The Donling

This is simply beautiful. It encapsulates my read of things perfectly. Thank for these words.

What a lovely sentiment, @austinbiguy. I feel the need to point out, though that Evan never replaced Jackson in Blake's heart. He dug In deep and made his own home. Also, Jackson didn't leave Blake. Jackson realized that Blake would never be happy settling in one place with a roof over his head, at least until he reached a point in life when he was too old or suffered too many injuries to enjoy life on the road. Jackson also realized that if he followed Blake again, Cash couldn't follow. Jacks would also be a constant shadow in Blake's wake. So, the boy acted the only way he could and still get what his heart wanted. He let Blake go. He didn't give up their love. He fell back with Cash and built a home big enough for all of them when the time was right. I'm fairly certain that at some point in the future they will all live under one roof with the addition of Evan keeping them entertained and sexually satisfied. They're all in one bed built for four that Cash made and some phrase, maybe "Still. Here" etched in a secret place on the wood. I imagine Jacks, Cash, and Evan caring for Blake in his older years as he writes his book and becomes a world renowned author. Love is a generative force, the more one gives, the more there is to get back. There is a lot of love to give between these men. It warms my heart to see how it all turned out. Perhaps this is as close @CasualWanderer82 has gotten to a truly happy ending and I am here for it. Thank you for the engaging conversation!

Aw, you're so sweet! I've missed you too. I couldn't lurk anymore once the salt started spilling. I draw the line when others claim moral mandates and preach that their way is the only viable and healthy way to live. Not when history has clearly shown differently. I won't claim that what happened in chapter 19 is just and healthy. It's way too soon to judge. I will say that a throuple could work provided all three wanted it and they were dedicated to making it work. It requires love between all three, through. Sharing Jackson will only drive Cash and Blake crazy. There is a spark between Blake and Cash but is it enough? I'm curious to see if it is and I have enough love for this story to accept whatever Casual writes. I yield the balance of my time, Madame Speaker. 😊

You seem to think that love is a finite quantity, that there is only so much to be sliced up and parceled out. Perhaps it is, but I find that love is a generative force that grows as it is experienced. Many subscribe to the belief that throuples and polycules can never work and they are entitled to their beliefs. That said, I come from a culture where polyamory was normal and accepted for thousands of years, ending only when Conquistadores and Christian missionaries butchered our people and crushed our culture. Jackson, Cash, and Blake might not be endgame but they can last if they want to. As for Daisy, she sent Cash with Jackson. She knew this was something the three of them had to work through. I think she will accept whatever makes them happy. Might she worry? Hell yes. Will she sass them about it at every turn? Most certainly but anyone who knows Southern folk will tell you that sass is our love language. As for the people of Willow Creek, they settled their business at the trial. Some might grumble and point fingers at a throuple but those that matter will accept them. As the saying goes, "Those who matter won't mind. Those who mind don't matter."

Yyyyyyyeah....this isn't going to end well. I'm definitely vibing "Thelma and Louise" meets "American Psycho." Noah definitely has MPD/DID with one of his personalities a murderous psychopath. Noah seemed like he was doing well on medication until Joshua showed up. I see a pattern. Joshua does something violent and stupid, Sprite shows up, kills the perps and the witnesses, cleans up the mess, and moves them on. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum. They are spree killers drawing bodies and cops across the country like a bloody zipper. This really has only one end which tells me that you are going to do something completely unexpected. I wouldn't question something vaguely supernatural but more likely, Shane is going to step up like Sarah Connor with a dick. Sprite doesn't like Shane and I don't think it is because Shane is "inconvenient." Shane can reach Noah even when Sprite is dominant. Noah defies Sprite for Shane. Me? I would kill off Joshua because he is the key that keeps letting Sprite out. I would do it in a way that let's the brothers have closure, maybe Sprite and Joshua go down in a blaze of glory only Shane reaches Noah at the last second. Maybe Noah "kills" Sprite to save Shane, creating a new personality, as deadly and as capable as Sprite only this one doesn't kill. He is a rescuer, a heroic figure. Then they vanish, showing up in some foreign country happily until next. I have to wonder, how did the killer personality end up named "Sprite"? I think about how "real" faeries are terrifying creatures but given these are traumatized little boys, I wouldn't be surprised if the creature was named after a fizzy drink. This is by far your darkest story. I can't imagine this ending in any kind of happy way, which tells me that you're going to try just for the challenge. I'm here to the end regardless!

AW! Hehe, I'm glad! You work hard to bring us these stories, it is only fair to entertain you when I share my thoughts.

