Pussy Cat Pussy Cat - 13. Chapter 13

When Sar takes me back to my room I fall asleep almost immediately, curled into his side, with his hand stroking me. If Cat had been around we would have made love but I don’t have the energy to do much more than lie still and smell his smell and feel his touch. Even so, when his hand caresses the curve of my hip I can’t help but moan softly.

I open my eyes and Sar is watching me with such a gentle, tender look in his eyes that what can I do but smile?

Without saying a word, Sar moves closer, his hand sliding from my hip to my buttock, pulling me into him. Still without speaking he touches his lips gently to mine and I feel the warmth of his breath seeping through me. With a sigh, I open my mouth and let him in.

This is not a very reciprocal sharing because I am both exhausted and still frightened, but it is exactly what I need. There are no words that could have reassured and relaxed me in the way that the pressure of his body and the touch of his lips can. It doesn’t go any further. I doesn’t need to. When Sar finally breaks the kiss I tuck my head under his chin and he draws circles on the small of my back and over the swell of my buttocks until I fall asleep.

When I wake up he’s gently shaking my shoulder.

“Wha...?” I’m too sleepy to wake up. I want to sleep for ages... forever.

“I thought you’d be hungry. I brought us something to eat in here.”

Now that he mentions it I can smell something nice. I sigh. If Cat had been here he would have noticed the minute we opened our eyes and he would have known what it was. Now, I have to look at the soup before I know what it is.

It’s nice soup; in fact it’s really nice soup. It’s thick and hot and brown and spicy and chunky, and there is crusty bread and cola... but I can’t eat it... well not much of it. I’m too nervous. They’re coming and I’ve agreed to see them and now I’m regretting it.

“How is Felix?”

Sar frowns. “He’s not doing very well. I have to admit that initially it was a set up. I wanted him to help ground you; to take your mind off yourself by getting concerned about him again. But it didn’t work out quite like that. He’s been really strong so far. I don’t know whether it was just the adrenaline of the fight and flight, or whether he was being brave for Rover but... He’s gone downhill fast and it doesn’t help that he’s in pain and won’t let Fougue give him anything for it.”

“Why not?”

“For the same reason that you wouldn’t if I asked you to.”

“Oh.” He must be as scared as I am. “Are they here?”

“Yes.”

“Can I see Felix before we go talk to them?”

“Of course you can.”

“Can I go now?” Suddenly it feels very important to see him as soon as I can.

“Of course.” I’m halfway to the door before Sar says softly, “Don’t you think it would be a good idea to put some clothes on this time?”

For some reason I find that funny.

Felix is asleep, well dozing in Rover’s arms. Rover looks a little annoyed when we enter. “He’s asleep. Can’t you just leave him alone for a while? He’s not well.”

“I know, Rover, but he wants to get this over with as much as we do, and if we’re lucky it can be done in an hour or so and he can sleep properly.”

“I’m not going to disturb him,” Rover growls possessively.

“It’s okay.” Felix stirs and sits up. “I wasn’t really asleep.” He blinks up at Rover and smiles. “When we come back we can really snuggle down.” He sighs heavily. “I... need to sleep properly.”

“Yes, you do,” Rover says, giving Sar a hard look.

“Rover, I’ll be okay,” Felix says firmly. “You’ll be with me.”

I don’t even have the slightest twinge of jealousy about the look that passes between them and I wouldn’t have even if I hadn’t noticed the unspoken flash of fear in Felix’s eyes and the answering reassurance in Rover’s.

I notice, too, that Felix doesn’t find it easy to get off the bed. Rover hovers and as soon as he’s on his feet puts his arm around his waist. Felix rests his head on Rover’s shoulder and looks up him with adoring eyes. For the first time he smiles and the look is so expressive I feel I’m intruding in something intensely personal. I turn my eyes up to Sar and get my own.

