Kissing Rodney was always the highlight of my day. There was something about his sensual full lips that made every second of delicious contact one of hopeless infatuation. Every smooch was like falling in love for the very first time again...and there was never a reason to feel like I was overdoing it. I couldn't get enough. Rodney was 'mine'. All mine. And I never wanted to waste a single minute of the day not appreciating that God given gift. Not a single minute.

"Mmmm...you seem to be extra affectionate today." Rodney said to me, smiling while still holding me lightly around the waist. "What gives?"

I told him, "It's just good to finally see you. You're always so busy, we hardly ever get moments like this to just be together without you having to 'run off' somewhere."

He kissed me again, and said, "Keith...come on now, that's not fair. You know I try to be here as much as I can be. Besides, it's only been four days. Gimmee a break." He smiled warmly, "Believe me, I'd much rather be in your arms than working on some silly film school project. But it's really hard to keep up with my school work and hang out with my favorite 'boy toy', you know? But don't let it make you think that I'm not thinking about my baby every second of the day though. Because I am. K?"

God...it always made me feel so good to hear Rodney say things like that. It gave me a full body 'tingle' that ran from head to toe just to have the words leave his lips and enter my soul. I kissed him one more time, and said, "I know...I just wanna see more of you. You're my baby bear." I grinned, and he smiled warmly at me. But the authenticity of it didn't last long, and I knew that something was up. "What's wrong?"

He looked at me sheepishly for a minute, then said, "The editing lab is only open a few days a week, and with finals coming up, it's booked most days of the week."

"What does that mean?"

He cringed a little bit, "Tomorrow night was the only night that me and my two partners could get the lab reserved for any real length of time. It was last minute, but if we didn't take it, we weren't going to get any lab time until AFTER final projects were due." He knew it was coming, but I couldn't really hold it back, and I slowly let go of our warm embrace.

"Tomorrow night? What do you mean tomorrow night?"

"Keith...don't be mad, ok? I did everything I could to make it for a different day. But there was NOTHING open..."

"It's our six month anniversary, Rodney! How could you schedule some 'work' stuff on that night! We had plans!" I said.

"I didn't MEAN for this to happen! But if I don't do it tomorrow night, I'm gonna fail the class. I CAN'T fail this class! It's a major prerequisite for all of the other classes I need to graduate. I HAVE to take my time and edit my footage as best as I can. I can't rush through it. My grade and my partners' grades all depend on this being done right."

I couldn't help but to be hurt by this sudden change in plans. It wasn't the first time he blew me off for his 'creative activities'. "This isn't FAIR! What are you doing? Are you gonna just ditch your boyfriend to sit in a dark room and cut up little pieces of film? This sucks!"

"It's not LIKE that, Keith. Honestly. You know that. If I could schedule it for another night I would have. I even tried to switch days with somebody else, but everyone wants to get their film edited early so they can go home for the holiday break and not have to rush when they come back." He said, and I only pouted harder. He looked so...'sorry' for it all, but...what the hell? This was our night. It should have come first. I was really looking forward to this. "C'mon, Keith....baby, I'm really sorry, ok? I TRIED." He whined. "I'll try my best to make it up to you the day after tomorrow, somehow...ok?"

"How are you gonna make it up to me, Rodney? Huh? I mean...we're not gonna have ANOTHER six month anniversary. This was really gonna be something special for us And you ruined it now." I said, and he sighed as I tried to just...

Whatever. God, I HATE when he does this.

"So you're just gonna stay mad at me now?" He asked.

"No. Fine. Forget it. You wanna be the big 'film genius', so go do your filming Whatever."

"It's not filming, Keith. It's editing. And this means a lot to me, ok? This is what I wanna do with my life. It's what I'm good at. Please just...try to understand, ok?" He touched my shoulder, and I pulled away from him. I don't know...it wasn't like I was really angry. I was just 'disappointed', was all. And a big part of me just didn't want to let him off the hook with the whole 'just understand' thing. I'm always trying to understand HIS side of the story, and I'm always losing out in the end. I just wanted tomorrow night to be something we could enjoy. And he'd rather 'work' on something that doesn't have anything to do with me instead. Great. "C'mon, dude...don't be like that." I think I turned my back on him as some kind of emotional knee jerk reaction, but I wasn't in any hurry to let him sweet talk me into making it ok.

"Go. I told you, it's fine. I don't care."

"Sighhh...Keith..."

"WHAT? You wanted to go film or edit or whatever...so go do it. I'll just wait until you're not so 'busy'. And then I'll get a turn for a change." I said, and I think it actually frustrated him a bit. I could see it in his eyes.

"Ok, you know what? If you want to be a child about this, then I'm just gonna go back to the dorm. This is ridiculous."

