Jump to content
  • Join Gay Authors

    Join us for free and follow your favorite authors and stories.

    podiumdavis
  • Author
  • 4,945 Words
  • 8,221 Views
  • 22 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

The Journey of Jacob and Kyle - 1. Chapter #1 - The Best Day Ever

folder.png

 

The Journey of Jacob and Kyle

Chapter #1: The Best Day Ever

Time line: Thursday

Hello, my name is Jacob and let me start by telling you a little bit about myself. I’m currently fourteen years old and in the ninth grade at Naples High, which would make me a freshman. I’m a hundred and thirty-five pounds give or take a pound or two and five feet four inches tall. My muscles aren’t very big mind you, but I have one of those naturally fit body types; but don’t take that to mean I’m weak, because that’s the furthest thing from the truth, in fact, my muscles are nicely toned and defined might I add. I have hazel green eyes and brown hair that sometimes stretches down over my face, which can at times conceal my eyes.

Some of my most favorite things to do are fiddling with my computer, and of course, I love playing video games too. I mean, who doesn’t? I also enjoy riding my bike and I love being outside in nature. Some of the naturist types of things I like to do are hiking, camping, and especially fishing. To me there’s nothing more beautiful than a sunset, I just love the colors it paints across the sky; it’s so majestic.

I also have a little brother and his name is Matthew. He’s twelve years old and is a bit smaller than I am, he’s approximately four feet eight inches tall, and he’d be lucky if he weighed ninety pounds, even if he was soaking wet. Matthew has hazel green eyes just like me and has short brown hair. He’s also in the seventh grade and attends a school called Sea Gate. Also, if I may, he’s very cute for his age; or at least I think he is. He’s also a very athletic boy, is currently on the swim team at his school, and is very toned because of all the exercise that he gets from all the laps they make him do in training.

But how about I tell you a little bit more about me? I’ve always considered myself to be gay, for as long as I can remember in fact. I’ve tried dating girls over these past few years, mind you at my mother’s advice, but it’s never really worked out for me. I tried my best to do what I felt was right and normal for me to do. I only did what I thought was simply expected of me, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m gay, what else can I say?

Nothing else quite turns me on more than this kid that’s in a couple of my classes. His name is Kyle and man is he freaking hot! He’s about five feet six inches tall and he’s got the most amazing tan over his entire body, his skin looks oh so silky smooth and oh – my – God what a turn on that is. He has dirty blond hair and a wonderful pair of blue eyes that makes my entire body want to melt. He’s also on the wrestling team at our school and is pretty toned up, nothing too bulky though. He looks to be only about a hundred and fifteen pounds and that’s if he’s lucky mind you, considering he’s only a lightweight classification in wrestling.

Most days when Kyle is in the same classroom as me, all that I’m able to do is stare at the back of his head. I just wish I could brush my fingers through his hair; it’s an obsession to me. But what I mostly think about these days is just how much I really like him, and I don’t mean friendship like, but how much I’d love for him to be my boyfriend. But I’m too terrified of being rejected by him, well that’s if he’s not like me … gay.

For the very simple fact, I’m definitely not out of the closet yet, if that ever got out to the general populous, my class, my parents … I feel my life would be completely and utterly ruined! My parents don’t even know that I’ve completely given up on girls. My mother just seems to think that I’m on some sort of a break from dating or something. If she only knew!

**************************************************************************

“Jacob? Honey it’s time for you to get up for school,” Jacob’s mother beckoned towards him from the doorway. But Jacob continued to lay in his bed motionless, mostly due to him feeling exhausted from his late night escapades.

“JACOB! It’s time to get up for school! NOW GET UP!” Jacob’s mother protested in a more stern tone than her previous attempt.

“Alright Mom, frig, I’m getting up,” Jacob yelled in reply from underneath his covers.

“Now hurry up and get your butt downstairs. Your breakfast is already starting to get cold! Your brother Matthew is already awake and is downstairs eating, your father has also already left for work and I’m also about to head to work myself. So please don’t be late for school or I’m going to tan that butt of yours. I’m getting really tired of hearing from your school that you’re always late,” Jacob’s mother barked.

“All right I heard you. Goodbye Mom,” Jacob said, whilst jumping out from his now ransacked bed.

Man I’m exhausted,’ Jacob thought. “I guess it wasn’t wise of me to stay up so late playing video games and then after that, laying in bed for next two hours just fantasizing about Kyle. God I’ll never stay up that late again on a school night,” Jacob instructed himself.

