Novelty

First off thanks to Dan and Myr for trying to put me in the loop. Yes, I got Chapters 14 and 15 earlier than most others and I got an insight to the large amount of work that has to be done before we get those chapters up on this site. I just want to give my thanks and appreciation to Myr and to E (who does all the editing) for all the hard work they've done. I'm going to depart slightly from the review format for Chapter 15. I know I've been moving towards this for a while now, but for a change, I'm going to colour it with my insights more than usual instead of making this a proper review (which I've always tried to keep objective). So my apologies for that. Also, this is a review, if you haven't read Chapter 15 yet, please read it first, as this review contains spoilers. You have been warned. But before I do that though, let me get through two things from Chapter 14. I couldn't mention it in the Chapter 14 review because it was early, but I really did like the conversation between Davey and his father in the car on the way back. That scene shows just how good a writer Dan is. Read the words carefully and you can see how each one of the characters have the unique speech patterns and how much emotions are conveyed with that conversation. The other thing in Chapter 14 that I didn't very much care for was the huge scene with all the relatives and stuff. Sure it introduces everyone and gives us an insight as to how things work in that household, but do we really need that? I'm of course, still bitter over the fact that we aren't getting the story about how Davey and Brian built up their financial empire and the subsequent war with the Chinese and I thought that this entire scene in the chapter was really superfluous. Boy was I wrong. Chapter 15 shows me how wrong I was as Dan used the characters and events in that scene to start off the chapter. I am beginning to like Nanny, eventhough Dan is now living with his paternal grandmother instead. Still her scenes were fun, particularly the crossaints and coffee scene. That was enjoyable. The introduction by Grayson about AIDS was weird. I mean what purpose did it serve? It could have been done better, and perhaps a Question and Answer session with the good doctor after a brief introduction would have served that scene better... but that would have lenghten the chapter. The scenes with Bryan... were written rather well, although I'm beginning to sense a little bit of Dom's influence on Dan's writing here. When I read through Dom's stories, it makes me want to yell at his characters for "not seeing the obvious". Dan seems almost to be doing the same here, so I wonder if it's deliberate or otherwise. The conversation with Uncle Rich was a bit disjointed for me as well, parts of which I had to go back and reread the preceding few lines just to ensure I understand the context of the conversation... and even after that, I couldn't understand why the conversation flowed the way it flowed in at least one part. I think that destroyed that scene for me. Sure it's minor, but as the saying goes - "One drop of ink... spoils the milk". One other thing I'd like to point out that didn't make sense to me was the fact that Davey said that the guard who refused Brian entry to his uncle was "a new officer". I do wonder how Davey found that out though - there's no indication that he talked to the guard on the way into the room, nor was any explaination given to Davey in the story. The sentence "It was a new officer." I said with a shrug. would have been better coming from Dr. Grayson or someone from the hospital staff. However, it's a minor point and I'm nitpicking here. The most powerful scene in the chapter though was the part where David Sr. stood in front of the crowd and preached. That scene had the hairs on the back of my arms and neck standing as I read it. It was just a very powerful sermon. One quick question though - who keeps a stone in their pockets? It's weird to read that some guy pulled out a stone from his pocket. Does that indicate that Pastor Jones had prepare the sermon beforehand? It would be interesting to see what sort of comments Dan has in his blog. When the stone was mentioned though, I felt a pit in my stomach. And everything that happened after that happened in the sequence I had pictured it. Use stone for distraction, pull out gun, shoot someone. I was glad Dan didn't make Davey the hero this time by making him rush to the rescue to subdue the shooter. The resulting anger from Davey was also powerfully written and I like the entire scene here as well. So what can I conclude? 1. Dan has taken the next step. He's now not writing for a print audience, but is instead gunning (pun intended) for the wide screen. The scenes didn't work too well in Chapter 13, worked better in 14 and was dramatic at the end of 15. I think he's experimenting a bit as well... be warned Dan, that what might look good on screen might actually be a bad idea in print. 2. Dan is evil... in a future chapter. Everyone was saying that this chapter was evil and I haven't seen any evidence of it yet. Sure, I have no idea where he's going in future chapters and more likely than not this Chapter sets the scene for the next few chapters. Any evilness, if any, is likely to be in a future chapter. Ultimately... I feel that this is a good chapter, better than Chapter 13, and a whole lot better than the chapter that I hated (was that Chapter 6?) but not of of the best of the sequel, and definately not the best that Dan has done to date. Points for discussion: 1. Will David Sr. die? 2. What impact will the shooting incident have on Davey? 3. How will Davey's and Brian's relation develop, given that they haven't spent as much time together during the formative/early teenage (or physically teenage) years as they did in the last timeline (Brian is less well developed, for example).

