If I Don't Tell You Now - 1. Chapter 1

If I Don’t Tell You Now

“You need to calm down Jordan and quit screaming, so the neighbors won’t think I have a lunatic in my house,” Jory said, although he knew it was his fault his sister was so upset.

Trying to think of something to distract her from the subject at hand he pointed to a picture on his mantle and said, “I think I am going to have that enlarged so I can give you and Brent a copy before I move.” As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he had screwed up big time.

“Oh, so you are going to leave him a picture in place of the real thing? You coward. I wouldn’t blame Brent if he never spoke to you again. After all, since Ryan’s death you two have almost been inseparable. I never dreamed when you introduced me to Ryan and we got married that it would come to this. Ryan and I only had a few years, but they were wonderful years. If it hadn’t been for you and Brent when he died I couldn’t have functioned. Now, you decide to transfer over two hundred miles away, because you decided I am fine now, and Brent does not need you anymore. Well, let me give you a news flash my tale-telling twin. I know why you are leaving, and it is for neither of those reasons; you are running away—running because you are scared of what you feel.”

Jordan reached around him to get her purse from the back of the couch and gave him a few seconds to reply. “I know you’re scared but you can’t run away from how you feel.” When he just stared at her, she walked out his front door, rattling the panes when she slammed it.

Sitting down on the floor, Jory leaned against his hearth wondering how the hell she knew. He’d never confided his feelings to anyone.

He’d invited his best friend to his home for Christmas their junior year at Bradford College and Ryan had asked if he could bring his fifteen-year-old younger brother. That was when Jory had discovered that Ryan’s parents had died two years prior, leaving the teen in Ryan’s care. It also explained why Ryan had transferred junior year to the college they both graduated from. It allowed Ryan to live at home, and take care of his brother, as well as continuing his education. Jory’s heart hurt thinking back to that Christmas meeting Ryan’s beautiful younger brother.

Brent was the same height as Ryan, but his body was sleek and slender. Straight black hair enhanced light blue eyes that mirrored his every thought.

It didn't take Jory’s gaydar long to pick up on the troubled, fearful look and why it was there. Brent eventually warmed to Jory's family, but it was nothing like the fire that ignited between Ryan and Jordan. They had hit it off, and the four of them more or less became a family that Christmas. After two months of dating Ryan, Jordan’s lease was up on her apartment in the town where she worked, not even twenty minutes away. Jordan moved in with Jory at his apartment, and if the four of them were not there, then they were over at Ryan and Brent’s house. Ryan and Jordan married on Brent’s seventeenth birthday a year and a half later, leaving Jory to keep an eye on Brent the two weeks they spent in Jamaica on their honeymoon.

It was during those two weeks that Brent had confided in Jory about his sexuality. After the newlyweds returned home Brent shared his secret with them also. That left only one secret among the four. Jory chose to keep it that way even though Jordan and Ryan thought it was the wrong thing to do. He was glad of his decision since only a year later Ryan was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and left Jory to be there for Jordan and Brent. Knowing he needed to appear strong, he cried for his best friend alone in bed at night, so no one could hear the sobs.

Pushing himself up from the rug Jory went to find his cellphone, willing himself not to put off his conversation with Brent any longer. He was going to move the Monday after Thanksgiving, and the holiday was less than three weeks from today. Jory had moved into his grandfather’s old house after graduating from college. Brent had moved into the apartment over Jory's garage on his eighteenth birthday, convincing his brother and Jordan that they needed time to themselves. It was perfect for a single young man, and Brent only had to commute a little over ten miles a day to junior college for two years. Now he worked for the city, over at Parks and Recreation, which enabled him to work with kids playing several sports including his favorite, baseball. Jory knew Brent was probably getting ready to go hang with friends for the day so he just shot him a text asking him to drop by sometime that weekend if he had the chance. After sending the text, he went upstairs to shower, so that he could go get boxes and start packing.

***

Brent brushed his hair back out of his eyes after pulling his blue hoodie on. He was waiting to hear what Sam wanted to do since they’d been hanging out on weekends after Sam’s fiancé decided they needed a break. Sam knew Brent had feelings for Jory. Brent had taken Sam over to Jory’s with him several times and Sam seemed to think Jory was a little standoffish. He even kidded Brent that Jory was jealous of Sam and Brent being friends.