I haven't read all of your stories. To my recollection Daisy Bell is the first woman to play a central role in the story. Ryan's mom had a big part in the early chapters of “Man Up”. Brandon's mom likewise played a big role but neither were core to their respective stories. Daisy gets her own chapter and she appears at present to be as core to the story as Jackson and Blake. Her role might not remain at the heart of the story long term but she still strikes me as a “first” in your writing. I like it. I love Daisy. She has that same intrinsic sweetness as Dolly Parton while having a spine of steel honed by a lifetime of hardship. Her wisdom and respectability were hard earned. That is most prevalent in this chapter. A new character appears in this story and that is the town of Willow Creek. You introduce the town through its history and relationship with Daisy Bell. These are all people who once sneered down their collective, judgmental noses at her. They took pleasure in making young Daisy's life difficult and yet she stuck it out. Slowly but surely her kindness, patience, and pluck won them over until now Daisy is a cherished member of their community. I don't recall another story of yours where the community was so fleshed out. The story isn't isolated to a beach house or a cabin in the woods. You are painting a whole world within which the principal characters live and breathe. As such minor characters can influence the story in ways impossible to predict. Your butterflies can start typhoons. For someone like me who takes pleasure in reading patterns of behavior and guessing at actions next taken, this is heaven. //"Well, would ya look at this sorry sight," Cash drawled, every syllable dripping with that Willow Creek country twang, "sleepin' like a damn baby after causin' the biggest commotion I done seen since Mabel's cow ran off with the preacher's garden gnome.”// What a way to open a new chapter! Firstly, this is one reason (of many) why I adore Cash. He is sly and funny as shit. Secondly, you are incredibly funny! I don't see enough of your humor. I treasure this story because it makes me laugh as well as it makes me smile and cry. By the way, plastic lawn flamingos are the garden gnomes of Florida. I don't know about other Southern states. I keep hearing “garden gnomes? What, you a snow bird or a damn queer?” I wonder, what did Mabel’s cow do once she was alone with the garden gnome? c'est un scandale ! //it's gon' land about as pretty as a cow in a wedding dress.”// It's Mabel's cow! She married the goddamn garden gnome! They eloped! Random thought, why is Cash obsessed with bovines of the female persuasion? Does he have a milking fetish? Fuck, but that's hot! //after you damn near broke my van door runnin' off.// Casual, darling, I hate to point this out but when you introduced the characters Cash had a truck. A girl complimented his truck and he had his way with her in the bushes. Blake fucked Colton in the back of his van. Then, suddenly, they switched. Which is it? You might want to edit because that kind of error goes beyond “happy accident.” Also, I promised to share a theory about why Jackson finds Blake so attractive. Blake and Cash have a lot of traits in common. If Cash is unattainable, being straight or Jackson is afraid of ruining their friendship, Blake might be the next best thing. I'm still holding out for Cash and Jackson in the end but I'm aware that Blake and Jackson have that special “gravity” seen in so many of CW’s iconic love matches. I admit my bias. I grew up around cowboys like Blake and they were, to a man, assholes. I don't like Blake, I trust him even less. He is smooth and sexy though. Cash is a “baby Blake” in that regard. //You get caught in that tangle, they'll skin you alive with their mouths.”// They did that to his mama and she got through it. It won't be pretty for Jackson and he might get it worse being “a damn queer” but Blake is in more danger than Jackson. The community is prone to seeing it as Blake “ruining a sweet, innocent boy”. He’ll be lucky to get out of town alive. This might be a big reason why Blake is such a drifter. Colton is despised by the community. He is safer for Blake. //"You know I ain't gonna stand by while you get broke to pieces.”// I predict a very tense scene coming up soon where Cash confronts Blake and demands to know his intentions toward Jackson. He warned Buckley once already. Cash might be young and Blake might be tougher and stronger, but it would be one hell of a fight. Blake already sized up Cash and seemed a bit leery of him. //"You the only person in this damn town I'd run through a burnin' house for." Jackson nodded, voice small. "I know.”// Lines like this drive me nuts. Cash might be saying “I love you, man. You're like my brother” but the phrasing is strange for that. It could just as easily be a hint at deeper intimacy. If that was so, wouldn't Cash be more jealous of Blake? Wouldn't Cash be upset that Blake claimed Jackson's virginity? So much tension is crackling beneath the surface between these two. There is a whole story between them that we haven't seen yet. //"God, I know. But I couldn't tell her. It's like I couldn't make the words come out. She looked at me like she already suspected.”// She did, she does, and she knows why you lied, baby boy. And that leads me to my next thought. For all the “gravity” between Blake and Jackson, both treat what they did as a dirty secret. That can't end well. I see why the community is a character in the story. Their reaction moves the story. //You leave her out in the cold, thinkin' you slippin' around like some no-good drifter, it'll eat her up.”// “Like a no-good drifter”. Oh, you mean, like Blake? //Mama Daisy's makin' grits, and if I know her, she's halfway convinced you starved to death last night.”// CW, have you ever eaten grits? I have it every morning. Don't let Yankees fool you. There is only one way to eat grits and that is with salt and butter. If you can afford it, add cheese. If you wanna get fancy, serve grits with sausage gravy. I sometimes add a little milk. Eating grits with milk and sugar is plumb gross! 😉 On another note, how did Cash get to be so wise when he is the first to start swinging and jumps into trouble with both feet? //Cash perched at the old table, shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth like a man just pulled off a cattle drive.// That is me every morning at 8:00 AM. //That small gesture nearly undid him more than any shouting ever could.// Mamas know exactly what buttons to push, when, and how to push them to exact maximum guilt. It's damn uncanny. //Cash smirked, unfazed. "Can't help it. I'm the fun one.”// ^This^ is why I want Cash’s babies. Caaaaaaasual, pleeeeeeease? //"And I don't care who you run with, Jackson Bell. As long as they got a good heart. But you best be sure they do, 'fore you hand 'em yours."// Daisy learned that lesson the hard way. It's also pretty much the crux of the story. Does Blake have a good heart? The jury is out. //Cash leaned across the table, voice lower, more private. "You gon' tell her?" Jackson sighed, picking at the biscuit on his plate. "I just...I can't. Not yet.”// Am I the only one jumping up and down in my seat yelling “TELL!!! HER!!!” I feel like that damn hunter in “Jurassic Park” telling everybody to shoot the goddamn raptor. Nobody listens to me either! //Cash was working on his second plate, sopping up yolk with a biscuit like he hadn't eaten since Tuesday.// Only his second plate? PFFFT! Lightweight! And you call yourself a Southern boy! //"I been thinkin'. Maybe it's time we had a proper get-together.”// As my niece is fond of saying. “Well, cover the furniture in plastic cuz the shit’s about ta hit the fan.” It is impossible to have any kind of gathering in the South without at least one scandal, one injury, and a cat fight–usually all at the same time and involving the same people. //Jackson felt his stomach twist, thinking of how many eyes might end up on him and Blake, if Blake showed up. But he forced a small smile. "That sounds...nice, Mama.”// I have a sneaking suspicion that Daisy Bell came up with this idea because her boy done lied to her. She aims to get answers and she will not be denied. See, I think Jackson went about this all wrong. Look at Cash. Had he gone and slept with the preacher’s daughter and his mama caught him dragging in with his clothes on backward, covered in lipstick, and smelling like a perfume factory, he might grin from ear-to-ear and say “hell yeah! And I'm gonna do it again Saturday night!” He wouldn't have to say WHO he slept with. If his mama dared to call him on it he might just say, “Do you REALLY want to know? I’ll tell ya but you're the one who’s gonna be seein’ her at the Piggly Wiggly later.” All of this is happening because Jackson feels guilty and ashamed of what he did. That is going to put his mama on the warpath to find out who did it so she can either fix it or beat the hell out of the one responsible for putting her boy in that position. Remember, Buckley was the adult. He was the experienced one. He knew what was going to happen and he did it anyway. It doesn't matter that he succumbed to the gravity he felt with Jackson. If he really cared about that boy, he would never have put Jackson in that position in the first place. Buckley didn't hesitate once. He put his needs and his desires before that boy. I have no sympathy for him. I hope Daisy rakes his sorry ass over the coals! I can't wait for what Cash does to him! Full disclosure. I just realized why I am having such a visceral reaction. A situation like this happened in my family. My sister was 17. She fell for a 40 year-old drifter. He was a smooth, slick con artist. He got her pregnant and laughed in our faces when our family confronted him about it. My mama picked up a tire iron and started for him. “You sorry, no-good, son of a bitch!” It took two of my grown brothers to hold her back. We got my niece out of that incident. I love her dearly but I'd still castrate that bastard with a rusty spoon. I need to pause and calm down. I'll pick up again shortly. I'm back after taking a lot of deep breaths and watching a few cat videos. Did you miss me? Where was I? Ah, yes. //When she was gone, the house seemed quieter, the light a little softer, like even the walls knew they'd been left alone to sort their mess.