Hello, My Name is... - 2. Chapter 2 First Impressions...

Christian took in a deep breath and relaxed his head against the pillow. Why couldn’t he remember? He thought so hard it hurt. It was like having a notebook filled with paper, and you started writing in the middle, leaving the first few pages blank. What he could remember was growing up a P.K. ‘Preacher’s Kid,’ in Jackson, Mississippi. In his household the word ‘Homosexuality’ was only mentioned in church as a sin punishable by death, so he knew he couldn’t be gay and married to a man…No way.

He glanced down at his finger admiring the gold band. It was simple, yet perfect. He held out his hand, catching his reflection in the light. That’s when it dawned on him. He didn’t even know what he looked like. He tilted his head, holding his hand out at an angle, and sighed when it didn’t help. He combed his fingers through his hair allowing the silky strands to slip between his fingers. He took in another deep breath when his eyes rested on the drawings. He bit down on his lower lip. Did he have children? How old were they? Were they boys or girls? Most importantly where did they come from? Did he and this David person adopt…god.

There were two short taps on the door before it opened slowly.

Christian sat up as he watched the older man enter the room. He stood about 5’7, balding in the middle and what little hair he did have around the edges was graying. Christian’s eyes quickly landed on the name embroidered on the lapel…Goens. He must be the doctor Dana referred to. He was wearing a white lab coat and a warm, welcoming smile.

“Mr. Beck,” He greeted. “You’re looking great. How do you feel?” He asked as he picked up the chart.

“Dr. Goens, I presume.”

“Presuming is good.” He encouraged while peering over his glasses before reviewing the chart. “That means you’re putting the mind to work.”

“Speaking of, Doc. Why is it I can remember things that happened years ago, but I can’t remember my kids-“

“Do you remember David?” Dr. Goens inquired as he pulled up a chair.

“No.” He winced. “Dana told me I was married-“

“Yes-“

“But how is that possible. I’m not gay.” He shrugged.

“What do you remember, exactly?” Dr. Goens clicked his pen and started taking notes. Christian took a deep breath, releasing it slowly and closed his eyes as he pondered the question. “How far back can you remember?”

“I don’t know.” Christian shrugged his shoulder. “I remember college,” He stated with uncertainly. “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“I’m not looking for anything in particular. I just want a gauge,” The doctor said encouragingly. “What else?”

“I remember my dad.”

“What about your dad?” He was careful not to switch words when he asked the question.

“He’s a minister.” Christian nodded approvingly. “And well-loved in his church,” he added. A frown slowly replaced his smile as if he remembered something painful. Something… sad.

“What is it, Christian?” Dr. Goens asked as he leaned forward, “What do you remember?”

“A fight…” He grimaced. “A terrible fight. But I don’t know what it was about.” He looked at the doctor as if he had the answer. The doctor just nodded and continued to take notes.

“What about your mother. Do you remember her?”

“My mom…yeah. She’s a wonderful woman and mother.” He paused reflectively for a moment. “She was there when my dad and I had the fight…I think. Do you know why we were fighting?”

“No,” Dr. Goens answered. “But according to your history,” He peered over the chart. “Your father died six years ago.”

“Really…” Christian questioned, through a doubtful sigh.

“Yeah, I’m afraid so. According to this, he died in an automobile accident.”

“Oh my god.” Christian pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to keep the tears that welled in his eyes from falling. He closed them tightly, “And my mother?”

“She’s still alive. She lives in Jackson, Mississippi.”

“Why isn’t she here?”

“She wasn’t listed as an emergency contact person, only your husband David was.” Christian’s body stiffened at the doctor’s response.

“I don’t understand, Doc. I’m not gay.” He defended.

“So you keep saying,” Dr. Goens chuckled slightly in amusement. “He’s on his way here.”

Christian shook his head and sighed. “And there’s kids.” He rested his head in the palm of his hand and glanced at the pictures on the wall.

“Two sons.” The Doctor stated as he pushed himself up from the chair. “If it’s any consolation, they are healthy and very happy children, not to mention they love their fathers.” He smiled. “Let me get a look at you,” He said as he pulled a small light from his jacket pocket. “Look to the left for me,” He instructed Christian while flashing the light into his eye.

