JeffsFort

I think we all have that “If only” thought when we remember feeling as though we were all alone, broken, and worst of all unloveable because of who we were. The feeling of those around us that we love suddenly turning on us once they know is overwhelming and not unfounded unfortunately. I always wished someone would have approached me and said they knew and that it was okay. Every imagined conversation back then went exactly that way. Then you remember that there is no guarantee that others, regardless of how much you care about them, will react with love and support. We have too many examples of the exact opposite. You don’t out someone else to the world, you don’t have that right. But, you can take a couple of small steps to show how important someone else’s privacy is. I’ve actually had this happen years back and it went really well. Just be sure to consider how close you are to this person first. I was an adult and my friend’s son was in his mid teens. It was obvious to me that he was awkward and a little closed off. It was also obvious how he responded to his peers about how hot this girl or that one were that he wasn’t on the same page as the others. This was also before I came out to my friends and family so I put serious thought into not just how to let him know I could “see” him and that no matter what, that changed nothing for me. I also had a way to gain his trust a bit further: just by asking for his. I found an opportunity to talk to him alone on a drive out to the place I worked. He was coming along because we were having a pretty big event and I offered him a night out for some fun. During the drive, I asked him a few questions that I had considered previously. I intended to out myself to try to get him to commiserate and hopefully do the same knowing I was putting a lot of trust in him. I asked if I could talk to him man to man, which is odd for me since I never acted like an adult, ever. He responded “Yeah, you know that.” Then I told him that I thought I knew the answer already but I was hoping he wasn’t homophobic. It had the desired affect, he thought for a moment and said that he wasn’t. He was paying close attention to me but looking everywhere else but at me. Then I asked him if what was said in the car, stayed in the car. He said yeah. So I took a deep breath and told him that I had been hiding the fact that I was gay. I knew from very early on and that I was but still frightened to tell my friends and parts of my family so I just decided to keep it to myself. I was pretty close to him back then so I told him I felt like he was someone who wouldn’t judge me too harshly. Now, I was nervous to tell anyone else outside of the internet but I was also worried about him as he was beginning to pull back from everyone including me. I told him that my confession was about something that has always been there but I was getting tired of hiding from the people I cared the most about and then let the silence do it’s job. After a few minutes he confirmed that what was said in the car stayed in the car and outed himself and really began to talk... Long story short, If you are gay and you suspect someone you care about is gay then you have a way to prove that you can be trusted, by asking for their trust first. I knew very well that my conversation could have uncovered absolutely nothing if he wasn’t ready to talk but, that he at least would know that if he was in fact struggling with his sexuality that he was not alone. I didn’t force him to deal with what I thought I knew or suspected. I asked him for understanding and showed him that I trusted him. We talked for days after that. Shared our fears about the truth getting out but proving to each other that there will be those who simply aren’t going to look at us any differently. He was around when I came out to the group I called family and for the most part, that slowly fishtailed and I learned that I was not who I had always been to most, often treated as if I had been willfully deceiving them. Not all but enough to kick in my foundation in at the time. My friend did eventually come to terms with himself that he was in fact Bisexual and that it was okay. His family reacted like mine at first but as with me, time simply showed us who were a part of the family and who simply couldn’t be. Just in case you are wondering, It’s been many years since that conversation and of all the people who were a part of my life back then, he is one of the only ones who is still there. He’s doing very well and there isn’t one person in his life today that doesn’t accept him for who he is. Opening the door is the only thing you have the power and the right to do. Making someone step through that door is where we can’t overstep. Even an assumption can come across as an accusation and make that person feel cornered. Show that you are someone that could understand and you have opened that door. Keep in mind, for some this feels like the end of the world as they know it until given proof otherwise. So just be kind, understanding, and patient and allow them the space and time to decide for themself, on their terms.

Yeah, it was moved to a more up to date service with lots of toys and stuff. https://discord.gg/5rVAUj9 << That link will get you there

Damn! Powerful sell there...

OMG! Sad thing is, I'd watch this... LOL!

OMG... Daddy’s Home! Wasn’t there music behind that? I gotta go find it now XD

I believe there were one to many "Shablams" in there XD

I get this one and you are right that sometimes to get a story that breaks the mold, you gotta write it yourself. The funny thing, even a story that is "new ground" for you won't be for everyone no matter how hard you try. I was totally convinced that my first story posted online was different from anything else out there. It had all the elements of a plot twist that I felt hadn't been used and it was based in my real past. How could that have anything in common with anyone else's work? Then I began to get feedback from its readers. At first, it was encouraging. People would try to guess where I was heading and when they were completely wrong, I'd do a little happy dance in my chair. (Not a pretty sight actually. Humorous maybe...) Then people started to get closer and closer to the actual plot in their guessing. One guy actually got so close, I thought about rewriting the outline. That's when I realized that as long as you are singling out one specific genre, there is a limited amount of outcomes. Now factor in the fact that the people looking for these stories are looking for the same thing that I was back then. You know, the exact same stories that made me decide to write my own. Then all you need to do is step back and think about how many people reading went through the same lousy situation growing up and wanted the same better ending and then guess what, we all are coming from a similar mold. Our unique situations have just as many similarities as they do differences. So why would the stories we write be completely different? We all wanted the same better ending and we all will probably write that into our story. So even though we want to walk a different path, they all seem to lead to the common "happy ever after" that everyone wants but is frightened to never find. (Boy is gay, boy feels left out, boy finds someone who understands, boy finds a way to feel like he fits in, boy finally meets boy...) You may not have read everything out there but often, you actually can feel like you've "Seen It All" and not be completely wrong.