// THEIR mess? What, Cash is stepping up, refusing to let Jackson face this alone? Like a true friend and someone who actually loves Jackson would? If so, good, but it isn't Cash’s responsibility. It's Blake's. //a curling iron in one hand and a cigarette dangling from her painted lip.// I laughed at this. How many times have I seen it? Ye gods. Nice touch. I read through the description of the town and smiled. I imagined my niece reading it. She'd look at CW with a deadpan expression. “You know, we have Walmarts in the South.” Nonetheless, the town and its folk struck me as picturesque and charming. I gained a good sense of the personality of the community. //"Heard you might be throwin' a get-together," he called, eyes bright. "You best save me a slice of pie."// Goddamn, the rumor mill outpaced her while Daisy was still moving. That is going to come into play later, I'll bet. Also, this isn't going to be a small gathering. Daisy is going to have half the town there at this rate. Whatever happens is going to be VERY public. I wonder if she is counting on it? As a victim of the rumor mill in the past, Daisy would know how to make it work to her advantage. What are you up to, Daisy Bell? //Folks stopped her every three feet, talking weather, asking after Jackson, and even gossiping about Marla's boy getting caught with someone's daughter behind the grain elevator.// News that Jackson Bell lost his virginity is going to spread like COVID in an elevator. Girls are going to scream and demand to know the name of the hussy responsible so they can hate her forever. If it gets out that he wasn't with a girl–I don't know. Jackson is loved and held in high esteem like his mama. That might be enough to spare him from the usual fate of gay boys–dead in a ditch or hung from barbed wire like poor Matthew Shepherd. //She brought casseroles to funerals, helped mend torn-up dresses for Easter, and stayed kind without letting anyone push her around.// This is why I close my eyes and see a younger Dolly Parton. Daisy is tough as nails when she needs to be. Otherwise, she is perhaps the kindest soul there ever was. I get why Jackson feels so ashamed. Who wants to break Daisy’s heart? Who wants to see that look of disappointment in her eyes? It's cruel to crush her dreams and rob her of an opportunity at happiness. The thing is, that opportunity was never real in the first place. //And Willow Creek had learned to respect her the way a small town respects a thunderstorm. Sure, you could grumble, but you'd be a fool to stand in its way.// We haven't seen the church crowd yet. They are likely the ones still sneering at Daisy and spreading nasty gossip about her. //If Jackson was tangled up in something, she'd be there to catch him. Like she always had.// This might be her biggest test. I still think she knows all about Blake and Jackson. Maybe the barbecue is her stage to confront Blake. I'm not sure she would be out to punish anyone. She might want to pin Blake down and put him in a position where he has no choice but to own up to the consequences of his actions. She might not want her boy to suffer like she did. //She watched how his shoulders stiffened, how his eyes flickered just a second with something he tried to bury. Daisy pretended not to notice, though her heart squeezed a bit at the silent admission.// Yyyyyyyeah, she knows. Blake might as well have shot off fireworks “I FUCKED JACKSON BELL!” Also, I'm pretty sure she is up to something with the barbecue. Next chapter is going to be exciting! //"You know," she continued, light as if talking about the weather, "he'll be real glad to see you.// Yep, she knows. To my knowledge she only saw Blake with Jackson once, in that bathroom stall at the fair. She has no reason to think they meant anything to each other. //"I...yeah. Okay. I'll come by. Wouldn't want to pass up your cookin'.”// Aaaaand the trap is set. He took the bait. //He walked like someone far older than eighteen, arms wrapped around his middle, one shoe scuffed nearly to pieces. His hair was ruffled, and even from a distance, Daisy could see a couple of faint purplish blooms on his face.// Firstly, I'm convinced that Colton is the one who is beating Wes. This is a small town. There are only going to be so many queer boys. Secondly, I am confused. Weston is out, at least to his friend group and a few trustworthy adults like Daisy’s friends. What is going on with Jackson? Is he closeted? How does that make sense? He can see how well his closest friends and family support and protect Weston. I grew up in a town like Willow Creek. Had I known about another gay boy? I would have found a way to talk to him and we would probably have been boyfriends out of necessity. We aren't seeing everything. Why is Jackson so guarded with everyone but Cash? Why isn't he with Weston? Desperation and loneliness bring people together even if they don't really love each other. Lastly, I have this awful feeling that Weston is going to end up dead in a ditch to demonstrate just how dangerous it really is to be openly gay in the South. I don't want to see it. I adore Weston. If there is a better way to illustrate the danger, I'd like to see him survive. He is just a boy. A desperately lonely boy. //"Why ain't I enough, Miss Daisy?" he choked, sobbing against the side of the seat. "I try so hard. I…I just want someone to look at me and see me.”// JFC tear my beating heart out of my chest, why don't you? I've said those words. Gods, but I'm crying like a baby. I'm so glad Daisy is there for him. I didn't have anyone. My sister got in my face and yelled “boy, if you turn out queer, I'm going to kill you!” //"Now you know I don't leave the house without some war paint,”// I laughed at this. I pictured Weston laughing too, through watery tears. //Weston laughed, weak but honest, and let her tilt his chin up.// Ha! It's nice to know that I read Weston accurately. //"I know you're scared. And I know you don't want to bring no trouble down on the folks who love you. But you gotta understand somethin'. Loyal hearts don't choose to turn a blind eye. Loyal hearts fight. That's what they do. That's what makes 'em worth a damn.”// O. M. G. I'm crying again. I needed to hear these words when I was Weston’s age. Thank you for this. It's very healing for me. Oh, God, please don't kill Weston off. I don't know what it would do to me to read that. //"Lyin' to the ones who love you is like plantin' a snake in your own bed. It'll come back 'round to bite you, sugar. Always does. I seen it more times than I care to count.”// Daisy should have said this to Jackson but she is giving him time to breathe. //"But if they know…if Cash finds out…he'll wanna break somethin'. I just know it," he stammered before pausing. "And then...I'll be alone all over again.”// FUCK!!! This is killing me! Such good writing. Anyway, this is why I'm so confused. Weston is so desperately lonely that he accepts beatings just to feel close to someone. He and Jackson could have been together. Maybe not in love but better than that desperate feeling of being alone in a threatening world. This kills my hope for Cash. Had he been able, he would have been there for Weston and Jackson. I don't know the circumstances but the odds aren't looking good. //think," she began, words drawing out slowly and thoughtfully. "That truth is a cruel thing sometimes. But it's honest. And honesty's the only ground strong enough to build a life on// This is beautiful. I heard it in Dolly Parton’s voice. It also makes my case against Blake Buckley. No relationship built on shame and lies endures. //"But mark my words, sugar. Secrets don't stay buried. They got a way of growin' teeth in the dark. One day, that secret you're protectin' is gon' rise up and bite every one of you if you ain't careful.”// Well, that is foreshadowing if I ever saw it! I bet the barbecue is where those teeth choose to bite. //Not yet. Just…just let me try to fix it myself.”// Oh, Wes, honey, you're scaring me to death. You're talking like a battered spouse. “Maybe if I find out what I did wrong I can fix it and we'll be happy.” It isn't you, baby. It never was you. You can't fix it. You can only survive it and get away. I look at Weston and I see what could have happened to Jackson. No one ever thinks they would take beatings but desperate loneliness does things to the mind. Anything else, even violence, is preferable to going back to that feeling of being alone. //"Good boy," she murmured. "Ain't no shame in askin' for help, sugar. This world is mean enough without us turnin' on our own.”// FUCK! I'm crying again! I love this writing so much. I might not seem like it but I enjoy getting lost in a story; living it, feeling it. This is why situations like Brandon from “Seagull's Bay” affect me so badly. I experience the loss as my own. //And praying she'd have the courage to face them when the time came.// What if there is more than Jackson and Blake? What if there was already a powder keg in place and Buckley lit the fuse when he carried Jackson into his trailer? What if there are bigger secrets that are about to bite? I suspect Colton is the teeth of Willow Creek coming home to bite. He is a monster of the town’s creation. That is all. Incredible chapter. I am an emotional wreck but I'm not sorry. Thank you for the wonderful chapter. I look forward to next time! I hope I've recovered by then. 😉

