Pussy Cat Pussy Cat - 11. Chapter 11

The bang on the back of the car frightens the crap out of me. I didn’t hear anyone approach.

Felix’ door is ripped open, scaring him rigid.

“Felix, you’re hurt.”

“Yeah... take it easy.”Rover is leaning in through the doorway and this time I’m not jealous of the look on his face, which is just as well because... well because it’s just beautiful: he has tears in his eyes. Felix has his face turned away from me but I can see his eyes lock with Rover’s and a slow smile spread over his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers but I don’t have time to notice any more because Sar literally tears the door right off. Sometimes he doesn’t know his own strength.

“Glory.” He’s gentle now, kneeling to be on a level with me. Seeing his face makes me feel safe at last, safe enough to relax my control and throw myself into his arms. He even smells safe.

“Sar, oh Sar I’m so glad you’re here. I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared. They hurt me and it... it... it’s all gone... and Felix was fighting and he got hurt and he was bleeding and I thought... I thought he was going to die... but the freak who owns this car has so much stuff... blankets, and chocolate... and I gave some to Felix and he hated it so I knew...”

“Woah... slow down, Glory”

Sar has a laugh in his voice and it stops me in my tracks. I have to swallow down the lump in my throat and the excited babble turns into a choked whisper. “They’re gone, Sar... Cat, Fey, Vamp... they’re all gone.”

For a moment we stare at each other and then he pulls me close and I start to sob. He strokes my hair but he doesn’t say anything; what can he say.

“Are you hurt, Glory?”

“No, not me... Felix...”

“I think Felix is being taken care of.”

Rover has him out of the car, blankets and all and is holding him carefully in his arms like he did before only this time Felix is awake and is giving his look back.

“I think they are going to be okay.”

“Yes.” Sar smiles gently and tucks my hair behind my ear. “That’s my Glory.” I am so lost in his eyes that it’s a surprise to find that I’m in his arms. “What are you wearing?” he asks indulgently.

“Whatever I could find to stop me freezing.”

“You’d look beautiful in anything.”

Suddenly everything feels... right. The fear is still there but somehow it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here in Sar’s arms, where I am meant to be. I cling to him and he follows Rover, walking fast through the forest. There are others around but I don’t care, I ignore them.

Sar is so strong, so confident. He always knows what to do and he makes me feel safe. No matter what happens, how bad it is, when Sar is here he makes me feel safe. Everything is alright now; he will make everything alright. I can rest my head on his shoulder and let it all go.

“Glory?”

“Huh? Oh, I fell asleep.” My eyes are sleepy but I can see the light in his eyes. They only shine like that for me. I wonder if mine shine like that for him... I’m sure they do.

“I’m going to put you down, so you can get in the car.”

“Ok.”

He can throw me in the air and catch me if he wants; because I know he will catch me. I would go anywhere; do anything for him.

“Ow.” I didn’t realise how sore my feet are, from walking around with no shoes on. I do now.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing really. My feet are sore because I was walking around with no shoes on.”

“Get in the car,” he growls and I wonder what he is so cross about. I know it can’t be me because I haven’t done anything wrong to make him cross. Ah... right... I know what he’s cross about and it makes me smile. Hurt feet or no hurt feet I stop and put my arms around him.

“Thank you.”

He looks a little startled. “For what?”

“For saving me again.”

“But I... I didn’t. I wasn’t there. I let you get hurt again.”

Aha, I knew it. “It wasn’t your fault, Sar. There was nothing you could have done. Valentine was waiting and at some point he was going to get me; that’s a given. At least this way I had Felix with me.”

“But I didn’t protect you.”

“What are you going to do? Lock me in a glass case and only let me out on special occasions? That would kill me. You have to let me take care of myself.”

“I do... it’s just that I love you so much but I keep letting you get hurt.”

“Letting me? Sar, you are just being silly. What control do you think you had over the situation?”

“I...”

“Come on, let’s get in the car. I’m cold.”