Sam had talked Brent into hatching out a plan between the two of them. He said they’d act like they were a couple and make Jory jealous; then Jory would show if he was attracted to Brent like Sam suspected he was. At first Brent was against the idea until Jory started sending him back to his apartment on Saturday nights instead of letting him sleep over. Brent then decided that Jory had picked up on Brent’s feelings for him and was trying to discourage him, or Jory was hiding his own feelings for Brent. Brent was hoping that Jory was attracted to him also but was beginning to have doubts.

Trying not to let his thoughts bring him down, Brent pulled on his Timberlands and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. It was just a little after two in the afternoon, but for some reason he was nerved out and had one of those feelings that today was not going to be a good day. His phone chirped, and he grabbed it, expecting a message from Sam but was surprised when he saw it was from Jory.

Drop by sometime this weekend. We need to talk. J

Brent stared at the screen and felt the bad feeling he’d had all day come to life. Not one to stew about things, he sent Sam a text telling him he would call later and headed over to the house next door hoping he was wrong.

After knocking several times, Brent pulled out his key and let himself into the foyer. He dropped his keys on the small table there, pushed his shoes off his feet and walked onto the braided rug in the living room automatically going to stand in front of the fire. Hearing the shower, he knew that Jory would be down in a minute, so he got himself a beer from the fridge and settled on the floor in front of the fireplace, his back against the hearth.

His thoughts were going in so many directions that he looked around trying to find something to distract him while he waited. He glanced up at the mantle and noticed the picture of him and Jory at the beach two summers ago. It was the summer after Ryan died and also the week of Ryan’s birthday.

“Hey kiddo, let’s go back to the condo and grill a steak,” Jory shouted over the noise of the beach.

“I’ll be in soon. These guys want me to drink a couple of beers and listen to their new song.” Brent gestured toward the two young men with guitars and another with a harmonica.

Brent watched Jory head toward the condo, the older boy glancing back four or five times to make sure he was ok. Brent knew that Jory was worried, considering that it was Ryan’s birthday, and he was concerned about Brent’s frame of mind. Brent had too much respect for Ryan’s memory and for Jory to do anything stupid, though.

A couple of hours later, the two men had finished eating. While Jory was doing dishes Brent wandered back to the beach. He sat down on one of the towels they’d left earlier and allowed thoughts of Ryan to swirl through his mind. Ryan had given up so much to be there for Brent and never complained. Brent remembered that he did not want to go to the senior prom alone so Ryan volunteered to chaperone so that he could be there for Brent. Brent had danced with a couple of girls that night, but he spent most of the time chatting with Ryan and a couple of his friends, one of which he’d found out later was also gay.

He didn’t know tears were streaming down his face until he felt Jory’s hand gently wipe his cheek. “You ok?” he asked as he sat down behind Brent, pulling him back against his chest, and wrapping his arms around him. Jory’d held Brent until he fell asleep. When Brent woke, they were lying on the towels, and Jory was spooned against him from behind, snoring softly. Brent’s emotions overwhelmed him, and he knew he would never love and want another man as much as he did Jory.

Brent was so lost in the memory that the shrill ringing of the phone made him jump.

“Mr. Palmer, this is Mr. Harris at the offices in Brendon. Mr. Matthews asked me to call and let you know that you will be staying in the company penthouse during your first couple of months here in Brendon until you find your own place. The key will be mailed to you shortly. We will look forward to working with you and will see you after the holiday. Hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving.”

Feeling like he was trapped in a bad dream, Brent didn’t hear the machine click off or notice Jory standing at the top of the stairs, hair still damp, watching him as he listened to the message. Now he knew why Jory wanted to see him.

He was going to tell him he was leaving.

“Brent.”

Hearing his name, Brent knew if he looked up that the tears he was trying to quell would fall and Jory would see his feelings in his eyes. Jory always told him that he could read his eyes like an open book. Taking a deep breath, Brent got to his feet and said, “I guess you don’t need to talk with me now. If you think you have to give me the speech, ‘I will always be there for you’, forget it. You’ve done your part. I’m almost twenty two years old, an adult, so go on. It’s time for you to live a life of your own, maybe get married and have a family … whatever. I’m out of here.”

Taking the stairs two at a time Jory grabbed Brent’s hand as he reached for the doorknob. “We have to talk, Brent. I should’ve told you sooner, but I couldn’t seem to find the right time, and every time you have been here lately, Sam was with you. I felt this should be discussed between the two of us.”