As Jacob got himself onto his own two feet, he decided that because it was only his brother downstairs that it would be okay if he went down in only his nice blue undies. They were a snug fit around his body and made him feel like they made his package look much bigger than it actually was and made his butt, or so he felt, look so bubbly. He loved it!

As he made his way down the steps, he could hear his little brother Matthew singing away at the top of his lungs to some new band he was into at the present time. However, by the time Jacob reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw that Matthew had his ear buds shoved deep into his ears with his eyes closed, all the while shoving his breakfast down his throat when he felt like he needed to take a breath for his next lyrical belt. Jacob giggled to himself and thought, ‘What a freaking dork!

Jacob slowly made his way towards the kitchen table, pulled out a chair to sit in, and sat his bubbly rear end down to his extremely cold bacon and eggs with a side of buttered toast. Matthew seemed to of heard his older brother plop his butt down, because when he’d done so, Matthew stopped singing immediately and Jacob could see as the blood seemingly rush right for his cheeks in embarrassment. Jacob simply smiled and dug into his food.

“What’s the matter Jacob? You look like shit,” Matthew asked curiously.

“Oh I’m fine – no really I am; I’m just really tired. I was up until three am. Stupid as it was I know, but what’s done is done,” Jacob replied.

“Well you’d better hurry up and eat your breakfast and make sure you’re not late for school,” Matthew said in a mocking tone, while placing his empty plate into the sink so he could go and get ready to leave for school.

“Shut up!” Jacob said spitefully, while choking on some of his soggy toast.

When Matthew had disappeared from sight to get ready for his day at school, Jacob tried his best to eat his breakfast as fast as he possibly could, but with very little success; some of his food was landing on his blue undies, while the rest was, well … landing on the floor. Once Jacob had gotten his fill, he put a lot effort into cleaning up the big mess that he’d made. After he had finished cleaning up, he made his way back upstairs to the bathroom to brush his pearly whites and take a quick shower. You know the ones where you pour half of the bottle of shampoo into your hands, quickly put it into your hair and pour body wash all over your body, and wash your body really quick kind of ones.

Within 10 minutes, Jacob was wide-awake and out of the shower, he quickly brushed his hair and left to grab a fresh set of clothes from his bedroom dresser. He soon decided that he wanted to wear his “Rage against the Machine” t-shirt and a random pair of black jeans.

With his clothes now upon his slender body, he was ready to leave for school. But before leaving his room, he quickly glanced over at his alarm clock and realized that it was already a quarter to nine. In his panic, he swiftly grabbed for his backpack and made his way downstairs to exit out the front door.

By the time Jacob had made it to school, he was winded and out of breath. It was already eight fifty-seven in the morning and he’d three minutes to spare. But as he gasped for air, he pushed through it until he’d made it to his final destination, his locker, locker #69. This was Jacob’s favorite number; he thought he was definitely lucky to get it.

Jacob quickly grabbed for his backpack, pulled it off from his body, and threw it into his locker. He was just in time to see Kyle walk past him with his schoolbooks already in hand. Jacob always felt nervous when Kyle was around him, he never knew what to do, he only wished that he could talk to him, but alas, fear permeated his every being.

Although it never hurt to have a look at what he most desired. So Jacob quickly looked around the hallway to make sure no one was looking at him in particular and took a quick solid glance at Kyle’s perfect … almost God like bubble butt. With this lovely sight that was set out before his very eyes, he sighed under his breath and hoped no one was close enough to taking notice to his obvious staring, but right now he didn’t quite care; he just continued to stare at Kyle’s sweet looking goods. Oh, how Jacob wanted him, he was in a trance-like state while he stared down upon what he desired. But, just as quickly as it had all started, the ring of the bell brought Jacob out of his lust-induced stupor and back into reality where he just gawked at the object he so desired across the hall.

Jacob fumbled around in his locker and looked for his textbooks, once he’d found them, he walked into his first period class and took his seat right behind his beloved Kyle. To Jacob, this was the best spot in the entire class; at least for him it was. He got to be around Kyle, which meant a great deal to him, even though he always had a hard time getting his lips to utter something coherent, especially when around Kyle, who he always had trouble speaking to. So most of the time, Jacob simply stared at the back of Kyle’s head and let his mind wander and daydream about how much he really (and I do mean really) wanted him. How much he wanted to hold Kyle’s firm body, having him nestled deep within his arms and be able to kiss him with the love and the passion that he truly felt for him. Jacob honestly didn’t understand why he loved him so much, but he just did, it was as if it were fate being shown to him through his heart. If you only knew how –

“Jacob! What are you doing?” inquired his teacher, Mr. Henson.

“What? Oh, sorry Mr. Henson, I didn’t sleep too well last night,” Jacob replied.

