To Move Forward - 7. Best Laid Plans

The parking lot was packed. I spent so long weaving between people, not paying attention, I almost missed an open spot. The man in the car behind me was pissed when I reversed and squeezed into the space.

I dodged along the sidewalk and texted Jeff. Eventually, I pushed my way to the table that served as the box office and got my ticket. The crowd was thicker inside and I backed up against one of the walls to wait.

“Patrick!”

“Darrin?” Where did he come from?

He grabbed onto my arm. “Dad didn’t say you were coming!”

“Hi… how are you?”

“Are you going to sit with us? Dad!” He called to Ben across from us. His eyebrows lifted.

“Patrick?”

“Uh… hi.” I smiled.

“Patrick!” Jeff pressed up next to me. “Oh… hi Ben.”

“Jeff.” Ben shifted his glance toward me and frowned.

“Lets get seats up front.” Darrin pulled at my hand, but, Ben grabbed onto him.

“Greg already has seats saved for us.” He didn’t break his stare. “I don’t think that he saved enough room for Patrick.”

“You guys go in. I will find a seat. We can catch up later.”

“Ok.” Darrin let go of me and tugged at Ben. They began to walk along with the crowd to the auditorium doors.

“Ben…” I said.

He turned and directed a pointed look my way then continued through the doors.

“What’s he doing here?” I muttered before I realized Jeff was rubbing my arm.

“His daughter plays volleyball right?” Jeff said. The team is doing one of the skits later on. Many of the athletic teams are in the variety show. Are you ok, Patrick?”

I turned my attention to Jeff and he smiled up at me. “In any case, glad you came. You better get seated. I’ve got to get backstage and get ready. See you later.” He ran his hand on my back before trotting off down the hallway.

I couldn’t move.

I needed to explain to Ben I was here for support and as a friend, nothing more. Jeff was being Jeff, that was all; He was naturally friendly, too friendly. I had intended to tell Jeff tonight all we would ever be was friends. He needed to know that he had nothing to worry about.

I was still in the lobby when the auditorium lights flashed. An older man who seemed like and usher, approached me from the doors. “Are you going in? We are about to start. Do you still need to get a ticket?”

I showed him my ticket and he ripped it before returning half. “You should head in,” he said. “It’s pretty full, but there are a few empty seats up to the right near the back.”

I thanked him and entered the auditorium. After a few moments of searching I located a seat, sat down, and tried to make sure I wasn’t blocking anyone’s view. The chair was hard and uncomfortable. The lights went down and I stiffened trying to be as stationary as possible so the people behind could watch and not have to move too much.

The principal came out in a spotlight and made a short speech about the school and the show followed with polite applause. He handed the microphone to a boy and girl who announced the first number; it was the National Anthem sung by the school chorus.

The acts followed one after another, singing, dancing, and short skits. Our hosts kept us going with small talk and jokes in between. Some of the kids were talented enough, others could only do their best. I scanned the audience for Ben, but, couldn’t find him.

The final act before intermission was a large song and dance number from the theatre club. The sound and lights bothered my ears and eyes. The audience applauded wildly then leaped from their seats to jam the aisles all the way to the doors. I waited a few minutes before getting up.

I finally pushed through the lobby and stood near the outside doors where a fresh breeze from the evening air cooled my face. I noted how ironic it was that the fresh breeze came from the smokers going in and out.

“Hi Patrick. Darrin said you were here.”

“Drew right?” I shook his hand.

“Yep. Enjoying the show?”

“So far it’s ok. I’m a little far back.”

“It will be better after intermission. Some of the parents will leave now. Once their own kids are done they don’t bother to watch the rest.”

“That’s kind of well… not nice.”

He shrugged. “It frees up seats. You can sit closer now if you want.”

“Sounds like you know the ins and outs of all this.”

“I’ve had some practice. My oldest graduated two years ago.” He leaned forward to take me into his confidence. “It doesn’t get any better, the quality…” He said, rolling his eyes.

“What are you two talking about?” Emily said as she approached.

“I was just telling Patrick that more seats may be available for the second act.”

“Oh… stop.” She feigned scandal.

