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methodwriter85

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  1. methodwriter85
    These tunes are basically what I'd consider the core of my heart. They're tunes I can't ever get sick of. Check 'em out.
     
    "Heart Songs"
     
    1.
     
    2.
     
    3.
     
    4.
     
    5.
    (1997 live version) 
    6. "
     
    7.
     
    8.
     
    9.
     
    10.
     
    The mass bulk of these songs are from the 1990's. Shocker. LOL
     
    I've never come across a song that depicts youth in it's pure, beautiful form better than "1979" does. God, I can't tell you how much I love that song.
  2. methodwriter85
    There's a new t.v. show on VH1 called Hindsight,
    . It's a pretty cute, charming show if you're into fluffy romantic comedies, and ESPECIALLY if you're into 90's nostalgia. 
    Anyway, this is the theme song.
     

     
    I'm enjoying the hell out of the soundtrack. The 1993-1996 era of music was so damn good. Anybody remember this tune? I had totally forgotten it, but yet it sounded so familiar when I heard it.
     
    Anyway...if you were given a time machine and traveled back in time, is there anything you would do differently?
     
    Me, I would basically re-do almost all of 2007...so many freaking mistakes and mis-steps that year...the only good thing that came out of that year was my friendship with Steve.
     
    I'd also run to the nearest Sublime concert in 1995, damned my being 9 years old. I am so patently jealous of the people that were old enough to be college aged in the 90's, because so much good music was coming out then.
     
    What about you guys?
  3. methodwriter85
    There are no words.
     

     
     
    It makes me think of a former gay erotica author who decided to "become" straight and dumped a really great guy in order to run screaming back into his closet.
     
    But at the very least the women are going into this knowing that they're marrying guys "struggling" with same-sex attractions. That's progress, as opposed to the Baby Boomers who faked being straight because they really had no other choice unless they wanted to be outcasts.
     
    I like to think that twenty years from now, there will no longer be any new marriages like this, because all gay men will feel free to fall in love and start families with men. Well, save for the gay guys who really did fall in love with another woman despite their orientation, which does happen.
     
    I just found it hilarious and sad at the same time that these guys rate other men by how "dangerous" they are. And by "dangerous", they mean "boner-inducing".
  4. methodwriter85
    It's a new year, so I guess it's time to look back on the old one.
     
    For me, the dominant theme was my continued grief process into accepting Steve's death. It wasn't every day, like the end of 2013 was, but there were moments where things would just flare up every month or every two/three months. I still don't feel like the same guy I was when Steve died, and I haven't quite let go of the idea that I was supposed to have met up one day with Steve in our 50's, at our old favorite college bars, and have a chat with him over my favorite beer.
     
    It's shaped me- I'm a little sadder, a little less of a cheerful person, but I wouldn't trade the six years I had Steve as my brother for anything. I really wouldn't. I can say that for six years, I had a friend I knew I could talk to in the middle of the night about anything, and who knew everything there was to know about me when I was 21 to 24 and still liked me anyway. There are people who never experience that, and I'm so glad that I did. We never had a "t.v." kind of friendship, you know, where there were all these crazy hijinks and big moments. It was just a bunch of little moments- which sadly I didn't really take the time to take pictures of (save for one) because I always knew that Steve would be around no matter what, even if it was just at the end of a phone call.
     
    I don't have that anymore, and I miss it a lot, but I know I've moved on. Seeing Steve's parents, seeing his old high school friends, and mourning with the people who loved him really helped me a lot. Most of the people that knew Steve aren't in Delaware anymore...so I had to give people second-hand accounts when I tallked to them. And as well-intentioned as they were, they viewed Steve through the lens of "Oh, this was some 27-year old idiot who died from a drug overdose." I needed to be around people who loved him, too. I was disappointed that I missed the formal memorial, but again...I had this whole t.v. image of how it was supposed to go, and it didn't happen, but in the end I made the connections I needed to make when I was there. There is nothing that means more to me than the moment when Steve's parents came up to me and told me they felt like they knew me, because he had talked about me so much. Ditto for when Steve 's dad said how much they loved the picture I took of Steve- so much so that they enlarged it and put it in a frame.
     
    I needed that. I really did. It helped me realize that this wasn't some bad dream, and that I wasn't just imagining this...being so far removed from the "grief hub" made it easy to feel that way. Life is absurd and strange, and it really was that weekend I went up for the memorial, but it was absurd in a way that made think about the fact that while 23-year Me as well as the person that Steve brought out of me were gone, there's still a lot to go and things to learn and do because I still have my entire life ahead of me.
     
    As for the employment stuff, I won't deny I'm still angry about my internship crashing and burning, and being demonized by people I thought I could trust. But I got through it, bit by bit...volunteering with Newark History Museum helped...working odd-end jobs helped...so I feel good. In any event, it wasn't like 2013, where I had a paying job for exactly the first week of that year. I was actually employed for the bulk of the year.
     