Brent took in the sight of Jory in the dark gray sweats and heavy wool socks, imprinting the image into his heart, finally knowing that he would never belong to Jory as more than a friend or Ryan’s little brother. Jory’s dark blond hair was longer than he usually wore it, touching his collar in the back; the top thick with damp curls trying to spring to life. Looking into the chocolate brown eyes that reminded him of a young skittish colt, Brent reached out with his hand, entangled his fingers in the soft curls, and before Jory could react, pulled the older man’s mouth to meet his own and tasted what he had only dreamed about for the last four years. He ran his tongue over Jory’s lips, seeking, and his tongue was taken into the hot crevice. He felt his knees weaken as it was sucked and his mouth ravished by Jory’s warmth.

Fighting against his heart, Brent pushed Jory from him and said huskily, “I never thought I’d have to say good-bye to you, but I understand you have a life too. Thank you for everything.”

Before Jory could respond Brent was out the door and in his truck, pulling onto the road, never looking back. Jory closed the door, slid down onto the rug where Brent had been sitting, and wept.

***

It was dark when Jory woke. He was still on the floor in front of the hearth, the fire now embers, mirroring his heart. Hoisting himself up, he fed the fire with wood out of the large brass basket beside the fireplace. He then went in search of something to dull the pain that had his soul in agony, trying to fill the dark void that had claimed it when Brent walked out the door.

Throwing a couple cubes of ice into a glass he poured his favorite bourbon, leaving room for just a splash of water. Sipping his drink, he walked to the front door and looked out the window into the dark to see if Brent’s truck was in his parking place under the light on the side of the garage.

The truck wasn’t there.

Trying not to worry, he turned back to go into the living room and noticed Brent’s boots were still where he had taken them off when he had arrived earlier today. Picking up one of them, he held it in his hand, thinking of the Saturday morning last winter when he’d made Brent go shopping for them because his old ones had holes in the soles.

You would think the guy was a pauper instead of an heir to over three million dollars. He smiled when he remembered Brent haggling with the salesman, telling him two hundred dollars for a pair of boots was highway robbery. The tired salesman gave in at one seventy-five and looked relieved to see the back of Brent. Dropping the boot, Jory pondered going to bed but decided to stay up a little longer to see if Brent came home.

He mixed another drink and settled onto the couch to watch a movie, but all he could do was think of Brent’s lips against his, and wonder if he’d kissed him as a man kissing him good-bye, or if Brent's emotions had him in overdrive and he’d acted in anger. As he drank, Jory told himself that Brent did not know he was gay because he’d always kept his sexuality hidden from Brent. Ryan and Jordan wouldn’t have betrayed him. Eventually he slept, dreaming of tearful blue eyes and the warmth that flooded his body when Brent kissed him.

The next morning not only did the pounding in his head wake him, but Jory thought someone was literally trying to pound his door in. Staggering to open it, he tripped over one of Brent’s boots and fell against the door. Grabbing the knob, he opened the door and moaned aloud when he saw Jordan on the other side looking like she could beat the hell out of him with the umbrella she held over her to keep the snow at bay. Pushing him to the side, she stomped in, mindless of the snow tracked onto his rug in the living room, threw the wet umbrella onto the couch and went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. All without saying a word.

Grabbing a bar stool, Jory slid his butt on it gingerly, making sure he kept his balance, as if Jordan couldn’t tell he was hung over. All she had to do was look at him and know he suffered from over-indulgence from the night before. He watched the coffee pot so he wouldn’t have to look at her, even though he could feel her eyes on him, and he was certain they did not hold an ounce of sympathy.

Jordan poured two cups of coffee and plopped one down in front of Jory, not caring that a third of the liquid spilled onto the bar. She took a sip of hers, set it back on the counter and spoke in a deadly quiet voice that made him cringe. “Do you want to tell me what the hell happened here yesterday that had Brent at my door at two a.m. in the morning in his socks, frozen tears on his cheeks, and murmuring, “I fucked up Jordan. I mean I fucked up big time.”

Taking a swallow of the hot liquid while working up courage, Jory finally told her what had happened, hesitating before he told her about the kiss and its aftermath.

Looking at him in disbelief she said, “You kissed him and then let him run out of here in his socks, six inches of snow on the ground, and didn’t even call to check to see if he was ok? Did you know that he thinks he made a mistake thinking you were gay?”

Spitting the coffee from his mouth Jory looked incredulous before he said, “But … I kissed him back Jordan. How couldn’t he know that I’m gay now? I know that I shouldn’t have responded, but he caught me by surprise and ….” He trailed off before he revealed too much.

“What Jory? What? It was what you have been wanting for the last few years, and felt too damn good not to kiss him back, or was it just a kiss good-bye and now you are going to run and fuck up the both of you?” Jordan raised her hands in an imploring way and said, “You and I both know that leaving won’t make you forget Brent, but I can’t make you stay. If you feel that leaving is what you need, then by all means, go—be happy—but at least talk to Brent. Discuss the kiss and try to figure out if he shares your feelings.”