“If there’s room you can sit with us. We are near the front in the center.”

“It’s ok, don’t go to any trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” Drew said. “Maybe you can cheer up Ben.”

“Yes, I know,” Emily added. “He was fine before we got here and now… well…”

“Where is Ben?”

“He and Darrin are with Greg I think. They were going to the restrooms. Speaking of which…” Emily politely shifted away and towards the hallway.

“Did you and Ben have a disagreement?” Drew asked politely.

“What?”

“Sorry, just wondering if I could help with anything.”

I looked at Drew. What did he know? Did Ben say something to him? I had thought Rob was nice and sincere at first.

“No. I’m fine. Thanks.”

“No problem. Maybe it isn’t you. Spending time with Greg isn’t helping his mood. As a matter of fact, I can see them by the tables. Why don’t you go over. I’ve got to make a pit-stop before going back in.” He patted me on the arm before turning to walk away.

I could see Ben standing with Greg, and his daughter, Darrin and another woman. Greg talked. While they chatted and laughed, Ben just stared, expressionless and paid no attention. I took one step towards them then I stopped.

Greg would never let me get a word in edgewise and even if I were able to, there was nothing I could say to him now, not with all these people around.

Jeff approached me from the side.

“Hey you. How’s it going?”

“Ok so far. How is it backstage?’

“Hectic. Most of the people back there are not theater people so I’m doing a lot of herding them in and out. It will be nice to get back to a regular show.”

I didn’t respond. Emily and Drew had returned and were talking to Ben. I wondered if they were talking about me. Ben wasn’t saying anything.

“Ah…” Jeff said loudly.

“Sorry. Umm… so when is your next show?”

“Not for a few months,” he said slowly.

Drew and Emily went in. Ben turned to face me and Darrin, unable to containment his excitement, grabbed his hand and pulled him across to us.

“… Anyway,” Jeff continued, “ the second act is shorter and it will be over before you know it. Are you going to stay over at my place tonight?”

“Patrick! Are you going to sit with us? Mom went in to get another chair for you.” Darrin said, jumping up and down between Ben and me.

“If there is room.” I turned to Jeff. “No, I’m driving home right after this. Tonight.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, here then, before I forget…” Jeff pulled out some money. “Here, I told you the other day that I was paying for dinner,” he handed me the cash. “You can pay the next time.”

“Uh… Jeff…you don‘t have to…”

The lobby lights flashed.

“Oh crap! I got to get back. I will look for you afterwards!” He scampered away.

“Come on!” Darrin was running to the doors.

“Is it ok if I sit with you guys?” I asked.

“I’m sure they have a seat for you already.”

Ben and I walked in. Greg saw us and waived to get our attention.

“You’ve been showing up everywhere lately haven’t you?” Greg said, slapping me on the shoulder. I greeted the others quickly as the lights inside dimmed. Ben sat down next to one of the empty seats. I started to cross over to him when Greg sat down in it. He grinned pleasantly up at me.

“Here, sit next to me.” Drew gestured next to himself farther down.

“Thanks.” I slided over and slouched down.

During the second half, I glanced around me. On one side, Darrin bounced on his seat, down farther, Greg yawned. Ben’s brow was creased, his eyes blank in thought. The rest of our group paid various degrees of attention. Drew on my other side, caught me by surprise when he returned my glance.

In the middle of the act, Annie and the rest of the girls trotted out onto the stage. Greg let out a few load whoops. Drew elbowed me, grinned and rolled his eyes.

Loud music came over the speakers and the team began throwing and bouncing their volleyballs to each other. I couldn’t help but think, other than trying to keep up with the music, that the girls were merely doing the same drills they might do in practice or warm-ups. Perhaps the most impressive part of the performance was they didn’t lose control of the balls and caught them at the same time on the last beat of the music. Greg stood up and whistled as loud as he could.

The next was a solo act. Ben sat still and stared forward, not moving. I turned my head and Drew shrugged.

More kids, more songs, more dancing. My watch said it was getting late. Our host and hostess announced that the faculty would like a few minutes to show their side of the story.

Drew whispered, “It’s just about over. The faculty always does one skit or whatever right before the finale.”