    I've finished my Holiday retail jobs, and I'm about to get back on the interview train...we'll see where things go. I'm getting to a point where I'm thinking seriously about going back to school- either to get a PhD in history, or maybe another master's degree, this time in urban planning. I'm going to give myself the end of 2015 to make a decision about that. I do think, and have the feeling, that I'm on the right track, but we'll see if it pays off this year.
  5. methodwriter85
    David Brooks, an accomplice in the Houston Mass Murders of the early 1970's, is up for parole. A teenager at the time, he and fellow Houston teen Elmer Wayne Henley lured 28 teenage boys to home of Dean Corll, who raped, tortured, and murder them. At the time, it was the largest victim toll for serial killers in history.
     
    I think it's a pretty fascinating case, because it said a lot about class politics and the mindset of the time period- all these kids were just written off as runaways, and since they weren't from affluent families it just wasn't that much of a priority for the police department. Parents weren't that tightly controlling of their children's whereabouts back then, and it was a time when it was normal for teenagers to hitchhike or run away.
     
    From a modern viewpoint, there's just something incredibly insidious about the fact that Dean Corll was able to make dozens of teenaged boys disappear from the same neighborhood, and no one in charge of protecting the public put it together. I think modern police tactics would make it hard to replicate something like Dean Corll or John Wayne Gacy again, not to mention the fact that teenagers are so plugged in and wired these days- if one went missing, people would notice pretty fast, especially if you're talking about teenagers from stable families.
     
    Do any of you old-timers here remember the case? I think it's incredible that this guy put up numbers comparable to John Wayne Gacy but isn't remembered that much. Here's an article about a guy who wrote about the case in his book The Lost Boys:
     
    The Houston Mass Murders: What Really Happened
     
     
     




     
    The Houston Mass Murders: What Really Happened
    A Q&A with Skip Hollandsworth, author of “The Lost Boys.”

    View on www.texasmonthly.com
    Preview by Yahoo



     
     
    It's crazy to think there might still be undiscovered victims that we'll never know about, and they're still trying to identify victims forty years later.
  6. methodwriter85

    My 2014 Playlist

    By methodwriter85,

    So these were the tunes that I enjoyed in 2014- give it a listen!
     
    Methodwriter85's 2014 Playlist
     
    1.
     
    2.
     
    3.
     
    4.
     
    5.
     
    6. "
    by the Chainsmokers (This kinda felt like a modern-day take on Valley Girl by Frank Zappa.) 
    7.
     
    8.
     
    9. "
     
    10.
     
    11. "
    (I enjoyed it before it got played a million times) 
    12. "
     
    13.
     
    14.
     
    15.
    16.
    17.
     
    18."
     

     
    20.
     
    21."
     
    22. "
     
    23.
     
    The homage to Robert Palmer was so cool. She blew the hell out of Shania Twain's homage.
     
     
    I don't think 2014 was as good as 2011 and 2012 were, but I still enjoyed this year's music.
  7. methodwriter85
    The ACLU filed a lawsuit with U.S. Department of Education in Civil Rights, ACLU: Charter schools causing resegregation
     
     
     




     
    ACLU: Charter schools causing resegregation
    The ACLU argues charters are causing resegregation and discrimination against minorities.

    View on www.delawareonline...
    Preview by Yahoo



     
    It's been complained about since I went to high school that Charter School of Wilmington has "skimmed" off the top of the best students leaving crumbs for the normal schools, and this seems like another piece of b.s. in a long line of trying to take the school down. They've already put a cap on the enrollment, now they want to try abolishing admission tests? I mean, they don't say it out loud exactly, but it's obvious when one of these "Oh, charters are HORRIBLE and ELITIST and RACIST!" articles that they mean CSW. Geez. The point of Charter was that it was a school set up for students that are advanced in science and math, not that it would be open to anyone who wanted to join. It just seems like a big case of sour grapes that Charter's model has worked, and worked well, while the regular public high schools in northern Delaware have languished, with a couple of exceptions.
     
    Some of their complaints were ridiculous- "Oh no, you mean I as a parent actually MUST be involved with my child's education for them to go to a school where they won't get shot in a drive-by? Call up the ACLU because that's RACIST!"
     
    I guess I might be a little sour grapes as well. I'm extremely nervous about what this might mean for magnet schools in the state if they manage to gut charter schools, because magnet schools are often lumped in with charters. I heard a little rumbling of a rumor that the school board was going to start putting pressure on Cab Calloway to make admissions lottery-based only and get rid of the auditions. Which has to be one of the most asinine ideas I've heard of- "Oh, hey, we've got a performing arts school- but as long as your name gets picked out of a hat it doesn't matter if you don't have any talent!" Cab has gotten harder to get into because of demand, from what I've heard, and I'm betting anything the board member who has allegedly been floating that idea is some parent who got pissed off their kid didn't get in.
     
