Best And Worst of Me - 14. Chapter 14

“Here,” Quinn said and held out his hand to Cameron on Monday, during lunch.

Cameron stared at the hand for a moment in confusion. “Oh, right,” he remembered. “The worry stone? I didn’t think you’d actually get it for me.”

Quinn shrugged and dropped the stone into Cameron’s hand. Cameron turned it over his hand and fitted it between his thumb and index finger. “How much was it?” Cameron asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Quinn mumbled and sat down at the table.

Meghan leaned over the table, trying to get a look at what Cameron had gotten. “Aw, you got him a gift,” she teased, giving Quinn a cheeky grin.

Cameron reached out and swatted her on the arm. “Don’t start that,” he warned.

Meghan stuck her tongue out and went back to sitting properly in her seat. Cameron got a quick kick under the table as revenge.

“It’s… supposed to lessen your worries when you rub it,” Quinn explained, changing the subject.

“Thanks,” Cameron said and gave the rock a few rubs before pocketing it. “You okay?” he asked.

“Me?” Quinn answered stupidly.

“Yeah. After what I said this weekend,” Cameron expanded, lowering his voice.

“I’m fine,” Quinn mumbled. “And besides, it’s true, and it’s my own doing. It’s a consequence.”

“Well, don’t you sound all mature and understanding about it.” Cameron chuckled stiffly. “You don’t have to be so serious all the time, you know. I mean sometimes, yes, but relax a little. Maybe we need another round of video games for you.”

“Maybe,” Quinn agreed. “But not… now, or soon. Like I said, my parents… I don’t really want to leave my mom alone all that much. I think my sister is avoiding the house like the plague.”

“Maybe you and your mom could come over for dinner at my mom’s house,” Cameron suggested. “My mom’s looking for a bestie to relate to, you know,” he added playfully, elbowing Quinn in the side.

“Would your mom even like me?” Quinn asked carefully. “Didn’t you tell her about some of the stuff I did with Zach, and…”

“No,” Cameron answered flatly. “What kid likes to talk about what happens at school? I don’t, at least not with my mom. She knows I get harassed sometimes but never really asked by whom. She worries, but maybe seeing that I have a big friend will make her think I’m safer.” Cameron poked Quinn in the chest.

“You think I’m fat?” Quinn pretended to be offended.

“I meant big like… tall, muscle, not fat!” Cameron corrected himself quickly.

Quinn flashed a quick smile, and Cameron laughed slightly. “Ask your mom about it though,” he continued. “Maybe it’ll make my mom not hover around me so much. It’s kind of hard to do things I’m not supposed to do when she’s over my shoulder.”

“You, do something you’re not supposed to?” Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Like what?” he added, playfully.

Cameron stalled slightly, blushing. “None of your business.”

Quinn laughed, and Meghan sent them a suspicious look. “What’s so funny?” she asked. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Cameron snapped defensively.

Meghan only continued to narrow her eyes at him, and Cameron went to ignoring her. The rest of the lunch was spent talking about nothing until the bell rang. Quinn separated for class, feeling somewhat better but a bit more on edge at the same time. It was an uncomfortable feeling.

Sometimes he felt like he was repairing things with Cameron, but then Cameron would mention something that implied otherwise. He still had problems with Quinn, but didn’t often talk about them. Quinn felt like it was false hope.

Then… why did Cameron invite Quinn and his mother over for dinner? Again, it was another sense that maybe things were getting better, that Cameron was opening up. Then what if something got mentioned over the table? Would Cameron do that, or what if his mother mentioned the… ‘harassment’ and Quinn’s mother decided to point out who it had been?

Quinn sighed and rolled his head back. Maybe he was too serious, or thinking too much. How could he not, though? He worried about things. All people did. Maybe he worried more than some, but… wasn’t that anxiety? Allen said that was all a part of… depression.

Maybe he wasn’t getting better at this rate, especially with everything going on at home. But he couldn’t… he had to be there for his mother.

Damn. Now he really didn’t want his mother coming to counseling on Wednesday—he wanted to talk to Allen alone, without his mother there. He was fine with her coming, just not this time. Did he tell her that?

No, he couldn’t.

He ran his hands over his face, sighing. Well he only had to last a few days, right? Just till Saturday. He could do that.

Maybe there would be a dinner with Cameron on Friday.

Some part still wanted it to be just the two of them, but he knew that wasn’t happening for a while.

***

There wasn’t anyway for Quinn to tell his mother no for Wednesday. She was looking forward to it, or at least to being able to participate.

The drive to Allen’s office after football practice was quiet, aside from Claire’s humming and drumming her fingers on the steering wheel with the music. They got to the office, and Quinn signed in. He waited around the waiting room, awkwardly, while his mother flipped through some magazines.

Finally Allen came out and invited them back to his office.

“Claire, nice to finally have you in here,” Allen greeted with a smile and handshake.

Claire nodded and smiled back before taking one of the armchairs, and Quinn took the one next to her.

“So, anything you two want to talk about?” Allen asked, looking between the two.

“Well,” Claire started carefully, looking over at Quinn. “I would again like to stress that what’s going on between your father and I is not your fault,” she said, turning back to Allen. “He went up to Grand Lake again over the weekend, which I think is like running away for a while.”

Allen nodded and looked expectantly at Quinn for a reply.

“It’s not running away,” Quinn protested. “It just helps me clear my head some, to not… deal with people.”

“That’s running away,” Claire pointed out.

“Better him do it for a weekend than permanently,” Allen chimed in. “And I think it’s helped him, with out the social pressure there.”