Hello everyone! I'm back with another blow-by-blow (job) review for “Down in the Holler” chapter five. We left off with Jackson running back to Blake Buckley so let's find out what happened! Ooh, we start off with a bang! A crash. A slam. Watch that– well, shit, they only cost ten bucks at Walmart. Don't walk through the kitchen barefoot for a few days. I don't know how many of you have ever lived in a trailer but they are flimsy as hell. Thin plywood flooring covered by linoleum or cheap carpeting. I have fallen through the floor before and the paneling is paper thin. One can stumble and put his fist through the paneling without much effort. You get the idea. I see all this hot manly passion doing a real number on Blake’s interior. I somehow doubt he gives a shit right now. I enjoy when CW writes wild, reckless, destructive passion. That is when it is most glorious. They are firmly swept up in the morality of passion. Daisy is a distant thought if they think at all. All that matters is satisfying this craving they have for one another. //"I been wantin' to hear ya say that since the first time I set eyes on ya,"// ^ Weird, since Blake didn't give Jackson a second glance when they first met. Blake had eyes only for Daisy at the time. He antagonized Jackson at the bar and later humiliated the boy when he threw Jackson over his shoulder. He only noticed Jackson after they were in the bathroom stall. Maybe it skipped Blake's mind? Maybe Blake is an experienced casanova who knows what to say and when to charm his target. I haven't forgotten Colt or Blake's reputation as a ladies man. Passion isn't love. It is need; want. //"Somethin' as beautiful as you shouldn't never hide.”// ^ Sweet talk or not, I'm pleased to read that from Blake. Jackson is beautiful inside and out. //"You...you want me to...?”// ^ Oh, you poor, sweet, summer child! Jackson, what did you think would happen when you climbed Blake Buckley like a tree? That bothers me, though. It is clear that Jackson is caught up in passion he has never experienced before. He isn't thinking clearly, and that bodes poorly for how this might go after they've worn each other out. Blake is the adult, he should slam the brakes before he and Jackson do something both later regret. I somehow doubt he will. He is starved for connection and this passion is possibly the most alive Blake has felt in many years. //Jackson hesitated at his belt, glancing up, but Blake's face was so steady, so open, that it gave him courage. "Go on," Blake whispered, voice gone low.// ^ Blake isn't winning any points for romance here. *SNORT* I'm frankly surprised. I expected a line of torn and discarded clothing all the way from the door to the bedroom with them tearing off what remained while still locking lips. //Blake smiled again, that wolf's smile with all its sweetness, and nodded once more. "All of it," he said.// Since when were wolf smiles sweet? 😆 //And between his smooth thighs, covered in the thinnest coat of golden fuzz, the most beautiful, pink, uncut, 7-inch cock.// A respectable member any man would be proud to have but apparently in the CW universe means “bottom”. 😁 Just once I want to see the receiver hung like a Clydesdale mainlining Viagra. Love ya CW! //"You," Blake said, his voice deep and ragged, "are the most breathtakin' thing I ever laid eyes on,”// Again, I'm glad Blake said that. Jackson is sweet and vulnerable right now, he needs all the positive affirmation he can get. BUT. I call bullshit. That sounded like a line Blake fed to all of his conquests. Maybe not Colton. Okay, definitely not Colton, but for any conquest with whom Blake feels an iota of affection. It rings hollow, disingenuous. FAKE. I could just as easily hear him say that to Daisy. In fact, I predict Jackson will overhear Blake saying it to Daisy later. //“Like God sent an angel down to earth…” he uttered, voice trailing off.// Laying it on a little thick Casanova! This line sparked me to see Blake played by actor Fred Ward. He was most known for the movie “Tremors”. He was ruggedly handsome in his youth. He would say these corny lines in a very charming manner. //Blake shifted, slow, the creak of the trailer's floor under his boots.// Written like a man who has been inside trailers wearing boots. Hey, CW, have your boot heels ever punched through the linoleum? 😜 //A long, 10-inch, thick, throbbing uncut log of meat. It curved slightly to the left. Veiny and leaking from under its foreskin. "Lord...have mercy..." Jackson mumbled as he felt something hitch in his chest, a swell of awe that left him dizzy.// Sung to the old Toyota commercial jingle: “You asked for it, you got it, bend o-ver.” Ba da dum tisss. On another note, Blake is packing a whopping 10-incher. My sphincter squeals with anticipation! //“Ain't ever had no man touch ya before, have ya?" Blake murmured, his voice dripping with a sweetness that belied what he was about to unleash. "Don't worry. I ain't gonna hurt ya.”// I am SO looking forward to what Cash does when he finds out. He knows damn well what kind of man Blake Buckley is and part of me is hoping that Jackson losing his virginity might light a fire inside Cash. That fiery passion is NOT limited to one person. I'm waiting for Daisy to pin Blake against the fridge with a kitchen knife and promise what she is gonna do to him if he hurts her boy. I'm not bloodthirsty, really! It's more likely that Jackson is going to spiral into a crushing depression once the fire has cooled. I want him to shed his crippling fear, not his heart. //"Ya taste so damn good," he growled, his words slow and syrupy. "Like sin and honey.”// To this part in the story Jackson has been likened to something holy. Has he crossed a threshold? Like mother, like son? Has he become an incubus, temptation personified? //Blake's hands slid down Jackson's trembling thighs, gripping his ankles with a firmness that sent a jolt straight to the boy's cock. He yanked Jackson to the edge of the bed, the sheets rumpling beneath him, and positioned himself between those spread legs like a man who knew exactly what he was doing. And Lord, did he ever.// Have I told you that I'm sharing a hospital room with another man and I HAVE NO PRIVACY!!! Jesus, fuck, you're so mean to me! Don't stop. //Blake smirked, lazy and wicked, his hand already dragging Jackson back by the hip. His other hand was wrapped around his own cock, stroking slow and filthy, smearing precum down his shaft like he was buttering cornbread.// I will never see cornbread the same way again. Also, the descriptions are especially sexy. It seemed like you had a great time writing this and it shows! //"You're mine, Jackson," Blake snarled, his voice dripping with possessive lust. His hands gripped Jackson's hips, fingers digging into the soft flesh as he pulled him back onto his cock with a wet, slapping sound. "Every fucking inch of you belongs to me now…”// Be careful what you wish for, Cowboy. You just deflowered a virgin body and soul. He is going to fall madly in love and I bet you can't get out of town fast enough. Oh, but there is Daisy. I guess you ain't done yet. I know what to expect. There are no heroes, there are no villains, only fucked up people behaving badly, sometimes apologizing, often not. It's better to disappear, to pretend bad things didn't happen, than to face the consequences of our actions. I don't like Blake. That is because I grew up around men like him. One of them sweet-talked my sister and in the same breath treated me like dirt under his boots. It wasn't just one, it was all of them. Blake antagonized Jackson in the beginning and I have no reason to believe Blake will treat the boy any differently after Blake gets what he wants. I'll know if I'm wrong if Blake lets Jackson stay the night. He had no reason to. It's how things worked with Colton. In fact, Blake has good reason to push Jackson out the door. I'm sure Blake has broken in virgins before. He knows how clingy they are after sex. Best to break the boy off that right away. //(Half an hour later)// Only half an hour? Blake, you lightweight! Adrian fucked Bobby for over two hours. Nate fucked Ryan and Caleb for a full day each! Jackson, baby, you can do so much better. I recommend a trade in. Okay, they were only taking a breather. Still, you have a standard to keep, Buckley. Chop chop! //His neck arched, exposing the smooth column of his throat, and Blake wanted to bite it, mark it, claim it.// Goddamn, my teeth ACHE. I'm salivating for want. I haven't experienced a physical reaction like this. Hard, sure, but this is a primal ache to bite. I want my own “Jackson” to chew on. //Jackson turned, leaning back against the counter, spinning the lighter between his fingers. His hair was tousled, cheeks still flushed, hat sitting crooked now. And Blake couldn't look away. "You trouble," Blake said, his voice thick, rough around the edges, full of affection he hadn't planned on showing. "Sweetest kind of trouble I ever laid eyes on." Jackson laughed, that easy, warm sound that made the trailer feel like home. "That right?" he teased, sauntering toward the bed, twirling the lighter once more before setting it down on the nightstand. "I thought you were supposed to be the dangerous one.”// I grinned at this part. This is the Jackson everyone has been trying to get to come out and play. Whatever happens I am grateful that Blake helped Jackson grow. I know better than to think this happy moment between them will last but Jackson has stepped out of childhood. He can't go back. This side of him might come out later with whoever he ends up with. I vote Cash but CW knows how big a fan I am of Cash. //The hush after love felt different than any other hush.// My eyebrows took wing after reading that. So, is love now? Pull the other one! Unreliable narrator! It is never so easy in a CW story! //Blake let out a low laugh, drawling softly, "You think I ever had company worth cleanin' up for before you?”// OUCH! Poor Colton! Also, bullshit! I keep hearing the kind of lines that Blake fed all of his other conquests. I'll believe this is real love when he grows uncomfortable, vulnerable, confessing things he has told no one else. Also, that carpeting is made of the same plastic as astro turf. It grabs the skin and causes rug burn like nothing else. Also, like all plastic, it traps dirt and odor that not even steam cleaning can reach. In other words, EWWW!!! //Jackson's eyes narrowed, a spark of defiance lighting up his baby blues. "That's the problem with folks 'round here," he shot back, his voice steady now, laced with a reckless determination. "Y'all keep underestimatin' me."// Well, honey, it is easy when all you do is hang back and stay silent all the time! You played the role of a church mouse and the other players adjusted accordingly. We teach others how to treat us. //His eyes locked onto Blake's, and a wicked grin spread across his face. "Told ya not to underestimate me," he drawled.// Jesus, my cock twitched when I read this! I did tell you that I had NO PRIVACY!!! Damnit. //Jackson's head bobbed with an almost hypnotic rhythm, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked with hunger.// A tip from a writing seminar I attended back when I could walk and had a life. If a sentence works without the word “almost”, delete it. “Almost” is a sign that a writer is fearful of pushing an action too hard. Nine times out of ten the sentence works fine. If you feel you have to pull back the intensity of an action, substitute “almost” with “nearly”. Don't take my word for it. Try it yourself! //Jackson's eyes fluttered open like the wings of a moth caught in the heat of a porch light…Then, without a word, he leaned forward and swallowed Blake's cock down to the hilt, his throat convulsing around that thick, throbbing length like it was made for nothing else.// Jesus, fuck, I've read most of your stories but this one paragraph has undone me. In-fucking-credible writing. What broke me was seeing Jackson's devotion. I hope like hell this pairing makes it through to the end but history is against them. //His cock throbbed like a jackhammer, veins bulging and pulsing as he unleashed a torrent of thick, creamy jizz straight down Jackson's eager throat.// “If anybody needs me, I'll be in my bunk.” SLAM! –Jayne Cobb, “Firefly” No privacy…god damnit! At least I know it still works…. //Jackson sighed, nestling in closer, letting the tip of his nose brush against Blake's throat. "Feels wrong leavin'," he whispered….Blake's fingers threaded through Jackson's hair, his voice rough. "Feels wrong lettin' you leave," he admitted, low and sure, like a confession only the boards of that trailer might hear.// Oh, shit, here we go! We learned from “Our Summer Rhapsody” not to let go of love like this. Sacrifice everything and everyone if necessary but don't let go. //Blake sighed, forehead leaning down to touch Jackson's, the words coming out honest. "Maybe I do, angel. Maybe I do.”// I am grateful that Blake made Jackson's first time something he will cherish to the end of his days. No matter what comes after this, they will always have this moment. This is what we live for. Not gold or fame, moments big and small that leave a lasting impression. Moments that make us who we are. //"Ain't done holdin' you yet," Blake murmured, voice sleepy and possessive and heartbreakin' all at once. Jackson smiled against his skin. "You sure know how to talk a man into stayin'," he teased.// I said what happened after they were done would decide where I stood on Blake Buckley. He and Jackson are incredibly sweet together. I can already tell sass is their love language. Consider me “cautiously optimistic” about Blake. He is still a player and a drifter. Odds are good that he is going to sleep his way through Willow Creek and move on. Jackson made a lasting impact on him. Is it enough for Blake to settle down? It is more likely that Jackson will leave with him. Jackson has tasted freedom now. Whatever forces in town that spooked him into staying quiet, whoever gave Weston that black eye, whoever raised Colton to hate himself, whoever drives Cash to fight for his loved ones, is still there. A new day changes nothing. I've been waiting for CW’s version of Brad Wesley to rear his ugly head. We still have temptation in the form of Daisy Bell. I have a feeling that it is all downhill from here. //Her baby was lying to her.// How can you make something so small hurt so much? I was on the edge of my seat, “TELL HER!” I know he is afraid of hurting her but he just hurt her worse by showing that he doesn't trust her to follow through. Or maybe he knows that once the truth comes out his world will never be the same. We can never go home again but still we try. That is all. What. A. Chapter! Nearly devoted to a single night of mind-blowing, Earth shattering sex. This was arguably your hottest sex scene-vide-chapter yet. I was so tempted to give my roommate and the nurses the thrill of a lifetime but then I looked at my roommate’s ugly face and lost all desire. Beautifully written, achingly sweet, erotic as all fuck, you have outdone yourself this time. Be loved until next.