    I'm generally a fan of charter schools, because they cut through the red tape and bureaucratic overbloating that tends to drag down normal public schools. And I loved my magnet school experience, because I got to experience a school environment where people really wanted to be there instead of the apathy you often get in regular schools. So I just don't get the vehement protests about charter schools. Some fail, others do great- just like regular public schools.
  8. methodwriter85
    Let's listen to some 70's Pop/Soft Rock!
     
    1. "
     
    2.
     
    3. "S
     
     
    4.
     
    5.
     
    6. "Paper Roses" by Marie Osmond
     
    7.
     
    8.
     
    9.
     
    10.
     
    11. "
     
    12. "
     
    13
     
    14.
     
    15. "Band of Gold" by Freda Payne
     
    16.
     
    17. "
     
    18.
     
    19. "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band
     
    20. "Tusk" by Fleetwood Mac
     
    21.
     
    22.
     
    23. "Hot Child in the City" by Nick Gilder
     
    24.
     
    25.
  9. methodwriter85

    Dumb NFL Fans

    By methodwriter85,

    So tonight was my second and final night of Halloween weekend. I danced up a storm at Kildare's, and then walked around for a bit on Main Street.
     
    I was walking down the street, in my cowboy outfit, when a group of guys started hassling me about dressing up as a cowboy. The reason?
     
    They thought I was a Cowboys fan, because I was dressed like a cowboy. Like, seriously, what the fuck? I know there's drunk logic, but seriously, what the fuck?
     
    I kind of backed away, telling them I'm just a cowboy and not a Cowboys fan, and then they started on some guy who was actually wearing a Cowboys hat. They got pretty heated, throwing insults back and forth...like about how Romo's going to be out this season, and how this dude was a "fag" for wearing a Cowboys hat. They even knocked the guy's hat off his head.
     
    It didn't get into a physical fight, but still...it's so fucking frustrating that people turn "fan wars" from light-hearted affairs into verbal and sometimes physical, heated fights. Like, why? Why do you think you're showing your loyalty to a team when you harass someone for being a fan of the rival team? There's a line between fun, light-hearted trashtalk (like when I joke about how I think the Cowboys need to have at least a 20-year Super Bowl drought to get really hungry for one, or when Adam jokes about how he hopes that the Eagles will never get a Super Bowl), and then downright nastiness, like what I witnessed tonight.
     
    The sad thing is, I bet if I walked in Downtown Dallas wearing an Eagles jersey, after some big game where the Eagles won over the Cowboys, I wouldn't get shit. Maybe some trashtalk, but not verbal and physical intimidation.
     
    I just fucking hate it sometimes that Philadelphia fans seem to think they need to be these badasses just to show their love for their team.
  10. methodwriter85
    I just got a FB message from a former classmate, who wanted me to pick up to 20 songs that make me feel nostalgic for high school. So, here are my picks:
     
    1.) "
     
    2.)
     
    3.)
     
    4.)
     
    5.)
     
    6.)
     
    7.)
     
    8.) "
     
    9.)
     

     
    11.)
     
    12.)
     
    13.)
     
    14.)
     
    15.)
     
    16.) ""
     
    17.) "
     
    18.)
     
    19.)
     
    20.)
     
    Damn, this was hard to limit to 20 songs. There were some picks I had in there that I had to take out because there were a little too dark or they were kind of just too obscure.
     
    But yeah...'05 forever!
  11. methodwriter85
    Mugshots of the Three Charged In Case
     
    Since I don't think these people will get serious jail time thanks to P.A.'s lack of protecting gays from hate crimes, my hope is to continue the chain of blasting these images out there and hope it follows these people around.
     
    It's just crazy though. These people are close to my age and they did that. And it's not like they came from some bumblefuck small town in Alabama or something, either.
     
    Definitely eye-opening for me, I believe.
  12. methodwriter85
    Internet sleuths help police find the people who were involved with a Philadelphia gay bashing.
     
    It's absolutely baffling to me that this happened in Philadelphia in 2014. In any event, I'm glad that these people got caught pretty quickly.
     
    Although I'm pissed off to learn that they can't be charged with hate crimes because Pennsylvania doesn't have sexual orientation as a bias for hate crime law. Seriously, why is it that there is so much focus on getting same-sex marriage when this shit still isn't covered? It's ridiculous.
  13. methodwriter85
    Does it bother anyone else that every single year there has to be massive media coverage about 9/11? Every single year they have to bring out the 9/11 footage, show off the memorials at Ground Zero, etc etc. I can understand for the big anniversaries- like the 10th in 2011 was a big deal, and there's the 15th in 2016. But really, for the 13th it has to be a big leading new story?
     
    There's this deep cynical part of me that doesn't think it's about honoring the memory of the dead- that it's a media ratings grab by re-visiting the biggest news story of the 21st century. 'Cause why don't we do this for Pearl Harbour Day? Or even the anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing, which is still very much in living memory?
     