If he only knew that I was staring at Kyle this whole time, I sure hope Mr. Henson didn’t notice,’ Jacob thought to himself, while his face turned a deep color of scarlet.

Jacob watched as Kyle turned around and smiled back towards him, this was so unexpected that it completely caught him off guard. However, when Kyle began speaking to him; his mind went wild. “Hey Jacob, I didn’t sleep well last night either and I sure as hell can’t wait for this boring biology class to get over with.”

Jacob could swear that he felt his heart jump through his chest when this happened. Kyle had actually talked to him and he kept repeating this over and over to himself in his head. Jacob had always felt, at least to some small degree, that Kyle didn’t even know he existed, let alone knew his name.

Nevertheless, Jacob was elated that Kyle even knew his name in the first place and he was sure that his face showed his excitement; although he truly hoped it wasn’t so obvious. All that he could manage at present was to feel the blood start rushing to his cheeks as he became overwhelmed with what had just transpired.

Jacob was so transfixed by Kyle’s smile that it sent his mind into a whirlwind of thought. He was lost in his own mind that he wasn’t really paying attention to Mr. Henson talking about something like the epidermis, ‘whatever that is,’ Jacob thought when he heard this odd word.

Jacob felt excited, but also sad at the same time, because again Kyle was no longer paying any attention to him. Jacob really wanted Kyle’s attention to be on him, but he felt that it would probably never happen again. While he thought and aspired for more, the unthinkable started to happen. He could feel his boyhood grow as it started to make a tent in his now extremely tight undies. All Jacob could manage was to put his hands down over his groin and hope that it would somehow extinguish itself before anyone could take notice of what he was desperately trying to conceal.

Jacob began picking his mind for a solution and quickly thought of something that he simply found utterly repulsive. ‘Oh God, squash yuck! Ew, gross dog poop! Nasty as fuck!’ Jacob thought, but as he did so, he gagged a little and he watched as everyone in the classroom glanced back towards him. Jacob apologized as fast as he possibly could and asked Mr. Henson to continue teaching so that everyone’s eyes would hopefully return back to the front of the classroom.

When everyone’s eyes were no longer staring down upon him, he breathed a sigh of relief and quickly look down towards his crotch. What he found made him joyful; his plan had worked. The fire was slowly starting to go out and he began to feel his undies return to their non-tented state. ‘Gosh that was close,’ he thought.

Jacob’s mind continued to wander throughout the entire first period, everything else became a blur; his mind wouldn’t allow him to think about anything else. After all, Kyle had talked to him for the first time ever, he truly felt this was the highlight of his whole life, or so it seemed. This definitely was a good day for Jacob, with the only nagging thought in the back of his mind being getting to lunch period; he was still very hungry. Although as much as his stomach rumbled and distracted him, he still couldn’t get over the thought of Kyle actually speaking to him, this made him see Kyle with a new set of eyes, not something that was out of reach, but something that was within his reach. The thoughts and possibilities of this made the time seem to fly by faster than it had previously.

The school bell rang and Jacob quickly came back to reality. He swiftly collected his belongings and started to head for the door. However, before leaving, he felt boldness come over him and he decided that he would try and at least talk to Kyle before he’d a chance to leave the classroom.

With this thought set in the back of his mind, he made his way over to the front of the classroom and waited by the doorway, he watched Kyle attentively hoping and praying that he would be able talk to him again. When Kyle started to make his way towards the doorway, he tapped Kyle on the elbow as he was passing by and stopped him. “So, um, did you happen to take any notes, Kyle? I was uh, kind of too tired to even listen. If you did, can I, um, borrow them from you?” Jacob asked nervously.

“Uh, yeah sure, whatever you like. But um, I’m just not able to give them to you right this second. How about after school? I could always come over to your house, or you could come to mine and copy them. Sound good?” Kyle inquired.

Jacob couldn’t believe his ears, it was almost too good to be true, and all he was able to muster from his inner being was, “Yes! Yes! Yes! That would be …” but he stopped himself and re-adjusted his enthusiasm and finally proceeded to say, “Fine,” in the most serious tone of voice he could do. Then he bolted from the classroom and ran towards his locker, but as he was putting his textbooks into his locker, Kyle approached him from behind.

“Man! You’re really skittish aren’t you? Like shit, you left before I could even finish what I was going to say,” Kyle giggled. “Anyway … after school’s over meet me at the front of the school beside the flagpole then we’ll decide where we go from there. Okay?”

