Knots - 23. Chapter 23

Matt

Andy flopped on the bed when we got into his room. “Shit. My life is over.”

I wanted to tell him, I told you so, but didn’t. What was there to say? It would be all around the school the next day and everyone would know Andy was gay and had been sucking and fucking with Dillon. All the gay bashers would either be on him or ignore him. We still had the whole football season ahead of us. I could just see the guys in the showers staring at Andy like he had the plague. The thing I decided then was I was going to stand by him and be his best friend no matter what.

Like I said at the beginning, I love Andy. Think of the knots that Dillon and Andy tied. Knots that were tied so tightly, they could not get free of them. I tied some knots too. Dillon tied me in a knot because for the rest of my life the memory of his birthday will remain. And while I know I’m the victim and shouldn’t feel guilty, I do. Dillon tied Andy in a knot along with two other people who thought he loved them too.

I’m going to help Andy untie some of the knots in his life and probably learn a lot more about the knots in my own. If I were him, I’d want to kill myself to avoid all the shame and abuse that lies ahead. I think he’s stronger than that, or at least I hope he’s strong that that, but I’ll be there for him no matter what.

Andy

All I could think about as Matt and I headed to my room was that my life was over. I’d lost Dillon and the next day everyone would know I’m gay.. The guys would have images of me rimming Dillon’s ass or him sticking his cock in my ass or me sucking his cock. There just wasn’t any way to stop it, except to move and go to another school. But we live in a small town and there’s only one high school. Like I said before, my life has turned to shit, not just a little shit, but a whole lot of it..

I’d lied to the police about Dillon raping me and now had to live with the consequences of that. But at the time, all I could think about was Dillon, Thomas, and Randy doing the same fucking shit we did. It made me hard, pissed, and stupid all at the same time. At least the lie gave me some protection from the gossips, probably very little protection. But eventually, the truth had to come out. Matt knows the truth. So that lies ahead for me to deal with.

I flopped on the bed when we got to my room. Matt stood there looking down at me. He had a puzzled look on his face. He got the airmattress and sleeping bag out of the closet, blew the air mattress up, threw the sleeping bag on the mattress, and laid on it. I thought of the day of my 12-step seduction and it brought a smile to my face for a second.

Matt asked, “What are you smiling at?”

“I was thinking of the time I tried to seduce you.”

Matt smiled. “I was just thinking of the same thing.”

I got out of bed and stood over him. He stood up, faced me, and pulled me to him. He looked me in the eyes, brushed my hair out of my face, and kissed me on the forehead before proceeding to gently kiss me on each eye. He said, “I’ll be by your side no matter what happens. After all, I’m the starting quarterback and no one better mess with my best friend.”

I tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help it.

He began unbuttoning my shirt.

I stepped back. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not quite sure. I don’t have any experience with this.”

My body didn’t move. “Whatever you have in mind, I like it so far.”

He finished unbuttoning my shirt and pulled it off. The air felt cool on my skin. He unbuckled my pants, pulled them down, and kissed my cock through my underwear. Then he said, “This is like giving a shot of whiskey to a recovering alcoholic.”

It made me smile again. The pain of the day began to recede. Here was my real best friend taking my clothes off.

I stepped out of my pants. He stood in front of me and kissed me gently on the lips. After everything I’d done with Dillon and the girls, I don’t know what I was expecting. But this was more than I’d ever felt or experienced with Dillon. I think it was real love. I knew it was real love. There stood my best friend not experienced like me at all, making me feel truly loved. Yes, I’d been fooled by Dillon and by my own feelings. But it was because I’d never experienced what Matt was doing to me.

I didn’t want to be the aggressor so let Matt have his way with me. That line made me smile. Matt slipped his tongue slowly into my mouth. My cock got hard and my breathing, along with his began to quicken. I could smell the fresh washed scent from his after football practice shower

He unbuttoned his shirt and dropped it to the floor. His pants, socks, and underwear followed. I looked down as his cock sprung loose. Sometimes you have to wonder what gets into a guy on a day like that, but I said, “It’s still not as big as mine.”

Matt smiled as he pulled my underwear down and looked at my cock. “You know, I think you’re right.” He bent over and kissed the tip of my cock before walking over and turning the lights off. The only light came from the nightlight. I still stood there as he returned and pulled me in close for a hug as our cocks mingled. I started to cry.

I managed through the whimpering to ask, “Are you trying to seduce me?”