The doctor was just finishing his examination of Christian when the door slowly opened. Christian watched intently as the tall man cautiously entered the room. “Hi,” he waved at the doctor before turning his attention to Christian.

“David?” The doctor smiled as he continued noting in Christian’s chart.

A huge smile lit up his features and the room when his eyes rested on Christian. The doctor looked at his patient seeking out any signs of recognition but there wasn’t any. Christian stared at David as if he was seeing him for the very first time…Studying him.

“Hey,” He smiled warmly at Christian, stopping short of the bed. He wanted to touch him. To kiss him and take him safely into his arms, but after his brief conversation on the phone with the doctor he decided against it. He didn’t want to push the proverbial envelope as it were.

“Hi,” Christian returned the greeting and sighed. Though he was convinced he wasn’t gay, looking at David he could see how if he were, they could be together. David was tall, dark and handsome as the saying goes. Medium build and he looked like a million dollars in his tailor made, navy blue suit that accentuated his deep blue eyes. He was sure the brown Italian loafers he wore cost a pretty penny. He spared no expense on his manner of dress that’s for sure.

“How do you feel?” He asked as he neared the bed.

“Like shit.” Christian sighed as he adjusted the covers around his waist.

David nodded slowly, before directing his attention to Dr. Goens. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” He shoved his hands in his pants pockets as he nodded toward the door. “Outside?”

“Is that okay with you Christian?” The doctor asked.

“No,” he replied flatly. “It is not okay. I don’t know anything as it is. You can’t be keeping secrets from me. Whatever he,” Christian eyed David skeptically. “Has to ask about me, he can ask in front of me.”

“Okay…”

“He’s still insistent I see.” David chuckled fondly. Christian sighed and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. “My question was,” He glanced over to Christian. “On the phone you said he doesn’t remember us, I mean him and me being a couple. What about the boys, does he remember them? Do you remember our sons, Christian?” He asked his husband flat out.

Christian chewed on the inside of his cheek and shook his head slowly. David rubbed his hand roughly down his jaw, resting his hand over his mouth. “Shit…”

“Sit down, David.” The doctor encouraged. “I wanted both of you together before explaining to Christian what was going on with his memory loss.”

“Okay.” David pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down beside his husband. Dr. Goens looked at Christian then to David insuring he had their undivided attention before he started to speak.

“You see, Christian, on June the 3^rd they rushed you in here. There was an accident on the construction site. You suffered a severe blow to the head.” David took in a deep breath and held it. Christian glanced at him, noticing the look of concern in his eyes, before turning his attention back to the doctor. “A cable broke causing the beams to fall; one of which hit you in the back of the head right above the left ear. You have what we call short term memory loss, retrograde.” He went on to explain. “You have the ability to remember things from years ago but you can’t recall what you had for dinner last night. Or in this instance what you did five or six years ago.”

Christian’s hand once more felt for the stiches causing both him and David to frown. David’s hand instinctively reached out for Christian’s but he placed it carefully on his shoulder instead. Christian inhaled deeply as he continued to listen intently. “The trauma was so severe it caused the brain to swell. We put you in an induced coma for that very reason. We needed you completely still, allowing the medicine we injected in the brain to work,” he explained.

“What was I doing on a construction site? Am I a construction worker?”

“You designed the medical office building going up on School Street downtown.” David informed him proudly, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“I designed it?” Christian asked in amazement. David laughed, shaking his head.

“Don’t sound so surprised. You’re the best Architect around.”

“I’m an Architect? Cool.” Christian said quite pleased with himself. “Will my memory ever come back?”

“It’s all of our hopes that it will.” Dr. Goens nodded. “We hope the loss isn’t permanent. We’ve ran several CT scans and MRI’s and the brain is looking good, though we can’t say for sure. Memory loss is not anything that is detected on scans, only the causes of it are. The brain is amazing and very complicated. Yours suffered a terrible blow, which caused the swelling and bleeding.” He sighed empathetically, “Only time will tell and patience on both your parts will help.” He informed them. David sat back in his chair, crossed one leg over the other and placed his hand in his lap.

“When can he go home?”

Christian gasped sharply. He hadn’t thought about going home with David. He held his breath anxiously waiting for the doctor’s reply.

Dr. Goens sought out Christian’s gaze, trying to gauge his response. He could sense Christian was a little uncomfortable with the situation. “Well, I want to keep him in for another few days. Run a few more test.”