While Jacob carefully listened to Kyle’s every word, he seemed too afraid to make eye contact with him, he was nervous; so nervous in fact, that he could feel every rhythmic motion that his little heart was making. When it came time for him respond, he slowly looked up towards Kyle, swallowed a couple of times to help his voice work and hoped to hell that he didn’t squeak. “Okay, yeah sure that’s fine. I guess I’ll see you later then.”

As he watched Kyle starting to walk away, he felt something start to build up in the pit of his stomach, and before he could even catch himself, he yelled down the hallway, “Hey, what are you doing for lunch? Would you like to come and eat with me?”

“Um, yeah, sure I guess that’s fine,” Kyle replied, turning around to look back at him.

Jacob couldn’t wait for his classes to get over before they broke for lunch. The minutes dragged as if they were hours. Eventually lunchtime arrived and it came time for Jacob to find Kyle. He quickly put his textbooks into his locker and made his way towards the lunchroom. Once there, he went and stood in front of the lunch line and tried to see if he could spot Kyle coming in, or find where he’d seated himself. ‘Frig! Where is he … I am starving.’ Kyle was nowhere to be seen. After what seemed to feel like forever to Jacob, he finally spotted Kyle making his way inside of the cafeteria and towards him.

“Hey Kyle how was your, um, second period class?” Jacob asked nervously.

“It was pretty good,” Kyle shrugged. “I mean … you know we had Physical Education and we played football and stuff.”

When Jacob heard those words, his mind began to envision Kyle all sweaty. The result of this made his mind begin to race again and caused his heart to try to keep pace. Jacob really wanted to be able to smell him and get the scent of his sweet-smelling boyhood sweat. But as he thought about it further, it made him feeling faint from imagining it. Meanwhile, Kyle was waving his hand in front of Jacob’s face.

“Dude, are you okay?” Kyle asked.

“Oh shit, sorry. Let’s go get our food,” Jacob said swiftly.

Kyle smirked and followed Jacob into the lunch line. Jacob was in the mood for some hamburgers and asked the lunch lady for a cheeseburger with a side of chips, as she liked to refer to them as. Jacob never quite understood why old people liked to call fries … chips; it was just odd to him.

Without any conscious thought, after he’d spoken to the lunch lady, he began to stare at Kyle again. He looked at him with his hazel green eyes, carefully inspecting his whole body, essentially undressing him with his eyes. When he realized what his subconscious mind was trying to do, he quickly asked. “So, um, what do you want to eat?”

“I think I’m up for cheeseburgers too,” Kyle said, eying Jacob’s food.

“Er, aren’t you supposed to be watching your weight for wrestling?” Jacob teased.

“Well if I was like most people then I would have to. But I can eat almost anything and not gain an ounce of weight,” Kyle said.

“Oh, well let’s go pay for our food so we can start eating then,” Jacob said.

Once they’d finished paying for their food, they went off to find themselves an empty table. They found one far in the back, and quickly began to down their food. After a few minutes of painstaking silence, Jacob went on to say nervously, “So … uh, how is wrestling going?”

“It’s going good I suppose, I’m still in training. Although I haven’t had any real matches yet, but I do very much enjoy it. In fact, I actually have some training today during third period. We’re having our first matches soon and coach really wants us to get some last ditch practice in,” Kyle said.

Yeah great … you get to grab peoples private parts and you enjoy it don’t you Kyle. Uh-huh you do don’t you?’ Jacob thought. Instead what he actually said was, “Oh that’s really cool.”

Then there was an awkward silence between them. As a result, Jacob did what he always did. He stared at Kyle while he devoured his cheeseburger and fries. Jacob was feeling bolder than he usually did, even while he was looking deep into Kyle’s sweet blue eyes, but when he thought Kyle noticed him staring, he quickly averted his eyes from Kyle’s gaze.

After a few minutes of this unbearable awkwardness, Kyle said softly, “What is wrong with you? Do I have something on my face or something?”

“No! – No you don’t. I’m sorry, it’s just … I don’t um,” Jacob stuttered.

Jacob couldn’t help it, Kyle was his knight in shining armor, and he simply adored him so much. ‘I just … I just … ah screw it. I just want to make sweet love to him,’ Jacob thought, almost like he was somehow speaking to someone else in his head. Jacob never really understood why he was like a hot knife through butter with Kyle, but he was always at a loss for words, well that’s if he could even speak at all. To him there was just something so special about him, but he simply couldn’t quite figure out what that was just yet.

Eventually it came time for Kyle to get ready to leave; since he’d already finish his lunch, he quickly excused himself by saying that he needed to run and left out the cafeteria doors. Jacob simply said, “Goodbye,” in the best voice that he could muster up from his vocal cords and watched him walk away.