I can’t deny that I am feeling very nervous as I follow Sar down to one of the downstairs sitting rooms. It is worse for Felix though. He doesn’t know the house and he’s too new to feel really comfortable in it. He doesn’t know where we’re going and it’s also getting more and more apparent that he wasn’t pretending earlier when he said he was ill. I feel slightly sick when I remember what he was trying to do for me when I ran away, and what I did to him. I’m going to make it up to him somehow.

The Council scientists are something of a surprise. For a start they are quite young, and one of them is a woman. I don’t know why that makes any difference except maybe that there were no women at... before.

They had been talking quite animatedly to Fougue but stop and stand respectfully when we come in. I’ve very nervous and glue myself to Sar’s side. I notice that Felix is doing the same with Rover, although I have a feeling that he also needs the physical support. I know that weres heal quickly but it really hasn’t been that long. I should have realised before. He looks sickly pale and he’s sweating. I can be such a thoughtless bitch sometimes.

“I’m very grateful that you’ve agreed to see us, especially after what you’ve been through. I can see that you’re both struggling with this so I won’t make it any harder for you than I can. My name is Dr. Ravi Patel, and these are my colleagues, Dr. Lucy Hunt and Dr. Evan Holden. All we want to do is talk, because, for different reasons you are both unique and we would like to know more about you.”

“I’m not very unique anymore,” I mumble. Dr Patel gives me a sympathetic look.

“I have spoken to Fougue about that and he is of the opinion that it is not irreversible. However, that is something that we will leave aside, perhaps to be discussed at another time when you have a little more distance from what happened to you.”

Wait. What? “Are you saying that you can bring the others back; that you can make me whole?”

“I couldn’t tell for sure without further examination, which is why I don’t want to discuss the matter at this point. However, from what I’ve heard from Fougue and Sartorian, I think it is very likely that we could do that.”

“But... I mean... if you can do that why...?” My heart is racing and my mind spinning. Sar had said that he could smell them in me but I thought he was just saying that to make me feel better. If he’s spoken to these people about it then it must be more than that. I look at him and he smiles gently, looking a little uncomfortable.

“I don’t think you’re really up to this right now, Glory.” I push away from him, my heart pounding now, my mouth dry.

“But Sar... if there’s a chance: if there’s any chance I have to...”

“Glory,” he says softly. “To be able to even explore the possibility of unlocking you natures you would have to go back to the Council laboratory and submit to a more hands on examination.”

“I...” The panic hits like a brick wall. Images of the scientists looming over me; memories of the pain flick rapidly through my mind and I feel physically sick. But to have them back again... to have them all back!!! “I... I want... I...” I’m shaking so hard I can barely stand and I’m panting but I manage to spit out. “I want them back and I’ll do anything... anything. I can’t bear it. I can’t live like this.”

“Are you sure?”

“No, I’m not sure. I don’t know if I can go through with it but... you know, Sar. You know and Fougue knows... If I don’t get them back...” I stare up at him, more scared than I have ever been in my life and barely able to control myself. I thought once before that I was going to pee myself with fear and this time I’m afraid I’m going to lose control of everything. “If I don’t get whole again I... I will... I’m going to go mad... literally.”

Sar pulls me close, very close and buries his face in my hair. “I’m sorry, Glory. I’m so sorry. I don’t... I don’t know what to do for the best. I don’t want to see you hurt again. I couldn’t bear to see you hurt again. But I... I’m scared for you, Glory. If you don’t do this I don’t know what’s going to happen to you.”

He pulls away again and stares at me. “I didn’t plan this, Glory, I swear. It’s beginning to sound like it but I swear that’s not why I brought you here. I swear it was only to talk. I won’t put any pressure on you. I won’t...”

I shake my head. “I don’t... I don’t know... I... I want... I...” I feel like I’m spinning out of control. This is the big thing; the huge crushing fear that has been threatening to overwhelm me since I was in the car with Sar. This is what I was running from, what I was hiding from; and now... and now...

I have to close my eyes. I have to close my eyes and bury my head in Sar’s shoulder. I can’t look at them. Even looking at the floor is too painful. Too many colours, too much pattern, too...

