity and non sequiturs for two weeks. The good thing is we get to go where we want to and don't have to go his way.
     
    We went out to his place on Saturday and now I took a few shots of Mount Stickney, which he can see from his driveway. I'm still getting used to the camera and hopefully the shots will get better.
     
    Haven't written anything since Friday. Haven't felt like it. No, I've felt like it, but haven't had the interest.
     
     
     
     
  15. CarlHoliday
    I thought of doing a blog entry, but that's too easy.
     
    I thought of working on the stories I'm not working on, but wasn't too interested in going there.
     
    I thought of what?
     
    So, without anything to do, I joined Facebook with the sole purpose of finding a few friends from the past. I guess I'm the only one of my circle that's thought of that. No one. Nada. Out of my high school class, there was one, possibly two, but no one else. I did find out that the friends I had have really common names on Facebook, so there are pages and pages of people I might know, except I don't.
     
    You have to be really pathetic not to have any friends. Of course, I've always shunned friendships. Introverts don't like company. Even here at GA I don't have any friends, but that's not why I'm here anyway.
     
    So, I guess it's either back to bed or pull up one of the stories should be working on and get busy.
     
     
  16. CarlHoliday

    Yes, I am happy

    By CarlHoliday,

    Something weird is happening.
     
    The wife got her hearing aids on Monday and her left ear can literally hear a pin drop, which is driving her batty because there are a whole lot more sounds out there louder than a pin clattering onto carpet. She'll be calling Miracle Ear this morning.
     
    Last night I got the screwy idea of renting a motor home and heading down to Arkansas to visit the wife's family. I asked what she thought of the idea of asking our son to go along and maybe allowing us to tow his Cavalier. I damned near ran off the road when she said that was a dandy idea. In the past the wife and our son have gotten along about as well as two spoiled brats with only one Snickers bar between them.
     
    When we got home I called our son and broached the idea with him. He thought it was a dandy idea, too, especially when I suggested we could stop along the way at various and sundry attractions to take pictures with our Rebel Xsi's. (He bought his first, but I bought a $700 macro lens and he didn't. I keep thinking of that itty-bitty purple flower I saw one early spring afternoon six or seven years ago along the St. Francis River in Missouri.)
     
    So, today I have to find an RV to rent that will allow us to take Bonita and tow his Cavalier.
     
     
  17. CarlHoliday

    Awake, pt. 6

    By CarlHoliday,

    I'm kinda getting used to this night stuff, even if I end up sleeping during the day. Of course if I stay up all day, I sleep most of the night. I've been working very hard on getting up before seven in the morning so that I can take the mood stabilizer doses twelve hours apart, as they're supposed to be. So far, that's working.
     
    Tonight I actually worked on Chapter 18 doing a bit on Six. Didn't write much, but at least I wrote something. It has been too long since I've posted anything on this story, but to be honest it's probably going to be awhile before the next post.
     
    I've been checking on the side effects of Zoloft and maybe this isn't going to be the magic bullet. I can deal with the sexual issues since I don't have a sexual partner right now, but I've noticed my vision seems a little off, sort of blurry and last night it was like everything had been dimmed a notch. On Monday I was super bitchy, down right irritable. As far as cutting out the depression it's okay; and, I'm losing weight, so some side effects are actually good.
     
    Also, I've begun to think maybe I might want to go off antidepressants. I'm tired mostly of feeling shitty from the side effects. The mood stabilizer seems to be doing a good job of keeping me at "just okay." I can deal with that. It's the crap I have to put up with antidepressants that's getting me down and I think it's having an effect on my writing, which isn't good as far as I'm concerned. Of course, this will take quite a bit of concentration to pull off. The alternative is giving in to spending the rest of my life feeling miserable in order to be not depressed. Maybe a little depression isn't so bad. Or, maybe the shrink has some alternative med available; you know, something drastic like ECT.
     
    Oh, to go away to a happy place for awhile and not have to worry about anything. I wonder if the wife could step up to the plate and take care of me and everything else? No, I don't think so. I guess I'm damned unless I can figure out a way to cut the meds and be happy too. Sounds like an interesting project.
     