Jacob was worried about how lunch had ended, especially since he acted like a huge dork, or so he felt for that matter. He was scared to think of what Kyle might think of him; he was rather positive he’d freaked him out and that he’d probably never want to speak to him again. With that thought set in the back of his mind, he decided that there was absolutely nothing he could do about it now. He finished his lunch just in time for the bell to ring. Jacob swiftly got up from the table, walked over to the garbage can to throw out his tray liner, before leaving the cafeteria. He then started to head towards his third period class.

The final two periods of school really seemed to drag on for Jacob, either because of pure anticipation, or dread of meeting Kyle after school; he wasn’t sure which. He didn’t even know if Kyle would show up at the flagpole like they’d agreed. He just wasn’t sure what to expect, considering his actions from earlier in the day. Either way, he was eager for the school day to end and have it all said and done with. By then, the fatigue was starting to catch up with him. All he wanted to do now was to go home and take a nap.

Eventually three o’clock rolled around and a part of Jacob was sad, because he knew he’d acted like a major dork at lunch and because he didn’t have third period with Kyle like he usually did. A part of him was excited too because it would probably, hopefully, mean he’d get to see Kyle in a few minutes. Jacob quickly ran to his locker and grabbed his textbooks, stuffed them into his backpack and quickly made his way out to the front of the school.

By the time Jacob had made it out to the front of the school, his heart was racing. He ended up standing around for several minutes as he watched and waited for what was about to come. ‘Can I control myself around him? Am I going to make myself look like an idiot again?’ he thought.

While he stood there contemplating what he was going to say and do when Kyle showed up, he felt two hands begin to touch him; one touched his shoulder, while the other lightly grazed his hand. Even before the shock of the actions registered fully, he felt himself whipping his head around and soon his body followed in one fluid motion.

Jacob figured he must have done it too quickly because he was swiftly falling towards the hard concrete steps of the school. But like a man with cat-like reflexes, Jacob felt two arms quickly grab him and soon he found himself in Kyle’s arms. Jacob’s mind went completely blank and he ended up just staring deep into Kyle’s beautiful blue eyes, he wasn’t even sure what to do, he lost control of his own body and felt like he was just sent to heaven.

“Jeez, you really are skittish aren’t you Jacob?” Kyle said.

“I … I … I’m sor, I mean I’m sorry,” Jacob mumbled as he struggled to find the words. Kyle then helped him back up onto his feet.

When his feet were back on solid ground, he swiftly apologized again to Kyle and told him that he’d scared the crap out of him by coming up to him like that. Kyle quickly apologized for scaring him all the while giggling like a little girl.

“Well one thing’s for sure, you survived this fall. Maybe next time I won’t be around to catch you. So please, could you be a little more careful?” Kyle suggested in a serious tone.

Jacob simply nodded back as he was still at a loss of words; his vocal cords wouldn’t obey his will to speak. “So do you want to come over to my house, or do you want me to come over to yours?” asked Kyle curiously. All Jacob was able to do at this moment was to point at his own chest to imply that he desired for him to come over to his house.

“Well then lead the way Mr. Skittish,” Kyle said, his arm stretched out.

Jacob started the trek towards his house with Kyle following closely behind, but he was walking at a much faster pace than he normally would have. Maybe it was his nerves or not knowing what was in store for the rest of the day, but he’d already embarrassed himself a few times in front of Kyle today and he wasn’t really looking forward to looking like a total idiot again. Eventually Kyle called out to him and asked, “Why are you walking so damn fast? Jeez, slow the hell down.”

Jacob apologized again and slowed down. Soon Kyle and him were walking at a matched pace. When they were finally walking side by side, Jacob asked, “So why did you want to meet after school for? Couldn’t you have just given me your notes so that I could have written them down?”

“Well I suppose I could have done that. But …” Kyle replied.

“But?” Jacob questioned.

“Never mind … It’s nothing really,” Kyle retorted.

Jacob couldn’t help but wonder why Kyle was being so... odd, but said nothing and continued walking towards his house in silence. When they finally arrived at his house, he informed Kyle that they were there, Kyle smiled, and Jacob opened the door and let him inside.

