The Ardor - 13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

My legs burned and I was panting like an old crock, but I had arrived at the shed. Candlelight poured through the gaps between the wooden planks of the door. He was still awake. For a moment, I considered to knock, but decided it’d be better to confront Maraki inside. With careful movements, I opened the door and entered. Maraki was kneeling in the middle of the single room, his back to the door and five candles placed around him. Just seeing him made my heart beat faster and it was impossible that he didn’t hear its heavy pounding. The leather harness was lying by his side, but he was wearing his leather trousers. He had extended his arms to the side with his palms facing upwards.

“Na’dar shal A’ra’mai denai no Elyran zru dell’ti’mar...”

I hadn’t understood every word, but this evening many people were praying for my health.

He jumped up and drew the sword of the Nuzr, pointing it at me. A moment later, it crashed to the ground. Maraki made a step back and his eyes filled with terror. His lips formed my name, but no sound came from them. I wanted to close the distance between us, but he retreated further. My guts knotted up.

“What have I done that you cannot stand me being close?”

His head sank down.

“Don’t mock at me.”

“I really don’t understand. Nothing that happened in the cell justifies this.”

He charged at me only to stop some Jots before me. He raised his right arm and his hand curled into a fist. I didn’t shrink back.

“It’s hard enough to live with my shame, but you don’t have to come here to torture me.”

He spoke through gritted teeth. Sadness and rage were tearing him apart.

“If you really believe that I came here to punish and hurt you, strike me down with all your strength. I prefer being dead than living with the knowledge that you think I’m capable of this.”

Our gazes had locked. His arm began to tremble. Maraki sank down on his knees and bent his head.

“You mustn’t forgive me. Not this time. I have raped you, wounded you and worse. It’s impossible to forgive me. I can’t.”

I stretched out my hand, but stopped at the last moment. He was so panicked already that touching him would only make things more complicated.

“You didn’t rape me. A rape requires a victim. You’ve done nothing that I didn’t want, didn’t desire. It was rough, yes, but I have never felt such ecstasy. I didn’t even notice that I was bleeding.”

His voice was low and broken.

“I should have noticed. Deep down, I’m a brute and a killer. You deserve more than this.”

“Does a brute hold you tight when you’re in pain? Does a killer ask for permission to touch you? Don’t you remember?”

Now, I did understand.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

He took a deep breath.

“Only vaguely. Feelings. Lust. Desire. Satisfaction, blissful satisfaction. The Ardor doesn’t allow for more complex memories.”

I went also down on my knees and looked up into his eyes.

“But all those things I’ve felt, too. Because that is what two people feel when they love each other.”

His eyes widened and he shook his head.

“You’re not shak’nai’dar; you’re undecided!”

I smiled at him and my hands touched his cheeks, throwing my previous qualms to the wind.

“Is it so hard to believe that a guy like you makes me want to decide? You’re gentle, caring and so good deep down to your core. Not even the Ardor can rob you of your innate kindness. You’re everything that I ever wanted and more.”

A tear ran down my face. But it was joy, a feeling of gratitude for the chance to have found him that made me cry.

“I love you, Maraki. For all that you have been, for all that you are, for all that you will be.”

The amber depths of his eyes had changed into a whirling chaos of emotions. Still holding his face, I looked into this golden turmoil, letting the veracity of my love flow where words couldn’t reach. Disbelief and insecurity faded away; doubt and shame vanished; hesitancy and irritation ceased to exist. Only love remained, mutually reflected in our eyes.

He grabbed me and pulled me close. His embrace was so tight that it was painful, but I didn’t mind. I heard the beat of his heart, felt the heat of his skin and his smell was all around me. He breathed into my ear, the stream of warm air carrying whispered words.

“When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful person on Tenegra and I knew you would never love me. When you treated me with respect and goodness, a tiny voice spoke of hope. When you did things no one else would have done for me, hope became a possibility. Then came the Ardor and all was lost…”

The echo of grief in his voice made a shiver run down my spine.

“And yet, you’re here. My life and my soul are yours, no matter what. I love you, Elyran, son of Semiron and Nurulan. In my heart, there is no other truth.”

He loosened his grip. Our gazes met. I lowered my lips on his. Soft nips for a start, for we didn’t dare to do more. Having his tusks rub over my face was an unfamiliar but not unpleasant feeling. When our tongues shared a first fleeting touch, they shyly retreated. Their next encounter was far more amicable. Passion took over and spurred them into a wilder dance. And still, even in our kisses his gentleness abounded. I had no idea how long we had made out, but only when our lips were raw, we decided it was time for a break. Grinning sheepishly, we looked at each other. Maraki was still kneeling on the floor and I was sitting on his thighs.

“Must be uncomfortable for you.”

I stood up, but didn’t get very far, because Maraki put his hands on my hips and pulled me back.

“Just a little longer, please. Having you here outweighs all inconvenience.”

His words sparked an idea.

“There is no reason for you to stay in this shed. Feida and Greiff won’t mind having you in the house.”

“Anyway, let’s ask them first. It’s their house.”

His concerns for our generous hosts reminded me once more why I felt for him the way I did. I pecked him on his cheek. He grunted in delight.

“You’re right. Their house, their rules.”

Now, that I had time to think, questions upon questions came to my mind.

“Your Ardor for this evening is already over, isn’t it?”

I didn’t have a clue when it began in terms of outer world time. In the prison, this point had been moot. He smirked.

“In this season, it comes around dawn. I’ve already taken care of it.”

His features became serious.

“You’re still weak, too weak, for making love.”

“There are some things that aren’t too exhausting…”

I wiggled my brows. We laughed out both. Other questions begged for my attention.

“What has happened after our escape? How did you come here? Weren’t Feida and Greiff afraid? You’re working in the fields?”

Maraki looked into my eyes, the slightest smile on his lips.

“I’ll tell you later, okay? I promise. Feida and Greiff will get up soon. If she doesn’t find you in your bed, I’ll meet A’ra’mai sooner than I’d like to.”

His face was ablaze with humor.

“Oh, I’ll give Silya and Dunir reading and writing lessons. Doesn’t make too good of an impression if I fall asleep as their teacher.”

“Definitely not. I’ll take you over to the house.”

The more Parts we could spend together the better.

Walking over to the shed had been exhausting, but the way back was excruciating. I made it half way to the house before my legs gave up. I slumped down, but I didn’t hit the ground, for Maraki caught my fall. Concern wrinkled his face.

“Are you alright?”

“Just bit off a little more than I could chew.”

I caressed his arm to make my point.

“May I carry you?”

His question took my breath away.

“You don’t have to ask.”

With a gleam in his eyes, he lifted me up and rested me in both of his arms.

“But thanks for doing so.”

I added in a whisper. He nestled me a little closer to his body.

In those little gestures, I felt his love the most.