     
  18. CarlHoliday

    Awake, pt. 4

    By CarlHoliday,

    It's 02:30 now and, of course, I'm awake. It's a given, although last night I slept clear through. So the sleeplessness, like the depression, comes and goes. (I wonder if there's a link; well, of course, there's a link. That's already been established by the shrink. Only, I'm not depressed right now.)
     
    Why am I awake right now? Because I haven't gone to sleep yet. I'm wound up from nervousness because I have to be at the outpatient surgery clinic at 10:30 in the morning for the arthroscopy of my right knee and I'm always nervous before surgeries. I've certainly had my share so far.
     
    The good news is I'm back to working on Chapter 18 of The Artists and it seems to be going fairly well. I'm not pushing myself to get back into the swing of things or relying on the other two writing projects as substitutes to a lack of creative energy focused on the The Artists. I just want to get the story moving so I can find out which character is going to die.
     
    The bad news is I can't stay focused for any long length of time. Writing literally puts me to sleep, so I suppose I'd better get out of here and start working on Chapter 18 to tire myself out. I definitely don't want to be late for my chemically induced nap later today.
     
     
  19. CarlHoliday

    Awake, pt. 3

    By CarlHoliday,

    When I met with my therapist last week one of the things we talked about was waking up after 2 or 3 hours and not being able to get back to sleep because I couldn't turn my mind off.
     
    She spoke of recent studies that have shown America seems to be practically alone in its obsession with getting a "full night's sleep." 8 hours of sleep in a single, continuous slog doesn't seem to be the norm. Now, I'm not troubled that it is 0400 and I'm writing this instead of lying in bed trying to get my mind to turn off. Also, I was itching pretty badly and couldn't sleep anyway. Plus, I'm getting some regular writing done, too. I'm not saying the block has been defeated, but it's armor does have quite a few dents.
     
    Yesterday, took the wife to Miracle Ear and she's damned near totally deaf in her left ear. Her comfortable hearing range in that ear is 95 dB. Her right ear isn't much better; it needs 85 dB. As a result, we're spending nearly $6,000 of our remaining balance from the inheritance to bring her back into the land of "normal" hearing.
     
  20. CarlHoliday
    Okay, I'm on a schedule. The mood stabilizer is supposed to be taken 12 hours apart. And, no, I am not keeping a diary. I know I should, but I'm not. I'm not that kind of person.
     
    I've written two previous entries this week. Unfortunately, one is somewhere in GAland hiding under for barren patch of memory because I clicked when I shouldn't and the other because, well, I just didn't feel like posting it, some entries are simply not meant to live.
     
    I'm back in therapy and my counselor is forcing me to expand my horizons. Since I'm probably not going back to truck driving because I'm unsafe on the road, I'll be at home more often. I drove truck to be away from home. My goal this month is to find a photography club. Next month she'll probably want me to join the Y to get more exercise. I mentioned something about going to Europe for a couple weeks this spring. Of course, the wife can't go because: 1) she doesn't like strange food; 2) she can't travel light; 3) she won't like the beds or the bathrooms; 4) she will complain because all those people around her don't speak English; 5) she will complain because they don't have the same television programs and she can't understand them because they're in the wrong language; 6) she'll worry about Bonita being left at home; 7) she'll complain because all the museams are boring; and 8) she'll make me so miserable, we'll come home early and I won't get to see Leksand, Sweden, where my grandfather was born.
     
    I suggested substituting my son and the counselor said that's a good idea because I'll have to sell it to the wife, which comes under expanding my horizons. I called him and he said he'd like to go to Paris. I asked him why and he said, "That's where all the action is." The good thing is he wants to go to Leksand, too.
     
    Now, all I have to do is talk to the wife. If she starts crying because I love my son more than I love her, I swear I'm going to get into the pickup and drive away.
     
     
  21. CarlHoliday

    Awake, pt. 2

    By CarlHoliday,

    Went to the shrink yesterday and had a good visit. On past visits it's been "Hi, how're you doin'?", "Feelin' well?", "Okay, I'll see you in two months."
     
