The Ardor - 5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Maraki had been lying by my side, learning to defend myself against him had sounded like a reasonable idea. Now, that he was standing before me, I had reasonable doubts.

“You are afraid of me, aren’t you?”

He looked down at me with a stern face.

“You’re almost a Step taller than me and at least twice as broad.”

His expression didn’t change.

“Add total loss of conscious control and the sole wish to breed. That’s what you’ll have before you when I’ll be in full Ardor.”

Maraki had learned the art of motivation from his instructors well. I gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat. His features became friendlier.

“I couldn’t stand if you still feared me. I tried to intimidate you when I first met you and failed miserably.”

He made a single snort of laughter.

“I’m just a peaceful soul in a body that doesn’t look like it. You knew right from the start.”

We both had to chuckle.

“But don’t underestimate the Ardor. It will unleash the powers of this body. Fear the Ardor and what it makes of me, but I beg you: don’t fear me.”

He hadn’t learned that in a barrack. The teachings of his ur’jai had been speaking to me.

“I don’t fear you, Maraki. How else could it be possible that you bring me peace in my sleep?”

His eyes went ablaze with emotions.

“But my instincts keep screaming at me when two-hundred Measures of muscle prepare to attack me.”

“Tell your instincts that you have a na’dach with those two-hundred Measures of muscle and that they would rather hurt themselves than hurting you.”

He meant what he had said, and a feeling of contentment settled down in my stomach.

“Time to get started. It’d be better to get rid of our clothes… except for the underwear, of course.”

His efforts to avoid any innuendo were cute, but he was right regarding the clothes. I stripped down to my white linen underpants. ‘Formerly white’ would have been more accurate. I had cleaned them regularly in the basin, but cold water without any soap just didn’t do the job. Maraki’s underwear was made of dark fur. Seeing him without clothes intensified the feelings of being inappropriate for fighting. I wasn’t skinny; I’d even call me wiry. But in comparison to Maraki’s, my body was a joke. With amazement, I noticed that his wounds had closed and only faint lines hinted at where they had been. That was something worth asking him later.

“As I’ve already told you, me’tai is about using your own strengths and turning your opponent’s strengths into weaknesses. What do you think are my greatest assets in battle?”

I pondered for a moment.

“Your raw strength…your size… your mass.”

He grinned.

“Not bad. But that was easy. How do you turn this against me?”

I gave it a try.

“Your mass and your size make you sluggish; I can counter it with speed. Your strength and your mass give you great momentum; if this momentum doesn’t hit its target, it can make you fall.”

His grin broadened.

“I’ve told you you’re a quick thinker. You’ve grasped the principles. Now, I’ve to show you how to translate those principles into battle moves. It’ll take time and practice.”

If we had one thing, then it was time. I was determined not to let Maraki down. I wanted to show him I could do it.

“For a start, I’ll charge at you and you’ll try to evade, okay?”

I nodded.

“Ready?”

My heart was already pumping hard. I nodded again. Maraki ran towards me, faster than I had him expected to be. I made a step to the right and did a half-turn while he passed me.

“Good. Again.”

He didn’t give me much time to recuperate. I repeated what I had done before. His next attack came without any warning. It was a close call this time, but I managed to stay clear of him. I was getting the hang of it. Or so I thought, because, after his next charge, I found myself on the ground. I’d evaded him like before, but he’d extended his arm far enough to knock me down. He knelt down beside me.

“Are you okay?”

His worry was genuine.

“Only my pride got hurt.”

He snickered.

“You fared well, but made a crucial error: you developed a pattern. You always evaded to your right side, because it had worked the first time. Patterns can be exploited, so get rid of them.”

I’d got a first impression while in most cultures fighting was considered a form of art. I knew I could do better.

“Let’s continue.”

I jumped up and poised myself for the next run. Maraki smirked.

“You’re an eager pupil.”

A moment later, he was charging at me again. My most predictable move would have been to evade to the left side now, so I decided once more for the right side. Indeed, Maraki had extended his right arm this time, hitting air only.

“Eager and clever. A dangerous combination.”

He stated with amusement in his voice. I smirked back at him.