“He’s just a kid, Jordan, and sees me like a big brother since Ryan is gone. His emotions just got the best of him yesterday. He needs to explore, be with others like Sam, the friend he is seeing now. I need to get out of his way and let him make his own choices."

Jordan’s severe expression softened as she reached out and touched Jory’s shoulder. “What if you leave and he finds someone? What then? You’re already on emotional overload Jory. Please tell me the reason you have to leave for him to be him? You have always watched him make his choices, good or bad, and encouraged him to learn from them. How will your leaving help him?”

Swallowing what little bit of pride he had left, Jory started to cry. “There are choices I cannot bear to watch him make. Are you happy now?” He sobbed into his hands and did not see his twin shed tears of her own.

Jordan let him cry until he was exhausted and then hugged him tightly, murmuring how much she loved him and how he deserved to have someone to love and be loved by someone. He hugged her back and said he was going to get a shower. Jordan picked up Brent’s boots and closed the front door softly when she left. .

After finishing his shower, Jory put on jeans, sweatshirt, and snow boots, intending to fill the wood box and go get a few groceries in case the snow continued for the week as predicted.

He walked out into the backyard and headed to the back of the garage where he stacked his wood. Deciding to split some of the bigger pieces, he grabbed an axe, letting out frustration with every swing of the axe, unaware of the tears freezing on his face. All of his memories of him and Brent flooded his mind, making him realize that everything he was feeling needed to be addressed before he could contemplate moving. Making a new life would be impossible if he didn’t talk to Brent.

He smiled when he thought about the Saturday evening that Brent had shown up with Brokeback Mountain for them to watch. He’d tried to act normal, but he’d felt Brent watching him at times during the movie.

"Who do you think is the hotter guy?” Brent asked right after the first rowdy tent scene.

"Hadn't really thought about it," Jory replied evasively, trying to act uninterested. "What about you?" he asked Brent, who at the time was barely nineteen.

"Oh, that’s easy. I love Heath's hair color. Kind of like yours, only yours has a little more curl. But, they might have made his like that for the movie. His is probably as curly as yours is when it’s wet," Brent answered as he stared directly at Jory.

Brent had stayed over that night and shared Jory's king-size bed like he had since he was sixteen, as if Jory was his older brother. But that night, Jory had felt like they were in a smaller bed because he’d wake and find Brent curled into his back. He’d kept telling himself that he didn’t have enough room to move, enjoying the warmth of the other boy’s body.

Jory carried wood onto the back porch for over an hour and then filled the inside wood basket before heading for the supermarket.

***

Brent felt better after spending the morning with Jordan. She’d encouraged him not to hide his feelings if they were making him as miserable as he acted. Jordan said Jory’s moving would not be the end of everything but maybe the beginning. He thought about this statement when he went home to shower before meeting her downtown for brunch.

They talked about everything except Jory while they were eating until Brent got ready to leave. "You are welcome to come over later if you like," Jordan invited him when they got to their vehicles.

"Nah, I’m headed to grab a few groceries, go home, build a fire, and try to enjoy this miserable weather," Brent tried to laugh as he replied.

"You two should not let this thing go for long Brent. It’ll fester. Jory and you’ve never been estranged from each other, no matter what. Don't run from him Brent," Jordan suggested quietly.

"I don't think I am the one running my sweet sister-in-law. Jory still thinks of me as a kid, and a naive one, at that. I might be wrong, but sometimes you have to take chances in life, and this is one I think is worth taking. If I’m wrong, then I can move on, and so can he." As Brent spoke, he saw the emotions flit across Jordan's face but continued, "I’ll check in with you in the morning, and if this weather keeps on as predicted, stay in. If you need anything, call me." Brent pulled Jordan in for a hug.

Waving to Jordan, Brent turned toward the supermarket and slowly made his way, hoping he could get his shopping done and be in front of a warm fire within the hour.

***

Jory pushed his grocery cart down the produce aisle. He saw Brent bagging tomatoes a few feet away. Pushing his cart up beside Brent’s, Jory stopped. “We must have had the same idea, stocking up for this weather.”

Brent turned at the sound of Jory’s voice and waited for him to finish speaking. “Umm, yeah, looks like we are in for a rough few days,” Brent replied awkwardly and then pushed his cart past Jory’s cart.