*waves hand in the air* I know the answer *gets muzzled by Dan*

So, I've read through Chapters 13 and Chapter 14... and as promised here's a review. Due to the fact that I got 14 a few hours early, I'm not going to say much about it. I like the conversation that Davey had in the car with is father, but other than that, I didn't care for the "family politics" which has a huge touch of the religious and I'll stay away from the topic. Chapter 13 isn't as bad on the surface and definately nowhere close to the chapter (was it 6 or 7) that I hated - in fact, I enjoyed the way Dan lays out the story and gives us little snippets of this and that. Is Dan making Davey a superman? On the surface, he seems to be, what with making him the hero of the game against their toughest opponent and scoring the last goal in the last minute for the win. So he missed the shot before, but that is glossed over by the fact that he singlehandedly won the tournament. Well, at this rate, I'm sure Dan will have Davey singlehandedly win WW3 this time around. I like the travelling over the pass paragraph or two, although, I have left a statement in Dan's blog that he should have included the extra infomation in that blog into the chapter, where he paints the scene even better. And finally, April gets more than just a brief mention in passing... although she's still not very much fleshed out in this sequel. But then again, I guess that is deliberate. How many older brothers take that much notice of their younger sisters anyways? Still, one wonders why she hasn't gotten more than a paragraph or two in the sequel. She feels very much like a minor character in the story, even more so this time around than the first Do Over. The interaction with Christopher could have been better written. It was a bit disjointed to read through, and I had to re-read the section a few times to ensure I understood what Dan was trying to say. It feels as though a few edits have occured there and some of the meaning have fallen through the cracks. I got the general picture, but at the end of the day it was a confusing one. Oh and Dan used "thingie" in the story. Dan have been dropping hints about being evil particularly in Chapter 15, and I think I've figured out what he's doing. Throw in the Dad poll in the forums and the fact that Brian shows up in Chapter 15 and I'd say 15 is going to be an interesting chapter. And since Dan is ahead, 15 might show up on Sunday! Joy oh joy. All, in all, very heartfelt writing across the two chapters, but it's also two chapters with writing highs and lows. They don't stand out too much for me, since I know Dan can do so much better than this. Nevertheless, they are good reads, and I would suggest that everyone enjoy "the calm before the storm". Chapter 15 is going to be a swell ride!

I put in a spoiler in the blog, but I won't repeat it here.

It's good that we are going to break the 10k barrier, but Myr's original post gave me the impression that he was going for quantity and not quality. Well, that may not have been the case, I'm sure we do want both quality and quantity on the forums. Perhaps this should really go into a PM (but I'm lazy). When I first found this forum, I thought, "Hey cool, a forum with writers, this should be stimulating". Well, I was in for a let down. Most of the posts were less than cerebral with the predominate type of post being "Yay, new chapter. Awesome. Can't wait for more!". Although there is nothing wrong with those types of posts, I was a bit flabbergasted that this was a forum for authors. The quality of the posts seemed substandard to me coming from a group of authors and author wannabes. I mean, I've read more in-depth discussion about Jennifer Anistan's hair in the Friends forum. I wanted to "raise the bar" a few notches, if allowed, and to push the boundaries a little bit. After all, these forums are for authors and author wannabes. Hence the Do Over Redux reviews (and I'm sorry if I'm picking on you too much, Dan). What do my reviews do? It allows me to express myself, for one. More importantly though, it gives the writer feedback in a useful form as opposed to just being general encouragement. Do I expect everyone to write reviews? No. But it would be nice to have a good discussion going on about the stories on the forums and I guess we have got there with Do Over Redux. Hopefully, the other stories would move into that realm if they haven't already done so. At the end of the day what am I doing? Community building. I get PM'ed whenever Dan posts a new chapter by a number of people, which makes me wonder if they are waiting for my reviews after the chapter. I have had IM discussions about DOR with a number of people on these forums. And I'm enjoying it. At the end of the day though, I hope the pursuit of quantity will not let the pursuit of quality fall by the wayside. We need both to go hand in hand.