    Why can't we just let September 11th be an ordinary day, and let the victims grieve in peace at their memorials without shoving cameras in their faces? Why can't we let people with September 11th birthdays get to celebrate their birthdays without seeing their Facebook friends pontificate about 9/11 with statuses that end in #9/11Anniversary?
     
    I mean, like I said, maybe I'm an asshole for thinking this. But do we really need to drag out this tragedy every single time the calender says September 11th?
  14. methodwriter85
    So you guys have heard all about my internship that went incredibly south, and the incredibly humiliating way I was released from the internship.
     
    As a bit of a post-script, I had to fill out a survey. I vented out some of my anger at the situation, but I managed to keep it from going too over the top After mentioning my points that I think my supervisor needed to be more direct with constructive criticism and not engage her interns in so many private conversations, I was able to suggest this: (more or less)
     
    If the decision has been made to release an intern from their internship, I believe the news should be delivered to the intern in a face-to-face meeting with the superior making the decision and a neutral third party who has not personally worked with the intern. The neutral third party can ensure that the superior relays to the intern a firm understanding of why the internship has been ended, but also done in a way that is polite, respectful, and non-inflammatory to the intern.
     
    I mean, I don't know if that's ever going to change anything, but I liked being able to speak my peace. I can deal with the fact that I fucked up and I closed a door permanently shut. What bothers me is that the director of the internship felt that he could yell at me on the phone, relay to me gossip from 7 to 10 years ago, and then questioned my mental status. There's something rich about about being called out by a superior about your lack of professionalism, in a way that was INCREDIBLY unprofessional.That's not okay, and I hope I was able to convey it that way without sounding like a big ol' crybaby.
     
    I was also able to applaud the very awesome volunteer coordinator I'll call "Amanda". She was a cool chick, and made my exit interview far less painful than it could have been.
     
    I'm not going to lie- I'm still angry and hurt, but I think I'm moving on. I think, anyway.
  15. methodwriter85
    Hey guys,
     
    I talked to Tim Saturday and he's doing as well as can be expected. He lucked out and was able to get the charges reduced to a misdemeanor after some cops were talked down. (It's good to know some cops, I guess.) He has a hearing to try and get his car back, and he'll have his hearing October 1st, but things are looking good for him, thank god. He'll just have to pay a shitload of court costs and the like.
     
    He'll be alright, I think. Tim told me he went back on Prozac and is seeing a therapist again, so I think he'll be fine. I'm just glad that the whole felony thing won't happen...having a misdemeanor conviction is one thing, but a felony is a whole 'nother thing.
     
    As for the saying goodbye bit...I won't lie, I've been down for the past week. And it does bother me that I missed the actual service. At the same time though...I thought a lot about how much Steve HATED ceremonial/formal stuff. It just wasn't his thing at all. He bounced from Delaware as soon as he was done with finals instead of staying around for graduation. We had our real goodbye to college right before we both headed off to our respective grad schools, when we hung out at Brett and Tim's junior year house. So there's something that kind of feels right about the fact that I missed the ceremony, but I was there for the informal lunch where we sat around, ate, looked at photos, and talked about the guy that we all loved and now miss. That was definitely something I needed to do, be around people who don't just dismiss Steve as some junkie that brought his death on himself, so I feel grateful that I got to do it.
     
    Some people were talking about having some informal memorials for Steve down the line, which I really hope happens.
  16. methodwriter85
    So, I took the Greyhound up to New York City on Friday, with the plan that I'd stay with a college friend that lived in Long Island. Another friend was coming, and we'd all go down to Steve's memorial the next morning. Well, that was the plan, anyway.
     
    The Greyhound was over an hour and half late- the New York City Tunnels are an absolute nightmare of traffic, though it was cool to see the New York City skyline complete with the new World Trade Center. The one and only time I had set foot in New York City was twelve years ago, and the skyline looked pretty different from what I remembered. Lots of new buildings seem to have sprouted up. I walked around Times Square/Broadway, which was just as chaotic and noisy and wonderful as I remember it being. After that, I took the Long Island Railroad (known as the Lirr) to my friend Tim's place. Our friend Brett, who comes from Rhode Island, had come down and was already at Tim's house. The evening started out pleasantly enough, with us just catching up on our lives. Brett had gone back to school for video game design, while Tim was teaching English at a charter school in the City.
     
    Tim's band was playing a gig at some dive bar, and it was an alright time. I was pissed off about paying 5 bucks for a freakin' Pabst, but otherwise I had a lot of fun. His band was good, some of the other bands were pretty good, and it felt like a nice callback to college when I had friends who were playing in local bands. There was one particular moment where I rocked out to this cover of "Dreams" by the Cranberries which was fun as hell. And Brett and I had a pretty good conversation revolving around the grief thing, which I really needed because I really, really needed to be physically around people who knew and care about Steve. That's been the one big thing I've been missing in processing this.
     