We continued our practice. I hit the ground several more times, but I avoided the majority of his attacks. Over time, I had become more daring in the selection of my moves. I had added rolls, ducks and even some feints to my repertoire. I was exhausted and Maraki was glistening with sweat, but neither one of us wanted to be the first to request a break.

“Already tired, human?”

He taunted me.

“At least, I’m not panting like a doddery crone, Ogrushkai.”

His answer was another charge. I wanted to put one of my theories to the test. He’d extend both arms this time; I could tell from the way he held them. I faked indetermination, ducked left in the last moment and sat down on the ground, turning on my bottom. When he was past me, I lifted both of my legs and kicked him in the hollow of his right knee. His leg gave out from under him. With a loud thumping sound, he landed on his knee, and the momentum of his movement made him crash down face first. My premiere as a tactician had been successful. I got up.

“How was that, Ogrushkai?”

I couldn’t hold back the glee. He didn’t move. My heart fell.

“Maraki?”

No answer.

“Maraki?”

Silence.

I jumped to his side and went down on my knees. My hands hovered some Jots over his upper back, fearing the touch for what they might discover. By sheer power of will, I forced my hands down on his body. They felt the rhythmic movements of breathing; something I had forgotten when he hadn’t answered. I hadn’t enough time to fill my lungs, before I found myself lying on the back, making hard contact with the floor. Maraki had spun around and was pinning me down with his body. He had grabbed my hands, stretching them over my head.

“Nice move, really nice move.”

He was grinning from ear to ear.

“But you made another beginner’s error: mercy with your enemy.”

Maraki let a little more of his weight press down on me.

“You are not my enemy.”

The calmness of my voice came as a surprise even for me, wiping the grin off his face. He looked into my eyes. I could see my worries and my affection for him reflected back at me. Something touched my thigh. The growing hardness made me look down. Where his crotch was pressed against my leg, a bulge had formed. I sought his eyes again.

“Shen’zach!”

He leapt off me and turned away. I didn’t need a translation for his exclamation. I sat up. Maraki had dropped down on his knees and his head was buried in his arms. I rose and walked over to him, coming to a halt right behind his back.

“I lost control. You make me lose control time and again.”

He hadn’t looked up. I felt guilty.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t apologize! It’s not your fault. It’s me who can’t stop himself. It’s me who is weak.”

“You’re too hard to yourself. I read endless numbers of war recounts. Many human warriors have given account of getting aroused in the heat of the battle. That’s what happened to you: the heat of the battle carried you away.”

His head sank down some more Jots.

“You’re offering me the easy way out. I’m thankful, but like you did, I have to decline that offer.”

He took a deep breath.

“What has happened doesn’t have anything to do with the heat of the battle. It was all about…”

“Me.”

It had slipped out of my mouth, bypassing my brain. Maraki nodded.

“I failed you. You shouldn’t have found out, not this way.”

“You didn’t fail me. You gave me a gift.”

His head shot up, but he didn’t dare to turn around.

“A gift? By molesting you?”

“Yes, a gift. You’re the first person for a very long time to make me feel wanted and attractive. That’s worth more than hundreds of trinkets from the Mogul Emperor’s vaults.”

His answer was a whisper.

“And it changes everything, for you don’t have the same desires.”

“How can you know my desires if I don’t know them myself?”

Not knowing where I belonged, not knowing what I wanted, not knowing why I lived. That was the very essence of my existence.

“I don’t know, Maraki. That’s the truth.”

His voice had lost all strength.

“The result is the same: it changes everything.”

My voice was forceful, because what it had to say was of greatest importance.

“Nothing will change. Because one thing, I do know: as a friend, yes, as a friend, I love you.”

My hands formed into fists.

“Damn the fact that I know you for two Cycles only, damn the fact that you’ve been brought here to be my tormentor, damn the Ardor, damn the Nur’Zhul… I’ll call you friend, Maraki. And as a friend, I love you.”

Unclenching my hands, I hugged him from behind and nuzzled my face into his neck. I felt the deep rumble of his voice.

“Calling you a friend isn’t right.”

Perhaps, I had gone too far, but I wouldn’t take back one thing I had said.

“That word doesn’t do you justice.”

I raised my head from his neck. He took a slow breath and continued.