Am I the only one carrying a torch for Cash? I love my broody bad boys with big hearts and the stones to fight like hell for those they love. Cash is even cuter with his crooked smile and devilish wit. Cash is dynamic enough to have his own story. Anyway, I harbor a fleeting hope that Cash and Jackson might find each other by the end of the tale. If not Jackson, definitely Weston. Cash and Weston strike me as having delightful chemistry. Just listening to them sass each other would keep me entertained all damn day. Anyone? Don't let me be the lone voice in the wilderness. I'll start yodeling. Badly.

@CasualWanderer82 knows how much I enjoy guessing games so I'm going to try my hand at this. I grew up in the South and I lived in fear for my life from the people around me, including my family. Kids can get away with acting "queer" (they only get laughed at and bullied) but they dare not ever admit to it. I heard about openly gay kids turning up dead in a ditch. Remember how Matthew Shepherd died. It is not an exaggeration. "Good ol' boys" like to get baseball bats and ride around in a truck looking for queers to bash. A "celebrity" like Blake Buckley is constantly being watched so he feels the pressure to act straight more so than others. I imagine he took up the life of a wandering cowboy because it was too dangerous to stay in one spot for long. He gave up on finding love and settling down long ago. Life gets lonely so he seeks sexual relief when he gets the opportunity. Why does he fuck Colton when he has so much going on with Jackson and Daisy? He doesn't see anything long term with them, it's too dangerous. At present he likely expects to romance both and move on but he is catching feelings for Jackson. I imagine he is kicking himself in the ass for getting too involved. He admired Jackson for having the spine to choose his mama's happiness over his own. It also let Blake off of the hook. Jackson changed his mind and ran back and I imagine a voice in Blake's head saying, "aw, shit, here we go!" Rodeo cowboys have a reputation for stirring things up and then moving on. Daisy knew exactly the kind of man she was dealing with in Blake. I imagine she is kicking herself same as Blake and Jackson. They all know this won't end well but their hearts aren't listening. If you took out the same sex element this would be a classic tragic Western romance tale, the kind of thing they write songs about and sing on country radio stations. What is meta is that everyone knows it in the story. Everyone is watching the train wreck happen in real time and half of them wish it was happening to them. The same-sex twist adds an element of danger and the locals are eating popcorn over it. Small town life is boring as hell. Why is it you think gossip is so popular? To sum up, Blake is as lonely as Colton. They have both chosen to hide who they are out of self preservation. They are giving each other something they need. They don't need to like each other to get what they need. Blake is getting sex whenever and wherever he can. At present, he probably figures he will move on so he juggles Colton, Jackson, and Daisy. That is my theory at present. I expect @CasualWanderer82 will upend it soon enough. Thank you for the opportunity to speculate!