"Why don't you go home and put up your groceries and head over to my house? I’m going to make chili and cornbread. Later, we can watch a movie and make hot chocolate like we used to." Jory spoke breathlessly in an almost desperate voice.

Brent stopped and turned to look at Jory. He hesitated and then said, “That sounds great. I’ll get my stuff home and unloaded. Then I’ll come over. Do you need me to bring anything?”

"No, just you, and grab a suit of clothes since the weather is worsening. You have a toothbrush there already. We can watch movies all night if we want and catch up on everything,” Jory replied.

During the drive home Brent sent Sam a text telling him what was going on so Sam wouldn’t worry. Laying his phone on the seat, he thought about what he needed to do to get Jory’s attention. He just needed to go with the flow like the other nights they had stayed together. Brent willed his mind and nerves to rest. Whatever happened, happened. He could not control fate and neither could Jory. Obviously, Jory was ignoring the fact that Brent kissed him or didn’t want to talk about it.

Jory had the chili simmering and cornbread in the oven when he heard the key in the back door. Brent rushed in, pushing the door shut to keep out the blowing snow. His dark hair was peppered with tiny white flakes that quickly started melting in the warm kitchen. Jory took the small duffel from him and told him to get out of his coat and go dry his hair.

Brent returned a few minutes with his hair freshly dried and thick socks on his feet.

Trying not to stare at the long shiny tendrils hanging over the collar of the blue thermal shirt Brent had on, Jory reached for the bourbon on the cabinet, pouring some in the glass he’d already put ice in. After splashing it with Coke, he handed it to Brent who took it and made himself at home, sitting down at the bar.

“So, why the sudden invitation for a guy’s night? You haven’t wanted me to stay over for months now.” Brent spoke evenly, watching Jory’s reaction.

“You’re exaggerating, and you know it. Sam’s been with you every time you visited for the last few months. I didn’t want to take away from your time with him.” Jory didn’t look at Brent as he spoke.

“Well, he isn’t here now, and we have a lot of catching up to do since you will be leaving soon.”

Brent’s words hung in the air, almost daring Jory to respond.

“It’s not like I am moving several hundred miles away. Two and a half hours driving and Jordan and you will be there,” Jory said, shrugging as if it was no big deal.

“I hope it works out for you there. Maybe you’ll meet someone,” Brent said.

“What makes you think that I don’t have someone Brent? You’ve not been with me every weekend like you used to be. I still go out of town on business. Maybe that’s why I’m moving.” Jory instantly regretted the words when he saw the expression on Brent’s face. He looked like someone had twisted a knife in his heart.

“Is it? Is that the reason Jory, and you’ve not told me or Jordan? I find that hard to believe. We share everything, don’t we? At least you always said we did. After Ryan died we become our family of three. Or did we?” Brent asked.

“Since we are getting down to why we are really here, it’s my turn to ask a question,” Jory said as he sat down on the bar stool beside Brent, their knees almost touching. Jory reached out his hand and put a finger under Brent’s chin. When Brent raised his eyes to meet his, Jory asked in a low voice, “Why did you kiss me yesterday? Was it out of anger or some form of good-bye? Tell me.”

“I did it before I thought. It angered me so much that you were leaving and waited so long to tell me. But, you’re good at that aren’t you … hiding things? At least you think you are," Brent replied softly.

Jory dropped his hand to his knee. “What do you want to know, Brent that you don’t already know? Is there some reason that I have to look at you and say, I’m gay too? Would that makes things better or easier? I can answer that,” Jory quickly said.

“No, your life would have been a lot harder than it was after Ryan died. You would have eventually crushed on me, and then thought you were in love with me. Your emotions were a mess and I wasn’t going to add on. Yes, I am gay. Yes, I knew the day you figured it out.” Jory paused before continuing, trying to read Brent’s face.

“But, as long as it was not out there, it wouldn’t become an issue between the two of us. I … I don’t know how to explain it any better. I’m just glad you have Sam here so you won’t be lonely when I leave.” Jory finished with a long sigh, running a hand over his face.

“So, you can read my mind now?” Brent interjected angrily.

Jory sighed and said, “Don’t be naive. You know what I mean. If things are meant to happen, they happen naturally, not because someone takes advantage of a situation and helps them along. That’s not hard to understand Brent. I can’t read your mind or predict the future. “

Jory waited for Brent to speak. He watched the emotions play over Brent’s face and decided to end the conversation.

“Ready to eat? Everything is ready”, Jory said as he ran his hand through his hair uncertainly.

***

Brent and Jory ate in silence. Jory could see that Brent was angry but let the room stay silent, rather than trying to eat and argue at the same time.