"It IS ridiculous! I have to schedule an appointment to talk to somebody who supposedly cares about me. Yeah...that's supposed to make me feel really good."

Rodney threw his arms up, "WHAT do you want me to do, Keith? Tell me!" He asked me. "You want me to drop out of school? You want me to turn in a shitty 'last minute' project? Maybe I should just give up my dream altogether and just cuddle on the couch with you, and ONLY you, for the next couple of years, without any ambition or life goals at all. Would you like that?"

I gritted my teeth, "Don't turn this around on me! I'M not the one canceling our plans at the last minute...AGAIN!"

"I TOLD YOU...."

"Yeah, yeah, you told me you were busy. You're busy, you're busy, you're busy...and NONE of that 'busy time' EVER involves me. I get it. So..." I almost didn't want to say it. The words were right on the tip of my tongue, and before I could stop them...the 'disappointment' pushed them forward. "...Maybe we should just take a break. Until you have some more free time...for us."

The look on his face...wow. Ok, so I didn't really mean to hurt his feelings. And maybe he didn't mean to hurt mine. But..all things aside, I'm glad that I said something. Before this became too much of an issue later on.

He was still for a second or two, and then he grabbed his coat and slung it over his shoulders. He mumbled, "Great...like I needed THIS in my life right now."

"I'm just telling you how I feel, Rodney. You put me off all the time. And it hurts. I'm tired of being hurt."

"Said the spoiled brat with TEN Christmas cookies instead of the WHOLE dozen." He said as he headed for the door.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?"

"Figure it out." With that, Rodney left, and slammed the door behind him. It was just one more fight to add to a list of others that we've been having lately. And they've been getting worse each time. I don't know...I really LOVE Rodney, God knows I do. I just...I feel so 'abandoned' by him sometimes. And it's not fair. This is a relationship. It means compromise. It means give and take. And sometimes it means sacrificing something we want for something the other person wants. And dammit...it's MY turn. It's MY turn!

Needless to say, the argument stayed on my mind all night long. It's difficult to sleep when you're constantly having that angry conversation with yourself. You know, where all of that frustration comes out as your brain goes through scenario after scenario of stuff that you should have said at the time...but you didn't think of it then. All that 'mental noise' kept me up until 3 AM, and when I met my friend, Eddie, in the student recreation hall the next morning...it showed.

"You look like shit." Were the first words out of his mouth. Nice. So much for my first interaction of the day being a pleasant one.

"Please. Don't you start. I don't need it today."

"Ooh, and cranky to boot. I'd be willing to let the 'look' go as long as you had a friendly personality. But now you're ALL fucked up." Eddie teased, but it hardly got a smirk out of me. "Are you ok? What happened?"

"Rodney and I had a fight last night." I admitted, and Eddie's eyes widened.

"AGAIN? What did he do this time?"

"Sighhh...he cancelled our special night tonight. I mean...it's no big deal, I guess. I was just...upset. He KNEW it was our anniversary. He KNEW that I was looking forward to spending time with him. And he's always bumping me out of the way for his stupid film classes." I said. "So...he said that he was sorry but he's really really busy."

"Well...?" Eddie asked. As though THAT was the solution to anything.

"Well, what? He's ALWAYS 'really really busy'. If I sat back and waited for him NOT to be busy, I'd never see him at all."

"That's what you get for dating those 'art boys', Keith. Hehehe, you're not gonna be able to compete. It's relationship suicide." Eddie smiled as he bent over to a nearby drinking fountain to get a sip of water.

And that's when I told him. "I don't know for sure...but I think we might be kinda broken up for the moment." Eddie nearly choked, and shot back up, wiping his mouth and chin on his sleeve.

"What???"

"Well...we were arguing, and he was telling me how he didn't have time to waste just 'being' with me when he had work to do, so...I kinda said..that maybe we should take a 'break'. Until he's not so damn preoccupied to actually relax and talk to me on some kind of normal level." Eddie seemed even more surprised. "WHAT?"

"Well...Jesus, Keith...don't you think you're being a little hard on him. I mean...he HAS to finish his school work..."

"Did he have to finish it tonight?"

"Who knows? Maybe he did. I mean...you're breaking up with him over one little missed opportunity to snuggle on the couch?"

"It's not just ONE missed opportunity, Eddie. It's a bunch of them. Do you have any idea what it's like to care about somebody, and just want to 'talk' to them, but 90 percent of the time you can't because they're so 'busy' that you feel like you're bothering them just by making contact. It's like...I'd be annoying him by trying to squeeze myself into his busy schedule. And it's never a good feeling. Never." I told him. "I love him, Eddie...but....I just don't want to be some whiny problem that he's always trying to make extra time for. I wanna be loved the same way I love him. I want him to think about me and just...put me first once in a while. That's all."