… TO BE CONTINUED …

And please don't forget, if you enjoyed the story, hit the like button. I would love to hear what you thought of the story. And feel free to leave a review. :)

What will happen next with Jacob and Kyle? Do you want to hear more? Will Jacobs dreams come true or will his heart be completely and utterly crushed? Let me know what you think. If there’s a good response then I will write more and believe me it will get a lot better :)
Again, thank you for reading my story.
podiumdavis. You may not reproduce this story in whole or in part without the express written consent of myself (Andrew Davis) at podiumdavis@gmail.com
  • Like 37
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
You are not currently following this story. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new chapters.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

On 02/08/2012 09:48 AM, Chris Prieto said:
I appreciate how you tried to capture the fourteen year old mind, and how that translated into a more believable character. I also like how Kyle set Jacob afire with just two sentences. Reminds me of a simpler time when a smile was enough to fall in love. God, I miss high school. Keep on writing, podiumdavis. :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it Chris :) Your analysis is great of Jacob’s reaction, I aim to try and emulated those emotions, and hopefully I accomplished that :) Thanks for the read.

Hey, just found your story and read the first chapter so far. I had a few questions. First, why did you change pov's? The chapter started out in the first person, and then went to the third person.

 

Also, not to nitpick, but if Kyle was cutting weight, there's no way he'd be eating a cheeseburger and fries! Even if he was wrestling at 120 lbs, the cheeseburger and fries would most likely put him over his weight limit. And obviously he's not wrestling at 113, so...lol My middle son wrestles at 120; he's normaly 135-140 lbs and is probably around five eight. He can't eat cheeseburgers for the whole wrestling season! lol Just trying to make it realistic.....

 

Anyway, enough of the lesson in cutting weight...this was an enjoyable chapter. I love Jacob's timidness and shyness when it comes to Kyle. Hopefully he'll come out of his shell soon though. :)

 

Ok, on to chapter two!

On 02/09/2012 07:11 AM, Lisa said:
Hey, just found your story and read the first chapter so far. I had a few questions. First, why did you change pov's? The chapter started out in the first person, and then went to the third person.

 

Also, not to nitpick, but if Kyle was cutting weight, there's no way he'd be eating a cheeseburger and fries! Even if he was wrestling at 120 lbs, the cheeseburger and fries would most likely put him over his weight limit. And obviously he's not wrestling at 113, so...lol My middle son wrestles at 120; he's normaly 135-140 lbs and is probably around five eight. He can't eat cheeseburgers for the whole wrestling season! lol Just trying to make it realistic.....

 

Anyway, enough of the lesson in cutting weight...this was an enjoyable chapter. I love Jacob's timidness and shyness when it comes to Kyle. Hopefully he'll come out of his shell soon though. :)

 

Ok, on to chapter two!

I changed POV because I preferred it that way, or maybe the story will end that way. Also I don’t say anywhere in the story about him watching his weight; so I don’t know if this was assumed or not. And in regards to the weight thing, Jacob guesses his weight, I never definitively suggest his actual weight. And thank you for bringing that to my attention though, I must admit, I’ve never wrestled, nor know real classifications, other than I assumed at that weight, he’d be a light weight class hehe.

Awwwww... thumbsupsmileyanim.gif for puppy love... How cute are Kyle and jake? ^_^

made me giggle and think of first crushes... and the boys that tripped over sentences.. :lol: (what? did you realy think i was the one doing the tripping?) lol

no but.. really.. great job making us feel right at home in a 14 yr old's mind. where every little thng is amplified to a point of not being able to house anythng else.

*goes over to the 2nd chappy*

skittish jacob is cute :) nice first chapter Andrew. I think you completely captured the mind of the nervous fourteen year old with his first crush. I will be honest, at first i wondered if the chapter was overcrowded with description, but as i read further i realized that was purposeful and effective good job. can't wait to read chapter 2 and see how the afternoon pans out for Jacob and Kyle. by the way loved some of the metaphors you used hot knife through butter hee.

On 05/31/2012 11:21 PM, Jammi said:
skittish jacob is cute :) nice first chapter Andrew. I think you completely captured the mind of the nervous fourteen year old with his first crush. I will be honest, at first i wondered if the chapter was overcrowded with description, but as i read further i realized that was purposeful and effective good job. can't wait to read chapter 2 and see how the afternoon pans out for Jacob and Kyle. by the way loved some of the metaphors you used hot knife through butter hee.
It was hotter than a pig in >

Finally got around to your story, and I absolutely love it. Can definitely tell you know the feelings of a fourteen year old boy finding his first love. Jacob is so cute when he spaces out, getting lost in his thoughts about Kyle.

I love your style of writing, and you have a gift of knowing how to entertain the reader. I have read some stories that were well written, had a great plot, but still came across as just plain dull, but yours kept my interest thruout. Headed to the next chapter. :)

On 07/12/2012 12:48 AM, joann414 said:
Finally got around to your story, and I absolutely love it. Can definitely tell you know the feelings of a fourteen year old boy finding his first love. Jacob is so cute when he spaces out, getting lost in his thoughts about Kyle.