David nodded biting on his lower lip.

“I also want him to meet with Dr. Reeder. He’s the Chief Psychiatrist here, and he will get him into a rehab program that will teach him some learning techniques. These techniques will be helpful once he gets home. We already started some of them right here. For example the television, we had it turned on every day at the same time. Studies have shown and proven that patients that are in comas can hear what’s going on around them. We were hoping he would remember the voices, the shows that came on. Retain some of what he was hearing.”

“Is that really a good idea?” Christian questioned while biting on his thumb nail. “The going home, I mean.”

“It’s actually a great idea,” The doctor replied. “It will help to get you into familiar surroundings. Your own home, around your own things.”

“Oh…” Christian frowned, while playing idly with the hem of the bed sheet.

“Don’t worry, Chris. We have a guestroom.” David informed him, “You can sleep in there, until…” He left the statement hanging.

“Okay….thanks.”

“What about the boys? I know they want to see their dad. Is it okay if I bring them up here?”

Dr. Goens tilted his head slightly, looking for any negative signs from his patient. “I don’t see why not. Are you okay with that, Christian?”

Christian pressed his lips together tightly and nodded approvingly. He turned so he was facing David, and asked, “What are their names?”

“Huh?”

“The boys… my sons. What are their names?”

“Liam and Ethan.” David smiled even as he pulled out his cell phone.

“Liam?” Christian parroted as he placed his hand to his chest. “I read a book in college and had the biggest crush on one of the characters. His name was Liam….I think.”

“It was,” David confirmed, placing the cell phone in Christian’s hand. “That’s them.”

“Oh my god…” Christian said as he stared at the screen. David and the doctor shared a knowing glance before turning their attention back to Christian. “Which one is Liam?” He asked as he rested his face in the palm of his hand. David leaned over to get a closer look.

“That’s Liam on the left.” David pointed over Christian’s shoulder. Liam had big green eyes, strawberry blond hair that curled at the ends and fat pinch-able cheeks.

“He looks like a character,” Christian laughed. “How old?”

“He’s four.”

“So this must be Ethan.” He guessed as he once again placed his hand to his chest feeling a little flushed.

“That’s our little terror.” David laughed. “He just turned three.” Ethan had dark hair and blue eyes like David.

“They’re beautiful,” Christian sighed. “I just wish I could remember.” He said as he looked into David’s eyes.

David patted him on the shoulder and smiled encouragingly. “You will.”

He held steadfast to his conviction that he wasn’t gay, however the fact that he and David were raising children together… a family, confused him even more. David was actually very attractive. He was comfortable enough with his manhood to admit that. And he seemed harmless enough.

“We adopted.” David’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“We adopted.” David smiled looking down at his phone. “We brought both of them home straight from the hospital. We talked about using a surrogate, but there are so many young mothers out there who get pregnant but are not ready, or want kids, who don’t believe in abortion either…so that’s the route we took. It was so nice; we had to do it twice.”

“Oh…” Christian inhaled and smiled, “Okay.”

“Guys…” Dr. Goens interrupted them. “I’ve got to get going.”

“Okay.” Both Christian and David replied in unison. David stood up to shake his hand.

“Thank you…for everything.” He let out a staggered breath.

“Be patient with him.” He glanced over David’s shoulder.

“I’ll try.” He promised as he placed his hand on the doctor’s shoulder and guided him toward the door.

“Christian, you should have your first rehab session tomorrow afternoon. I know you’re eager to get your memory back, but don’t overdo it.” He cautioned.

Christian nodded, his gaze still transfixed on the screen.

“And that goes for you too.” He eyed David sternly.

“I know. I just want my husband back. I want the man I fell in love with to love me back.”

“Don’t give up.”

“I won’t.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “He’s alive and agreeable to going home with me. That’s a good start…right?”

“Right.” The doctor agreed, giving David two encouraging pats on the shoulder.

“I’ll check on you tomorrow, Christian, but if you need me…need me at all. Let the nurses know.”

“Thanks Doc.” Christian waved as he placed David’s cell phone in his lap.