Jory got up and started clearing the table when they’d finished eating. He watched Brent’s sullen expression out of the corner of his eye, and wondered if he should continue their conversation or just let it go. He didn’t want to ruin their evening.

“So, you think I’m just young and impressionable huh?” Brent stood leaning against the refrigerator, staring at Jory loading the dishwasher.

Jory regarded Brent warily before replying. “I thought a lot at that time Brent, but as we get older things change. People change.”

Brent’s expression softened very little at Jory’s word, “I can see that this conversation isn’t going anywhere. You still wanna watch a movie?’ Brent walked to the living room and flopped down on the couch.

“What are we going to watch?” Jory asked as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Brent.

Reaching behind him, Brent brought out a familiar small blue cup. Rattling it, he said, “We’re going to do it like we used to. Whoever rolls the highest number gets to choose the flick.” Brent handed the cup with the two dice in it to Jory.

Putting his hand over the top of the cup, Jory shook the dice before pouring them in a sweeping motion onto the coffee table in front of the couch. “Read it and weep kiddo. Ten.” He folded his arms and grinned at Brent.

Getting into the spirit, Brent covered the top of the cup, shook it dramatically, and with a long sweeping gesture, let the dice fall onto the table. “Methinks me won. The last time I looked, twelve was higher than ten.” He laughed at the disbelief on Jory’s face.

Brent went to the DVR holder in the corner of the room. Perusing the rack with a serious look, his eyes lit up when he found what he was hunting. “Brokeback Mountain, it is. We haven’t watched that in a while.” He put it into the player and went back to his end of the couch.

For the next hour and a half, there was hardly a word spoken. Discussing the movie was not going to happen. Jory got up twice and freshened their drinks, handing Brent his and sitting as far away from Brent as he could. As the credits were rolling at the end, the sound of ice hitting the windows caused the two men to get up simultaneously. The sleet and snow was so heavy they couldn’t see the garage from the window. Jory put more wood on the fire while Brent took a turn and fixed their drinks.

Brent got up to take the movie from the player and as soon as it unloaded, the lights went out. The fire gave out plenty of light but the intimacy could not be ignored. Brent found Jory staring into his drink that was a golden light because of the flames from the fire. His expression was that of a man in a battle of wills with himself.

“Well, guess we can go to bed unless you want me to go down to the basement and turn on the generator. I don’t see any need as late as it is,” Brent said, all the time watching Jory.

“No sense in that. I’ll make sure the fire has plenty of wood while you get ready for bed. You know where the candles and flashlights are,” Jory said as he started feeding the fire.

Brent went to the bedroom, grabbing the first flashlight he found that was sitting on Jory’s dresser. He went in the adjoining bath and brushed his teeth. Raising the toilet seat, he relieved himself although it was not an easy task as hard as he was. He wondered if Jory was the same. Even if Jory did not return the feeling that Brent had for him, they were two gay men in a dark house with nothing to do. Flushing the toilet, he sighed, resigned to a long night of lying awake beside Jory in the king-sized bed that they had shared many nights.

But tonight was different.

There was too much food for thought running around for either of the men to rest and Brent knew that.

“Are you warm? I can get more blankets.” Jory was standing in the door watching Brent turn back the comforter.

“No, I‘ve got on sweats and a tee. I should be fine,” Brent answered, wondering if Jory was just putting off getting into the bed with him.

Sliding to the far side of the bed, he watched Jory digging for another pair of sweats. The older man changed with his back to Brent. When he pulled his sweatshirt off, the muscles in his back were like rippling shadows in the half light from the fire. Brent slid his hand under the covers trying to tame his cock. But it was throbbing with the fast beat of his heart. He wanted Jory so much that he was about to explode. The lust was there, but he loved Jory with every fiber of his being too. Brent found himself fighting tears, listening to Jory brush his teeth and flush the toilet before washing his hands and walking back into the bedroom. The bed dipped when Jory got in, causing Brent to roll a little toward him. Their skin touched as Jory lay down, and it was like someone set the covers afire.

Brent held his breath, trying to hold on to what little bit of self-control he possessed as he felt Jory’s warm back touch his shoulder for a second.

***

Jory wanted to turn his back to Brent, but he knew Brent would question him. They both were wide awake and knew it. He lay on his back with one arm thrown above his head, hoping Brent could not hear his ragged breathing. His manhood was throbbing so bad that he had a fleeting thought of going back in the bathroom and pounding off the stiff member. A simple jerk off would not suffice the way he was hurting. He needed more. The more was beside him but he couldn’t bring himself to act on his feelings.