I love your style of writing, and you have a gift of knowing how to entertain the reader. I have read some stories that were well written, had a great plot, but still came across as just plain dull, but yours kept my interest thruout. Headed to the next chapter. :)

I'm glad you like it. :) And hopefully my not so dull, plain, story will keep you interested.. :) ~CHEERS~
On 08/11/2012 11:36 AM, ricky said:
The stage is set. I like the characters although I prefer to have the reader find out the looks and demeanor of each character through their dialog. Having said that, it looks like it is going to be a great story. Thanks for sharing your talent. Off to the next!

Cheers,

r

I apologize for that. As this was my first story EVER it started this way. My other story, which is on Nifty, but not here, YET, is better to your desire. In time that too will arrive here :). Thanks for reading.

Warning: For those terrified of spoilers...please don’t read the following submission...

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter J The manner in which the three protagonists are introduced by one of them caught my attention (think: differing POVs). Appreciates the way the loving bond that exists specifically from Jacob's side, towards his kid brother, Matthew, as well as admiration for his younger sibling, is revealed, i.e. “Also, if I may, he’s very cute for his age; or at least I think he is...” Cool – leaves the reader without any doubt about the affectionate bond between the two sibs. Ah yes, as well as where Jake walks into the kitchen only clad only in his ‘blue undies’, “Matthew stopped singing immediately and Jacob could see as the blood seemingly rush right for his cheeks in embarrassment. Jacob simply smiled and dug into his food.” I mean, Jake could so easily have ragged lil Matt, but he didn’t…again emphasizing the brotherly bond. I like that :P

The scène where Matthew is singing, close-eyed, along with some kind of MP3-player [my imagination here running wild], captures an image of this youngster very well.

The way in which Jacob introduces Kyle, is very interesting, angst-ridden and just wants me to get to know these guys so much better…

Back to the POVs employed thus far in this chapter: I find it quite remarkable. Jacob introduces himself, Matt, and Kyle from his personal perspective, which gives the reader Jacob’s viewpoint, where after the author switches to the omniscient POV. Initially I wondered why, but actually appreciates this “ploy” – makes sense to me because from here on we gain insights into Matt and Kyle that are not possible for Jacob to reveal to us. Jacob has made himself known to us as a guy who is drawing our attention to his life journey specifically and it seems to me he wants us to follow him what/whosoever happens along his personal journey.

Also interesting to me was how Jacob’s “exhaustion” runs through this chapter as some kind of leitmotiv, and not without any reason either, ‘cause we are kept well informed exactly why he is so tired hehe.

Locker #69 – good choice! Heh. And the way he chooses T-shirts to complement his mood; well, I can relate to that. And the way the 14 year old consciousness is so well described when said, “…fear permeates his being…” and how he studies Kyle whilst at the same time so scared that he may be caught in action. (Its observations like these that make me personally relate so well with this story. I mean, been there, experienced that ;) ) And I appreciate the effort made by podiumdavis for allowing us to gain a very clear understanding and perspective about Jacob’s deep yearning and emotions towards Kyle. The description here left me without any doubt about his deep-seated devotion/obsession towards his ‘object of affection’. Who cannot but relate with Jacob being ‘consumed’ with/by Kyle, [indulge me:] “… he walked into his first period class and took his seat right behind his beloved Kyle. To Jacob, this was the best spot in the entire class; at least for him it was. He got to be around Kyle, which meant a great deal to him, even though he always had a hard time getting his lips to utter something coherent, especially when around Kyle, who he always had trouble speaking to. So most of the time, Jacob simply stared at the back of Kyle’s head and let his mind wander and daydream about how much he really (and I do mean really) wanted him. How much he wanted to hold Kyle’s firm body, having him nestled deep within his arms and be able to kiss him with the love and the passion that he truly felt for him. Jacob honestly didn’t understand why he loved him so much, but he just did, it was as if it were fate being shown to him through his heart. If you only knew how…”

And yes, the three terms employed to refer to what the vast majority will call “private” are as far as I’m concerned rather well chosen in this first chapter, i.e. boyhood, groin, and crotch – perfect! Nothing too lewd heh

Jacob’s internal dialogues are well written, to say the least, and those few words “...rhythmic motion of his little heart...” does something for me…

Lastly, just want to make a final comment re. ch. 1, as to how well structured I find this tale. Recall the following from Kyle, ““Uh, yeah sure, whatever you like. But um, I’m just not able to give them to you right this second [the notes]. How about after school? I could always come over to your house, or you could come to mine and copy them. Sound good?” Kyle inquired. Although the reader does not know it yet, this is actualy quite revealing about Kyle. Being a clever lie…although we don’t know that as yet.

