Ugly Davey - 20. Chapter 20 – Floating on Cloud Nine

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping. The Canadian political parties had merged into one big happy family, while all wars had come to an end thanks to the United States (hereby declared the peacemaker of the world). Oh and Justin Bieber had found a solution to world hunger.

Well, none of that was actually true. In reality it was pouring rain outside, with not a bird in sight. The Liberal and Conservative parties were still at each other's throats and the States were definitely not considered the "peacemakers of the world". As for Justin Bieber, he was still too busy throwing up on stage to focus on solving world hunger at the moment. But he'd get there all right, I ‘beliebed’.

Yeah the world wasn't all happy and peaceful with everyone holding hands and singing Kumbayah around the campfire, but to me at this exact moment in time, it was perfect.

I was floating on cloud nine. My head was so far up in the clouds that I probably put NASA to shame and it was all because of one thing and one thing only.

Tyler frickin' Fritz had asked me out.

I was probably handling this worse than a high school girl getting asked out to the prom by the quarterback of the school football team, but I didn't care. Why? Because, I repeat, Tyler frickin' Fritz had asked me, David Matthews, on a date!

So what if after saying yes to Tyler–just as we had both leaned into each other to share what I'm certain would have been a hot scorching kiss–the shrill tone of the phone ringing had taken the moment to interrupt us. And sure when Tyler answered it, it was the front desk calling to say that a guest had cancelled reservations–leaving another room open for us to take. And so what if Tyler had accepted, leaving any chance of us having dirty sweaty sex that night off the table. I couldn't care less. Like I said, my head was way up in the clouds that I could reach out and touch the moon.

There could be no wrong; everything was so damn perfect. Tyler had explained his decision to take up the other room by saying that he wanted to take things slow. To do the whole dating thing right, complete with dinner and movie dates. He didn't want just some instant bang, bang thank you man sex, no matter how ready I was to do just that.

So thus it was decided to let the conference at Whistler play out just as it would have without the whole confession. To behave professionally as a lawyer and his PA until we returned to Vancouver where Tyler could begin wooing me with roses and chocolate.

But that had been almost a week ago. I hadn't seen Tyler at all since we got back from Whistler on Sunday night. Apparently the next day Tyler had once again been called out to the Toronto firm due to some problems, leaving all the plans I had made in my mind of the things we would do to fall flat. But it was still all right because Tyler had left a message saying he was sorry, and he'd make it up to me as soon as he got back. So I wasn't too disappointed about it and let myself continue to float in happiness and anticipation of what was to come.

“OK tell me what’s going on right this instant,” Rick said, looking at me with narrowed eyes. His blue eyes were full of suspicion.

I snapped out of where I had drifted away in my thoughts to look at my best friend. It was Friday night and Rick had come over for our usual game and pizza night, as well as to invite me to Josh's birthday party the next day. The latter had been completely unnecessary since I'd long since bought and wrapped Josh's birthday present, but Rick had thought he needed to just for formality's sake. He could be dumb at times.

“What?” I asked belatedly, realizing I hadn't replied and totally confused about what he was talking about.

Rick was tapping his foot impatiently. “Don’t what me! I know something’s going on and I want to know what it is,” Rick replied as he turned his body to face me sitting on the other end of the couch. He folded his arms across his chest, his posture clearly indicating that he was willing to wait, albeit impatiently, as long as it took for me to come clean. Come clean about what, I had no idea.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said getting up and walking towards the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I took out another beer and popped it open to take a big swig. As the cool liquid slipped past my lips and down my throat, my mind once again took the chance to wander, as it had been the past few days.

Tyler kissed me. He asked me out. Oh my God we’re dating!

I let out a happy sigh.

“There!” Rick’s sudden exclamation startled me and I quickly turned around, causing me to spill some of the beer onto the floor. I hadn't even noticed when he left the couch to lean on the kitchen counter.

“What the hell, Rick?” I yelled as I turned to the sink to grab a cloth and crouched down to mop up the spill.

“Sorry,” Rick said, not sounding sincere at all. "Forgot how much of a girl you were, Miss Scaredy Pants."

