The Castaway Hotel - 7 - 41. Chapter 41 - Searching And Hoping

On Sunday, Jake and I set out on our trips, but we didn’t go alone. The boys thought we needed company during the long drive and help doing our jobs, so some of them volunteered to go with us. Dion and Trey decided to go with Jake, while Sammy, Andrew and Little Ricky planned to ride with me.

Even though Graham had wanted to come with us too, he finally decided to stay home with Cole and Peter. They offered to take care of things and answer any phone calls that came in while we were gone. I’m glad they’d made up their minds to do this, just in case someone tried to contact us with a lead or Vinnie finally decided to get in touch. The boys would then call our cell phones and fill us in on any information they thought we should know. Depending on the situation, they might even tell us we needed to come back early.

Even though our outing did take a great deal of time and we didn’t return home until late Sunday evening, everything actually went quite smoothly. While we were gone, the boys, Jake and I had hung hundreds of ‘Missing’ posters and asked numerous people if they had seen Vinnie, while we kept our eyes peeled for any signs of him. It was a slow and tedious process, but it was something we felt we had to do.

By the time we got back, we were exhausted, yet optimistic that our long day and hard work would bear fruit. Even though we had discovered nothing substantial during our trip, we still felt hopeful. We had talked to many people and put Vinnie’s picture up in so many places, we felt someone would remember something, sooner or later.

Graham, Cole and Peter told us things had been quiet at home and they had only received calls from Uncle Steve and Kevin. Both of them wanted to know if anything new had turned up, and when they told them nothing had, they were disappointed. Neither stayed on the line for very long, in case someone else was trying to get through, especially Vinnie. As soon as I learned this, I contacted each one, to let them know we were back, but I also filled them in on what we did. Each one told me he was glad I called.

Since we still had no word on Vinnie, I remained focused on finding him. As I concentrated on this situation, a new thought popped into my mind. I quickly sought out Graham and asked if he had seen any haze around Vinnie before he left on his trip or if he had received any messages from Brent or Cody since Vinnie had disappeared. Surely, they would have warned Graham of any problems or alerted him if something was terribly wrong. Graham quickly stated that neither of those things had occurred and this gave me a great deal of comfort. I was immediately reassured that Vinnie wasn’t hurt or in danger, just merely missing. It also indicated this was most likely a conscious choice on Vinnie’s part.

I know some of you probably think I need to be committed for believing the dead can communicate with us, but Graham has sufficiently proven he has this ability and his predictions are always on the money. That’s why I now felt his lack of a prediction or warning was an equally good sign. I was willing to bank on it and use that thought to keep my hopes up.

Although much of my time was occupied with Vinnie’s disappearance, there were other things coming up on our calendar. Nick’s birthday was at the end of February, so I thought I should get in touch with him and wish him a Happy Birthday before he left on his trip. He’ll be out of contact for a couple of weeks, while he tours different areas of Brazil, and I don’t want to miss passing along my birthday wishes to him. With that in mind, I called Nick on Monday, while I was on my lunch break. He seemed excited when he discovered I was on the phone.

“Hi, Pop. I didn’t expect to hear from you,” he told me, with a bit of bounce in his voice. “Is everything okay?” he asked next, as if he thought possibly another disastrous event had happened to one of us.

“The reason I called was so I could wish you ‘happy birthday’ before you left on your trip,” I explained. “I thought I’d better do this now, since I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to reach you again. I felt it best to do this early, instead of taking the chance of missing your special day. However, you’ll have to wait until you return to get your gifts,” I added, teasingly.

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” he giggled into the phone.

“Things aren’t perfect here,” I added, “but we’re holding up. Vinnie and Kevin had a falling out and Vinnie didn’t come home, but I’m sure he’ll turn up again soon. I’m not really worried about him, since he is old enough to take care of himself.” I told Nick this little white lie, because I didn’t want him to cancel his trip and return home early. I also didn’t want to dampen his mood and keep him from having a good time.

“Are you sure?” Nick asked, with a tinge of disbelief in his voice.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I agreed. “Do you have everything you need for your trip?”

“Yep. I’m all packed and I leave in a few hours,” he told me.

“Do you have enough money and things to take with you?” I followed.

“Sure do,” he confirmed. “I have money my parents gave me while they were down here and I’ve still got most of the stuff you sent me at Christmas. It should be enough to last me until I get home.”

“I hope so,” I advised him, “but if not, please don’t take any chances.”

“Okay, and I only did that a couple of times, when you didn’t get the stuff to me in time,” he admitted.

“That’s not good and I’m not pleased to hear you took risks,” I told him. “We will get you checked out when you get back, to make sure there are no problems.”

“Pop, that’s not necessary. I’m fine,” he tried to assure me. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”

“Still, you know I’d rather be safe than sorry,” I reasoned.

“Yeah, yeah. Always the worrier,” he half joked.

“You know I’m not that bad,” I corrected him. “I give you boys a lot of freedom and don’t ask for much in return.”

“I know.” he reluctantly agreed. “I’m not sure my parents would have been so willing to do the things you do for me, at least not without a bunch of lectures and maybe a few fights over it.”