Ta stax for a great introduction that hooked me good and solid ;)

On 10/03/2012 01:44 AM, Rano said:
Warning: For those terrified of spoilers...please don’t read the following submission...

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter J The manner in which the three protagonists are introduced by one of them caught my attention (think: differing POVs). Appreciates the way the loving bond that exists specifically from Jacob's side, towards his kid brother, Matthew, as well as admiration for his younger sibling, is revealed, i.e. “Also, if I may, he’s very cute for his age; or at least I think he is...” Cool – leaves the reader without any doubt about the affectionate bond between the two sibs. Ah yes, as well as where Jake walks into the kitchen only clad only in his ‘blue undies’, “Matthew stopped singing immediately and Jacob could see as the blood seemingly rush right for his cheeks in embarrassment. Jacob simply smiled and dug into his food.” I mean, Jake could so easily have ragged lil Matt, but he didn’t…again emphasizing the brotherly bond. I like that :P

The scène where Matthew is singing, close-eyed, along with some kind of MP3-player [my imagination here running wild], captures an image of this youngster very well.

The way in which Jacob introduces Kyle, is very interesting, angst-ridden and just wants me to get to know these guys so much better…

Back to the POVs employed thus far in this chapter: I find it quite remarkable. Jacob introduces himself, Matt, and Kyle from his personal perspective, which gives the reader Jacob’s viewpoint, where after the author switches to the omniscient POV. Initially I wondered why, but actually appreciates this “ploy” – makes sense to me because from here on we gain insights into Matt and Kyle that are not possible for Jacob to reveal to us. Jacob has made himself known to us as a guy who is drawing our attention to his life journey specifically and it seems to me he wants us to follow him what/whosoever happens along his personal journey.

Also interesting to me was how Jacob’s “exhaustion” runs through this chapter as some kind of leitmotiv, and not without any reason either, ‘cause we are kept well informed exactly why he is so tired hehe.

Locker #69 – good choice! Heh. And the way he chooses T-shirts to complement his mood; well, I can relate to that. And the way the 14 year old consciousness is so well described when said, “…fear permeates his being…” and how he studies Kyle whilst at the same time so scared that he may be caught in action. (Its observations like these that make me personally relate so well with this story. I mean, been there, experienced that ;) ) And I appreciate the effort made by podiumdavis for allowing us to gain a very clear understanding and perspective about Jacob’s deep yearning and emotions towards Kyle. The description here left me without any doubt about his deep-seated devotion/obsession towards his ‘object of affection’. Who cannot but relate with Jacob being ‘consumed’ with/by Kyle, [indulge me:] “… he walked into his first period class and took his seat right behind his beloved Kyle. To Jacob, this was the best spot in the entire class; at least for him it was. He got to be around Kyle, which meant a great deal to him, even though he always had a hard time getting his lips to utter something coherent, especially when around Kyle, who he always had trouble speaking to. So most of the time, Jacob simply stared at the back of Kyle’s head and let his mind wander and daydream about how much he really (and I do mean really) wanted him. How much he wanted to hold Kyle’s firm body, having him nestled deep within his arms and be able to kiss him with the love and the passion that he truly felt for him. Jacob honestly didn’t understand why he loved him so much, but he just did, it was as if it were fate being shown to him through his heart. If you only knew how…”

And yes, the three terms employed to refer to what the vast majority will call “private” are as far as I’m concerned rather well chosen in this first chapter, i.e. boyhood, groin, and crotch – perfect! Nothing too lewd heh

Jacob’s internal dialogues are well written, to say the least, and those few words “...rhythmic motion of his little heart...” does something for me…

Lastly, just want to make a final comment re. ch. 1, as to how well structured I find this tale. Recall the following from Kyle, ““Uh, yeah sure, whatever you like. But um, I’m just not able to give them to you right this second [the notes]. How about after school? I could always come over to your house, or you could come to mine and copy them. Sound good?” Kyle inquired. Although the reader does not know it yet, this is actualy quite revealing about Kyle. Being a clever lie…although we don’t know that as yet.

Ta stax for a great introduction that hooked me good and solid ;)

If this isn't a review, hell I don't know what is. You've done an amazing job here I think. You've dissected everything to the best of your ability, came to conclusions based on those, and posted constructively. I thank you for the review. It's very well thought out and I'm glad you're enjoying the story! ~CHEERS~ Ta stax!
View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...