The curtains opened on a typical classroom. One of the kids sat behind the teacher’s desk. The door opened and a bunch of the teachers including Jeff, dressed as students, entered. He was dressed up in a school jacket very much like a typical jock. The “kids” behaved obnoxiously while the “teacher” tried to teach the class a lesson.

Jeff hammed it up as the “dumb jock“.“ His “cheerleader” girlfriend chewed gum and talked like a valley-girl from the eighties. The rest of the class was comprised of the typical stereotypes including a geek, a Goth, and a brain, among others. The audience laughed here and there at the antics. I laughed when the “principal” came in and caught Jeff making fun of her.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Ben look up at me. I turned to him and he shifted his glare away. I felt another stare on me. Drew pursed his lips as if he wanted to say something, but the applause started before he could.

The finale featured a rousing dance number featuring our host and hostess bringing out the real school principal for the final chorus. I think the audience applauded more for the fact the show was over than anything else.

The crowds began to slowly ebb out of the theater. We waited for more people to clear the aisles before making our exit.

“So are you coming out with us? We are having pizza.” Drew asked.

I looked at Ben trying to figure out the right answer. He didn’t even glance in my direction.

“Come on. We can drink while the girls are eating,” Greg said suddenly.

Ben raised his head. “He said earlier that he was driving home tonight.”

I sensed a certain challenge in his voice.

“Yes. It’s a long drive so I’m heading home.”

“That’s too bad. Well, maybe next time,” said Emily.

Greg smacked me on the back. “If you want to be part of this gang, you have to come out with us.”

We made our way out to the lobby and found the girls waiting. They were excited, jumping around jabbering excitedly about this and that. Annie introduced me as her dad’s friend and asked if I would come out with them. I politely declined and pulled away to the edge of the group waiting for them to go.

There were so many people. Ben, his kids, his ex and her fiancée, his friends and their wives, their kids, the teammates, the other parents, the other siblings. It was another world, Ben’s world, the one he was committed to, the one I wasn’t part of.

Greg approached me. “Have you changed your mind yet?”

“No.”

“Your loss.”

He began calling out to everyone that they were leaving.

“Are you sure?” Drew asked beside me. “We could use you to try and cheer up Ben.”

“Sorry, no. I need to get going. Maybe next time.”

“I hope so. It would be nice to get to know you better.”

Darrin hugged me and I said goodbye to everyone as they walked out the doors. Ben locked eyes with me again.

“Call you later?” It had come out as a question.

“Sure.”

Then I was alone, surrounded by strangers.

I wanted to be alone with Ben.

Jeff met me at the entrance.

“Did you like the show at all?” He asked.

“It was fun.”

He laughed. “That is such a polite, non-answer. Are you sure you haven’t been in the theater before?”

I shook my head.

“Well, it was fun. That is something. You still headed home?”

I nodded.

“You want to grab a bite to eat?”

I shook my head.

“Well, in any case, thank you for coming.”

He leaned in and kissed my lips quickly. I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him back.

“Uh, Jeff…”

“It’s ok.“ He stared up at me through slightly glassy eyes. “I know. I saw. Still the same old story isn’t it? I will never win against Ben, will I?”

He was no longer Jeff the man, he was the Jeff of all those years ago. The shy, nervous kid I had liked and protected. The one who followed me around. The one I never saw in a more special way. Once Ben came into my life, Jeff was pushed to the side.

He was no longer Jeff the Boy, he was the Jeff of the here and now. The outgoing, attractive man I liked and made me laugh. He had made me feel good and wanted so quickly and openly. Now Ben was coming back into my life and I was doing it to Jeff again. I needed to.

Jeff deserved someone. Part of me felt sorry it wasn’t going to be me. He was a dream. A fantasy, he would find a special someone, someday. I would have to keep telling myself that for a while.

I hugged him tightly and tried not to cry.

“I hope you are ready to handle all that,” he said gesturing to the now empty doorway.”

“Me too.”

Jeff turned and walked away passing Drew, who was on his way into the lobby from the hallway.

Without so much as another glance at me, Drew exited through the glass doors.