“No,” he replied. “I’m loving you. I don’t know what else to call it.”

“You’re managing to do a pretty damn good job,” I said through the tears. “But Matt, I don’t deserve it.”

He kissed me again and pulled me to the bed, our bodies and cocks locked. One more gentle kiss on my head and eyes and lips followed as he said, “Remember I told you God loves us no matter what we do? It’s unconditional.”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Well, my love is unconditional too.”

The tears rolled out as I began to moan in loud sobs, so loud that it must have gotten my parents attention. There was a knock on the door. “Are you all right, Andy?”

I pulled the covers over me as Matt put his pants on and opened the door. My parents walked in as Matt climbed into the sleeping bag.

My mom turned on the lights, sat on the edge of my bed, pulled my hair back, and kissed me on the forehead. “Your father and I know it’s going to be tough, but we’re behind you. We’ll support you however we can. I’m sorry if we failed you.”

All this love was killing me. I cried even louder as I hugged my mom. “You didn’t fail me. I failed myself.”

My father frowned. “Don’t say that. You’re the victim. Don’t forget that.”

I nodded in agreement while thinking they meant well, but I went headlong into my relationship with Dillon despite Matt and Emily’s warnings. How does someone stop feeling stupid and guilty while knowing he’s going to miss all the great sex and at least the temporary feeling of being loved?

My dad smiled. “Don’t forget, time heals all wounds.”

I looked at him and asked, “Does time untie all knots?”

He gave me a crazy look. “I don’t understand.”

I wiped my eyes as the tears continued to flow. “Matt seems to believe we tie knots in our lives by the things we do. I think I’ve tied a bunch of them, and I’m not sure time will make any difference.”

Matt cleared his throat. “I also said that every knot can be untied if we’re patient enough. Some are just harder and take more time to untie than others”

My mom reached down and patted Matt on the head. “You’re quite wise, Matt. I’m glad Andy has you as a friend. You’re both going to have to a lot of face in the next few days.”

I managed to say, “I don’t think I should go to school or football practice for a few days.”

“We’ll leave that up to you,” my dad offered. “You can decide in the morning. It might be better to just go and get it over with. You’re going to have to do it sometime.”

I nodded. “I’ll talk it over with Matt and we’ll decide.”

“Okay,” my mom said as she got up off the bed. “Talk to you boys in the morning.”

My dad gave me the okay sign with his thumb and middle finger. Writing about it now, I wonder if he would have loved to have given me the finger and called me a dumb fuck. That is probably more my thinking than his.

Matt got up, locked the door, and turned the light off

“Matt, you’re smarter than I ever gave you credit for. I wondered why you got the air mattress and sleeping bag out once you started to take my clothes off and climb in bed with me. Have you done this before?”

“Fuck you, Andy. Now where were we?” he asked as he pulled his pants off and climbed into bed with me.

I smiled through my tears as I gave Matt a quick kiss and said, “I think you were sucking my cock or licking my ass. I’m not sure which.”

He gave me a gentle hit up the side of the head and then pulled our naked bodies together. “If I’m not mistaken, you were sucking my cock and licking my ass.”

“You know what, Matt, I think you’re right,” I said as I slid down to Matt’s hard cock.

Matt

I started to panic inside when Andy slid down to put my cock in his mouth. Memories of Dillon’s birthday party came rushing back. “Andy, I’m not ready yet. Let’s talk.”

He stopped and looked up at me. “Talk? Wouldn’t you rather have your cock sucked?”

“Not right now.”

Andy moved up and lay beside me. “What’s the matter? Is it Dillon?”

I kissed him lightly and whispered, “I still have images of that night.”

He kissed me back. “But it’s me, Matt. You have nothing to fear.”

“I know it and don’t know it at the same time. But I want to talk about it before we do anything else. We never really talked about how I felt that night.”

He bent down and kissed both of my nipples in a quick movement before moving his lips back and kissing mine. “I’m sorry, Matt. I can really be an ass sometimes. All I think about it myself.”

I patted him on the head. “We’re all a little that way.”

“What bothered me the most was that as Dillon’s tying me to the bed and getting ready to rip my pants off, I’m thinking I can’t wait for him to get his lips on my cock. Fuck, the guy is raping me and I’m thinking shit like that. It sometimes makes me wonder if I was a victim, and if I was a victim, maybe I was a willing one. In a way, you were a willing victim too.”