“But he’s… making new and different friends, and coming out a little more,” Claire huffed. “I would think he’s getting better socially.”

“He is, but that doesn’t mean he’s one-hundred percent better. There will still be moments where he feels anxious or depressed, maybe feeling like he can’t talk to anyone about it,” Allen explained to her.

Quinn sat back in his seat, feeling somewhat better at hearing that. So it was expected for him to not be completely better, yet.

“Okay,” Claire let out a breath. “And I’d rather say this here.” She shifted in her seat to face Quinn. “Your dad and I are going to get divorced. We’re working on getting the paperwork together. Your dad is moving out, but we’re not sure to where yet. Custody… you and your sister will have some input on it, but your dad does want some part in both of your lives.”

Quinn scowled at that. “I don’t want to have to spend time with him, if you’re not there.” It sounded childish, but Claire was his defense.

“That’s why it could be just on the weekends for two days, or every other weekend… just some time.” Claire smiled weakly.

“He’s going to push me into things,” Quinn snapped. “Badger me into hanging out with Zach or someone like that, or doing something he thinks ‘real men’ should do… even if I don’t want to.”

“Maybe you should try telling him you don’t want to,” Allen suggested. “You don’t have to go into the details. Just say you don’t feel like it, or you have homework.”

“He won’t take any of that. He’ll say too bad, tough it up, there’s time to do it later,” Quinn explained. “I just don’t fucking want to!”

“Quinn,” Allen’s voice dropped in warning. “I really think you should talk to your father about some of these things. You obviously have a serious problem with him. And really, your mother is right. The two of them will make a custody arrangement, and while you might have a little say, if he wants to spend time with you, the courts can grant him that right.”

“So I don’t have a choice.” Quinn glowered angrily.

“You have no choice in the fact he’ll want some custody, but you can say how much time you want to spend with him,” Claire pleaded. “Like I said, every other weekend or something like that. That’s not too bad, is it?”

Quinn didn’t answer and sulked in his seat, arms folded over his chest.

“Well,” Allen sighed. “Anything else you two want to talk about?”

Quinn kept his mouth shut for a few minutes, still too angry to talk to either of them. Eventually he got tired of both his mother and Allen just staring at him. “Cameron invited mom and me over for dinner at his mom’s house.”

“Oh?” Claire perked up. “Why?”

Quinn shrugged. “To be nice. Said you and his mom might get along.”

“Is it like… a date, or something?” Claire asked.

“No,” Quinn snapped. “He said he’s still not that comfortable around me, alone or anything.”

Claire fell silent and shot a worried look at Allen. Allen held his tongue for a moment before speaking up. “It’ll come in time,” Allen said vaguely, not giving Quinn away in front of his mother. “He’s introducing you to his mother. That’s something, isn’t it? Why would he let you two meet if he hated you?”

Quinn bit his lip. That was true. Cameron had even said that she might even be glad that the two of them were friends.

“Right,” Quinn answered quietly.

“Oh great,” Claire squealed excitedly, trying to pick up the mood. “Later this week, maybe. Friday night? I’ll see if your sister can come, too.”

“Mom,” Quinn growled. “I don’t want her coming! She doesn’t even know I’m… gay, or anything. And she doesn’t know anything about Cameron either.”

“Well…” Claire sighed. “I guess she’ll probably ask to stay at a friends, anyways. I haven’t told her much about what’s going on between your father and I.”

The rest of the session finished up quickly, and Quinn was glad it was over. Not that he minded it, but he decided he liked the freedom he had without his mother being there.

“I think that went well,” Claire commented on their way out to the car. They climbed inside, but she didn’t start the car right away. “And really, I want you to understand… between your dad and I, this is a decision we’re making based on everything as a whole, not just because of you.”

“I get it,” Quinn ground out.

“I don’t want you to take it… badly. I mean, I know it’s hard, but I don’t want you blaming or hurting yourself over it,” she said quietly.

“Mom, I wouldn’t do that,” Quinn mumbled.

“Yes, but you do have a habit of running off.” Claire laughed dryly.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Quinn answered seriously. “I wouldn’t just leave you like that. Besides, that… feeling, it’s not as bad as before. Grand Lake isn’t as far as some place like California, and I’m not planning on dropping out or anything.”

“You were thinking of going to California?” Claire asked worriedly.

“Once upon a time,” Quinn admitted. “Before even you figured out I liked Cameron and such. I figured it had to be better there, some how. But I didn’t let myself get into the planning of it.”

“You can talk to me about these things,” Claire sighed. “You don’t have to bottle it up or save it only for Allen. I know there are some things teens don’t want to talk to their parents about, but I’m never going to hate you for any life style choice you make. I just don’t want to lose you, whether it be running away or… suicide.”

“I haven’t been suicidal,” Quinn protested quickly, not dwelling much on how he had felt a few days before. He wouldn’t count that—it had passed.

“Depression sometimes leads to that.” Claire started up the car. “And the rates are higher for LGBT youth, like you. So yes, I do worry about that sometimes. Maybe not so much anymore now, but before… That’s why I wanted you to go see Allen.”

“I’m getting better,” Quinn stated firmly.

“I know,” Claire leaned across the seats and gave him a tight hug. “And I’m glad. And I hope things work out between you and Cameron, okay? Maybe you two never so far as dating, but he might still be a good friend.”

Quinn didn’t reply to that, and returned the hug for a few seconds. Still he didn’t want to be just friends with Cameron, but he had to tell himself to be patient.