A hand rests gently on my shoulder and I look up, startled into dull yellow eyes. “I’ll come with you, Glory,” he says softly. “I’ll do whatever you do. We’ll do it together.”

“Felix...” Rover says sharply but Felix waves his objections away.

“Felix... I can’t...”

“I know; neither can I, which is why I have to. I... I’m the only one who knows. If it was me I would want you to be with me. So I’ll be with you.”

“But you’re...”

“I’m fine. I’m coming.”

And suddenly it’s okay. There’s something in Felix’s eyes and his soft voice and his real concern that makes me feel... Not safe; not exactly safe, but that it’s going to be alright in the end. I’m still scared, really scared but I feel that it is going to be alright in the end.

Slowly, slowly, I turn to the scientists. “Do you promise you can make me whole again?”

“I can’t promise you that, Glory,” Dr Patel said gravely. “All I can promise is that I will try. I will try my hardest.”

“Fair enough. When and where?”

The scientists exchange glances and it makes me nervous. “We could have the things brought here. There are still... facilities... Fougue?” Fougue nods briefly and a shiver goes through me. What facilities? I look up at Sar, scared.

“It’s okay. Fougue’s a scientist and healer; you know that. He has his own lab and a treatment room. We don’t use it often. It’s Fougue’s private domain. It’s very basic but...”

“We don’t need much in the way of equipment. This is more... psychological so we...”

“Don't tell me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I... have to do it and I... have to do it now. I want to do it before I get too scared to do it. I want... I want them back. And... if we do it here Felix won't have go anywhere.”

Felix smiles and squeezes my shoulder. “I’d go anywhere to help you, Glory. You saved my life.”

“Only after you saved mine.”

There is something between us now, something indefinable, something that only two people who have gone through a terrible thing together can ever know. We both grin.

“It will take a few hours to get everything set up. Go and rest. Fougue will come for you when it’s time.”

Again my stomach drops and I shiver. Can I do this?

“It’s okay, Glory. I’ll be here.” Felix is so strong; I have to be strong too. I can be strong like him.

“Thank you.”

“Let’s go and hang out together. I think we kind of need each other.”

“We would like to speak to you too, Felix, if that’s okay with you?”

Felix turns, surprised. “Oh. I didn’t expect..., not now. I thought...” He glances at Rover, then me, then back to them. “Do I have to?”

“Of course you don’t; but we would appreciate it if you did.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Do you have any idea how rare your type of were is; how unique you are?”

“I...” He glances again at Rover. “I haven’t really thought of it. I am what I am. I’ve hidden it because... because people get scared. They try... It’s easier if they don’t know. I think it freaks them out and then they get violent. It’s not easy to be Damphir but... there’s something about the... tiger that keeps them away. It’s so strong it mostly overpowers the vampire side and covers it up. It’s only when I come across actual hunters that they see through it... or smell through it. I don’t tell anyone. I don’t show anyone, so they don’t know that it’s masking anything. I don’t know if that’s foolish or wise. It’s kept me alive this long.

“It wasn't until I was at the circus that I realised there was anything special about me. There was someone... a girl. She was... I don’t know; some kind of psychic and as soon as she saw me she knew. She was the one who told me that I should hide it. She helped me. She helped me get into the acrobatics too, so there wouldn’t be any need... they wouldn’t look at me too closely. It was the first time I...”

He falters and licks his lips, looking at Rover again. Rover pulls him close and glares at the scientists, angry with them for the tears in his eyes.

“It’s okay, Rover. I’m okay.”

“When did you first realise what you are?”

“I... don’t understand. I’ve always know who I am.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t make myself clear. It takes time for the were side to manifest. It seems that with mixed race it takes longer and with Damphir even more so. We have studied were leopards and mountain cats who haven’t fully manifested until they were pubescent. From our investigations it would seem that weres mature less quickly when they are combined with other races, although the more powerful the animal side the quicker they manifest so I would be interesting to know how it worked for you.”

