The Castaway Hotel - 7 - 44. Chapter 44 - More Details

“Okay, I want you to tell me more about this guy you’ve been staying with,” I informed him, as I tried to tone down my volume and rhetoric. “I want to know who he is and what you two did during that time.”

“His name is Don, but all his friends call him Duck,” Vinnie began. “He said when he was little his family called him Donald Duck. It was their way to tease him and the Duck part just stuck.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of that happening to other guys named Don,” I concurred, “but tell me a little more about him.”

“He’s only a few years older than me,” Vinnie added. “He’s in his twenties and lives alone, but he has a girlfriend that comes over from time to time too. He’s also not much bigger than I am and that helped, because he let me wear some of his clothes. I didn’t have anything besides what I was wearing, since it was all in the 4Runner when it was stolen.”

“Had you taken enough money with you,” I asked, “to pay for everything you needed during this time?”

“Not exactly,” Vinnie confirmed, “but Duck paid for what I couldn’t.”

“That was very generous of him,” I replied, “but we’ll have to reimburse him for whatever he spent on you.”

“Yeah,” Vinnie agreed. “That and more. I owe him a lot.”

“So what made you finally call home when you did?” I wondered.

“Duck was going to the Penn State campus to watch some sporting event,” Vinnie told me, “so I thought I’d go with him and find Danny. I figured we could spend some time together, but I also planned to tell him what had happened and then ask him what he thought I should do next.”

“So why didn’t you go ahead with that plan?” I asked.

“I was going to, but after we got on I-99,” Vinnie continued, “I had to take a leak, so Duck pulled over at the rest stop. While I was in the toilet, I guess Duck started checking out the bulletin boards, to kill time while he was waiting for me. When I came out, he called me over and showed me the missing poster with my picture on it. I take it you guys put it up.”

“We did, but we hadn’t done that originally,” I confessed. “In fact, it was Kevin who made us go out and put them up along that route. I would never have thought about distributing them along I-99 and only did so because Kevin was so insistent about it.

“How did he happen to think about doing that?” Vinnie wanted to know.

“He was just frustrated sitting around and doing nothing, so he grabbed the atlas and studied it,” I informed him. “That’s when he announced we needed to put the fliers up along I-99 and I-79 too, seeing we’d already put them up along I-76 and I-70.”

“Neat,” Vinnie commented enthusiastically, after concluding Kevin must still love him or he wouldn’t have gone to all that trouble. After I prodded Vinnie for more details, he kept going.

“Anyways, Duck called me over and pointed at the poster and said, ‘Dude, I THOUGHT you called home.’ I told him I did and you must have put that up BEFORE I called, and he bought it,” Vinnie explained. “Then I told him maybe I should call home and arrange to get picked up this time, so he handed me his cell phone and told me to call right then.”

“I’m glad he did,” I responded, “and I owe both Kevin and Don a great deal for getting you back to us safely.”

I hugged Vinnie again, but it was slightly easier when I did it this time, since he was sitting on a table and his crutches we’re leaning against the wall. Not only did that make it easier, but when I hugged him, he also hugged me back.

“I’m really sorry for making you worry,” he told me again, “but I guess I just wasn’t thinking clearly after seeing Kevin and that other guy.” I merely hugged him a little harder in response, to let him know all was forgiven.

“Vinnie, I don’t hate you for what you did,” I told him, as I broke our embrace, “but you did not use very good judgment. I could have understood you not getting in touch with us for a few days, but…” I let my words trail off, to give him the opportunity to fill in the blank.

“I really wasn’t thinking clearly while I was with Duck,” Vinnie admitted, “or I probably would have called sooner. I do remember Duck continually trying to convince me I should get in touch with my lover and we could get past our problems. Duck said if I couldn’t do that, I should just move on and find someone else. I did listen to him, but I wondered what he’d have said if he found out my lover was another guy.

“Anyway,” Vinnie continued, “most of the time I was there I’d just sit or lie around thinking about Kevin, but mostly I kept seeing him and that other boy sucking each other off. I also kept remembering how much it hurt to know my plans to spend a romantic Valentine’s Day with him had crashed and burned.”

Vinnie started sobbing after saying this, because it reopened the wounds that had not yet healed. It also released the torrent of water previously held back by the dams in his eyes. I gave him some time to purge himself of these feelings and then tried to comfort him, as much as I could.

“Look, I can only imagine how much that must have hurt and how angry you would have been,” I stated, “but I can only tell you what I saw, and that was how badly Kevin felt about what had happened. I won’t try to defend his actions or make excuses for him, and you two will have to work this out on your own. I can only tell you he’s been in a world of hurt for the past couple of weeks, ever since you took off.”

“Really? He felt that bad? Do you think he still loves me then?” Vinnie was asking these questions to make sure he wasn’t misreading what I said. He was still hopeful Kevin hadn’t permanently tossed him aside for someone else.

