To Move Forward - 8. Short Texts to Shirt Tails

Get together this weekend?

I was surprised. Jeff had texted after the show and I thought I had made it clear again, then.

Sorry.

It was all I could say without shouting.

He needed to move on. It wasn’t going to be me nor would it ever be. As difficult as this was with Ben, I was committed to it. Jeff needed to be happy for me and for himself. I couldn’t see him as any more than a friend and a long distance one at that. He needed to let me go. I didn’t want to hurt him over and over again. Was he trying to make me hurt him? Why couldn’t he find the right one? I hope it wasn’t because of me. We had had our chance years ago and it wasn’t meant to be. He wasn’t my soul mate.

Do you want me to drive down?

This was ridiculous and pathetic.

No. With Ben.

I didn’t want to be mean. I wanted to be clear. I needed to concentrate on Ben now even though he hadn’t responded to my message yesterday. Ben was my choice and if he still wanted to get together this weekend at all, especially after last week, I would be here for him. No, Jeff would never win against Ben. He needed to stop now before we couldn’t even be friends any longer.

My phone rang, Wisconsin area code.

“Jeff you need to stop it.”

There was a long silence.

“Well, I guess that explains a lot,” Ben said.

My heart stopped. “Sorry, I thought you were… someone else.”

“Sounds like it.”

“Sorry… he keeps wanting to get together and I keep telling him no. He was texting me…” I trailed off and pleaded with God to have mercy.

“Actually that was me.”

My heart sank like a stone.

“… but, since you don’t have plans with Jeff this weekend, and will be with me, I will drive down.”

I was alive again. “I can drive up. It’s no problem.”

“No, it’s my turn. I’ll meet you at your house.”

“Ok. Sounds great.”

“Good. See you on Saturday. And, one more thing Patrick, you really need to set up the caller id settings on your phone.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

“See you Saturday.”

“See you Saturday.”

***

Jake sat with me in the living room where I told him about the show, Jeff and Ben.

“Well, um…” Jake began. “… it sounds a little like he was playing with you a bit. Ben was.” He put his hand on my arm. “If he is coming down, maybe you can put it all to rest or something now, finally.”

Deep down, I couldn’t help but question why this all had to be so difficult. I should know how to handle all this, I was old enough.

“It will work itself out. You guys can fix this as long as you both stop messing with each other and start talking honestly. If you need me to knock some sense into him, let me know. That goes for you too.” I shook my head and grinned. He made me feel better. It would work out, somehow.

Ben pulled into my driveway.

“That him?” Jake squinted and leaned forward.

I nodded. “He’s early.”

Jake motioned for me to remain seated, casually stood up and crossed to the door. I stared at Jake with some amusement. He waited calmly for the bell before opening the door.

“Hi, is Patrick here?” Ben stared up at Jake very, very surprised. He was so small next to him. He was small next to me. Ben caught my eyes.

“Hi, Patrick.”

Jake didn’t say anything and continued to stand in the doorway. Ben glared at him and then began to go around. It was a mistake. Jake grabbed the front of Ben’s shirt near the neck with one hand, Ben’s wrist with his other and neatly pinned Ben to the wall. Ben grabbed at Jake’s hand.

“Jake!” I yelped in alarm.

“What the hell’s wrong with you!?” Ben shouted. Jake tried to raise Ben off the ground. I ran around to get behind Jake and put my hands on his shoulders.

“This isn’t helping. Jake. Stop. It’s ok.”

Jake turned his head over his shoulder to see me and I was suddenly afraid Jake’s offer to knock sense into us was serious after all. It was scary and sweet at the same time.

The glaze left Jake’s eyes and, being careful so Ben couldn’t see his face, he winked. I patted him on the back. Jake slowly let Ben go and Ben began to straighten his shirt.

Jake’s eyes twinkled at me before he let them glaze over again. He leaned down and shoved his face right into Ben‘s. Ben went rigid.

“Don‘t fuck with Patrick,” Jake said menacingly. He reached up and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder in reassurance he wouldn’t kill him, yet. Jake turned to me and repeated his wink. Without another word he quietly left.

Ben and I stared at each other.

“Sorry about that.” I apologized trying not to laugh.

Ben peered out the window to make sure Jake was gone. “That’s Jake? I wouldn’t want to piss him off.”

“Don’t worry, you did.” I tried to sound funny, not as tired as I suddenly felt.

“Are you pissed off at me?” Ben asked.

“Me? No. Are you upset with me? About…” I couldn’t bring myself to say his name.

“…Jeff. No. You, well, you have been fine. You don’t need to say anything. With what Drew said, I don’t think anything was going on to be upset about… was there?”

“No. No, I told you, Jeff was, is, a friend that is all.” I blushed. “What did Drew say?”

“He said that when he came back in to find his wife that night, he saw Jeff walking away from you in tears. He said it looked like you were breaking up or something. Were you?”

“In a way. Not that we were doing anything. I swear. He wanted more, but I told him no.”

“Then the texting mix-up.”

I nodded.