I have no doubt that Colton will stir shit, probably expose Blake and Jackson in public. Every "Roadhouse" has a "Brad Wesley" (though Colton comes across as more like "Tinker"). I have no doubt that more is going on because Colton didn't learn to hate himself in a vacuum. Somebody gave Weston that black eye. There was a reason why Jackson bottled everything up inside. There is a reason why Cash defends Jackson so fiercely. There is an ugly underside to Willow Creek and we haven't seen it--yet. I suspect Colton is just the fuse in a much bigger bomb.

I apologize in advance because I have a fever that makes it difficult to remember things. I remember one of @CasualWanderer82's previous stories. It was set in Greece with a boy who met a local youth and felt that crazy, once in a lifetime kind of love that he let go in order to take care of his sick mother. He spent a lifetime regretting his decision and hating his father for meddling. The lesson from that story was that to keep that kind of love one must be willing to sacrifice everything for it--everything. I want Jackson to have that love and passion. I want, for once, the character to hang on to it but I know what it means if he gets it. Will Jackson give up his relationship with his mother? Will it tear his family apart to catch lightning in a bottle? I have no answers. I saw more than what was going on between Jackson and Blake. I saw Jackson throw off the fear he wore like a straightjacket. He made a choice when he rode that bull and that same choice led him back to Blake. Everybody in the story so far and I do mean everybody has been encouraging Jackson to open up, loosen up, live a little. Well, be careful what you wish for. I saw Jackson throw caution to the wind and come alive for the first time, and he was beautiful. Is this going to end badly? It looks that way but maybe it needs to happen. Daisy made a reckless decision as a teenager that led to her having Jackson. She went through hell at the time but it led to something wonderful. I'm not wise enough to say if Jackson's choice will go the same way but life has a way of finding balance in time. If I was able to counsel Jackson? I'd encourage him to be honest with his mama about what he is feeling. Trust that bond of love and trust he has with her to lead them to the other side. I have a sneaking suspicion she knows already. Anyway, I'm going hide the breakables because things in this story are about to start bucking like Betsy. Hang on tight, everybody! Oh, and @CasualWanderer82, you break up this beautiful family? Cash is gonna have to get in line for a piece of your ear when I'm done chewin it off. Much love to you until next. 😉

Usually, I'm happy when @CasualWanderer82 writes about characters caught in each other's gravity. It signals a unique and powerful love, a passion that won't be denied. It breaks my heart this time because it comes between mother and son, as well as their beautiful family. I feel Jackson's pain, his shame, because his mama deserves happiness. Thing is, I'm not sure Blake Buckley is the settling kind of man. I fear mother and son are going to both end up with broken hearts by the time this is over. The heart wants what it wants, though. It never listens to reason. Poor Jackson has never felt it before, so he is flying blind into the mouth of an emotional volcano. Poor kid. The flashback of Cash and Jackson as kids was heartwarming, heartbreaking, and at times hilarious. The little touches like the Piggly Wiggly store and the one-liners make the story for me. It seemed like little Jackson might have had a crush on little Cash. I really came to love all of these characters and I don't want to see them torn apart over a wandering cowboy. I'll pause there. I'll write a more intensive review later. For now I thank @CasualWanderer82 for another amazing chapter. See you next time!

I cried buckets on finishing this story. I held out hope for Nick and Bobby but Nick's explanation was the right choice. Bobby is happy and free now. Nick maybe met someone and Austin is perfect for Adrian. Dogs love without hesitation, holding nothing back, unconditionally. That was how I knew Adrian was okay. All of the guys have hope for the future. I laughed when Adrian assured Austin that he wasn't going to kill himself. That was a nice callback to "His Beautiful Boy." I'm sure many of us tensed up when Adrian started walking into the water. I will write a longer review later. For now, I need some calm and some quiet to process this ending. This is easily one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.

I think Nick illustrates the weakness of subscribing to conventional morality. Any model crafted by man is inherently limited by his ability to explain and understand. It is the same as assigning labels to sexuality when the truth is much more fluid and complex. Maybe this story isn't about the people in it at all. Maybe they represent our doomed struggle to define the inexplicable. To control the process when we are slave to it. Nick tried to be the good man, the better man, and it led him to ruin. The beauty is, he can get up, dust off, and try again, stronger and wiser for his experience. Maybe with Bobby by his side, who knows, but as long as there is life, he can keep trying. There is always hope.