David stepped back allowing the doctor to pass and took a deep breath as he closed the door behind him. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and turned around slowly meeting Christian’s expectant gaze head on. Waves of emotion washed over him, almost drowning him as he stared into those eyes. Those same eyes that greeted him every morning. Those same eyes that were once filled with love and admiration were now filled with confusion and uncertainty. The man he vowed to spend the rest of his life with… share a family with, didn’t even remember him, and that hurt. His undying hope was all he had to hang on to; and he would. As if his life depended on it.

“So…” He released a deep breath as he moved his seat closer to the bed and sat down.

“So…” Christian repeated before handing David his phone. David relaxed in his chair and unbuttoned his jacket, allowing it to hang freely. The silence shared between them was uncomfortable and strained; this was a first to them. Before now there had never a time when he and Christian were at a loss for words.

“I like him,” David blurted out, breaking the silence.

“Huh?”

“Dr. Goens. I like him.”

Christian tried to steady his breathing. Being alone with David was like being with a total stranger, but worse. He was told he was married to this stranger. “Yeah, he seems knowledgeable and that’s what’s important.”

“Of course,” David agreed, as he took off his jacket. “What’s important is that you’re alive first and foremost and secondly that you get your memory back.”

“Look, David-“ David’s phone vibrated inside his shirt pocket causing Christian to stop momentarily . He casually retrieved it, glancing at the caller ID.

“It’s Tibby.”

“Tibby?” Christian frowned.

“The sitter.” He nodded even as he answered the phone. “Hey, Tibby.”

Christian relaxed his back against the pillows and waited for David to finish. Tibby, kids, David, married…It was all so much to absorb, he wasn’t sure he could do it. He watched as David handled the call. He was thorough and informative, yet there was a sense of familiarity there as well. He wasn’t’ sure what to make of it. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t sure what to make of any of it. It was all so overwhelming. But what twisted his mind the most was that he was told he’d had a life with this man. But that couldn’t be, because he wasn’t… gay.

“Hang on.” David placed the phone to his chest. “The boys want to see you. Is it okay if she brings them in?” He winched as if he was afraid of Christian’s answer.

Christian took a deep breath and bit his lower lip before hesitantly agreeing. “Sure…” He forced a sad smile.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” David questioned with an arched brow.

“Yeah, yeah. I think so.”

David pressed his lips together in a tight line and sighed as he put the phone to his ear. “He said bring them. Oh and…”

“Hey…” A perky young woman with dark hair stuck her head through the door and smiled. “Can I come in?”

“Um…sure.” Christian replied.

“My name is Beth and I’m here to remove your catheter,” She returned the smile as she reached in the box and pulled out a pair of latex gloves.

“Catheter?”

“Yes.” Beth informed him while carefully lifting the covers back allowing him to peek underneath.

“Oh…okay.” Christian shrugged embarrassingly.

“Now that you’re awake, the doctor wants you to start going to the restroom on your own.”

“Hey, Tibby, I’ve got to go,” David said even as he tried to hear what the nurse was saying. “See you in a bit. And don’t forget my gym bag on the bed.” He smiled and nodded before hanging up the phone. He took a deep breath and placed the phone inside his shirt pocket. “Now what’s going on?” He inquired.

“Oh hello, as I was telling your husband here, I’m going to remove his catheter. It’s time for him to start moving around.” She smiled giving Christian two short pats on the leg. “Okay, so—“ She started to pull back the covers.

“Wait!?!” Christian objected, quickly placing his hand over hers.

“What is it?”

“Um…shouldn’t he leave?” He mumbled, gesturing toward David, who gave him a quizzical glance.

“I guess. It’s up to you. I just figured…” Beth shrugged.

David sat there for a moment, but Christian didn’t budge. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest and waited for him to concede.

David sighed dropping his shoulders in defeat. “Alright, alright,” He announced, reluctantly accepting his dismissal. He pushed himself up from his seat and nodded toward the door. “I’ll be right outside.”

Beth and Christian both waited until David closed the door behind him before getting started.

David was chatting with the nurses at the nurse’s station when Beth emerged a few moments later.

“He’s all yours.” She nodded over her shoulder.

“Thank you.” David smiled as he stepped around her. He knocked lightly on the door before slowly opening it. “Everything okay in here?”

“That hurt,” Christian frowned.