I growled and tossed the sopping wet cloth at his face. He laughed as he swatted it aside before getting serious again.

"So where’d you meet him and why haven't I met him yet?"

I spluttered the beer I had sipped all over my shirt.

"WHAT?"

“I said I want to know why you haven't told me anything about the dude you're boning." He paused, looking uncertain for a second. "It is a dude right? Or have you not told me because you decided to switch teams and started chasing skirts. Is that it? You got a girlfriend? Asses no longer do it for you and you need a little something else?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"What! Rick, no! I am not dating a chick! No offense, but I really did not need that image in my head! God!"

"OK, OK chill. So you're not suddenly worshipping the vagina goddess, but you are with someone else, yeah?"

"Yeah, but why did you have to go and fill my head with..." I clamped up. Shit.

Rick was smirking at me, his eyes glinting with victory. He'd tricked a confession out of me. There'd been many reasons for why I hadn't told Rick about Tyler. Including but not limited to Tyler having almost been the one night stand him and Amy tried to hook me up with, and the little fact that Tyler thought Davey and David were two different people. I had no idea what Rick's reaction would be when he found out his stupid bet had led to such complications. Actually he'd probably have a field day and laugh his ass off. Jackass.

"So fess up and tell me already. Who is it?"

Oh no, no way was I telling him.

C'mon Davey, think of something. Some excuse, anything!

"He's uhh...umm.... he’s..."

The doorbell rang.

Oh sweet baby Jesus. Saved by the bell!

Taking the chance, I booked it out of the kitchen and away from Rick’s interrogation. I had no idea who it was, nor did I care. Anything to stop from having to Rick's questions was fine by me. Or so I'd thought until I opened the door, and a high-pitched squeal almost shattered by eardrums.

"Davey!" The short woman barged right into me, squeezing me so tightly that I could have sworn I cracked a rib.

"Oh my lord, Davey! My little baby, I've missed you so much!"

"Ma?" I was utterly and truly shocked as I held my sobbing mother who barely reached my chest but was quite a few pounds heavier, thus making her grip impossible to break.

"Maura please, let the boy go before you break him."

I looked up from my mother's chestnut brown curls into my father's eyes. We had the same eyes. His light brown hair had more grey in it than before his heart attack, but he wasn't looking as weak as he had the last time I'd seen him. For that I was grateful.

"Can you guys please move, it's pouring out here and Gina and I would really like to put the kids down. Jesus, I think my arms are going to fall off."

I looked past my dad to see my brother Michael trying to shoulder past the suddenly crowded doorway, closely followed by his wife Gina. Both of them were carrying their sleeping daughters. Michael had my ten-year-old niece Alyssa, while Gina held the seven-year-old Aria.

As they moved to place them on the couch, I stood by the door with my arms around my wailing mother, looking at them like a gaping fish.

"W-what are you guys doing here?" I asked, shocked.

"We're here to celebrate Josh's birthday of course," my dad answered, coming over to give me an awkward hug since my mom still refused to let go. "Rick and Amy kindly invited us."

"Sure did," Rick said, coming to shake my dad's hand. "How was the drive from Prince George? My parents came too, yeah?"

"Yes, we took two cars so they drove straight to your place. They should probably already be there by now," my dad answered.

Michael came over to greet Rick as well. Seeing the three of them with their tall heights and broad shoulders made me narrow my eyes in jealousy. Why did I have to be the odd one out with my skinny-ass build?

My dad's eyes once again landed on me. "Maura, I really think you should let Davey go now, he's turning purple," he said with concern.

Oh thank God!

I finally managed to take a deep breath when my mom let go. Her eyes were puffy and red and there was snot on her nose, and I was certain it was on my shirt as well.

I winced. So not a good look for you, Ma.

"But Paul! I haven't seen my little baby for weeks! Look at him, look how skinny he's gotten," she said grabbing my arms and giving me a shake. I think I heard my brain rattle.

"It's all because he hasn't gotten a decent home cooked meal! Look at the junk my poor baby's been living on." She pointed at the empty pizza boxes that Rick and I had devoured while watching the game.