And what's so magical about the 10k mark? Is the world going to end when that happens? Or will we get the spring anthology by then?

There'll be a chapter on Friday. 13 was the bonus chapter for the week. Seeing as to how we are getting 2 chapters this week, I think I'll do a combined review for both of them (and I hope Dan won't groan too much when he reads that last statement).

Links on Dan's Do Over page

Do Over Redux. Chapter 12. I could post: which would inflate Dan's ego and provide him some encouragement to write the next chapter. I'm sure Dan already gets enough of those. I'm going for the other route, to take on the story and to provide criticism, hopefully constructive, in the hopes that Dan will take encouragement from it to improve his own writing. Hence the regular chapter reviews. I have no idea if anyone agrees or disagrees with the reviews - if any one does disagree with me, feel free to post it here amicably. It is after all, your point of view and although they might not agree with mine, they are nevertheless as valid as mine. I know at some level Dan would like to have a discussion about the story and I know quite a lot of it has been going on privately. This though is an attempt at a public discussion which would, ultimately, enrich not only Dan and his writings, but also the forum and the site as well. And on to the review. I'm probably reading too much into this, but David (Wells) seems to have a thing for Davey. I know it's probably sacriledge, but at this point in the story, I wonder about the certainty of Davey getting back with Brian every. After, why is he so certain that Brian will ever want him back? Take away that choice confrontation that started the whole thing the last time around and Brian and Davey would never gotten together... but I digress... I do wonder though about the sort of progress we are going to see regarding Davey and David. There were two major storyline going through this chapter, intertwined with each other. The basketball competition was, for the lack of a better word, the "A" plot, while the "B" plot involved the president's speech. I liked both plots, although, for the purpose of this review, I'm going to stay silent about the speech, other than the fact that I thought it was well written and seems to be very plausible for Reagan to be giving. Perhaps Dan was formerly a presidential ghost-writer? That would explain a lot of things. The "A" plot though is very well written and I would say, much better written than Dan's fight scenes for this storyline. I could almost picture the action and hear the cheers and the roar of the crowd when reading through the chapter. Hey Dan, if story writing fails, you might want to see if you can get to be a sports writer. I very much enjoyed the story and was a little disappointed that we didn't get to read more of it. One thing that felt rather unreal to me was the part just before the speech, when the Captain Halstead laid out the terms of the big hush hush. The whole conversation there was a bit flat and felt a little bit subpar coming from Dan. I'm not sure how it could be improved, but the muddled Mr. Mulkey certainly didn't help with the tone that was being set. Well, I guess real life is stranger than fiction and perhaps this is what Dan was trying to portray... or not. There was another point in the story that didn't feel right to me as well. I was looking forward to getting a glimpse of the twin's private language. There wasn't any in this chapter, but Dan did make it a point to show us that they do converse in it most of the time when they are conversing with each other in a public place but would like to keep it private. And as to character development, I like the direction that Sam and Derek is going both as individual and together. The debate about time travel in this story is also very well written. It was a good touch to show Derek's intelligence there too. All in all, a very good chapter. I'm sure the same can't be said of this review. Oh well.

Well, I don't have recurring dreams... I just have dreams that are sequels... they don't run night after night though... it could be a few months later that I get the "continuation" of the dream. Very bizzare.

You know you can't rush perfection. But you can express how much you want the next chapter of DD to Dom. Hey Dom, maybe you should borrow a page from Dan and like announce on which day/dates that you'll be releasing new chapters.