@J LeRoy, thank you for clarifying details that were right in front of my eyes. You connected dots that I forgot about. I pointed out how Nick provoked Adrian into lashing out at Bobby and took delight in his comeuppance. You are right to point out how Nick left Bobby alone with Adrian. It is difficult to reconcile that version of Nick with the one who made love with Bobby. I have only one thought. I pointed out that everything changed for Nick after Bobby followed him to the beach. I recall saying that if Bobby proved to Nick that he had changed, that there was something worth saving, that he might fight like a lion to protect Bobby from Adrian. That appeared to happen. Does it justify everything else you mentioned? Not at all. Nick did monstrous things. They all did. Bobby talked about how he met nice guys and crushed them with glee. He tormented Nick for years for the fun of it. He hasn't stooped to the level of poisoning anyone, so hooray? Adrian's misdeeds are self-evident. There is plenty of evil to go around. I still can't get past Nick showing Bobby how to make love. It's like they found that spark of hope in each other. @Cane23 is right that Adrian abandoned Bobby at his most vulnerable. In the bookstore they walked among the ruins they built together but there were still threads of connection, hope. Passion is its own morality after all. Maybe they redeem each other? I don't know. Maybe the only good that can come from this is that they all go their separate ways with the opportunity to do better in the future. That gives them all a transformation and a kind of rebirth, like phoenixes rising from their ashes. Is that a hopeful, optimistic ending? I feel like their going separate ways is defeatist, like they're throwing up their hands and giving up. Maybe I'm too idealistic, maybe I'm overly emotional right now. I'm going on a month without medication and I'm well into "hormonal hell." We will all find out what happens soon enough. I appreciate the chance to see things more clearly. Thank you, @J LeRoy.

You aren't wrong. Nick betrayed Adrian. He betrayed everything good in himself to do what he felt had to be done. He did it to protect Bobby and it broke him. I suspect Nick left Bobby for the same reason, to protect him, probably also to avoid confessing what he did to Bobby's father. Nick might reason that Bobby needed to put it all behind him, including Nick. Nick might feel tainted by association, that Bobby is in danger of falling into old habits with Nick. Look at that moment in the car, with the steering wheel. That was what it cost Nick to leave Bobby. My words are supposition but at this point, it is possible. I hope this helps.

What does that make me? I live to bury myself in a story. I want to laugh, to cry, to be broken for a little while. I enjoy walking in the shoes of others, learning about lives other than my own.

It is time for another blow-by-blow (job) review of this next to final chapter of "A Bad Education". I've done something differently this time. Normally, I pause to react while reading. I couldn't this time, the story gripped my attention and refused to let go until the end of the chapter. I've read it three times now and it possesses the same emotional punch as my first read-through. I read through once more as ritual, to organize my thoughts as I write. We open five years in the future, back in the therapist, Dr Rainer's office. She produces Nick's book and Adrian reacts defensively. I draw attention to how meta this is. Fictional characters talk about their fictional counterparts in a fictitious book that we are reading for real at this very moment. Am I real? I have the urge to look over my shoulder. Adrian's mouth tightened. "Don't sanctify him. He wasn't perfect." "No one is. But I think what he wanted, what he was asking for, wasn't sainthood. Just basic decency." What gets me about this scene is how Rainer points out that what Nick wanted from Adrian was reasonable, normal, expected not merely from a husband but as a decent human being. Adrian never got that growing up. She is re-educating him little by little. It shows the extent of the damage Adrian suffered. "But when I finally had it, the love, the house, the life, I didn't know what to do with it except...burn it down." Bobby told Nick that Adrian wanted the shipwreck. I thought he meant that Adrian wanted the challenge of rebuilding but now, it appears that the only time Adrian gets any peace is when everything around him lies in ruin. There is no one to hurt him, no expectations to meet. No audience to please. He can just "be." "There were mornings when he was stillness itself. His hand would slip over mine without a word. He'd rest his forehead on my chest, as if in apology, or maybe prayer. And in those moments, I loved him not because he needed saving, but because I did. And somehow, for a moment, it felt like we were saving each other." This is interesting. Nick uses this language again below. I will point it out when I get there. "You still miss him," Dr. Rainer said softly. "Every goddamn day," Adrian replied, voice cracking. This harkens back to what Caleb said about love: Caleb took a step backward, then another. "Maybe love isn't about being seen. Maybe it's about being the one thing they can't stop feeling, even when you're gone." Clearly Adrian loves Nick. He didn't know how to show it and he refused to let Nick show him. Now, it's too late. "Some wrongs feel like mercy when love rots beyond recognition. Sometimes, it's not about justice. Not about redemption. It's about stopping the bleeding before it kills you both." This is an interesting turn of phrase considering Nick's choice of poison. Poetic, so very like Nick. "I think that passage speaks to intent," she continued, "to something Nick felt he had to do. Because he believed there was no other way." I think back to previous sessions. Rainer has been trying to get Adrian to talk about what happened. I suspect he never did so and she found out through the book. Might Nick still be helping Adrian, if indirectly? "Adrian," Dr. Rainer said carefully, "did he believe that because you convinced him he had no choice?" I think back. Nick said "this is for your own good" before Bobby was raped. What if... What if Nick wanted to see Adrian and Bobby fuck for reasons beyond titillation? What if he wanted to see what Adrian was doing to the kid? That was when Adrian slapped Bobby and brutalized him for over two hours. What if that was the breaking point? He put 2+2 together about Bobby's behavior, the bruises, and Nick knew Adrian wouldn't--couldn't--stop. That he had to be stopped before it was too late for Bobby. We move to a new scene between Adrian and Bobby. I expected Adrian to go off on him but no, Adrian played a subtler game. "I've been going over it, you know. In my head. All of it. I try to trace the moment it got away from me. Or maybe it was never in my grasp to begin with. Maybe it was always too...much." Classic NPD. Adrian minimizes what happened and attempts to negotiate a compromise. He didn't rape Bobby, he "miscalculated" a little. His passion got away from him a bit, can anyone blame him? Look how hot his son is (victim blaming)! Maybe he let things go too far. "Maybe", "might", those words allow him to offer concessions without ever admitting what he did or taking responsibility for his actions. He offers a little flattery, a little sweet talk, he downplays and gaslights what really happened, all to calm Bobby down and keep the hooks in him. See? Everything is better now. Things can go back to the way they were. "You're really something," he chuckled sarcastically. "I fucking knew you would do this. Spin this shit to make yourself look like the victim." I thought of @J LeRoythe moment I read this. NPD use the same tricks over and over. Once one sees what they're doing it becomes really easy to predict what they will do. You told me real men didn't cry. Real men didn't need affection. Real men didn't need anything." How many boys and young men are going through this shit even now?look at all this hypermasculine "alpha" crap in media and music now. It isn't just straight men either. Look at the obsession over "tops" and "bottoms", at how tops are glorified and bottoms are shamed. Look at the obsession with labels. It's all about control. "I'm trying to unlearn you." This is one reason why the only option right now is to go no-contact. Proximity is too risky. The temptation to fall back into old habits is greater. I need to see you like this. Not to gloat. But to remind myself that your pain doesn't erase mine. That your sickness doesn't absolve your cruelty. That you can be broken and still be responsible." In simpler logic, "does having a broken arm absolve you of having broken my jaw with your cast?" "I will love myself enough to forget you." This was the choice Adrian faced when he told his father about getting a free ride at Columbia. He chose poorly. Bobby glanced past him, through the open sliding doors. His eyes landed on the deck, where August lay sprawled on the wood like a statue of peace and devotion. The old retriever's ears perked up as he spotted Bobby. August is the bestest boy! He is also how Bobby will know he is never going to become like Adrian. The love of a dog is absolute and unconditional. Has Adrian once petted August? Did he notice the dog at all? But Bobby stayed on the deck, his back to the house, eyes on the sea. Very symbolic. I take from it that Bobby is turning away from his past and looking toward his future, an ocean of possibilities await. A new scene. Adrian is struggling on the bars. The physical therapist encourages him but Adrian isn't having it. "Adrian, we've been through this. You're not broken," Daniel said. I sympathize a teensie bit with Adrian here. My left side is weak and my digits twist in unnatural directions. I suffered permanent nerve damage. Adrian had a stroke. Sorry, but that is "broken." Adrian might recover more than I will but never a "full" recovery. Anyway, it is obvious that Adrian has a full head of steam after Bobby walked out, that leaves only Nick as his prime target. I think Adrian is desperate to regain control. "You smug fucking bastard," he spat, his voice raw, his breath still jagged from the breakdown. His knuckles whitened on the arms of the wheelchair. "You think I don't see what this is? You and Bobby, fucking in the shadows, creeping around like teenagers behind the bleachers...God, you're pathetic." "Oh, you mean, like when you two were fucking in the shed?" Projection much? Replacing me in your bed with some broken version of me?" So much for those tears over losing Bobby. On another note, this was the only cut to draw blood and it only pissed Nick off. ...I thought if I loved you enough, you might learn how to love me back." This hits home with me. My mom put up with my father for 21 years, through drunken rage and beatings because she kept trying to reach the man she fell in love with. "I was waiting for this, you know?" Nick said, his voice quiet, nearly flat. "The explosion. The venom. The same old goddamn theater." Shout out to @J LeRoy we called it! I'm not sure if it is anything to feel proud about but I feel vindicated. After all these years I still hear her, the NPD that made life a living hell for me. I still hear her gaslighting me. I still catch myself doubting, wondering. I appreciate the validation. "So...I did something." Cue the creepy spider music, followed by a swell of ominous orchestral music. This one line lands like a pebble in still water but the ripples grow into a tsunami over time. Exquisite craftsmanship and timing, this is incredibly cinematic. ...I wasn't trying to kill you. And the stroke wasn't exactly what I intended...but it worked," Nick confessed, taking a deep breath. "I just needed you to be still." I figured Nick put something in Adrian's drink or food earlier. Adrian went on trusting him after the sodium pentothol. FAFO asshole but Nick talks like this has been going on for a while. I wonder if @CasualWanderer82 would tell us when Nick started poisoning Adrian. I thought it was after "This is for your own good." Also, what was Nick hoping might happen if not death or a stroke? The only time Nick felt loved was when Adrian slept. Did he want to put Adrian in a coma? Nick stepped back, just a little, his posture unchanging, but his eyes held the final blow. "I want a divorce." Adrian laughed, hollow and sharp. "I won't accept that." This exchange is utter insanity taken in context. Nick just calmly confessed to poisoning his husband. Adrian threatened to go to the cops. In a sane universe a divorce seems like a no-brainer. It also seems unwise to piss the man off when you are crippled in a wheelchair and alone in the house with him. Is this one last desperate attempt to negotiate, to maintain control? "Who's going to take care of me?" he spat, a note of panic creeping into his voice. "Who's going to help me bathe, get dressed, go to the toilet? You think you can just leave me here like this? After what you did?" Adrian wants the man who put him in that wheelchair to wipe his ass? This sounds like yet another desperate guilt trip, a ploy for control. At this point he is throwing spit balls at the wall and watching for one to stick. Years of betrayal. Of biting his tongue. Of covering bruises of the soul. Of shielding Bobby. Of saving Adrian only to be hollowed out. It all spilled over, a deluge of pain he had never let himself feel until now. This is why I want Nick and Bobby to eventually find their way back to each other. In the real world they might go separate ways and find new lovers but they alone know what they went through. No one else can comfort as much or as deeply. I feel like I'm pleading my case to the wind. That is all. I'm hollowed out and filled with sorrow. I take comfort in the knowledge that Nick and Bobby survive their parting and grow stronger from their experience. There is still a full chapter ahead so who knows what might happen? The only certainty in life is pain and as long as there is life, there is hope. I look forward to the conclusion to this beautiful, fucked up tale.