Brent deserved more. He was in a relationship with Sam. As much as he loved Brent, he was not going to have sex with him just because they were both there and horny.

“Touch me,” Brent whispered huskily, grabbing Jory’s hand and laying it on his heaving chest.

Jory felt heat cover his body when he heard the soft words whispered.

“Please.”

He turned to Brent and saw the tears coursing silently down his face. “Are you sure? What about Sam?”

“We’re just friends Jory. Sam’s girlfriend just wanted a break before they got married,” Brent whispered.

Jory pushed Brent’s shirt up and put his lips against Brent’s ear whispering, “Raise up.”

As Jory pulled the shirt over Brent’s head, Brent reached for him. When he felt Brent’s arms go around him, he threw the shirt to the floor and grabbed the younger man to him, devouring his mouth and teasing his body with feather like touches on his bare torso. Touching Brent in such an intimate way made Jory’s body hum. He pulled Brent over him and settled him against him, chest to chest, groin to groin and the dance began.

As Jory pushed urgently against Brent, the two men were gasping into each other’s mouths, fighting for breath, while their lower bodies fought for relief. Jory raised his body and slid his pants off, reaching and pushing Brent’s off in one swift motion. He pulled Brent to him with his other hand until he felt their erections join in a repeated pressure that made them reach for more, harder and harder, until Brent cried out, his warm cum pushing Jory over the edge. When Jory bucked up, almost pushing Brent off of him, both men moaned in pleasure.

Jory slid from Brent’s body. He got up and went to get a warm towel. Brent’s eyes were closed as Jory ran the warm towel over him. Jory then cleaned his own body, glancing up to find Brent watching him.. After throwing the towel into the bin in the bathroom he turned and smiled at Brent. “Going to check the fire. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Not knowing what to expect, Brent lay in bed, wondering what would be said, or most of all, if this meant anything besides mutual relief.

“Here, I brought you some water.” Jory brought Brent out of his thoughts.

After finishing the water, Brent reached for the pants at the end of the bed. “No, please sleep naked with me. Nothing else will happen if you don’t want it to,” Jory whispered to him.

Brent lay back, and Jory straightened the covers around them, and shocked the younger man when he reached for him and pulled him over across his chest and kissed him on top of his head. “Sleep now. We’ll talk in the morning.” Jory angled his head down so he could brush his lips against Brent’s, his tongue licking the seam of Brent’s lips as if the taste would prove Brent real.

***

Silence woke Brent the next morning. No ice was pelting the windows. He heard the furnace kick on and knew the power was back. But the heartbeat in his ear was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He kissed Jory’s chest gently, not wanting to wake him. Brent slid silently out of bed. After brushing his teeth and using the toilet, he put his sweats back on. Finding his shirt and socks, he pulled them on and went to the kitchen to make coffee.

Brent reached to get two cups from the cabinet and turned to find Jory watching him from the doorway. He stopped the cups still in his hand as asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Brent grinned as he spoke.

***

This scenario had haunted him for years. Jory knew the time had come to take the chance that Jordan told him he needed to take. If Brent just wanted sex, he couldn’t do that. Their relationship would end today. He wanted more. He wanted a home with Brent and a relationship that was based on love. Taking a deep steadying breath, he walked into the kitchen and slid onto a bar stool. Jory silently urged himself to take the chance.

After pouring two cups of coffee, Brent slid onto the stool beside Jory, looking down at the smoking liquid in front of him. “Thanks for last night.”

Jory felt his heart plummet; maybe it was just a sexual release.

“I never dreamed being with another man could feel that wonderful.” Brent blushed as he looked down at the counter.

“What?” Jory set his coffee down and turned to face Brent. “What do you mean?”

“It was great. I’m glad it was you that was my first,” Brent admitted.

“You haven’t been with anyone else? No sex at all?” Jory was flabbergasted.

Brent’s face turned a darker shade of red. “I have had a couple of blow-jobs, and gave one, but nothing that meant anything.”

“And did last night mean anything?” Jory tried not to clutch the handle of his cup too hard. “Don’t answer that Brent. I have something I need to say, and if I don’t say it now, I might never say it.

“Ever since you were eighteen, I’ve loved you. I kept my distance because I felt that you needed to explore your sexuality and be sure of what you wanted. When I got the job offer out of town, I tried to tell myself it was for the best. You could make you own decisions in life and love without being influenced by me.” Jory felt his emotions come to the surface and quit speaking, fighting back tears.

