Black Sheep Part 3 - 1. Chapter 1

They are standing in my room, Jack's parents. Pointing at me, yelling. Angry voices that I can still hear when I cover my ears. People are trying to get them out of the room but they won't budge. Mum is holding me, protecting me from them. But they are still there, telling me how much pain I'm causing everybody.
They are right, of course they are right. It's my fault that Jack died. If I had never moved here he would still be alive. They are right. Jack would have been happy if I hadn't come here. His parents wouldn't have to go through this pain, or Sarah, or Steve. They would all be happy if I hadn't moved here, so much more happy.
Mum whispers me something in my ear but I can only hear the humming. The screaming and my hands keep out the words.
Suddenly the yelling stops. I open my eyes and see Anne and Steve in the room. Where do they come from? What are they doing here? I take my hands from my ears and mum immediately grabs them.
"You're protecting that killer?" Jack's mum stares at Steve with her mouth open, face red of anger.
"He is not a killer. Jack's death had nothing to do with him." Steve screams.
"Of course it has." Jack's dad steps forward. "They said that Jack's attackers said that it was because he was gay. So yes, that guy," he points in my direction, "has everything to do with his death!"
Everyone falls quiet as they look at Jack's dad. I feel all the blood drain from my face.
"Are you serious?" Anne says quietly.
"Yes. They told us when they came to the house."
"That means it's a hate crime. That means they can get a longer sentence." Steve looks at Anne. "At least some comfort knowing that."
"It doesn't matter, were not going to tell that in court." Jack's dad steps towards Steve. "And don't you dare to rat us out!"
"Why not? They killed your son!" Anne clenches her fists.
"He was gay, an abomination to God. He is better off now." Jack's dad stays calm.
Steve grabs Anne as she tries to take a hit at his dad. Mum lets me go and walks towards them, her face calm, to calm.
"I would advise you to leave. Don't you dare to ever come near my children again." Mum stands between Anne and Steve and Jack's parents. "I don't want language like that around my children."
They walk towards the door, suspiciously eyeing us all.
"Come with us, Steve. Don't stay near these godless people." Jack's mum's voice is shrill.
"No. Jack was my brother, no matter what. If you're not going to fight for him I will. I'm not a kid any more, I don't have to listen to you." Steve steps closer to Anne, grabbing her hand.
"So they got to you too? I guess you're lost too then." She sighs and walks out of the room, closing the door behind them.
They all stare at me and I realise how they can hear my erratic heartbeat on the monitor. I breathe calmly as mum and Anne grab my hands.
"Don't listen to them. They are just upset." Anne rubs my back.
I know she is trying to comfort me but Jack's parents were right. If I'd not been there he would still be here.

"I should not be here. I only hurt people. People are in pain when I'm around. It is true! First Adam then Dave and now Jack. It only gets worse and worse. How could people think it's good to have me near them? I will hurt everybody, even though I don't want to." I sigh, trying to break free. "Please let me go. Or you will get hurt too. I can't keep hurting people. It's not normal, not healthy. It would be better if I wasn't here."
"No, it's not. Come on Vic, let's get you to a safe place." Mum pulls me back from the stairs.
I only had a little bit to go and I would have been free. Only a little bit further and I would have been able to stop all the hurting of all the people around me. Just a little bit.
"They are right, mum. They are all right. I hurt people. Why do you stop me from stopping that pain?" I move quickly, holding onto a rail at the side of the hallway. "Why?"
Mum looks me over, tears in her eyes, before she meets mine and breathes deeply. "Because I love you. You are not the reason they are in pain. Far from it. You have been the reason they could be happy, can't you see that?"
I shake my head, she is wrong. "I am the reason. I am the reason Adam is in pain, his illness only started after we got together and not to forget the cutting, that started after I started dating him." I take a deep breath.
"That is-" Mum tries to intervene.
"It is the truth. I know it. Dave didn't have any problems before I started dating him, and look what I did to him. I caused his pain. I had myself to blame for that."
Mum opens her mouth but I hold up my hand.
"You know that it is true. Don't lie to me. And now Jack died. He made the ultimate sacrifice for me being with him. He died and it was all my fault. I love him and now he is dead." I slide down the wall, sitting on the floor. "What else can I do? I messed up so many people's lives already. I even messed up our whole family, how can you not think it is my fault?"
Mum kneels in front of me. "No one blames you. None of us do. You just had a bad patch for a while but it is not your fault."
Why does she keep lying to me? Does it make her feel better? That must be it! She tries to convince herself that I am not at fault, there would be no other reason for her to keep repeating the lie.
"Vic? Vic, come on, talk to me." Mum grabs my hands and softly pulls.
I look up at her and shake my head. "You're not making any sense."
"Why not?"
"Because you're lying. It is my fault, everybody knows that. You're just trying to fool yourself by thinking otherwise."
She looks at me confused, tears on her cheeks. She probably thought I would never figure it out, but I know, I already know. She can't hide her lies from me, no matter how much she wants to.
A hand falls on her shoulder and we both look up at Dr West.
"I think it's time for me to look after him for a while, right, Mrs Jones?" Dr West helps her to her feet and then me.
Mum hugs me shortly and then quickly walks of.
"Shall we see if the room is still free?" Dr West softly guides me towards the elevator that will bring us to the basement and his car.
Maybe Dr West won't lie to me, maybe he will listen to me. I now have proof, Jack is the proof that I am a bad person and should not be allowed near others.