OMG, is that game play graphics? I gotta check this out

So, there is a lab somewhere doing genetic experiments, WFM is one of the successes then

There is one red flag that I have never been good at determining how genuine it is but have gotten lucky to spot on occasion. Expressed homophobia. We’ve all seen this and it often hurts...but is it genuine or put on as a smoke screen? That’s the problem with this one. A good example I can think of was a crush I had on this kid Billy when I was about 14. (Name May or may not be made up, you decide.) Billy moves into our neighborhood and he was a dream to look at. Beautifully bronze tanned, slim build, soft wavy sun bleached blond hair, ice blue eyes... OMG thinking about this kid now STILL gives me a shiver. I strategically wormed my way into his daily routine and immediately tried to get a fix on his interests. Like me he loved the beach, his main transportation was his bike or his skateboard just like me, he loved hockey and loved to play street hockey...We had so much in common that I found myself seriously falling in lust with him. I soon decided to test the water a bit and see if he was game. This one day I was watching TV and he came in wearing the usual summer uniform, his yellow “short” bathing suit and ratty sneakers; nothing more. Anyway, I was sitting in a chair near the door and he put his foot on it, giving me a very good view of one of his “boys”. I pretended not to see at first so I could burn the image into my mind before deciding to go for broke. I looked at him and shook my head “You come over to show off?” I laughed and motioned to his shorts. He looked down, and then really looked and realized how exposed he was. This beautiful boy, this kid who for the past couple of months had become my right hand man and had so much in common with me looked back at me and with a dead straight expression replied with “What, are you a f*ck*ng homo?” in a very disgusted tone. The worst part part of it all is never being sure if this is an actual red flag or simply over doing it with the “No Homo” mask that some of us wore when we weren’t ready to come out to the world. That overcompensation that develops when some of us think that it “shows” somehow. Over reaction or not, when you are just as young and just as unsure of how you will be taken, the only way to take it is at face value. I sighed and said “Jesus dude, I was joking.” and got up and left him in my house. I took a walk to the store and got a drink, then went down to the tide wall and watched the ocean for an hour or so and decided that I no longer wanted to spend any time with someone who could be that mean at the drop of a hat. He took the hint and went home. He tried a few times to pretend nothing had happened but, it just hurt to think that he had the potential to hate me because I liked him. A few months later when winter was in full swing, his family moved away. Never knew where he went and he never knew any more about what happened that day other than I saw an ugly side of him that I wasn’t willing to tolerate...no matter how much else we had in common. Until that moment, ugly was miles away from him and then suddenly, it was all I could see in him. I didn’t know it until years later but, I may have been lucky to recognize that as a red flag. If not and he really was that homophobic, back in the 80s he would have been able to cause me some serious grief with others in the neighborhood. It turns out, because I was so blinded by his beauty that I didn’t see, or chose not to see that he was just a jerk to anyone who he didn’t see as cool as himself. Always trust that gut feeling I suppose.

Hahaha, yeah you gotta totally mame us to stop us. Muhahaha Feel better Comsie. I'd pat you on the back but... ow

Aw man, you know when I was a kid and hiding my feelings from everyone, I used to simply assume that anyone I was interested in was straight and there was no way I was ever going to have a boyfriend. Any girl they spoke with felt like competition that I just wasn't going to measure up to. I was jealous of girls just for being girls. Which made me angry cause I liked being a boy, almost as much as I liked other boys. Granted, the locker room or shower in school gave me a better view than they would ever have of just about anyone I ever wanted to see naked or even close to it. Just the fact that I felt that I needed to pretend I wasn't interested just felt so unfair. I guess I grew up in the wrong decade to be comfortably open that way. (The right one for open showers with friends after P.E. though. <grin>)

Well, there have been quite a few Walmart isle performances the past couple of years

Wow. I don't know what exactly this is in response to but I've seen it far too often. I watched people who have shared something that they put a huge piece of themselves into be absolutely crushed by someone who felt it was their right to criticize. I've even watched people who really shined when they found a small piece of the spotlight online just throw away their work and vanish. Just gone. Because of an inconsiderate reader who couldn't do better but felt it their duty to tear apart that work and damn the feelings of the person it destroyed in the process. Over the years, I've gotten my fair share of hate mail. Complaints about my grammar, punctuation useage, poorly executed plot devices, deviations from the expected path... every single one of them came from two types of people. Those who have never written a word and shared it, and those who have posted work online but feel that their methods or beliefs or process... etc... are superior. So they need to prove it by soiling other people's work. I'd like to say that it's easy to just let it roll off. To not be affected. To not care that X thinks I suck at what I share. I'm human. We all are. Comet, I can think of no one who has put as much of themselves into their work as you have over the years. I personally am grateful to have found you and your work as it has seriously impacted me in my own corner of this zoo we call an internet. If you can't let it roll off, we will understand. For every one jerk out there, there are 20 who would be devastated if you dropped all and walked away. Keep that in mind when these people troll you and if they become too persistent, we want names and addresses *HUGZ*

Awwww....