Brent reached and pulled Jory into his arms, rocking him gently. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words. I’ve loved you since the moment I lay eyes on you at fifteen. Sometimes I wanted to slap you and tell you I was not a kid anymore. Don’t cry. I’ve always been yours. Always."

Two hours later, the two men were still exploring each other’s body, learning what made the other beg for more. When Jory took Brent’s body for the first time Brent tensed and closed his eyes, feeling the burning, tearing pain. Brent felt Jory’s lips against his mouth. Brent opened his lips to the pressure of Jory, s tongue, relaxing his body spontaneously. He felt the pain become a feeling of pleasure so intense that his body exploded from the sensation. His cock pulsed between them, and Brent moaned in pleasure when he felt Jory’s release right after his own and heard the older man’s soft whimpers when Jory came inside of him. Afterwards, Brent was holding Jory in his arms as the older man snored softly on his chest when someone pounded on the front door. ***

Jory jumped up, immediately missing Brent’s warmth. Pulling his pants on, he ran to the door, expecting bad news. Jordan stood there. She walked past him to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. “So, have you talked to Brent? I was so damn tense earlier this morning I thought I was going to have a stroke. I’m hoping you were taking my advice.”

Jordan stopped and her mouth dropped open and then spread into a wide smile when Brent walked into the kitchen with no shirt and just sweat pants on. Her smile grew even wider when he walked up behind Jory, wrapped his arms around his waist, and kissed him on the neck.

“You can’t outrun fate Jory,” Jordan spoke.

Jordan put her empty cup in the sink. She took an envelope from her purse and laid it on the bar. “Read this together soon.”

***

"Are you really going to take that to Jordan's? She’ll make fun of you for buying the desserts," Jory teased Brent. Brent had paid ridiculous prices for the Thanksgiving desserts.

"I just want to make a good impression," Brent responded, looking at Jory. “After all, she has a beau, a boyfriend, someone. We need to make Jordan proud of us.”

"Why? It is not like we have to have him for holidays from now on,” Jory said irritably.

Brent rubbed Jory's shoulders and said, "I think maybe we do. She was just waiting to introduce Josh. You know that. We owe it to her. Jordan just wanted us to get our heads out of our asses before she exposed him to us," Brent said as he moved his hands into Jory's hair, running them through the silky blondish curls.

"Want to move in with me?" Jory asked, looking at Brent for uncertainty.

"Are you sure? I know I’ve been over here constantly since before Thanksgiving, but do you think that’s what you want?" Brent asked, watching Jory.

"Kiddo, I would have moved you in when you turned eighteen if I could. Now, as soon as these damn holidays are over, we are moving all of your things here. Since I told my boss that I wanted to stay, I’ve been waiting on you to be here with me, as a partner, lover, my family," Jory said emotionally.

Brent felt tears fill his eyes and hugged Jory tightly. Brent grabbed Jory's hand and said, "You’re not going to get me in trouble with Jordan. Get my desserts and let’s go."

Jory looked at Brent, his happiness evident and knew his time was here. He never dreamed his happiness would be this wonderful. "Let me get a corkscrew because we know Jordan will hunt all over hell and creation for one." Jory jerked open the bottom drawer hunting a corkscrew. He noticed an envelope. He grabbed both the corkscrew and the envelope.

"What’s that?" Brent asked curiously. "I know. Jordan told us to read it and we forgot about it with everything that has been going on.”

Jory put the corkscrew on the cabinet and opened the envelope.

Hi you two stubborn knot heads,

If you are reading this, I know that one of you finally took the chance at love and succeeded. I love you both almost as much as I love Jordan, my wife and soul mate.

She promised me that one day she would make sure that the torch that the both of you are carrying for each other would be burning brightly.

Brent,

I am so glad to have you as a brother. But when I saw your love for Jory my happiness was complete. In my heart I felt the reunion of two souls. It was meant to be.

Jory,

There was no doubt that you’d be stubborn acknowledging your love of my little brother. But I saw it in your eyes many times. You were like a tiger protecting its cub and eventually a man wanting him as your lover. Nothing could have made my heart happier.

Encourage Jordan to find a love because I know now she is free to be herself and not coddle you two. She loves you unconditionally and wants your happiness.

My days are numbered, small numbers, but dying young isn’t all bad. I’ve felt the love of a wonderful wife, great brother, and a loyal best friend. What more could a man want?

I’ll say goodbye now. My soul is at peace because of your love.

Ryan

Christmas came and went. New Year's Day, Brent and Jory place a single red rose on Ryan's grave, thankful that they had taken the chance that put his soul at peace.

~finis~