Lost in the Sand Dunes - 1. Chapter 01 - His Fault

Chapter 01 - His Fault

Sean could do nothing but watch as Tommy’s face crumpled right before his eyes.

Tommy stood in the doorway of his room, staring at him with wide-open eyes as he stood naked next his bed. Sean saw as Tommy’s eyes shot to the bed before quickly returning to him. Even from the distance, he could see the numerous emotions that washed over it in a span of a few seconds. Shock at first, then disbelief, followed closely by anger, only to end in a look so devastating that it broke Sean’s heart and he almost blurted out the truth. Almost.

Tommy stood frozen, looking as though his entire world had just come crashing down. But then again, seemingly it had, and Sean was the one who had made it happen.

Watching Tommy slowly shatter in front of him almost brought Sean to his knees, his legs were shaking terribly as they were. He wanted desperately to rush over and enfold Tommy in his arms—just like he had done countless times over the past six months they had been together. He wanted to explain why he had just done what he had, but he couldn’t. He had to be strong. He had to make Tommy believe.

So instead of rushing up to Tommy and begging for forgiveness by groveling at Tommy’s feet, Sean stayed rooted to his spot.

As he watched the tears starting to flow out of Tommy’s eyes, he took a deep breath and tried to hold back his own. Now wasn’t the time, he couldn’t let Tommy see him crying. He’d cry his share later—when he was alone and wallowing in his despair of how he had hurt Tommy. Right now he needed Tommy to hate him as much as possible. Sean was the one who had started this, and now he had to go on and finish it.

Looking away from Tommy, Sean turned his head to look at the naked man lying in the bed he had just vacated...

***

“Bhaisaab! Bhaisaab! We have come to your destination, bhaisaab. Wake up!”

The loud voice accompanied by the rough shake to his arm jarred Sean awake. He opened his eyes and found himself staring up at the craggy face of the auto rickshaw driver. The man’s brown face was set in a frown, his mouth partially hidden by a black mustache twitching impatiently.

Sean hadn’t even realized when he had fallen asleep. The last thing he remembered was being scared for his life as the auto rickshaw he had gotten into once exiting the tiny Jodhpur airport had sped recklessly across the packed streets.

If Sean had thought that the traffic back home in New York City was bad, it didn’t even begin to compare to what he had just experienced. More than once he had been certain that their flimsy three-wheeler vehicle would tip over right in the middle of the busy street, or that they would hit one of the other vehicles that were driving all over the place. It seemed as though there was no such thing as basic traffic rules in this city, heck he had spotted more than enough cows and camels casually walking along with the cars as though they owned the place.

The fact that he had actually managed to fall asleep in the tight backseat of the auto rickshaw, and with the noise of traffic that would put NYC to shame, was probably a testament to just how tired he was.

He was tired, bone tired. He hadn’t slept well for days even before he had actually bought his ticket and departed for India. He’d spent most of his nights wide-awake, lying in bed and just staring at the ceiling. It had been like that ever since Tommy had come home to find him and John naked in bed two weeks ago. But the feelings of despair and guilt had only escalated after his last trip to see his doctor three days ago. That visit had left his already tilted world spinning. Everything he had believed in, everything he had done, all of it had turned out to be for nothing.

When he’d finally gotten home from seeing Dr. Wilker, he had felt lost, trying and failing to wade through the drowning sense of guilt that had assaulted him. He’d thought that there was no way in which things could get any worse, but that illusion had shattered the moment he set foot into his house and heard the phone ringing off the hook.

After that phone call, everything had happened so fast. The call had left him in a panic, and even before he had time to think, he had found himself heading to the airport and boarding the first flight to India. He had filled in his family and people at work that he was leaving while on his way to the airport. They had all bombarded him with hundreds of questions and told him that he was being reckless, that he could lose his teaching position at the University if he just booked it out of the country with no notice. That even if he went to India, he wouldn’t be of any help. That he should leave what had to be done to the Indian police. But Sean hadn’t listened to anything they said. He had to do this; he just had to. After all, it was all his fault.