    We left and then hit a really unfortunate sidetrack. Not to go too much into details, but on our way back to Tim's place, Tim made a few wacky moves that got the attention of the cops. We were pulled over, the cop immediately accused Tim of being high as a kite, and then they found a stash in the car. There are a few more details there, but I can't really say much except that he's facing some very serious charges that could get him jail time. (I'm also extremely glad that I don't touch that stuff.) He got arrested, his car got impounded, and we had to sit out in the parking lot next to a Wendy's to wait for Tim's parents to pick us up. I have never experienced watching a friend get busted like that. It was the most bizarre feeling to deal with seeing a friend's entire life getting wrecked while knowing that we were also going to mourn a lost friend the next day.
     
    The ride back was extremely awkward, to say the least. Tim's father was angry as fuck- although he calmed down towards me because I was honest in telling him that I did not partake in anything that night. We literally had to sleep in the basement of Tim's parent's house while Tim was spending the night in jail. Tim's mother was very upset, and when I offered her a hug she pretty just sobbed for a little bit in my arms. It really made me think about what it would be like as a parent to see your kid make such a massive fuck-up...I just felt so bad for Tim, who is in serious danger of losing his teaching license, and his mother, who has to watch her son hit rock bottom.
     
    It REALLY put things in perspective, because I've been whining about my failed non-paid internship and the fact that I won't ever get a chance to work with that state agency again, and now I'm seeing a friend who is facing very serious charges that could basically render his teacher's training useless. Needless to say, we didn't sleep, and the next morning we had the awkwardness of talking to Tim's brother, who was understandably upset as hell.
     
    I was anxious to get the hell out of there, so we started our way towards New Jersey. Unfortunately, we were hit with traffic from hell in trying to get onto the Lincoln Tunnel, and it delayed us enough that we basically missed the actual memorial service. We literally got in there as someone was saying, "Now this concludes the memorial service." I watched from the door, and as they filed out, I looked for Ethan, who I wrote about in a previous blog that was Steve's resident at their dorm. When I saw him, I gave him a big hug and I knew I was close to losing it. Then Steve's girlfriend came up to me and told me that it was great to finally meet me, because Steve had talked so much about me and how much my friendship meant to him. I was then a blubbering mess for a couple seconds, and I managed to croak out, "It meant a lot to me, too." Steve's girlfriend and Ethan comforted me for those few moments, and I cannot tell you how much that meant to me, and how much I had been screaming out for a chance to mourn with people who loved him as well.
     
    Then at the lunch reception, I met Steve's parents. I met his mother first, who thanked me for sending out the card that I did back in December, and then she mentioned how much Steve would talk about me. I got the same general reception from Steve's father, who also mentioned that Steve did mention me a lot. When that happened, I felt like it was confirmation about how much Steve really cared for me as a friend, and as someone who has often been made to feel like he has to apologize for his existence, that was everything to know I really did have that. It was the reason why I knew there wasn't a chance in hell that I'd miss this, and even though I missed the actual ceremony, being able to meet with and talk to the people who also loved Steve was everything.
     
    One really cool thing was that I learned that someone had printed out the Facebook cell photo I had taken of Steve, enlarged it, and framed it...his parents loved the photo, which made me glad. I also talked with Steve's brother, which was also hard, because his brother looked a lot like Steve and I couldn't help but see Steve. But it was great telling him funny stories about my days on the U.D. campus with Steve.
     
    Aside from his family, I talked with his friends from high school as well as his Residence Life comrades, which was great- mixed with the tears there were also a lot of laughs and remembering of the good memories we had of him.
     
    After that, I managed to snag a ride from someone going down to D.C. (The original plan was that Tim would drive me back to Manhattan in time for my 8 p.m. bus departure and well you know how that went.) On the ride back, I looked up at the sky. It was beautiful out, big and blue with perfect fluffy clouds. I pictured Steve looking at me, smirking a little. I felt a massive sense of peace. Despite all the crap I had to go through in order to get there, I finally got to say my proper good-bye.
  17. methodwriter85
    *passes out cigars* Well, it's a boy! My little nephew was born 10:29 p.m. EST weighing in at 8 pounds, 13 ounces. Mother and son are doing fine. He makes number 6 in his generation- I now have 4 nieces and 2 nephews ranging from 19 years to a few hours old.
     
    It's been a crazy week. I had to deal with the fallout of my internship loss. I had to deal with the reality of setting up plans for getting to my friend's memorial on the 9th. And then I got to see my little nephew born, who's middle name is a tribute to his paternal grandfather who died of cancer over four years ago, before he got to see his son have children. (This is child number 3.)
     
    The emotions just bubbled up as I waved between the joy of the blessed event and the crazy sense of loss that I've had washing over me this week. It's been a long and hard week but I got through it, thank god.
  18. methodwriter85
    Thanks for the responses, everyone. I went ahead and got through the humiliation of turning back in my state I.D., badges, uniforms, and signing my exit papers. It was difficult and upsetting, but also pretty illuminating as I tried to put into words what failed about this internship- on my side as well as on my supervisor's side.
     