A day or two more and you should have it... it's gonna be out on Friday. Begging Dan for it might work though

And just for those who haven't been to the soapbox: Ah, DO hints... can I ask if he was a major or minor character in DO? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Minor character just one or two scenes only! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> OK, anyone want to start guessing who it was that Dan saw that night? I'm sure that among the Do Over fandom out there, someone must probably know who he's talking about

I read Chapters 10 and 11 in one sitting... and I know one of these chapters was supposed to be "evil", but really, I guess I've read enough of Do Over to know what to expect. "Evil" in my opinion was blowing up Davey at the end of a chapter and leaving him dead throughout the whole of the next (Chapters 37 and 38 of DO, IIRC). More "evil" in my book is dropping hints like the "Battle of Taiwan" (note it's not the Battle FOR Taiwan) and not giving any details about it. Aaaaargh! Anyways, I'll do them the injustice of reviewing both Chapters 10 and 11 together, not because I'm being petty, but because I am just lazy. Chapter 10 was the domestic Thanksgiving chapter, while 11 was the "Road Trip with the twins" chapter, and one thing... or should I say two persons tie both chapters together - the twins Sam and David Wells. Actually Dan always introduces them as David and Sam, which gives me pause that David is more significant somehow, but I'll wait until the first few paragraphs of Chapter 12 to see if I'm right. Right, my suspicions aside... I like the domestic scene that Dan paints for the first part of Chapter 10 was interesting in the very least. Now we have a name for Davey's mother and we see the subtle "family politics" that comes into play between ones in-laws. It's interesting that Dan used a poker game to "go one up" on his father, although I wonder if maybe Davey was being made out to be superman again. I really don't believe that it'd be that easy to get a full house on the first hand, but I guess it does happen. The "meat" of the chapter was the latter half, particularly Davey's interactions with the twins. I'll skip the wrestling and the fondling parts of the story - they were fun to write, I'm sure. However, I must say I find Dan's description of Davey's room a bit lacking - all I can picture from the description is a colourless big blob that's the water bed, and a wooden dresser/bookshelf combo next to some sliding closet doors (which are probably white?) - everything is a bit grey in my head of course, because I have no idea what lighting was used in the room, or whether the window, if there are any (there is, as shown in the photo in the blog, but that's not mentioned in the narrative), is letting in any light (which is doubtful, since it's nighttime in a storm). And what about Wallpaper? Curtains? Other furniture? Decorations? Smell of the room? I don't know about most people, but the first thing to hit my senses when I walk into the room is the smell - each room smells different somehow to me. The interesting thing is that although the room was left formless and virtually undescribed, Dan decided to describe the twins right down to the colour and style of underwear that they wear. It is interesting to note though that the hotel rooms that Davey stayed in were described in greater detail in Chapter 11 than Davey's room. Before I forget, I enjoyed the language part of the story, and how Dan made Davey a superman again by giving him the power to decipher it on the first go. Still it was an interesting spin. I enjoyed the Russian exchanges in the first Do Over and this new made up language is just furthering Dan's writing horizons. And that's how Chapter 11 started as well, with the "gobbly-gook" as Derek calls it in the story. I could say a lot more about the phone conversation with President Reagan, but I'm writing a story review, not a civil liberties debate. What I did like about the phone call was how Reagan has mellowed in this chapter to be the person I remember him to be from the first Do Over. It is interesting though to see how Davey have been building up his relationship with the president over the last few chapters, eventhough their interactions are sparse are far between. Oh, and there's a real cliffhanger at the end of Chapter 11. That was nicely done there.