After the many layovers, first in Seoul and then in Singapore, he had finally set foot on Indian soil at New Delhi, only to board another plane a few hours later that would take him to Jodhpur. Jodhpur was the second largest city in India’s desert state of Rajasthan. As their plane had flown above, the miles and miles of sandy terrain stretching in all directions, and the site of Jodhpur with many of its tiny squat buildings painted a rich sky blue had mesmerized Sean. It was the reason for why the city was known as the Blue City. Sean had even caught a glimpse of the massive Mehrangarh Fort overlooking the city.

Just the sight of it had recalled one of the conversations he had had with Tommy, back when they had been happy together. Before he had ruined everything...

***

“Did you know George and his group are heading out to India this June?” Tommy asked. Tommy was resting his head on Sean’s lap, his body spread out on the rest of the couch, as he flipped through his book about Rajasthani culture.

Sean made an agreeing noise as he continued to read through the article on cell mutations that he was peer reviewing for a fellow colleague. One of his hands was running slowly through Tommy’s blond waves. This had become a typical winding down routine for them after both of their busy days at work. Sean loved it when he and Tommy could both relax and enjoy some quiet time together.

Having a boyfriend who was also a professor like himself meant that Sean didn’t have to constantly explain why he was so busy, or why he had to spend much of his free time peer reviewing articles or marking his students’ papers. Even though Tommy wasn’t a biology professor like him, Tommy did have a doctorate in Asian Studies. His interest lay in South Asian history and artifacts, and that was probably the reason why he was so excited about his colleague heading an archeological dig in India.

“George says that some locals have found some artifacts on their trek across the desert, somewhere just outside the city of Jodhpur. He’s not sure but judging by some of the pictures he’s received, he thinks they can easily date back to at least three millennia. Can you imagine that? Three frickin’ millennia!”

If Tommy’s voice wasn’t enough to show Sean how excited he was, his enthusiastic hand gestures as he talked would have clearly given him away. Sean felt the corner of his mouth turn up. He loved it when Tommy got so excited about something. Loved seeing Tommy’s sky blue eyes light up from within, as his face got so expressive.

“All that history that’s been hidden away beneath the sand, waiting to be dug up. George is so lucky that he’s been picked to head this project. It would be so cool to be there, and this is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity—to uncover something that’s been lost for so many ages.”

Sean’s hand in Tommy’s hair stilled at Tommy’s words.

“Do you want to go with him?” he asked Tommy, frowning slightly.

Sean knew that unlike him, Tommy wouldn’t be teaching any classes this summer. He had time off, and if he wanted, he could go along with the group leaving for this trip. Sean would miss him dearly if he chose to go.

They had started dating four and a half months ago after being introduced to one another by mutual friends. It hadn’t taken long for him to fall for Tommy. Tommy had made it so easy; he was everything that Sean had ever wanted in a partner. Kind, smart, beautiful, someone who wasn’t afraid to take risks, and always gave it his all when he chose to do something. They were even talking about finally moving in together, though Tommy already spent more nights at Sean’s condo than his own small apartment. Sean had become so accustomed to having Tommy around that he knew that he would definitely feel the loss if Tommy went away for so long.

Tommy closed his book and reached over to put it on the coffee table before replying. “I won’t lie and say that I wouldn’t like to go, but George thinks that the excavation of the site can easily take up to three months.” Tommy said as he craned his neck to look up at him. “I don’t think I can stand to be away from you for that long,” Tommy said softly, his eyes shining with all that he felt for Sean. “So even if it’s a great opportunity, I think I’m going to have to let it pass.”

Sean’s heart swelled at the look on Tommy’s face. Though he had fallen hard and fast for Tommy, it had taken Tommy a while longer to admit to his feelings for Sean. Sean couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t even sure if he could give love another chance after what Tommy had been through. Sean was just so very glad that Tommy had given him a chance, deemed Sean worthy of once again opening his heart to.

Putting the article he was reading on the side table next to the couch, Sean angled his body towards Tommy so that he could look down at him.