Difficult... Puhleeze! How often do you get the opportunity to work with someone who you have always looked up to? Seriously. For that alone, I would repair a hundred Imagine-Magazines (don't get any ideas). Over the years, through all the crap either of us has been through and the fact that we are still here. My prized possession, in the end, is a friendship that I treasure and a brother who I will be there for if and when I am ever needed. Besides, what kind of little brother would you be if you weren't a little difficult. LMAO! *HUGZ* I am still waiting on Stealth you know... Just sayin' ;)

Awesome! Can't wait to see what you have in store! No seriously, I can't wait. Email it or something ;) *HUGZ* Happy Anniversary and welcome back to the web IM!!!

This looks awesome! Edit: aw, that’s all there is. I was hoping it was a trailer. Really well done tho.

That stupid dancing baby!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Racism is always an ugly topic as it’s fostered by ugly people with ugly virtues. I generally avoid discussing it unless I happen to cross paths with someone who doesn’t hide the fact that because of their race, sexual orientation, social status, underwear size... that they are somehow superior to another. It drives me nuts but there are times that this person has been taught these beliefs and has never questioned their teaching. I usually respond to comments that insinuate that “so and so” is someone to look down upon, with confusion. “Oh really? Why?” You would be surprised how many people don’t have an answer to such a simple question. It does leave the floor wide open to start the discussion why I don’t feel the same and once in a great while, you can see them question themselves. Not often enough but, I’ll take my wins wherever and whenever I can. I don’t see why a discussion can’t happen but, keep an eye out. Feelings can be unintentionally be hurt and misunderstandings happen too easily when text fails to relay the underlying intent and emotion of some comments, which happens all too often. *HUGZ*

It seems like a lifetime ago when I first read this story. All these years later it is still so powerful. God I wish I could write like this. Hehehe...

So, I decided to start all over and realized part way in “wasn’t Taryn’s song like 3 parts? And now it’s 9!?!” So, I read on and learn so much more about what happened after Taryn decided to take Trevor up on his offer. Now, I loved getting more of a look into this time period but... I had already accepted the old “ending” and this is now hanging. I love ya Comet but, you gotta do something about this. Hehehe!

Okay... I spoke too soon. Found it on YouTube in it’s entirety. (Their own website doesn’t mention where to find it. I just took a blind stab and got lucky.) I watched it and agree, we need to see this, all of us. I think the idea is amazing and maybe that message will be heard by even more in this fashion. Removed by reality, the typical stigmas may appear to be far enough removed for those unable to find that common ground. The basic idea that those who are homophobic would end out pulling for the ones who are being discriminated against for having those values... It could be enough for them to make the connection to senseless hate that is very real here and now. What an excellent film. “I’m not crying, you’re crying!” *HUGZ*

Yeah Comet... Have you actually seen the movie itself? I would love too but there is no way without a planned screening evidently. I will probably contact the production staff and see if they plan on making physical copies or digital download purchases a possibility. I mean, I would absolutely be willing to buy a copy of it based on the premise and the trailer alone and I’d bet I’m not alone. *HUGZ*

I've always joked that my gaydar was either broken or, I got the economy trial gay'ish'dar which is a beta version and buggier than a piece of hard candy sitting next to an ant hill. As I've told many people throughout the years, I am a gay male who is attracted to straight acting males. Flamboyancy has always struck me as a little over the top and doesn't really interest me. I'm not sure why that is but, it does mean that if I am to ever find "the one" I would need a really good gaydar. I've always been able to find straight guys who weren't hung up on the whole "messing around with a friend" thing, which was awesome when I was a teen but always ended out in a heartbreak once it was no longer wanted. (Guy finds a girlfriend, moves away, gets bored with sex play with someone who is just a friend...) As an adult, feeling that out with other adult males can be responded to violently so, that would be where my gaydar should help. Right? No, not at all. When I was a kid, I found this type of attraction in older teens. I found it in an adult only once when I was still really young (10) and he took advantage of my immature knowledge so he could hurt me. Granted, I'm an adult now but, that fear and anxiety rises to the surface with peer-aged males. Hence, how I believe my gaydar got broken in the first place. There have been times when I really thought another guy was cute but, they were "too straight" to even consider so I never even tried. Times when I would either run into that person years later and meet their boyfriend "Oh yeah, by the way. I'm gay." or be talking to another friend and be told, "You knew so-and-so was gay, right?" When that started happening too often, I just gave up on my gaydar and any hope of finding someone who wanted to share my life with me. Sad thing is, there is no warranty against breakage with a gaydar. If it becomes gay'ish it generally causes more heartache than if it was simply nonexistent. Yes, I've called gaydar tech support already. They asked for my member ID. Apparently, the economy trial beta version isn't supported anymore.