If you haven't already noticed Chapter 11 is up. I am really behind in my chapter reviews now... but I'd rather be even more behind at this point! Oh and this one has a real cliffhanger too! Go read if you haven't then go read Dan's blog to see what's up with the chapter. You won't be disappointed. Edit: And to catch up... Chapter 8. This was the first chapter of the next bit of Davey's life and I must say I enjoyed it. Dan tried to describe the school and I thought he did rather well in his typical Dan fashion. A few choice adjectives here would have enriched the description a bit more, but I'm going on like a broken record about this issue. Well, it supposedly gets better in Chapter 9 and later. The interaction with the principle was good, but not great, in my books. I like how it sets him up for a future storyline if need be, although other than introducing (or is it more like hitting the reader over the head with it) Davey's "smarts", it doesn't progress too much in this chapter. What I did like though was the way the chapter introduces Davey's entire class without making it seem too unnatural or as a narrative. The downside is that most of those characters were introduced twice, but that is only so we get to see the "Do Over" aspects of the story. All in all, an enjoyable read. Good, but nothing stellar. Chapter 9 I started this chapter in anticipation, because this was the first (?) of the chapters that my reviews had an impact on. Somehow though, I think Dan was trying to get rid of some of his real life frustrations because the chapter seems to lack the lighthearted mood that we saw in the last chapter. I like Davey's interactions with the bullies, and how Dan kept him consistant with the character from the first part of the story. I also liked quite a number of things in the story, particularly the fight scene in the shower. This is the second fight scene in the story and again, the scenes are vividly painted, not just from the action perspective, but also how things were experienced by the five senses. There seems to be some sort of formula where Brian's name is mentioned near the end of the chapter. The pining for him seems a distraction in this chapter though. Good story, better writing, but some of Dan's negative emotions seems to be showing through the writing and I would say it's a hinderance to the story. Still a good read and I enjoyed it.

I did say I'd post a review and after not thinking about it for a few days, I realised what this chapter was... forgettable. I'm not being harsh here, I'm just stating a personal opinion, but when compared with the previous chapter (Chapter 6), this chapter is very much an anticlimax to the entire arc. I must say though that on it's own, it's not a bad chapter, but there's nothing stellar in it either. It focuses mainly on Davey and his conversation with his dad. I like the insight Dan gives us as to Davey's behaviour and it's a nice relief to see that the conversation between father and son is distinct enough that I could tell who's saying what. There was also the interaction with Reagan, which felt odd to me - it's as if the Reagan he's writing here is a completely different person from the one that he wrote in the original story. I guess 2 years in office does change a man a lot. All in all, good, but not as great as Chapter 6. The next chapter will be set in the same year I think, so there won't be too large a "jump" forwards, which I'm thankful for. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait for the next chapter. Thanks for rushing Chapter 7 to us, Dan.

Someone was in a good mood when he wrote this. I'm going to let the story sink in for a few days before I make my review.

Man, I hope that doesn't means someone buys the farm in Chapter 10 or 11 or something :wacko: And yay for a chapter of Do Over earlier

Darn it! I figured that was the case since you're normally 3 - 4 chapters ahead. Oh well, I guess you should throw a sack over Davey's head more often The reviews are just my attempts to "raise the bar" here on the forums. I know authors love getting positive comments and praise, but I've rarely seen reviews of the stories anywhere here, so I thought it would be a good "service" to start one for DOR. You are, as always, welcomed to reject and/or ignore my comments, although, I'm glad that you haven't chosen to do so. And you are teasing the rest of us. We haven't even seen Chapters 7 and 8 yet, but I'm sure all in due time. Keep them coming, and I'm sure we'll love the stories. At least this time I hope you don't kill anyone before Chapter 30.

SPOILERS BELOW. If anyone wonders why I bother to read Dan's Do Overs, Chapter 6 of Do Over Redux shows exactly why Dan puts out such great stories. For me personally, the emotions that Dan displays in words whenever Davey interacts with is father has always been the highlight of the story. Perhaps that explains my disappointment with the subpar interaction in Chapter 4, but with Chapter 6, Dan gets back to the ball and paints the most poignant conversation so far in the sequel. I have to say I'm pleased to see Dan incorporating some of my earlier comments into the story. However it makes me wonder if Dan is trying to make a statement about himself by throwing a hood over Davey in the story. One last point to note: no cliffhanger! Yay!

I read Chapter 5 and as usual, can't wait for more. Was there a cliffhanger in the story? I must be immune to those after waiting everyday for a month for a new chapter of the original Do Over. The conversation was great, including the short interactions between Davey and his father, and I also liked Davey's interaction with Dr. Grime. However, this chapter again fails to deliver in the descriptive. For example, the description of the route to the airport could have benefitted from having some directions as adjectives - e.g. 3 miles south to the highway, 4 miles along the highway heading towards Ely, etc. However, I did find it interesting that age was used as an adjective for buildings in the conversation with Derek. This is suppose to be the first chapter of a 3 chapter story arc and it indeed does set the tone for the story arc. I'm sure we can expect Chapter 6 to build up towards whatever goal Dan is writing towards - it will have bits and pieces that are essential, but nothing too dramatic will happen. Of course, Chapter 6 will probably have a huge cliffhanger ending as well. Overall, I liked this chapter more than I did Chapter 4, and I'll say it again, I can't wait for Chapter 6.