    This time we seriously discussed me being severely depressed and he seemed to be listening. He suggested changes in the antidepressant I'm taking since the Celexa doesn't seem to be working as well as it should. His first suggestion was Zoloft. Second, he asked if I wanted to go back to Prozac, which worked fairly well. Unfortunately, I couldn't handle zero, zip, nada libido Prozac gave me. I couldn't look at a guy and feel anything. Cute did not generate an emotional response of any kind. Then he offered some unnamed non-SSRIs. I was a little reluctant to go that far this time.
     
    So, I'm being transitioned to Zoloft. Hopefully its side effects won't be so severe or uncomfortable to outweigh any possibly benefits.
     
    No changes are being made to the mood stabilizer because he thinks it's doing its job by keeping away the dreaded super-happies.
     
    Oh, I'm going back into counseling. At least that works.
     
     
  23. CarlHoliday

    The need for speed

    By CarlHoliday,

    I do not like my cable TV provider. They're obnoxious and charge too much for what they provide. Unfortunately, they have had the fastest internet service out this way for a long time. I, on the other hand, haven't succumbed to their enticements, mostly because they were too expensive. I figured if you can provide a gazillion bits per second as a matter of course, you shouldn't put an exorbitant charge on it just because you can.
     
    So, I bided my time with DSL that ran at 56K at my house.
     
    Wireless broadband that ran a lot of time at 56K at my house.
     
    Since I won't be going back to long haul truck driving, I finally, almost gave into speed. Fortunately for me, I plugged the DSL into my laptop.
     
    WOW!
     
    I can watch YouTube videos. I can watch CNN news videos. Downloads that used to takes minutes now take seconds.
     
    It's still not as fast as my cable TV provider, but it's certainly as fast as I need to go.
     
     
     
  24. CarlHoliday

    The Knife

    By CarlHoliday,

    I go under the knife on February 11th; or rather they'll make a few holes in my right knee and blow it up like a balloon before doing what needs to be done. The surgeon didn't like the read of my MRI by Radiology. He said it was "under read." He's fairly certain there's a meniscal tear on the left side, but there is also the chance I'm dealing with a lot of bone on bone damage, too. He said that when he gets in, if there's too much damage (i.e., nothing he can repair to make my knee better for the next five years), he'll simply back out and close up. My next stop will be a new knee. So, I get a new knee now or in five years. That's okay because I've had bad knees all my life and I'm old enough to get new ones since artificial knees don't last as long as real ones.
     
    The depression is lessening a teensy bit. I don't think I've gotten a firm hold on the ladder just yet, but I know that it's all uphill from here on out. I haven't called my old counselor, hoping to get in to see the psych first, but maybe I should touch bases with her just to get a boost up onto the ladder.
     
    This afternoon I worked a tiny bit on Chapter 18. I think I was able to write seven lines before exhausting the creative flow.
     
    The as yet untitled short story I've started (and plan to submit to Glimmer Train in their Unpublished Writers contest) now has a cast (3 primary characters, 5 secondary). This is the synopsis: Frank Meyers is the sole family representative to attend his youngest son Mike
  25. CarlHoliday
    Yesterday morning at breakfast I read "The Whore of Mensa" by Woody Allen. It's a nice, short parody of those old dectective stories with an interesting twist.
     
    Last night I had an incredible dream of a fish hatchery tour, worn red brick, a small college graduation, and being much younger, like twenty-one, and looking for an apartment to share with, I think, six other guys. Puget Sound was on the wrong side of Seattle and it seemed more like the Pacific Ocean because of the sand dunes, lighthouses, RVs, and the condominium we went to check-out. As nearly always, the overall theme was searching for something, but this dream had the added twist of bipolar detachment which occurred inside the fish hatchery where there was this complicated process of catching a salmon to take home; you could take four. Plus, I was aware of being detached and returning to full awareness. It was like my sense of time stopped, I was only aware of me and what I was doing; the rest of the dream didn't exist. When I returned the tour was backed up because other people wanted to catch their won salmon, but I had only caught three. Yet, that was okay because the wife doesn't like salmon; she says it makes her smell fishy. Maybe its a good thing I'm going to see the shrink next Thursday.
     
    The physical therapist thinks maybe its time for a new knee. I'll wait for Ortho to give me an offer.
     
    I am working on getting back to writing, but I don't know what I'll be working on first.
     
     
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