“Then you’ll agree to be tested when you get back, without any arguments?” I asked.

“Can we talk about this after I get home?” he wanted to know, as his way of trying to put me off.

“I think you can answer me now,” I warned, since I didn’t want to let him off the hook.

“Okay, okay. I’ll do it then,” he agreed. “I guess I owe you that much, for all you’ve done for me.”

“I’m glad you see it that way,” I responded. “I’ll set up the appointment, so there won’t be a delay upon your return.

“Do I HAVE to do it right away?” he moaned. “Can’t I get settled back in before I have to go through that?”

“I don’t think so,” I responded, truthfully. “I know you and your sexual appetite, and I don’t want you having sex with anyone in the house until you’ve been given a clean bill of health. I’d ask you to abstain from sex, if I thought you’d agree, but seeing we’d both probably realize that is unlikely to happen, I want you to take those tests as soon as possible.”

“Man, you can really be a pain in the butt sometimes,” he added, only half jokingly, “but you’re probably right in thinking I couldn’t go without sex for very long. All right, you win. I’ll take your silly tests whenever you want.”

Happy with his concession, we said good-bye, but not before I told him to have fun and be careful. He said he would and then hung up.

Over the next three days, there were no new developments concerning Vinnie, so Wednesday night I called Kevin and made arrangements for him to come home. His last class ended before noon on Friday, so I thought it would save time and hassle if he took the bus again. I called the bus company and paid for his ticket, which he could pick up at the local bus station. The bus would take him to York, where we’d meet him. I felt the layover he’d have to put up with once he reached York would be far too long, if he tried to catch a bus all the way home. Besides, I didn’t want to leave him stranded or take the chance of having another son come up missing.

Kevin seemed happy with the arrangements, so we finalized our plans. Even if Vinnie turned up now, Kevin would still make the trip, so he could spend time with Vinnie and hopefully work things out.

I decided I would be the one to drive to York to pick Kevin up, because I thought he might need to talk along the way. Thursday I announced my plans to the rest of the family, but the boys weren’t happy when they discovered I had decided to go by myself. They argued with me for about fifteen minutes, while trying to coax me to change my mind and let some of them go with me. When they realized I wasn’t about to budge, they gave up attempting to convince me otherwise. Actually, I was grateful when they finally left me alone.

On Friday, Kevin got to York before I did. I had planned to be there before his bus arrived, but just as I was getting ready to leave, something needing my immediate attention came up at work. I took time to take care of this matter before I left, which ended up delaying me about forty to forty-five minutes. This meant the half hour leeway I had left in my traveling schedule had now disappeared.

Kevin wasn’t upset, but he was holding his belongings and looking for me when I drove up. He raced toward the car and was opening the passenger door even before I came to a complete stop. I mildly chided him for his behavior and then he apologized for his breech of decorum. After that, he threw his gear in the back, before he hopped in the front seat and buckled up.

On the ride home, we discussed what we’d done to find Vinnie and then we attempted to think of what we might do next. Kevin then went into detail about how the evening with the other boy had come about and that it didn’t have any meaning, other than they both wanted to get off. Although I told him I could see how something like that could happen, I suggested he would have been better off taking matters into his own hand. He rolled his eyes at the pun, but got the point, and then I explained he could no longer have sexual encounters with others, since he was in a committed relationship. I think he got that message too.

Kevin then went on to describe what he was going to do to make things right with Vinnie, once Vinnie was back in the fold. After he told me what he’d planned, Kevin asked if there was anything I thought he should consider, to set things right. I told him it seemed he had covered all the bases, but until Vinnie was safely back in my arms, I wasn’t going to speculate on such matters. As soon as I said this, I noticed Kevin’s reaction and realized I had just made a major blunder.

“You don’t think we’re going to find him or that he’ll come back home, do you?” he blurted out, in a trembling, frightened tone. “Do you think something awful has happened to him then?”

“No, Kevin, I don’t,” I told him in a calm, even voice, hoping that would help to reassure him. “It’s just that I don’t want to get ahead of myself. First, I want to find him and learn why he disappeared, and THEN I’ll worry about how to patch things up between the two of you, if you still need my help.”

“So, you don’t think he’s, well… hurt or dead or anything?” he asked, with tear filled eyes.

“I’m confident he’s not dead,” I told him, “although I am mildly troubled that you might think that. However, there’s no way to know if he’s hurt or under someone else’s control.”

“Dad, I hope he’s not dead,” Kevin confessed, “but if you’d seen how he flew out of there and wouldn’t stop, even after I saw him look back at me, well… I was kind of worried he might… you know, hurt himself or something. He was very upset. Later, after I realized how much trouble he went through to make special plans for us, and how I went and ruined them, well… I was afraid he might do something stupid.”

“No matter how hurt he may have been, I don’t see Vinnie as being suicidal,” I offered. “He’s too full of life and has had to fight too hard just to survive and lead a normal life, so I don’t think he’d throw it all away quite that easily. Yes, he was most likely very, very hurt, angry and even disappointed in you, but I don’t think taking his own life would ever be an option he’d consider.