“One problem solved.” He exhaled slowly.

He walked over to me, put his arms around me and leaned his head on my chest. I almost cried. He understood and he believed me about Jeff. We didn’t need more words right now.

He pulled back and looked up at me.

“You may not have made plans with Jeff today,” he smiled mischievously, “but I made plans for us. You need to change so we can get going.”

“Where?”

“A show downtown. I got tickets for a matinee. It was last minute so I don’t know how good the seats are.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Nope. Now hurry we have got to go.”

***

“You think we will make it in time?” Ben asked for the tenth time.

“Just barely.” I laughed.

We ran down the street towards the theater.

“I didn’t think we would have to park so far away.”

“It will be fine.” I huffed and puffed.

“What are you laughing at now?” Ben asked while opening the door for me.

“I thinking I should go to the gym at least once before I die.”

The lights were flashing as we ran through the lobby.

“Balcony is up the stairs to your left, gentlemen.”

The audience went dark as sat down.

“I told you we would make it,” I whispered.

***

“So you liked it?”

“It was great. Thank you. How did you think of taking me there?”

He was blushing in the passenger seat.

“Come on. What made you think of it?”

“Well, honestly, I figured you might like a real production, especially after…”

“… after the one Jeff invited me to? Is that it?”

He turned even redder.

I squeezed his hand quickly. “So what do you what to do now? Food?”

“Anything.”

“Why don’t we go back home, order Chinese in, and watch TV together.”

“Sounds great to me.”

“Good.”

***

After dinner, we sat and watched TV. I caught his attention and pulled a cushion onto my lap. He rested his head down gently. I stroked the hair of my Enge again. With each breath I felt every moment of sadness over these years. Each faded slightly. I had Ben here and he didn’t want to leave. I smiled down and bent to kiss him. It was so gentle. He pulled back and slowly opened his eyes. There was a glow of joy through the tears. He reached up and stroked my cheek. I wasn’t aware that I cried. I pulled him close. He felt so good.

He grinned at me. “I’m so glad I drove down.”

“Me too.”

I searched his eyes. The sparkle was there along with something else. I knew what it was, I felt it too. I leaned forward to kiss him. His lips were so soft. I wrapped his body in my arms and he kissed me. I caressed him and slowly rubbed my hands along his back. He responded by shifting in my embrace. I could feel his arm slide under me and his hand curl up and grab onto my shoulder to hold me firmly. I took a quick breath and opened my eyes, his were still shut. He was beautiful.

I pressed down onto his mouth again and forced his lips open. It wasn’t hard. I grabbed hold of him more fully and pulled him onto my chest while I leaned back. He laid his face down into my neck and breathed deeply. I continued to stroke his back and hair.

I whispered into his ear. “Do you want to stay over tonight?” He nodded into my chest. I wrapped my arm around him and nuzzled into his hair.

I lifted his chin and kissed him firmly. He opened his eyes to mine. I patted him on the back and slowly sat up. He appeared disappointed for a moment. I turned off the television, grabbed his hand, and brought him to stand next to me. I held his hand gently while I slowly guided him down the hallway to my bedroom.

Once inside I leaned down and kissed him. He reached around my neck with both hands and rubbed himself against me. I held his lower back and pressed into him. He swayed slightly, exactly where I could feel it. I turned him to my bed. It waited whereas I couldn’t. I tugged his shirt out while he unbuckled. He pulled his shirt over his head while I undid his pants.

He wasn’t wearing any underwear. I giggled and pointed.

“Really?”

After a quick blush, he waddled over to the bed with his pants around his ankles.

It had been a long time for the two of us. It was embarrassingly short. We were no longer crazy, horny teenagers, but before we fell asleep, however, we delighted each other again.

An unfamiliar alarm woke me up. Ben shut off his watch and rolled against me.

“Are you awake?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

“Sorry, I forgot to shut it off.” He kissed me on the cheek.

“It’s just as well, we need to get up.”

“Why?” He snuggled closer to me.

“We have a breakfast appointment.”

“Huh?”

“I’m supposed to have breakfast with Alec and Grant. Well, we are now. Unless you have to go…”

“I didn’t bring anything clean to wear.”

“They won’t care. We will find something for you.”

“Are they anything like Jake?”

“No.”

“Good.”

I kissed the top of his head. “He isn’t as bad as Greg.”

“No,” he sighed.

“Don’t worry about Jake. He’s overprotective is all.”

“Alec and Grant are married right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you ever think about it?”

“About what?”

“Getting married.”

“Not really. Why do you?”

“Maybe, if I find the right person,” he suppressed a giggle.

“I didn’t know you were looking.” I giggled in response.

“Not anymore.” He rested his head on my chest.

***

“Do you think we should warn them?” Ben fidgeted in my smallest shirt.

“No. It’s fine. Don’t be nervous.”

“I am nervous. You met my friends, I’ve never met yours. Other than Jake.”

I laughed.

“Do you think they will like me?”

“Of course. They will love you.”

He exhaled deeply. “Should we pick up something to bring?”