I rest my head against Sar’s shoulder as usual and he puts his arms around me. I’m glad he brought ‘our’ car again so we can be alone together. I’m glad that Sar doesn’t want to talk; I’m afraid of what I have to say.

“You did a good job with Felix,” he says at last.

“I was just lucky that the freak whose car we stole was hoarding up against every possibility that could possibly strike. He’s got some mental problems but I would kiss him if I could.”

“You’re not kissing anyone but me.” He underlines it with a kiss. “Still...” He’s so sweet. I know there is something he wants to say and I know he’s not saying it by saying lots of other things instead.

“I’m just human now, Sar. All the rest are gone, they took them away from me, I don’t know how.”

“Glory,” he says carefully. He doesn’t know whether what he is about to say will hurt me. Heh, I know him too well. “They aren’t gone. They’re still there; I can smell them. They’re just locked away.”

That gets my attention. I sit up suddenly. “What?”

“They’re there, Glory. You can get them back.”

“But I... I tried to reach them”

“They’re locked away well but you CAN do it; I know you can. Fougue will help you.”

My heart is beating so fast it’s hurting. Can it be true; can it really? “Oh, Sar, I hope so. I feel so... incomplete.”

“You sound different. I miss Cat.”

“If I don’t... if I don’t get them back; if Cat is gone forever, will you still love me?” I’m not really anxious because I know the answer. Slowly he draws me into his arms and kisses me gently. I can’t help smiling against his lips; that’s enough of an answer for me.

Resting against Sar, with the motion of the car soothing me, all sorts of things are flying through my mind. I’m not afraid anymore because I’m with Sar now. He will make everything alright, even if I don’t get the rest of my selves back... no, I can’t think that. Even with Sar here I can’t think that without feeling sick.

“What happened to Valentine?” Hey, woah, Sar actually growled and it wasn't a nice sound; it scared the hell out of me.

“He got away but I WILL find him and when I do...”

“You can't hurt him, Sar.”

“What? I thought that you, of all people would want revenge.”

“I do but... if you hurt him then you won’t be any better than him and I know that you are.” I wonder which of my natures would have been screaming ‘die’ right now: probably all of them. So it is human who holds them all in check.

“You are different,” Sar says looking at me with a frown that makes me nervous.

“You like this me though, don’t you?”

Sar smiles gently. “This is certainly a different side of you but you know that I love all of your sides equally and I will never love you any less no matter what. It’s very interesting though; seeing the way that human affects your nature. It seems more solid, more stable and mature.”

I’m pretty sure that if Cat had been here now and heard that he would be getting pissy at the perceived insult but human can smile and say lightly. “Are you telling me that my other natures are unstable and insecure?”

Picking up my tone Sar smiled. “Oh absolutely.” As I lean into Sar I think that whatever nature I have to the fore or in exclusivity my feelings for Sar never change, and even though Cat is gone I still love to feel him stroking my ears and running his hands through my hair. If I could purr I would.

As I relax, a sudden thought occurs. “Did you know that Felix is a tiger?”

“What?”

I look up at Sar sleepily. He is frowning. “Didn’t you know?”

“I’m sorry, Glory... could you say that again? I don’t think I heard it right.”

“Yeah, you did... Felix is a tiger.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“There are no tigers. There hasn’t been for many years. They are the rarest and most powerful of all weres. I would have known,” he says firmly, and then even more firmly. “He can’t be.”

“Well, of course you know; all I know is that when he sprang at Valentine after I was shot with a dart AND who ripped out the throats of the scientists and fought off four security guards, and three weres to save me was big, striped, and looked a hell of a lot like a tiger to me.”

“But how...?”

“I don’t know. He said he’s spent his whole life hiding it so he’s got good at it. He managed to hide it at the circus.”

“I can’t...”

“Think about it, Sar... you said yourself that he is far more powerful than me; you knew that.”

“Yes, but only because... hmm, you’re right. I know he is big in human form; he’s bigger and more powerful than most cats; certainly not small and delicate like you.”