Myr, one thing I find missing from each of the story pages is that there isn't a direct link to the forums here. That would be cool and might encourage people to leave their feedback on the forums... that is if you do want them to place their feedback here. Well, just so that people are aware, I'm only on this site because it's the first place that Dan posts his Do Overs and I've been a fan of that since... chapter 1 of the first story. I don't particularly have the time to read anything else here though (not even Dan's Harry Potter stuff), so my apologies if I don't provide any feedback for anyone else here. My advice for people who want their stories to be read... and better still get some feedback? Make sure the first line, if not the first paragraph of the first chapter of the story entices and encourages the reader to continue. Bait them early, and they'll follow your story, hook, line and sinker.

Hmm... I read chapter 4 and went away with mixed feelings about it, so I decided to wait a day or two before I make any comments. I still have mixed feelings about the chapter, but here's a quick review... note: spoilers ahead. S P O I L E R S P A C E Heh, if you haven't read chapter 4 yet, go read it! It's highly recommended despite my mixed feelings. And you've been warned - spoilers ahead. (and I note to Myr, I can't find out how to do spoilers with the forum code...) I didn't get to read about the first DOR interview with the Reagan in chapter 3, and the leap from the end of chapter 2 to chapter 3 was a huge one. The start of chapter 4 though, quietly and neatly continues from chapter 3 and continues in the usual DK style. One of the things that stands out from the beginning of the chapter is that davey got made out to be a rather domestically minded person (did he actually do home ec in a former lifetime?). That's an issue that not many male writers would write about and I guess that's one thing that sets Dan's writing apart from many others - it has the usual mundane things mixed in with the exciting events, and the mundane only seems to make the characters in the story more real. However there is one thing I wish Dan would write from a female perspective. He describes the landscape and countryside in terms of dimensions - distances, time to travel there, etc. and by ownership, but doesn't do the justice of describing them as they are perceived by the senses. Colour, smell, texture, temperature, while not missing is relegated to a position of secondary imporatance in his writing, which is a pity, particularly when describing the possibly majestic landscape of Nevada. He has promised to post scanned pictures of the area and although a picture may speaks a thousand words, it seems to me that it's an easy way out of not making the landscape as real and believable in the narrative as the characters. As Dan pointed out in his blog (and I must recommend you read that as well), this chapter is about Davey's relationship with his father, and this is where I have mixed feelings about. The conversation between Davey and David seems to be to be a bit stale and/or forced at times, and read in parts to be almost as if they were being spoken by the same person. If not for the writing cues, I would barely be able to tell apart who's speaking which sentence. Perhaps this is just a case of David being a blank state at this point in time, despite the fact that we know so much about him. If this chapter is to highlight what more of what the story will be about, than I think Dan is going to have an uphill struggle to craft the conversations that Davey is going to have with David. There is stark contrast though between the Davey/David conversation and the Davey/Major Kowalski conversation. I find the latter to be more believable and to portray Davey's character more accurately based on what has been previously built up about him. Just when I thought I should give up reading the chapter, I get the fun of reading about Davey's character interaction in just a few short paragraphs that more than makes up for my disappointment with the rest of the story. Overall, it's an OK chapter for me, the Davey/Major Kowalski interaction saving it from being subpar. I've read better chapters from Dan and I look forward to Chapter 5. OK, I've rambled on enough. Dan, I have tried to make all my criticism constructive and I hope this review has been useful to you. Myr, if I'm not suppose to be doing reviews here, please let me know.

Heh, I'm getting your blog via the feed, and it's good. I just wish Myr could feed out the stories as they are posted as well. Whoa - That's like 20 chapters of a whole new untold story condensed in a paragraph. I hope we do get that story at some point in the future!!!

Welcome to Lor83b. Hah! I beat movieguy to it for once