Andy kissed me again. “Seems like you’re still battling demons. I am too, but it would sure help if I could suck your cock.”

I gently brought my knee into his crotch. “Andy, you can’t just ignore reality. You did that with Dillon for months. We’re going to have to face a lot of shit when we go back to school. Maybe we should talk about that first.”

He mussed my hair. “How ‘bout we do it after I suck your cock?”

I grinned, seeing the Andy I loved, joking, even if it was only now in the quiet of his bedroom.

“Okay, deal. You suck my cock and then we’ll talk.”

Andy

Matt threw off the covers as I kissed my way down to his cock. I drew his beautiful dick, into my mouth. It was smaller than mine, but just the right size. Made me think of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Matt moaned. Shit, Andy. That’s awesome. And here I thought I was going to console you.”

“See what you’ve been missing. If it had been you instead of Dillon, my life wouldn’t be all fucked up.”

Matt pulled his dick out of my mouth. “So you’re blaming me?”

I didn’t want to deal with what I said so asked, “Do you want your cock sucked or not?”

“Sucked,” he quickly replied.

I tenderly sucked him, licked him, and massaged his cock and balls until he gasped, “Andy, I’m going to cum.” I think he warned me because he figured I’d pull off and not swallow. But there wasn’t any way I wasn’t going to swallow Matt’s sweet juices. His cock and balls stiffened as he began to blow his load into my mouth.

“Shit, fuck, Andy. I’ve never felt anything like this. No wonder you gave yourself to Dillon.”

I felt hurt when he said that. But what was I to expect? Getting your cock sucked is awesome, especially by someone as practiced as me.

He grabbed me gently by the ears, pulled my head up to his, and kissed me. He looked at me. “I thought you were going to lick my ass too. I showered after practice. It’s all nice and clean.”

“My God, Matt. I’ve created a monster.”

For a time, I forgot about Dillon’s betrayal and my stupidity as I again laid next to Matt, our bodies pressed together, and his renewed erection next to mine.

I whispered. “I feel guilty too. I’m so stupid.”

Matt pushed his crotch into mine. “Don’t forget, God loves us no matter what we do. That’s why He’s God. He may not approve, but He’ll always love us.”

“You’ve been telling me that for years and it’s only now that it makes sense. Right now, Matt, you’re my god. Your love is real. Maybe it’s kind of like you’re God’s representative on earth.”

Matt laughed. “Lot’s of luck, Andy.”

“That’s enough of this serious talk. It kinda scares me. I think it’s time for your ass to get a good licking so I can forget about what lies ahead.”

I rolled him on his stomach and moved my lips to his ass. I spread his cheeks and licked that waiting hole as he moaned. “Did you and Dillon do this?”

There it went again. “What do you think, asshole?”

“Never mind. Sorry I asked. Just don’t stop.”

I continued. The tears had stopped for a time. “Lift your ass in the air.”

He moved it up willingly. I tongued him and licked him. I spit in his hole before slipping a finger in.

“Fuck, Andy. You violated my virgin hole.”

I massaged his insides and he whimpered. “Andy, I love you.”

I slapped his ass. “I know. But I don’t want to hear those words now. They hurt too much, even from you.”

I pushed his ass down and licked my way up his back until I got to his neck. I planted kisses all around his neck and then stuck my tongue in his right ear.

Matt was panting. “Damn, Andy. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

“Seems like you laughed and ridiculed me when I said that.”

He rolled over and threw me off. “I did. But I had no idea. You know how you think about something and how great it will be, and then you’re disappointed because it’s not that great? Well, this is so much better than I expected.”

I touched his nose with my finger. “Matt, will you fuck me? I need you inside me. I need it more than anything right now.”

Matt

I really got scared when Andy said he wanted me to fuck him. Hell, I got my cock sucked and my ass licked and now he wants me to fuck him. It was like going from zero to sixty in three seconds. I wasn’t sure I much liked putting my dick in Andy’s ass, even as beautiful as his ass is.

He also sounded needy. And while I might be willing tonight, would I be willing to become his Dillon every day? I wasn’t ready to answer that question, but it lingered in the back of my mind as I said, “I don’t think I’ll be much good at it.”

I was afraid my cock would go limp. But it stayed up even as Andy talked about putting it in his ass. Guess that’s one of the benefits of being fifteen. I wonder how it will be when I’m seventy?