“Yes, Vinnie. He felt terrible and I believe he still loves you,” I confirmed. “In fact, I’ll bet he’s probably about ready to start ripping the interior of the van apart, because we’re taking so long in here. We’d better get going, before he actually does it.” Vinnie looked a little relieved, yet I could tell he had many more questions he wanted answered.

“Then why did he do it? Why was he with that other guy?” he managed to get out, but I squeezed his shoulders comfortingly.

“I told you I won’t try to explain things for him, but I will say that we all make mistakes,” I explained.

“Maybe, but his was a huge one,” Vinnie replied. “I still don’t understand why he would have done anything like that, if he really loves me.” Even though I didn’t want to get involved, I felt I had to offer Vinnie something to encourage him.

“I think Kevin was missing being with you and thinking about you made him horny.” Vinnie looked at me like he didn’t believe what I was saying, so I continued.

“You see, I believe when he thought about Valentine’s Day, he thought about you and his hormones kicked in. The problem was, it then occurred to him he was going to be alone on that day. Unfortunately, for the two of you, he was already horny and that led him to someone else. The hormones made the decision for him. At least that’s the way he explained it to me.

“He also told me the other boy meant nothing to him,” I added, “but he was available and provided Kevin with a chance to get his rocks off. I think if you two talk this out and don’t overreact, you’ll be able to reach an amicable understanding.” I now saw a spark of hope in Vinnie’s eyes.

“I really do love him and want to forgive him,” Vinnie said, “but I just don’t know if I can. Every time I close my eyes, I can still see him and that other boy sixty-nining.” I nodded slightly.

“And I’m sure you will continue to see that image for quite some time to come. The thing is, do you love him enough to forgive him?” I asked, and then gave him a minute to think about his answer. When he didn’t respond, I continued.

“You know, when I’m not sure if I can forgive someone, I think of the phrase by Alexander Pope. He was an eighteenth century English essayist and poet who wrote the famous line, ‘to err is human, to forgive, divine.’ That’s why, whenever I get upset with one of you boys for something you’ve done, like now, about your running away and not calling home, I think of that line and then decide if I love you enough to forgive your mistake.”

Vinnie looked up at me, timidly, when I mentioned his mistake specifically. I think by tying my forgiveness for what he had done to his possibly forgiving Kevin for his transgression, the message began to sink in. After considering my words briefly, he finally responded.

“So, tell me honestly,” he stated, with a questioning look. “You don’t think he loves the other guy he was with?”

“No, not at all. The guy just happened to be there and provided Kevin with a chance to get some sexual relief,” I told him. “By thinking with the wrong head, Kevin went for the easy solution to his problem. There was no emotional attachment or love involved. That’s what Kevin told me and I do believe him.” Vinnie’s body began to relax more.

“Okay, I think I’m ready to talk to him about this now.” He started to get up, but I stopped him.

“Before you do, I have a few things I want to go over with you,” I added and Vinnie’s expression changed again. I could see he was apprehensive about where this might be heading.

“I understand what happened that night,” I told him, “but I’m still having problems with your actions. I can even agree that you might not have been thinking straight for another day or two, but you were gone for over two weeks. Are you truthfully telling me you never seriously thought about calling home, to let us know you were all right?”

If ever I saw a guilty expression on a person’s face, it was plastered all over Vinnie’s mug at that moment. He wiggled and squirmed a bit on his crutches, while he struggled with how he was going to justify what he’d done and rectify the situation. Even though I told him I had forgiven him and was happy nothing bad had happened, it was now clear I wasn’t going to allow what he had done to slide.

“I hardly remember anything about the whole first week,” Vinnie explained. “Like I told you, I was kind of in a daze. I can’t even believe Duck let me stay with him that long. I guess he felt sorry for me, knowing the 4Runner had been stolen and I’d caught my lover cheating on me. I’m not sure why he took care of me, but he did, and he even made sure I ate and everything.”

“I’m glad he did all of that for you,” I agreed, “but it still doesn’t explain why you didn’t call home.”

“Well, I did think about it from time to time, when Duck harped on me about it,” Vinnie said, “but it wasn’t until last Sunday that I began to realize what I’d actually done. Once I understood that, Duck began to explain the parts I didn’t remember. He actually told me nearly everything that had taken place since he first found me. When he saw I really didn’t remember much of it, he made sure he told me all of the details that I’d kind of blocked out of my mind.

“After I realized what I had done,” Vinnie continued, “I kind of panicked. I knew it was my fault the 4Runner got stolen, along with my clothes and cell phone. Realizing this made me feel like a damn fool and I figured you’d be really pissed at me for doing something so stupid. This gave me two things to worry about.