You're probably right. I hope they have a future together because going separate ways is how most of us might go in this circumstance. I hope for something more. Idealistic? Perhaps. Romantic? Likely. They are beautiful together. I don't want to see that fall to ashes like everything else.

We are all glorious, fucked-up wrecks deserving of forgiveness, provided we learn from our mistakes, grow from our experiences, and face the consequences of our actions.

I think Adrian deserves a chance at happiness provided he recovers and isn't just preying on others. If you mean a chance with Nick and Bobby? Would Adrian want that? Would a healed Adrian risk tearing open old wounds? My thought is that Adrian can best show how much he loves them, how much he has recovered by leaving them alone. Sick Adrian would never give them a moment's peace.

I'm certain that is why Nick left Bobby at the diner. You are correct, that Nick was calculating and what he did was horrible but we opened this story learning about the pitfalls of conventional morality. The morality of passion has its own rules. I have been hollowed out by a narcissist like Adrian. I've felt that desperate need for her to just be still for a little while. I never resorted to poisoning but I ran. I ran like hell. Nick didn't have that option, he stayed for Bobby. I want Bobby to save Nick like how I wanted someone to save me. Several times the book was called a "confession" and that tells me that Nick wrote what he did in his book but it is presented as fiction. Bobby would know better. Who knows? Maybe Bobby will walk away next chapter but I hope he doesn't.

I will follow this with a much longer review but for now, I want to share how much my heart breaks for them all, but for now, I weep for Nick. I figured he put something in Adrian's food when he said "this is for your own good" and I was right. I'm amazed that Adrian acted surprised. He seemed to completely forget the sodium pentothol incident. Anyway, he took the brunt of Adrian's abuse for over 20 years. He took action to save Bobby and instead of letting Bobby hold him while he purged the poison and the pain, he fled from Bobby, again to protect him, to not burden him just when he won his freedom. Perhaps Nick believes he isn't worthy of Bobby's love after what happened to Adrian. We might never know but I hope Bobby saves Nick this time. Maybe Bobby is strong enough now to fight for Nick. I hope for Nick because of the price he paid to save Adrian and Bobby. It takes a lot to push a man of conscience to act as Nick did. It takes too much. It leaves one irretrievably broken. But if a heart isn't broken it wanders. It never wanders back to where it was before but maybe, just maybe, it wanders someplace better. Thank you, @CasualWanderer82.

It depends on where.you are in the South. I was born in Florida and the farthest north I've ever been was South Carolina. What @CasualWanderer82is writing fits mostly in the redneck communities and small towns way off the beaten path. Hyphenated names aren't a thing in my neck of the woods. We generally say only our first name unless we want to call someone out. Sassing however is a high art form. "Bless your heart" is NOT a compliment, by the way. It generally means "wow, you are an idiot." Something else that doesn't translate well to the written word but bears mention if only for entertainment value is vowels. We tend to pronounce vowels as syllables. Damn is "day-um." Bitch is "bee-yitch." The accent you hear on "Designing Women" is real. That is more like how we talk in the real world. Julia Sugarbaker is greatness to which many of us aspire. Google her name and "the night the lights went out in Georgia" for a classic demonstration.😁