    It seems as if there are two guys that I can be- there's the responsible one that developed in grad school, through four successful internships, and can be pretty respectful. Then there's the old self-destructive one- the one that drives everyone crazy, gets lazy and self-indulgent, and projects an air of unfounded arrogance. Apparently that guy showed up instead, and I have to live with the fact that I alienated a whole hell lot of people who will never give me another chance because I didn't bring the first guy to the game.
     
    My main lessons here seem to be...
     
    1. It's not my job to critique/comment on other people's work or offer them unsolicited advice, especially as the low-man on the totem pole. Only do it if I'm asked, and in all honestly, have done the legwork to warrant it. (Like when I trained people to clean the dining hall because I'd been there an entire school year, and being allowed to train volunteers at this small museum I work at because I've been there for over a year.)
     
    2. Don't assume you're doing a great job because your supervisor hasn't directly criticized you. Also do not complain, either vocally or facially, about the tasks they have you doing.
     
    3. Do not ever, under any circumstances, treat a supervisor like a friend. This is where I felt like, although I failed, there was some fail on their side as well. My supervisor and I were close in ages, and upon reflection, I think this made it harder to keep a proper supervisor/intern relationship. She shared and confided in me a lot of personal information/stories about herself, and set a tone where I felt like that was okay for me to do that myself. I thought back to the other supervisors I had, and I honestly can't tell you anything about them aside maybe where they went to school, their work history, and if they were married, dating, or not. That's about it. This was different, and upon reflection, it wasn't appropriate to know a lot of personal things about my supervisor. It created a feeling that we were friends rather than someone I was working under.
     
    So yeah, those are my lessons that I'll take in moving forward. I feel crummy but I'll be better, and I've already gotten past the hardest part.
  19. methodwriter85
    Well, my internship with the state park did not work out. I'm pretty shocked and sad about it.
     
    Long story short, they felt like a particular incident showed that I had not gotten over my behavior problems from a decade ago, and given that I had a lot of baggage with them from that time period, they did not feel like I was a fit with them. I was given a second chance and I blew it.
     
    It sucks and I'm pretty angry at myself. I know I'll move on- I closed a door with ever working with the state park system in Delaware, apparently, but it's not the end of my career. I might really want to start thinking long and hard about staying in the state of Delaware, however.
     
    Right now my immediate course of action is to just go ahead and start increasing my volunteer hours at another museum I work at (thank god I didn't actually leave the place), do some soul-searching about why this internship did not work out like the previous 3 I've worked in, and get back on the horse and try again. Luckily I've got this side job cleaning apartment buildings a couple weekends a month so I'm not completely at 0.
     
    Ugh. I guess I just have to remember that this was a learning experience, even though it wasn't in the way I wanted it to be.
  20. methodwriter85
    Their album Disintergration turned 25 today. To celebrate, I'm going to make a playlist of my favorite tunes by them.
     
    The Cure Playlist
     
    1.
     
    2.
     
    3.
     
    4.
     
    5.
     
    6.
     
    7.
     
    8. Pictures of You
  21. methodwriter85
    So have any of you guys heard about the whole "Restore The L.A. River" movement? Do you guys think it will happen, or no? The ideas seems to range from just simply removing concrete in some areas to allow wildlife in parts of it, to trying to turn the L.A. River into Los Angeles's version of Central Park.
     
    I learned about L.A.'s channeled river via a special about Los Angeles on E! circa 1997 and thought it was kind of cool that instead of having a real river like East coast cities like New York and Philly do, they have a man-made concrete one. The way it was used in 1997's Volcano was pretty awesome. And of course, the
    . 
    Here's an interesting op-ed piece about it:
     
    Angelenos' vision of their river is created by made-up memory
     
    He used the term "misplaced nostalgia", which I think is interesting. I mean, when I've read about Los Angeles history, it seems like they were always about being "new" and "forward". There's some historic stuff there, but for the most part, Los Angeles is a massive collection of suburban neighborhoods that were built in the mid-to-late 20th century, which were made possible by the irrigation projects of the 1930's. I think he's saying that the L.A. River is born out of a desire for the city to have something that can be a collective part of their historic identity, but it's coming out of something that never really existed. I thought this quote was interesting:
     
    Quote
     
    As a person who grew up in the Delaware River Valley, the rivers and streams are a massive part of our identity and what it means to be from the greater Philadelphia Area. The Delaware and the Schuylkill Rivers play such a massive part in what Philadelphia is. Maybe those advocates want something similar for Los Angeles- but it doesn't seem like all that viable of a plan if the bulk of the river is dry for 9 months save for sewage and industrial run-off. Can you really turn it into something like what they have with the San Antonio Riverwalk or Philly's rowing crew scene and what-have-you?
     