“Yeah, I know.” David nodded while rolling up his sleeves before taking his seat next to his husband. Christian adjusted the covers around him and fluffed the pillow behind his head when he felt David’s stare.

“What?”

David pressed his lips together and smiled. “I know you don’t know me or even remember anything about me. But I remember you. I remember us,” He smiled fondly. “I can deal with this,” He lowered his head into the palm of his hand. “You’re here…you’re alive and that’s all that matters right now.”

David’s words were touching and stirred something within Christian. He almost felt guilty that he couldn’t remember him. This should be the point where he would reach over, take David’s hand into his own, and offer him comfort. But all he could muster was…

“Thank you.” They shared a forlorn glance and David sighed, resting back into his chair. They sat in silence as they watched the television, neither paying attention really, both in their own world. David noticed from the corner of his eye, Christian fidgeting and shifting beneath the covers.

“You okay?” he knitted his brows together curiously, ready to render aid.

“I’ve gotta pee.” Christian said faintly.

“You’ve got to what?” David leaned in closer so he could hear.

“I said I’ve have to pee.” Christian repeated this time his voice an octave higher.

“Oh…” David laughed. “Why didn’t you say something?’

“I just did…” Christian pouted. “And it’s not funny.” He chided him.

“It actually is,” David countered as he continued to laugh. Christian’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment and to his dismay he found himself laughing as well. “Come on, let me help you.” David offered his assistance.

“No, that’s okay…I’ve got it,” Christian insisted. He swatted at David’s hand as he hoisted himself out of bed. David held his breath, stepping back watching Christian closely. Too busy trying to keep the back of his gown closed, not to mention the fact that he hadn’t been on his feet in a couple of weeks, Christian toppled over losing his balance and fell into David’s embrace.

“Whoa… Baby,” He whispered into Christian’s ear. His rich deep voice sent chills down Christian’s spine. His arms felt strong…they felt safe. They felt familiar, and he felt uncomfortable. He hastily twisted from David’s arms only to stumble against his chest. “Slow down, Chris. It’s okay,” he assured. He held him steady until he was sure he could stand on his own.

“I’m fine, really,” Christian voiced, once he found his own.

“Okay,” David smirked. Christian was never good at lying. He stepped back, allowing his husband to pass. Christian grabbed the IV pole dragging it with him as he made his way toward the restroom. The back of his gown opened, revealing his right butt cheek. David arched his brow mischievously and whistled…

“Whhtt-Pheww!” He laughed teasingly, “I’d know that dimple anywhere.”

Christian gasped, his jaw relaxed and his eyes widened in sheer terror. He turned around slowly, careful not to fall and glared at David as if he had two heads. He sighed, grabbed the back of his gown tightly within his fist, and huffed disapprovingly before slamming the restroom door behind him.

David laughed light heartedly, as he fell backwards into his chair. The look on Christian’s face was priceless and he’d missed that. He missed their playful banters, but most importantly he missed him. He undid his tie and slipped it from around his neck and sighed contentedly.

Christian flipped on the light and inhaled deeply at the reflection staring back at him. It had been a while since he’d seen him, but his face was still the same. He combed his fingers through his blond tresses but couldn’t remember if the curls that wrapped loosely around his fingers were natural or not. His light brown eyes were paler than he remembered, and were still too far apart. He pinched the bridge of his nose turning at an angle to get a side profile and gasped. Those ears…how could he forget those big ears? He hurriedly tousled his hair in an attempt to cover them, and sighed. He turned to the side getting a better look at his form, pinching more than an inch on his waist. “I need to lose this stuff, gross.” He exclaimed. Christian’s self examination was more of a get reacquainted session with himself. A smile slowly creased his lips and he bit on the lower one as he thought about David teasing him. Curiosity getting the better of him, he turned slightly looking back over his shoulder at his bottom. “Oh my god…” He gasped covering his hand over his mouth. “My ass is huge,” He balked disgustedly. “And that’s not a dimple that’s cellulite.”

He had just finished using the restroom and was washing his hands when he heard the commotion in the other room. There were several voices and the only one he could make out was David’s. The sound of shrill giggles and excited laughter caused his heart to skip several beats. He was certain that playful laughter belonged to Liam and Ethan. He exhaled deeply feeling a little dizzy when he did so. Time to meet the babies.

“Here goes nothing…”