“I am not small or...” I catch the twinkle in his eye and can’t help but smile... “Whatever.”

“I need to think about this; about the implications.”

“What implications?”

“This is a huge thing, Glory. He is practically unique, almost as unique as you are. I’m going to have to speak to the Council and they will want to meet him and study him. It’s been a very, very long time since any of us has seen a tiger.”

“S...study him?” I feel decidedly nervous, my mouth dry and palms sweaty. The word alone makes my insides shake.

Sar looks at me with what I am sure he feels is a reassuring smile but to me seems like a feral sneer.

“It’s alright, Glory. Neither of you have anything to worry about.”

“Neither of us?” When had this come to be about me?

“The Council have been itching to study you for a long time and now there are two of you there’s nothing I can do to stop them.”

“No. No, Sar; not after everything I’ve been through. I can’t. I can’t be studied like a... like a... not again; never again.”

“Calm down, Glory. I would never let anything like that happen to you... never; especially not now. I said I would take care of you and I will. I will handle the Council but you are going to have to talk to them sooner or later; to let them study you. You’re unique, my darling and we have to know what that means... for you; for us.”

“Not you too,” I whisper because my voice won’t come any louder. Panic runs cold fingers down my back and I feel trapped. It’s been a long time since I’ve been afraid of Sar. I stare at the door, weighing the distance my chances of tearing open the door before he can stop me

When Sar puts his hand on my arm I panic even more. I pull away. “No.”

“Glory, it’s okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

I’m blind to him. All I see is the lab; the faces of the scientists as they bend over me: all I feel is the pain. The memories are coming back. I can’t describe the way I feel. It’s as if there is something trying to claw out from inside me, tearing me apart from within. Sar isn’t Sar anymore; he’s the enemy now. He’s reaching for me and I can smell blood, taste it, see it... my blood.

There are screams in my ears and I have no idea whose they are. Are they mine? I have no mind to know one way or another. All I know is that I have to get away. I have to get out. I have to get away.

Of course Sar doesn’t let me. He’s too big for me. He tears my hands away from the handle of the door, pins my body with his knees, captures my clawing fingers and I am trapped, I am helpless, I am restrained.

I can’t breathe. I feel sick, and hot, and weak, and every part of me is screaming. I don’t know where I am any more. All I know is that I am restrained again and there is someone leaning over me and there is pain and I am being torn apart; there is something being ripped out of me, part of me is dying and I can’t get away. I can’t get away. I can’t...

***

I wake in my own bed. The sheets are tangled around me and soaked with my sweat. For a long time I just lie. I am too numb to move. The only thing I can see is my own hand, lying on the pillow next to my head. I study it. It’s a nice hand, with long fingers and pale skin. It used to have nice nails but they’re all broken. Below the hand, the wrist is slender but not as pale as the hand because it’s red, raw.

There’s only so long anyone can look at a hand before it turns your mind to mush. Eventually I get bored enough to turn over. The ceiling is only slightly more interesting than the hand. I don’t like looking up. I don’t like the thought that someone is going to lean over me.

Sitting up, I’m so glad the room is empty. I have a terrible headache but there doesn’t seem to be much else wrong physically. Everything is working pretty much as it should. But on the inside... There is no reason for me to be so frightened. I’m home. I’m safe. But am I? I look around the room. It’s been a long time since there was anything threatening about it; since it looked like a prison. It looks like a prison now.

I know it’s ridiculous. There is a huge part of me telling me that I’m being silly. This is my room; my home. Why do I feel like this... ? Oh no. Memory crashes over me, like waves on a stormy sea crash against the cliff. I remember.

Oh God, they are going to hand me over to the Council. Sar is going to hand me over to them. They are going to ‘study’ me, ‘examine’ me. It’s going to happen all over again.

I’m fighting with myself; I can feel it. I love Sar, I trust him, I had trusted him; I did trust him. He wouldn’t let them hurt me. But could he stop them? When he hands me over to them will he be able to control what they do to me; will he know?