    I mean, L.A. does get fantastic weather, the mountains, awesome hills, and of course the Pacific Ocean. It's okay that it doesn't have much of a river to speak of. LOL. It would be funny though if the plan goes through, and it completely and totally backfires and causes such wonderful things as the introduction of floodplain insurance rates. (I'm assuming Los Angeles wouldn't have that because the flooding is controlled.)
     
    I found a bunch of pre-channel pictures of the Los Angeles River. Yeah, the Hudson it ain't. The city is apparently pushing for a billion dollar "restoration" plan, but I'm not sure it'd be worth it in the end unless they find some way to make it so that there's navigable waterways all year round. To actually bring back the river to its "natural" state would be pretty unsatisfying for river recreation and/or riverfront "district" plans. Why would someone pay a bunch of money to live in a condo on a river that's dry for 9 months of the year, and where the bulk of the water is treated wastewater?
     
    Still, I think it's interesting that there's this whole grass-roots movement going on. To the Californians here...do any of you guys have friends who try and advocate for the L.A. River? I have the fun mental image of people trying to kayak on this little bit of water in a big concrete ditch.
     
    Is this like an actual "thing" in L.A., or just something for fringe dreamers? I think the whole thing is interesting- there's the side of me that loves seeing Concrete City try and bring back more nature into the parts of it that had been paved over, but another part of me thinks that the plans being bandied about don't really seem to fit what the "river" actually is- a desert wash that floods a couple of days a year but mainly exists as a creek with little water for most of it. I think the effort to restore it might lead to disappointment when it turns out that you can't really hold regatta races in there. It's a great idea but I think the enthusiasts might need to temper expectations a bit.
  22. methodwriter85
    Delaware Attorney General Beau Biden Plans To Run For Governor
     
    I would have been excited about this before, because I love the Bidens and I had a lot of respect for Beau for his handling of the Earl Bradley case, but his defense of the lenient sentence for the Du Pont heir who molested his children really, really deflated a lot of my enthusiasm for this emerging political dynasty.
    It would take a lot for him not to get elected, though. There's the Biden name, and the fact that Delaware hasn't had a Republican Governor since 1993. The only way I can see him not becoming Governor would either be him having more serious health problems, or people being so sick of the Jack Markell administration that they vote in a Republican governor.
    It'll be interesting to see how this all unfolds, though. Honestly, I would have thought he'd try and become a Senator.
  23. methodwriter85
    I haven't written a monologue in a really long time (we're talking undergrad, but I thought I'd give it a shot.)
     
    JUSTIN, late 20's, talks about the death of his good friend from college to a grief support group.
     
    So, hi. My name is Justin. I'm here to talk about my friend, Randy. Randy died of a drug overdose three months ago, today. He was 27 and just a couple of weeks short in getting his master's degree in drug counseling. The irony, right?
     
    It's strange. When he first died, I was pretty much doubled over in grief and crying all the time, you know? Now there are times when I can go an entire week or two where I'm okay, and I'm not mourning him. And when it does hit me, it's not as intense as it was...for the most part. It's just kind of more like a dull ache. I really am okay. Really, I am.
     
    But then every once in awhile, something just hits me. Like, the other day I was driving, and this really depressing song about teenage suicide came on. And even though the song really didn't have much to do with Randy's death, the emotions overwhelmed me. Because it made me think about the fact that Randy, from what he told me about high school, had a big struggle with depression and drug issues. Which then made me think about how Randy had managed to survive his shitty teen years. He graduated from college and get through the first half of his 20's, but then couldn't survive the last half. Like the guy almost made it, almost got past all the crap and drama of growing up, almost got to thirtysomething intact, but those demons managed to claim him right before he got to the finish line. So I started crying to the point where I had trouble driving because my eyes were stinging with tears.
     
    Sometimes I think I'm naive. I knew the guy had problems. In college, he was always looking for something to take the edge off. I remember one night in college we were supposed to try Oxycontin together- in retrospect, I'm glad that deal fell through, you know? Maybe I could have tried Oxy and been okay, but maybe I could have ended up like Randy. I don't know. I'm just trying to say that I knew the guy had problems, and I knew he was always wasted. I kept telling myself it was just a college thing. But when we hit grad school, I knew Randy was still going hard. Then it was just a twentysomething thing, and I figured he'd grow out of it, hit 30, become happy with his career, and settle down into a family. He didn't, of course, which is why he's no longer here.
     
    I have to tell myself that sometimes. Whenever I see something that I know he'd find hilarious, or if something crazy happened to me that I know Randy would love to give me shit about, I have to remind myself that I can't call him. I still have his number on my cell. I can't bring myself to delete it.
     
    The last time I talked to Randy was on November 20th. That's over three months. I have never gone this long without talking to Randy in the six years that I've known him. Knew him. It's strange to think that I might wind up going another forty or fifty years without ever talking to him again. He was such a great confidant....you could tell him anything. Randy was so observant, and so willing to call you out on your b.s If he thought you were being stupid, he wouldn't mince words. I felt like with him, I had someone that kept me grounded, and someone that I could be completely honest with, drop my guard entirely, and he wouldn't stop being my friend. That was the first friendship I've ever had like that. I'll never have anything like that again.
     