“But there are so many things we don’t know about each other, things that, in the end, may render a friendship impossible.”

“A friend isn’t a friend, because of the things you do, but despite of the things you do.”

He chuckled.

“You sound like my ur’jai.”

It was my turn to laugh.

“No, I sound like my uncle.”

We snickered together.

“Ogrushkai are notorious for being hard to befriend. Even in this regard, I fail you.”

I rested my head on his neck again.

“You haven’t failed me once.”

I felt the movements of the muscles in his face. He had to be smiling. A thought crossed my mind.

“Something like this has happened before, hasn’t it?”

His smile was gone.

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me, please?”

It took some Fractions for him to make up his mind.

“His name was Nirril. We were of the same age and had been friends since we could walk. When we were fourteen, we formed a na’dach to stay friends forever. At the age of fifteen, I realized that it were males whom I found attractive, especially one of them. I was still far from declaring shak’nai’dar, but my growing attraction to Nirril couldn’t be ignored. I can remember the exact date, 12 Vrenn, Harvest Celebration, when it happened. Nirril had made me come with him to watch the dance of the females. We hid in the bushes, and while he had eyes for the females only, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He became hard. I touched him.”

Recalling those memories made him breathe faster.

“He screamed at me and we were caught. My punishment was dished out at me while we were still waiting for the arrival of my ur’jai to judge us. He accused me of having broken the na’dach and that he couldn’t be a friend to a pervert like me. We never spoke a word to each other after this evening.”

His breathing calmed down.

“Nirril was a fool to end your friendship for this.”

“You’re in his position now. Can’t you relate? At least, a little bit?”

I got up and moved around him. I lifted his head making our eyes meet.

“If anyone else in this situation, in this cell, was into me, I’d be uneasy, yes. But it’s you. You won’t do anything I don’t want.”

I cracked a grin.

“You’re so cautious and apologize even for the most harmless things. What should I worry about?”

Joy filled his eyes, spreading over his face.

“One more apology is necessary: I’m sorry for what happened earlier.”

Expressing his regrets for this incident was important to him, so it was important to me, though I didn’t saw the necessity.

“I accept, my friend.”

More delight simply hadn’t fitted on his face.

We decided that we had trained enough for one Cycle. Maraki told me some more stories about Nirril and him, which had happened before that evening. They had been the scourge of their ruk. It was hard to believe that this controlled and decent guy before me had been a mischievous prankster when he was younger. Apart from the new things I learned about him, I was touched by the fact that he voluntarily shared these anecdotes with me. After our meal, Maraki had to take care of his Ardor. He was done faster than the Cycles before, which I credited to the additional arousal of our training. Not to unnerve him any further, I kept this amusing thought to myself.

Not much later, we decided to go to bed early and I spread the cloak as well as the blanket on the floor. I looked over to the water basin where Maraki was washing himself. A realization had hit me a short time after his Ardor. It had gained in strength and I couldn’t defer talking about it any longer.

“Regarding our… sleeping arrangement…”

I mentally slapped myself for this mess of words. Maraki turned around, his face bearing a grave expression.

“This thought has occurred to me too. It must be most uncomfortable for you being that close to me.”

My mouth was gaping open, for this was the exact opposite of what had kept me occupied.

“I thought it must be uncomfortable for YOU. It’s almost torture having to lie close to someone, holding him, when you’d like to do… more.”

The end of this sentence warranted a little more mental slapping. Maraki came over to me and his features relaxed.

“You’re worried for me?”

If bliss had a physical form, it’d look like Maraki’s face right now.

“Holding you is anything but torture. Having a little bit of something is still better than having nothing.”

The humbleness behind this idea stirred me deep within. For most humans, it was all or nothing, never content with what they already had.

“When I’m lying in your arms, security is the only thing I feel. Nothing will ever change this.”

Maraki looked at me with a benign expression, before sitting down on our makeshift bed. He extended his right arm. I followed his invitation. Together, we lay down. My head resting on his arm, the other one closed around me. He brought his mouth close to my ears. In a whisper, the warmth of his breath brushing over me, he spoke to me.

“And one day, you’ll tell me what you meant with ‘doing more’.”

We cackled.

“Perhaps, I will.”