It’s going to happen again. They’re going to hurt me again. What more can they take from me? I’ve lost everything... almost everything I am. Three quarters of my soul has been ripped away; there’s a huge hole where it used to be. I feel... empty. I feel as if... as if... I’ve lost something; something indefinable but so, so important. It’s like I’ve lost my sense of smell or the sensation in my fingertips. Parts of me are silent. Parts of me that have always been there, that I haven’t even noticed... they’re gone. And now they want to do it again.

I close my eyes and rub my temple, trying to dislodge the feelings; the memories. I am trying so hard to calm down, to be reasonable, sensible. I have to focus. I have to convince myself that I am safe. I am not going to be hurt. I’m not going to be tortured again. I’m not going to lose any more of myself. It’s going to...

The door opens and I run. I don’t even remember getting out of bed. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t think I was thinking anything at all. I just had to get... have to get out. I’m scared. I’m so scared but...

“Hey... Hey, Glory... Glory stop... will you please stop? It still hurts, Glory. Please, you’re hurting me.”

“Felix?”

“Are you going to stop fighting me now? If I let you go do you promise not to run?”

“They’re going to hurt us Felix. They are going to bring scientists, just like before. They’re going to take us to a lab to study us, just like the others did. You know what they do, Felix. Please; please help me. We have to get away. We have to get out of here.”

“Glory, no one is going to hurt us. Do you really think that Sar would let anyone hurt you?”

Sar? Sar wouldn’t; he wouldn’t... “No, no, Felix. He said... he said he can't do anything. The Council is too strong. He’s held them back as long as he can but he can’t... they’re coming, Felix; they’re coming. We have to get away.”

“Don’t be silly, Glory. You’re completely overreacting. It’s not like that; not like before. They are not going to hurt you. Would I be so calm if I thought they were going to hurt us? Wouldn’t I be running with you?”

I look him and he does look calm. Rover, behind him, looks anxious. But he doesn’t understand; he doesn’t know the Council and what they can do. He’s so naive. He’s had no life experience. He just doesn’t KNOW.

“Felix, wake up! Realise the danger. Help me!” I cling to him and he hisses again, trying to pull back.

“Glory, stop; you’re really hurting me.”

Of course, that’s why he doesn’t want to run; because he’s hurt. “It’s alright, Felix I’ll take care of you. I won’t let you get sick. Rover can come and...”

“Glory, I am not going to run away and neither are you.”

Why doesn’t he want to run? Why is he looking at me like that? Oh no, no; they’re on their side. Oh Gods, I can’t trust anyone. I have to do this alone, all alone. I relax in Felix’s arms for a moment, letting him think that I’ve calmed down; and then I run. I hear the curses behind me but I can’t think of the now. I have to concentrate on getting out of the house.

And then what? I’m naked and alone. I have nothing and I can’t change. I’ll die out there. I’ll die. I falter and that’s my fatal mistake. Felix catches me and, grabbing my arm, he swings me round and catches me in his arms. I fight as hard as I can but he’s much stronger than me.

“Glory, what the hell do you think you’re doing? You can’t leave the house like that. You’ll die. Come back and I promise; I swear...” He hisses when I hurt him but I don’t care. I’ll fight him with everything I have. I’ll... I’ll... Suddenly it hits me. I can’t fight him because I have nothing to fight him with. I have no claws, no fangs; I have nothing.

Something snaps and I collapse, taking Felix down with me. I don’t care. He says something but I don’t hear him, although I do catch two words... “Get Sar.” I feel as if I should run but I can’t. I want to fight Felix but I’m too weak. I curl up with my back against the wall and my knees drawn up. Every time Felix comes near me I kick at him and eventually he stops, kneeling a few feet away, holding himself. He looks scared and ill. There’s blood leaking from between his fingers. I don’t care. If he’s hurt I’m glad; I hope I can hurt a few more before they take me down. I may not have teeth and claws but I can still fight.