    I just miss him. And I get so embarrassed that it's been three months and I'm still crying about it. Like I just want to be okay with this, and I want to stop crying for good. I want to stop feeling angry about how he left. I want to be able to just let him go. I want to go back to the guy that I was the day before Randy died, where my biggest heartache was getting turned down for a job. But I know that I can't, and I know that this takes time. It just really, really sucks.
     
    SCENE.
  24. methodwriter85
    I've been reading about this case, and all the strangle twists and turns it's taken, and I'm really fascinated by it. The basic gist is that Bode Miller, in 2012, had a few dates with a woman named Sarah McKenna that he met on a matchmaking service. He got her pregnant. She contends that he initially wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. In the meantime, Bode Miller met and married volleyball player Morgan Beck, in a span of a few months. At seven months, Sarah McKenna left California for New York in order to start school at Columbia.
     
    This is where things started to get nasty. Bode Miller filed to establish parental rights, and McKenna was castigated by a judge for "shopping" for a more sympathetic court by going to New York. Custody was awarded to Miller. This enraged women's rights advocates, who believed that this ruling set a dangerous precedent that would allow biological fathers to dictate where pregnant women are allowed to go. It was overturned, and right now they have a short-term custody agreement before a hearing in March.
     
    It's pretty contentious- the mother and the father can't even agree on a name- Bode's son was named Samuel, after Bode's legal name. Miller wants to call Sam "Nate" after his recently deceased brother, to the point where the visa that would have allowed his son to go with him to Russa got held up because of his insistence that "Nathaniel" be added as a middle name on his birth certificate. And of course, Miller's wife decided to post a blog, since deleted, blasting McKenna for her poor mothering skills. (His wife, by the way, suffered a miscarriage in 2013, and decided to call it a blessing in disguise because it meant they could focus on raising just one baby instead of two. Which...kinda raises The Hand That Rocks the Cradle red flags in my mind.)
     
    Here's an article about the case, and what it could mean for women's rights:
    Bode Miller Changed His Mind and Hurt Pregnant Women's Rights Everywhere
     
    It does raise a really good ethical question- is a woman obligated to stay in the same state as the child's father while the baby's in utero and before they've worked out custody arrangements?
     
    Another interesting case I've been following is the Jason Patric custody case, which challenges the California state law about sperm donors. His ex-girlfriend and the mother of his child insists that Jason Patric is a sperm donor, Jason insists that he had every intention of parenting the child.
     
    I think both cases are interesting views into how parental custody battles have evolved over the years in regards to paternal rights.
  25. methodwriter85
    I got pretty unsettled tonight. My friend Ethan, who was really close to our friend Steve who died, called me up to talk. Pretty soon it obvious that Ethan was completely and totally loaded, and on the phone he admitted to me that he was on cocaine, Adderall, and Vodka. We just had this ten-minute conversation- well if you could call it that- and he just kept saying these snippets of things. Like about what Steve meant to him, how I'm one of the few people that got Steve, and telling me about how he can't get the image of the last time they hung out and did drugs together out of his mind. It was so incoherent. The conversation lasted for 10 minutes until he likely passed out or something.
     
    After I stopped freaking out, I figured that Ethan, who has kind of been serving as the backbone for everybody else in this grieving process, must have hit a snap point and he needed to unload. I was pretty shocked- I really thought he'd been handling this so well, and I'd never heard Ethan this loaded and fucked up before, and I partied with him a lot in college. But grief is indeed a long and fucked up journey to make, and there are some big detours.
     
    The backstory to this, from what I've gathered...Steve's girlfriend T is in rehab somewhere. Ethan has been talking to her quite a lot- maybe too much, and maybe he's been the backbone so much that he hasn't really dealt. I don't know, I'm just surmising. Maybe something just set him off- and this has been his way of coping.
     
    It was so weird, though. I haven't really dealt with people being that messed up since college, and like I said, I never heard or saw him get that messed up in college. He was a recreational drug user, yeah, but I never thought he had a big problem like I admittedly thought with Steve. I mean, Ethan DID have his sober moments in college, which I can't really say about Steve.
     
    Anyway, if I'm right, it makes me kinda glad that I've been talking it out continually and admitting whenever I feel bad, rather than letting it all bottle up. I'm proud to say that I haven't had any drinking sessions to try and numb this...not to bag on my friend Ian for doing it, but in my own personal view, it doesn't help. It really doesn't. I've tried to tackle this as head-on and clear-headed as I can, and I think it's largely worked.
     
    I called up a buddy and asked him for advice on this, and he got me to calm down and figure that I'll call Ian up tomorrow and find out how he's doing. I really do hope he's alright and it was just a bad night.
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