“No. I told you, they have me for breakfast once in a while. It’s no big deal.”

“Ok. Are we close?”

“Next block over.”

“Shit. Ok. Ok.” He breathed in and out slowly and methodically, smiled and turned to me as we parked. “How do I look?”

“Composed.”

“Good.”

He quietly followed me to the door. I rang the bell.

“Patrick!” Alec leaned to hug me. “Come on in. Oh, who’s this?”

“Alec this is Ben.”

“Hello,” Ben held out his hand.

“Hello, Ben. We have heard so much about you.” They shook hands evenly.

“Hopefully not all bad.”

“No, no, not at all, not at all Come on in.”

We entered the living room as Grant came around the corner from the kitchen.

“Ben, this is my husband Grant.”

Grant lit up completely. “Hi! It’s nice to finally meet you. Glad you could come. I was about to start the eggs, how do you like yours? Scrambled, over easy? Would you like an omelet?”

“Whatever ever one else is having, I kinda feel like a party crasher.”

“Nonsense! Any friend of Patrick is a friend of ours. Here, follow me. We will get you coffee or juice or something.” Grant led Ben out to the kitchen.

Alec turned on me in a rough whisper. “You should have warned us!”

I laughed.

“Seriously, I might not have been dressed.”

“That never stopped you before.”

“Shut up!” He giggled. “Well, he’s cute anyway. When did he get down here?”

“Yesterday.”

“You dog!”

“Shhh… he’s embarrassed as it is. He thinks you guys are going to grill him about his intentions or something.”

“Oh, I will, don’t you worry.”

I elbowed him hard.

“Ow! Well what did you expect?”

“Mercy?”

Alec snorted and we went into the kitchen.

***

“Your coffee.” Grant handed me my cup and sat in the swing.

“Thanks. What are they talking about in there?”

“Sounded like work. Alec was telling him about his freight forwarding company.”

I looked at Grant. He rocked slowly and sipped.

“Don’t worry. Alec won’t admit it, yet, but he likes him, I can tell, so do I. He seems nice. I assume you guys have worked through some things?”

“Yes.”

“Good. So… then… what happened with Jeff?”

“I haven’t heard from him in days. I hope he’s ok.”

“I’m sure he is fine. I’m sure he’s stronger than you think. We have all been there.”

“I hope so.”

“But, Ben understands all that right? About Jeff?”

“Yes. Ben gets it I think. Well, in any case, he isn’t worried about him anymore. Thank God.”

“That’s good. Have you and Ben made any plans for the future yet?”

“No. Hadn’t really thought about anything like that. We just…” I flushed, “… we are still getting to know each other again.”

“What is there still to know? As long as you guys keep talking and keep talking openly, you will work through anything that comes up. I think it might be ok to plan ahead now.”

“You’re probably right.”

Grant and I sat in the sun watching the birds in the trees and listened to the kids playing in one of the neighbors yards. His calm demeanor always felt good to me. He was the perfect balance to Alec.

“Do you think there is anything that I’m missing? Anything more to talk to Ben about? Aside from what happens next.”

He shrugged. “Only you and Ben would know that. If you think there is, ask him.”

“Well, there is Rob I guess. He said he would handle him. No mention since.”

“You think there is anything to worry about?”

“Not really. I trust Ben. I don’t really like that he sees him at work, but what can you do, right?”

“Right. So what is the next step?”

“We will have to talk about that.”

“Speaking of talking, we should probably rescue him soon.”

I laughed out loud. “We should. I think Alec has had him long enough.”

We walked into the house and heard Alec and Ben in the living room. As soon as we came around the corner, they abruptly stopped talking. Ben was pink. Alec gloating.

“Do we even need to ask?” Grant asked suspiciously grinning.

“No. We are fine. I’m done with Ben for now.”

“Did he pass?” I laughed.

“Yes, he has officially passed. No more questions today. I will let Jake know how he did.”

Grant rolled his eyes. “I should warn you that Alec and Jake talk a lot…”

“Way too much,” I added.

“We only use our powers for good!” Alec protested.

“You guys want anything else to drink?” Grant asked.

I looked at Ben, he glowed. “No thanks. I’m going to hit the john and we are heading out.”

“Yes, I will need to get back to Patrick’s then drive back home.”

I turned and walked around the corner to the bathroom.

I heard Grant ask, “When are you driving down again?” I couldn’t hear Ben’s answer.

That would be the next thing to think about. One of us would have to move, if this went all the way. Ben owned his company. I owned a house. He had a condo or was it an apartment? I had been with my company for over ten years. That would be something to discuss. How long would it take me to find a new job in this economy? I finished up and returned to them.

“You ready?”

“Yes. Guys,” Ben turned and shook their hands as I hugged them, “… thank you so much for breakfast and everything.”

“Next time will be less… intense?” Grant looked at Alec, who promptly nudged him hard.

Ben laughed. “I look forward to it.”

I patted him on the back and through the door.

Alec grabbed my arm and whispered, “He looks adorable in your shirt.”