“Not only was I was still upset about Kevin,” Vinnie went on, “but I had all this other shit to deal with too. Even though I thought about calling you then, I was scared about what you were going to do, because it was all just dumb. Besides that, I wasn’t ready to face everyone and answer their questions about Kev and me.”

As Vinnie rambled on, I thought he was beginning to look like the proverbial kid who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He looked about as scared and uncertain as I’d ever remembered seeing him react, or any of my boys, whenever I cornered them about their actions.

“Okay, so when did I become this ogre that you’re scared of coming to now?” I asked, while trying to get a response in a light-hearted manner.

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused by my approach.

“Well, you said you were scared of what I’d do to you, so which kid did you see me murder or maim? You must have caught me doing something like that,” I teased. I was also hoping this would take some of the pressure off of him.

“What the heck are you talking about?” Vinnie shot back, still confused.

“If you were that scared of me, you must have had some reason for thinking I was going to do something awful to you,” I stated, more explicitly this time. “So, what did I do in the past that made you think I was going to torture you or something?” Slowly his face began to brighten, as if a light had gone off in his head.

“Oh, no. It was nothing like that,” Vinnie confessed. “It was just that I still wasn’t thinking clearly. I wasn’t really scared of you; it was just that, for some reason, I kept thinking I was going to get punished - really hard. I know I had no good reason to think it, but I just did.”

“Well, I’m not sure I understand your reasoning,” I said, “but I’ll leave it alone for now. So, tell me why you didn’t call before deciding to go talk to Danny?”

“Well, for some reason I still thought you were going to be really mad at me,” Vinnie reiterated, “and I thought Danny could help me figure out how to keep that from happening. I guess I was more concerned about you having a heart attack after you found out about everything getting stolen, rather than your just being so mad at me.”

Vinnie looked at my face now and I think it was because he was worried about how I’d take this new disclosure. I also assumed this was the real reason he hadn’t called home and not because he was worried about being punished. I was touched he would even consider my health as a factor, but I felt it imperative to dispel his concerns.

“Look, even though I’ve had one heart attack,” I told him, “you boys don’t have to keep worrying about it happening again. I’m watching my diet, taking care of myself and have nitro for emergencies.”

“But we don’t want you to get to the point where you have to use it,” he blurted out, “because it might mean we’d lose you, like Little Ricky lost his dad. That’s the biggest reason I didn’t want to tell you about everything that happened.”

“And you thought letting me worry about whether you were all right and wondering what had happened to you wouldn’t be worse?” I think one of us was missing a vital bit of logic.

“I guess I never thought about that,” Vinnie said, “just that you would get really upset if you heard about the car getting stolen and everything else.”

“Well, that hasn’t happened and it won’t, so I think it’s time we got things back to normal,” I suggested. “If you weren’t eighteen, I think I’d be considering grounding you until you were, but I will warn you I will be less apt to go along with any more of your proposals in the future. This is mainly due to the fact that you have shown a grievous lack of judgment throughout this whole process.”

“But, Dad, it was just because I was so upset,” he pleaded.

“I would have let that cover a few days of bad judgment, but not over two-weeks worth,” I informed him. From the look on his face, it was apparent he was starting to get the point now. Therefore, I suggested he move on to what he was going to do next.

“I think it’s time you start to work things out with Kevin,” I offered, “so we’ll finish our discussion later. I still love you, but I do think you showed a severe lack of maturity throughout this entire period of time. Let’s not have it continue when you and Kevin start to hash things out.”

I knew he understood my disappointment in him, because if he were a dog, I would say he had his tail between his legs. He also seemed to slink away, as he headed toward the van. I didn’t want him to feel defeated, but he had to know how badly he screwed up. It wasn’t just Kevin who had made mistakes here, so I hoped by putting him through some discomfort, he wouldn’t be so apt to make a similar type of error in the future. However, right now I had to bring him back to the present.

“Vinnie, do you want to talk to Kevin alone and have complete privacy?” I posed, before he got too far away. “Or do you think you and Kevin can talk while I drive home?”

“I’m not sure,” he responded. “Let’s go ask Kevin. I think he needs to be part of this decision too.”

After hearing his response, I walked back to the van with him. I saw Kevin sit up as we approached and then he opened his door and walked to meet us halfway. He didn’t rush toward us, as I expected he might, and it looked as if his conscience was making him slightly reluctant about hurrying to apologize. In fact, both boys were walking very tentatively toward each other, so I positioned myself between them and spoke.

“I need to know if you two want time alone to solve your problems,” I asked, “or if you’ll be able do it during the ride back?” Kevin looked at Vinnie, who stared back at him, before they both turned toward me.

“I’m willing to do it on the ride back,” Kevin stated, “as long as we can do it face to face.” That seemed to be enough to get things started and Vinnie quickly agreed. They both hopped in the back of the van, as I got into the driver’s seat and placed the key in the ignition.