“I love you, Tommy,” he said, caressing Tommy’s cheek. He leaned down to place a light kiss on Tommy’s lips. “I promise I will never leave you. I’ll always be there for you, whenever you need me.”

***

Stepping out of the auto rickshaw and onto the street, Sean took a moment to stretch. His muscles were sore from all of the travelling and burned as he stretched them. He rolled his head, trying to work the kinks out of his neck. Taking a deep breath, his nose was assaulted with the diesel filled pollution and myriad of scents of the city.

He reached back to pull out his duffel bag, before turning to face the annoyed driver who was tapping his foot impatiently.

“Sorry,” Sean tried saying, but his voice cracked. He tried clearing his throat, but it was too parched. Even though the sky was beginning to darken with the oncoming of night, he was still boiling due to the severe Indian summer heat. His light cotton T-Shirt was drenched in sweat and sticking to his body.

“You pay. I have to go, more customer waiting,” the driver said, clearly agitated.

“Sorry,” Sean said again. “How much do I owe you?” He asked as he pulled out his wallet.

The driver rattled off an amount and Sean handed over the correct amount of rupees. He thought he heard the driver mutter something that sounded suspiciously like “stupid Americans” before the man got back into the auto rickshaw and sped off back onto the chaotic street.

Running his hand through his sweat-damp light brown hair, Sean turned to face the hotel he had just been dropped at. It wasn’t one of those palace-like hotels that were always featured in the brochures promoting Indian tourism. Instead it was a simple beige building, with a crooked sign in front proclaiming it to be the finest hotel in Jodhpur.

Since Sean hadn’t made any reservations at a hotel in his rush to get here, he had just asked the driver to drop him off at a hotel that was of good quality. The driver had insisted he knew where one of the best could be found.

Sean looked at the hotel before him in disbelief. “Finest hotel, my ass.”

The place looked extremely dingy from the outside, the squat looking building was in much need of repair. Sean could only imagine what the inside would be like. Had he not felt dead on his feet, he probably would have hailed down another auto rickshaw and demanded to be taken to another hotel—one that at least looked livable. But as tired as he was, all he could do was shuffle tiredly inside.

The lobby was only a tiny dank room, with a wooden desk shoved into a corner. A slightly overweight man was sitting behind the desk with his feet propped up on top. His eyes were fixated on the small television that was placed on the corner of the desk. Behind the man and the desk was a set of hooks that held numerous different keys.

Sean walked up to the desk. “Hello,” he greeted the man. “Do you have a room available for-”

“Shush!” The man gestured for him to be quiet as he continued to watch the television.

Sean raised his eyebrows. “Well at least the service is just as fine as the hotel itself,” he muttered sarcastically.

“Shush!” The man’s voice came again, before he grabbed the remote control and turned up the volume.

Sean rolled his eyes and angled himself so he could see what was on TV that was so important.

“And Sachin Tendulkar is six runs away from winning the game for India against Australia. He needs only four to complete a century. Can he do both with the next...” The commentator’s voice filled the room as the TV showed a man decked out in full cricket gear come on screen. Sean shifted his gaze to the receptionist whose eyes were glued to the screen, the hand not holding the remote control currently in front of his mouth as he bit his fingernails. Clearly whatever was about to happen was of great importance and couldn’t be disturbed at any cost.

Huffing out an annoyed breath, Sean crossed his arms over his chest and readied himself to wait. He could have left and tried to find another hotel, but he felt like he had enough of an experience with Indian traffic for one day. Besides it was too late and he already felt dead on his feet. All he wanted to do was crash so he could get up early in the morning and start doing the things he needed to do.

In his rush to get to India, Sean hadn’t been able to plan anything beforehand. Tomorrow he would start making those plans, beginning with first visiting the police station to see what was known and being done about the case. That would at least give him a starting point, after which he could decide on what further action to take.

He was so lost in thought that he jumped and let out a little yelp when the man behind the counter started screaming.

“Yesssssss!” the man bellowed at the top of his lungs as he thrust his arms into the air. The sudden movement tilted the man’s chair and he went toppling backwards, both arms and legs swinging wildly in the air.