“It might have prompted him to run away,” I added, trying to offer another viable explanation, “but nothing more devious than that.” Kevin sat in silence for the next several minutes, as he thought about what I had said. Finally, he responded.

“I guess you’re right and I’m glad you pointed that out,” he agreed. “That’s why I’ve been so worried, cuz I thought I made him do something awful. I’ve been blaming myself since he left and that’s why I wanted to come home. Hearing you say this does make me feel a little better, but I still know this is all my fault, so if something does happen to him, I’ll still feel responsible.”

“I understand, but let’s not think the worst,” I suggested, before I reached over and took his hand in mine. I hoped my touch would let him know I still loved him and wasn’t going to forever condemn him for what he’d done. Hopefully, I’d also infuse a little of my optimism into him.

It did take a little time, but eventually he seemed to respond as I’d hoped and looked over at me and smiled.

“Thanks, Dad. That does make me feel a little better,” he croaked, since his voice was still choked with emotion.

The rest of the ride was fairly quiet, although we did talk about a few other things, including how he was doing with his classes. He assured me he had been keeping up with his workload and his grades had not slipped, even though he did admit to missing a few classes. He said he was so distraught at times that he just couldn’t get himself to go anywhere, not even to eat. That bothered me, but I elected not to harp on it now.

Instead, I told him I’d forgive him those minor lapses, as long as his grades remained where they should be and he made sure he didn’t miss any more meals. After agreeing he’d keep his GPA up and wouldn’t go without eating again, he thanked me for being so understanding about everything.

Over the course of the evening, each of the boys let Kevin know they didn’t hate him for what had happened and expressed their belief that Vinnie would be back with us before long. This seemed to relieve even more of Kevin’s anxiety.

A short time later, Kevin approached me and explained he had been worried his brothers would turn on him because of what he’d done. However, he now realized this wasn’t going to happen, but the boys weren’t above letting him know what he had done was dumb. Even though they understood how it might have occurred, they still made it clear they weren’t going to give Kevin total absolution for his error in judgment.

Friday night also marked an anniversary of sorts, as it was the end of the second week since Vinnie had disappeared. Realizing this began to darken the mood around the house, even though everyone tried to remain upbeat that Vinnie would be back with us soon. The only problem was, even though I was trying to keep the boys optimistic, I was becoming less convinced about my own stance. I could find nothing to explain why Vinnie would have gone this long without contacting us, if it were in his power to do so. In fact, that night my dreams belied my public stance and beliefs.

During the first of these visions, I remember I was sitting in the family room when I saw a State Police cruiser pull into our driveway. Thinking they might have Vinnie with them, or at least some news about him, I rushed out to greet them. That’s when they sprung the awful news on me.

“Mr. Currie,” the first trooper began, “we are sorry to inform you that the body of a young man using crutches and fitting the description of your missing ward has been discovered. We will need you to come with us, to identify the body.”

Hearing this immediately brought flashbacks of the day I was informed about Brent’s death, after he had been killed in an auto accident. This caused my knees to buckle and I started to fall. Although the troopers tried to grab my arms and keep me from going down, they reacted too slowly and I landed, face first, in the driveway.

I was still reeling from that dream, because it had been so vivid and seemed so real, that I hardly realized I was drifting into another scenario. This time I saw Vinnie as a prisoner, held in a dungeon-like setting, where he was repeatedly tortured and sexually abused by some sadistic bastard. Even though Vinnie was gay, he did not deserve nor enjoy the type of attention that was being paid to him by his cruel jailer. The pain and humiliation Vinnie was forced to endure was evident and my stomach turned, as I watched the various abhorrent deeds he was made to go through. Just as I was about to jump in and try to rescue him, my nightmare ended, but my torment did not.

My final disquieting dream showed Vinnie being kidnapped and used as a parts store for wealthy patients. As the doctor did tests to determine compatibility with prospective paying recipients, Vinnie was prepared so they could harvest whichever organs were deemed compatible. His kidnappers only concern was to maximize the profits they would receive from this bizarre deed.

By the time I awoke from this last ghoulish scene, it was already sunrise, so I just got up. I was being deprived of a restful slumber anyway, so I concluded I’d rather not endure more of these graphic nightmares. I knew I would probably be tired no matter what I did, but felt if I didn’t have to see these gruesome possibilities, then I’d be better off.

Jake noticed I was distressed, as soon as he looked at me, and wanted to know why it appeared as if I hadn’t slept. At first I was going to lie, to keep him from worrying too, but then I remembered we’d promised to keep no secrets from each other. Therefore, I spilled my guts as to what I had gone through after we went to bed.

Jake admitted he had felt me tossing and turning, but didn’t realize what I was going through. If he had, he would have awakened me, to spare me from enduring the horrific scenes I witnessed during those nightmares. I told him it probably wouldn’t have changed much, except neither of us would have slept very well. I assured him it was probably best he hadn’t done that, since he had been able to get some rest, even if I hadn’t.