“I... as far as I know I have always been this way. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t as I am.”

“It’s the same for me. I remember being taken away from my mother when I was very small. I think it was because they... because someone found out what I am. I have always been the four of us.”

“That’s very interesting.”

“You say ‘the four of us’,” Lucy broke in. “Is that how you see yourself? As four separate parts?”

That’s an interesting question. I have to think about it. “No, not exactly. I... I’m aware of the differences. I know which nature is dominant. I know which side of me different aspects of myself, like my temper, my tendency to live in the moment, my arrogance... come from, but we’re not separate; we all blend together and I never realised until now how much we rely on each other.”

“I can’t imagine what it must feel like.”

I look at her and shake my head. “No. You can’t.”

“That’s why we need to get them back. Without all four natures, Glory’s completely out of balance. His human side can’t cope without the others to balance it and it’s... he’s...”

“I’m going insane. My human side can’t process what I’m thinking; what I’m feeling, and it’s going insane. I can feel it. It’s there, inside me, where the others used to be. It’s a hole, a black hole that was created when they were sucked out of it and the edges keep crumbling and falling in. I’m standing on the edge looking down and if I fall there is nothing that can bring me back.” As I speak I realise that what I’m saying is true. It scares the hell out of. I’m disappearing; slowly losing my mind, my sense of who I am. “If I don’t get them back I am going to disappear.”

“You’re not going to disappear, Glory. I won’t let you.”

“We won't let you.” Dr Patel says and smiles kindly, but I can’t look at him.

“When did you first change, Felix?”

Good they’ve switched their attention to him again. He doesn’t answer. He’s staring into the distance as if he’s thinking very hard about something.

“Felix?”

“What? Oh... I’m sorry, I was thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about... about... I was trying to remember a time when I wasn’t... or when I didn’t rem...em...ber... I was... I was thinking...”

“Felix,” Rover cries as Felix crumples against him. It is so unexpected he was unprepared and Felix’s weight drags them both down. Rover glares up at the scientists and growls, low in his throat , the rumbling sound not very pleasant at all.

“I told you. I told you he wasn't up to this. I told you to leave him alone.”

“Rover, I think it would be best if you took Felix back to your room.”

“You told me he was going to be okay,” he growls at Fougue.

“He is okay, just very tired.”

Rover then turns his head to Sar with the same snarl. “I told you to let him sleep.”

“I’m sorry, Rover. I didn’t know.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care what you thought or what you meant. I’m taking back and he’s going to sleep as long as he needs and no one...no one is coming near him.”

“Rover...” Felix’s voice is so soft I can hardly hear it but Rover’s head snaps down instantly. “I’m okay, Rover. I need to be with Glory. I promised.”

He sounds awful. “It’s okay, Felix. I'll be okay. You really should rest.”

“I’m okay.” He’s struggling to get up and Rover helps him but I can see that there is blood on his shirt again and he doesn’t even get all the way to his feet before he collapses again and this time he’s out for the count.

“It’s alright, Rover. Take care of him. I’ll be fine.”

For a moment he looks as if he’s going to bite my head off but then he smiles. “I’m sorry, Glory.”

“Sorry?” I am genuinely confused. “Sorry for what?”

“I was angry with you and I shouldn’t have been.”

“Angry? Oh, because Felix got sick because of me.”

“No...no... he didn’t get sick because of you. You were both prisoners.”

“Because Valentine was after me.”

“Glory, we can go back to the origins of creation and find a link to just about everything bad that has happened in the world. None of this was your fault; in any way. I was angry with you because Felix was prepared to push himself this far to help you and because I couldn’t stop him collapsing.”

“You were angry with me because of something that Felix did; and you couldn’t do?”

Rover grins, “I never said I was going to make sense.” Very, very carefully he lifts Felix into his arms. Felix moans and turns his face in towards his bond mate’s shoulder. Rover rumbles deep in his throat and carried him carefully, as if made of china, out of the room.