Sean rushed across the desk towards him. “Whoa man, are you all right?” he asked, helping the man up. He was shocked to notice that the man was laughing his guts out.

“All right?” the man asked, laughter bellowing out of him. “Of course I am all right. I am on top of the world!”

Sean found himself being engulfed in a tight hug by the man, even though the man’s head barely reached his chin. Shocked at what was happening, he remained frozen in place as the man started hopping in place whilst still hugging him.

“We won! We won! We won!” the man chanted. His jumping around was making Sean’s entire body jiggle with him.

“India beat Australia! Tendulkar got another century! Take that you Aussies! We won!”

The man suddenly stopped and quickly let go of him. Taking a few steps back, he stared at Sean’s face.

“You’re not an Aussie, are you?” he asked Sean with what almost looked like fear in his eyes.

Sean shook his head. “No, American.”

Just like that, the fear vanished from the man’s eyes and a broad grin spread over his face. “Well then we can continue to celebrate,” he said as he gave Sean another hug.

Sean awkwardly patted the man’s back. “Um congratulations on the win but I was wondering if you had an empty room that I can book for a few days.”

“Of course, of course, Sir! My name is Vrijesh Rathod,” he said, taking Sean’s hand in his and pumping it up and down.

“Uh, Sean Myers,” Sean replied.

“We have some of the best rooms available in all of Jodhpur!” The man continued as he walked back behind his desk and righted his chair. “Would you like a simple room, or one of our themed rooms? We have a safari themed roomed, an aquatic themed room, and even a Hollywood themed one! The Hollywood one is well known all around the city because we had George Clooney stay in it just a few days ago,” Vrijesh proclaimed with pride.

Sue him, but he found it a bit hard to believe that the likes of George Clooney would stay in a hotel such as this.

“Was it the real George Clooney?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh well, no,” Vrijesh admitted. “But I tell you that were it not for his twitchy eye and the scar that covered the right side of his face, he very well could have been!”

Sean let out a sigh, his exhaustion once again catching up with him. “I’ll just take a simple room, if that’s okay.”

“Sure, sure. Please sign this while I get your key,” Vrijesh said, pushing a binder towards him.

After all the arrangements were made and paid for, Vrijesh led Sean up the stairs and into a slightly dank hallway. One of the bulbs was flickering on and off, on the verge of giving out.

Noticing Sean’s gaze, Vrijesh supplied, “It creates atmosphere. Blinking light like the strobe lights found in wealthy American clubs, no?”

“Uh sure, of course.” Sean shook his head.

Vrijesh led him to the third door on his left. He unlocked the door with the key, but had to give the door a few shoves before it opened.

“This will be your suite, Sir.”

Sean looked around the tiny room. The beige paint on the walls was peeling and the once-white tiles on the floor were cracked at places. The room contained a single queen-sized bed and a rickety looking dresser. A window looked down at the noisy street below.

“The washroom is at the end of the hall and is open 24/7 to all paying guests.” Vrijesh hesitated before going on, “If you don’t mind me asking, Sir, but are you by any chance related to Mr. Austin Powers?”

“What?” Sean stared at Vrijesh, baffled.

Vrijesh shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Oh well you said your surname was Myers, I was just curious if you were related to the famous Mike Myers. I’m a big fan of his movies.”

Sean shook his head in exasperation. “No, sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m not.”

Vrijesh looked extremely disappointed at that. “Oh, well I hope you enjoy your stay in luxury. Good night, Sir.” With that Vrijesh left after handing over the key and closing the door behind him.

“Luxury it is,” Sean mumbled, not having enough energy to care either way about the room’s condition. After making sure the door was locked, he dropped his duffle bag next to bed before collapsing on the bed himself. He was beyond tired after all the lack of sleep and jet lag combined.

The last thing he saw before he was snagged deep into the clutches of slumber were Tommy’s tearful sparkling blue eyes staring at him.

“I’ll find you,” he mumbled just as he fell asleep.

To be continued...

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