"Ma..." I tried to cut in, but she continued.

"...and just smell his shirt. It reeks of alcohol. Oh Paul, I think our baby has become an alcoholic!"

"Ma!" I screamed, appalled. I could hear Rick laughing his ass off in the background.

"Honey, I've been telling you for so long. You have to find a nice man and settle down. You've been living in this big city for years, why haven't you found a nice Italian doctor or lawyer and gotten married yet?"

I stared wide-eyed at her, shocked speechless. She had no idea how close she had gotten. Tyler wasn't Italian, but he sure was a lawyer.

Rick who had been laughing the whole time, suddenly shut up. That was strange enough to make my gaze shoot up to him immediately. Rick was giving me his evil ‘I’m up to no good’ grin, and his eyes were shining wickedly at me. I knew at that instant that he was going to do something, something he knew I'd hate but he'd do anyway.

My eyes narrowed. Don't do it. Whatever you're thinking about doing, drop it. Do. Not. Do. It. I tried my best to communicate telepathically, but all I got in return was a look saying that there was nothing I could do to stop him.

"Actually, Mrs. Matthews," Rick started, giving me an exaggerated wink.

I groaned and closed my eyes, knowing I was going to hate whatever happened next.

"Speaking of settling down," Rick continued, "Davey was just telling me before you got here that he's seeing someone right now and things are pretty serious."

I couldn't believe he just did that. My best friend had just thrown me to the wolves.

My mom let out a squeal. "Oh Davey, who is he, how did you two meet?"

"He's uhh...umm...he's a lawyer and we work together."

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did I say that? Talk about hitting yourself with a hammer. Nailing my own damn coffin shut. I couldn't believe I had stupidly given that much away.

My mom's eyes had gotten a sudden gleam in them.

"A lawyer? That's good, honey. Is he Italian as well?"

"N-no," I stuttered. "Why does he have to be Italian, Ma? You married dad and he's far from Italian."

"Part British, part German, and a little Nordic blood thrown in there somewhere, actually," my dad piped in helpfully.

"Thanks Dad," I said dryly. "But seriously, he's not Italian, OK? That shouldn't matter."

"Oh honey, of course it doesn't," my mom said waving her wrist. "I just think it would be nice since we Italians make the best lovers, ask your dad if you don't believe me."

Oh my fucking God. Talk about too much information!

My dad smiled at my mom, though his cheeks had taken on a slight flush.

"She's got that right lil' bro," Michael added, giving his wife a grin.

Gina laughed melodically.

"Please, please, please can someone just shoot me now." I was learning far more about my family that I ever needed to learn.

"No shooting," my mom admonished before clapping her hands. "So I guess that settles it."

"What's settled?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh just that you'll be bringing your date to the Josh's birthday party tomorrow. I'm sure Rick won't mind, would you dear?" Her voice clearly indicating that Rick had no say in the matter.

"Of course not, Mrs. Matthews, ma'am."

"Good boy," she said patting his cheek. "OK it's too late, time for bed everyone." My mom went into full drill sergeant mode. "Paul and Michael, go get the luggage out of the car. Gina get the girls ready for bed, please. Davey, your dad and I will be sleeping in your room. Please set up the sofa bed for Michael and Gina, and bring out one of the air mattresses for the girls to sleep on."

"What? Wait, Mom. Wouldn't it just be a whole lot easier if you guys stayed at a hotel?" I asked, watching as everyone left to do her bidding.

"Of course not Davey honey, we're family and family members never stay at a hotel when visiting each other."

“But where do I sleep?”

“Oh I’m sure you’ll find some room somewhere,” she said kissing my cheek before turning to look at Rick. "Rick dear, you should head on home now as well. Your parents are waiting."

"Yes ma'am," Rick saluted and left before I could chew him out for what he had done.

I sighed, resigned to the fact that I had no say in the matter. Not only was my cramped apartment going to be like a zoo all weekend, but I also had the whole boyfriend thing to deal with.

What was I going to do, and would I survive and make it out alive by the end? I had no fucking clue.

To be continued...