Andy knew his stuff when it came to sex so I thought “What the fuck! Let’s do it. It’s his ass, not mine.”

Andy

Matt had a concerned look on his face. I was afraid he was going to say no. But he didn’t. I reassured him. “I’ll guide you. My asshole is pretty well-trained, so it will be an easy go for you.”

And then I heard the voice within say, “What the fuck? You’re at it again. Yeah, it’s just like Matt said, ‘this is like a recovering alcoholic taking a shot of whiskey.’” All I knew at that moment is that the pain and fear of the day had left me, and Matt was mine. But as usual, I ignored the voice as I jumped out of bed and got the lube. I lubed Matt’s cock and my hole. “I’ll sit on you. Just lay back and enjoy.”

I pulled the condom down on Matt's waiting cock, squatted over him, felt for his cock, which I could barely see in the dark, aimed his dick at my hole, and dropped over it as he said, “Shit, that feels good, Andy. Whoever thought an asshole, even an asshole like you, could send me to heaven?

“Knock that heaven shit off and let’s fuck.”

I moved up and down on his cock as he moaned and whispered expletives. Sex was like a drug to me, and while Matt had his dick in my ass, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was making one more mistake and tying two more knots, one for Matt and one for me.

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This is the end of Knots 1. Knots 2 will begin where this one leaves off. I hope I didn’t leave you disappointed, but this seemed like a good place to end. After all, the book is called Knots, and what better place to end than with Andy wondering if he and Matt had made a mistake by tying one more knot in their lives.

You’ll have to read Knots 2 if you want to know what happens next. Eighty percent of Knots 1 was already written so it was easy to post every few days. It may be a few months before I can start publishing the next installments. Be patient.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed Knots.

Background to the story.

I had a crush on a boy named Wally when I was in the 8^th grade. He was the substitute on my paper route. He was nice looking, had a beautiful smile, was cheerful, smart, and I suppose everything I wanted to be. I’m husky and a brunette and he was thin and blond. I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until I didn’t see him for a few days. I went to his house and his mother said he moved back with his father. I never saw him after that.

I never forgot Wally. I don’t think my crush was sexual, but I wanted to be everything that he was. All my life I’ve looked at guys more than girls. I just find guys more attractive. Look at the animal kingdom. Often the male is far more beautiful than the female. Not that I don't find some women quite beautiful and give them a stare. It never occurred to me that I might be gay. I dated, got married, had two children, and now two grandchildren. But I find myself reflecting back on the times of my youth and Wally. I’ve never felt that way for any other guy. I’m not sure what it was.

Every November I sit down and write a novel during the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). You need to write 50,000 words in a month. That’s how Knots was first written. In a way, it was stream of consciousness. I had the two characters, Andy and Matt. Matt is me and Andy is Wally. The thing is, characters develop as you’re writing and the innocent Wally I knew from my youth, became a more daring Andy. Matt changed to. I was a lineman in football. Matt becomes the quarterback. He’s confident and mature in many ways, and I’m not sure I was.

The title Knots came before the story, so as I’m writing, I knew I had to develop my story around the knots the boys tie in their lives. Knots appear often at the beginning. There are the knots Andy tied in the tree when they were putting the rope up at the pond. There were the knots Andy tied when the hitch on the wagon that pulled the lawn equipment broke. He couldn’t get the knots untied so he took a knife to them. Matt asked what he was going to do when it was time to go. Andy replied with something like, “I’ll worry about that later. The Hempstead’s must have some rope in their garage.”

Knots are mentioned off and on throughout the story in order to maintain the theme. I dropped hints in the story about Dillon. I mentioned the hints at the end of one of the chapters. There were others too, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head.

Andy was raped in the first writing of the story. Dillon threatened to tell everyone Andy was gay if he said anything, so Dillon and Andy carried on their sexual relationship which Andy grew to love. I threw that out and replaced it with what is now in the story.

I completely rewrote the ending thanks to some comments made by Lisa when I sent her the whole story before it was posted. She then made further suggestions a couple days back on July 1, 2013 and I rewrote it again. That’s why it took longer to post. I hope it works. Let me know what you think of the ending. Feel free to make comments or suggestions about any part of the story.

Please give Knots a Like, send me an e-mail, or write a review. A Like and a Review raise my point level as an author. I answer all emails.

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I’d like to thank Andy Roberts and Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.

Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com or write a review. I love getting feedback.