Eddie was still sort of sticking to the idea that I had been a bit harsh. I could see it in his eyes. But he managed to show some compassion regardless. "Look...I can understand you wanting more time together. Rodney's cute. And I'm sure he loves you just as much when he's busy as he does when he's not busy. Just..he's a good guy, Keith. Honestly. I don't know him as well as you do, obviously. But that guy has got a lot of heart. You always manage to find boys that have sooooo much heart. I'm honestly jealous."

"Psh! Yeah, whatever." I scoffed. "Like Benjamin? The guy who just decided he wasn't in love any more and never spoke to me again? Or Marty? The boy that just changed his mind and wanted to be straight for the rest of his life instead of being with me? Or maybe good ol' Brett? The guy who left me for my best friend...who I didn't even know was GAY until he stole my boyfriend? Are THOSE the boys with so much heart that you were talking about?"

"Nick..." Eddie said, out of the blue.

"Oh man, don't even get me started on Nick. He ignored me even more than Rodney does now. That one REALLY hurt!"

"Nick..." Eddie said louder.

"Is that the only rabbit you have to pull out of your magic hat, dude? Nick's done. He's a jerk, he's an asshole, he's..."

"...Standing right over there by bulletin board." Eddie said, nudging me hard in the side to get me to shut up.

Turning my head...I caught a glimpse of him. It had been almost two whole years since I had last laid my eyes on him, and suddenly...all of that unimaginable beauty came racing back at me at first sight. Slamming into my emotions like a runaway train.

Out of all of the boyfriends that I've ever had in my life, including Rodney, Nick has always been the prize winner. He was always the most gorgeous, the most adorable, the most...'connected' to my heart strings. Nick was once the boy that I thought I'd stay with forever. Despite the fact that things didn't work out...even though they ended pretty badly...just seeing him again was a breathtaking experience.

Time stood still. I felt as though I had been helplessly sucked into a trance, and my mind was wiped clean of all other thoughts that didn't involve me watching the boy who truly stole my heart once upon a time. He used to wear his blond hair in short bangs that barely swept his forehead, but now they hung delicately down to his shoulders. Almost touching them, but not quite. He was wearing a tight, long sleeve shirt, and it molded to a body that looked a little bit more developed than I remember. He was still a thin, sleek, little thing...but God his body looked awesome. Maybe it's just been a long time since I had seen him. Maybe that's it. I could remember those days when I looked into those big brown eyes of his, and nearly dissolved into a puddle of foam right at his feet. And to be honest...I wasn't far from doing it again.

The only thing that stopped me, was when he happened to look over and see me and Eddie standing there. Shit! This was DEFINITELY not something that I was expecting to happen today! I felt as though I was totally exposed by his line of sight alone, and it was too late to run and hide from him. So I just kinda stood there...and gave him an awkward nod. Ugh! Ex-boyfriends. NEVER a comfortable situation.

To my surprise, Nick smiled at me, and gave me a signal to hold on a second. He had his hands full of flyers, some tape, and a stapler. He put something up on the bulletin board, and then he started walking towards us.

Eddie grinned, "Damn, Keith...how you EVER found anything wrong with THAT boy is a complete fucking mystery to me! If he was any hotter, he'd set off the sprinklers."

"Shut up!" I whispered stressfully, and straightened up as I prepared to talk to my number one 'draft pick' for the first time in years. "Nick...hi...." I said, with a somewhat believable smile.

"Oh my God...I can't believe I'm actually seeing you right now. Wow. How have you BEEN, man?" He said, and he instantly leaned in to give me a hug. I tensed up right away, not knowing what to make of this whole...'hugging' thing.

"I'm...I'm ok." I stuttered.

"Awesome." He said. "Hey Eddie." Eddie returned the greeting but was basically molesting him with his eyes the whole time. I have to admit...Nick DID look good. He looked even sexier than he did before. And that was a pretty high standard to top. "So...are you going to school here now?"

It was still hard to look Nick in the eye without wanting to kiss him on the lips. It was a hard habit to break. "Me? Yeah. Me and Eddie...we're doing our...'college' thing, you know?" I said. "Funny, I've never seen you here before though."

"Oh, I don't go here actually." He said. "I'm been taking some time off of school for a while. I went to community college for a semester and hated it. But the music is really taking off, so..."

Music. I remember it well. Unfortunately, Nick was one of those 'art boys' that Eddie was talking about from my past. He wanted to be in a band so badly, all through high school even, that he hardly had any heart left for anything left. Me included. Music this, and music that, and 'my band' and practice and getting prom gigs and writing new song lyrics...I could never get him to forget about that damn music long enough to notice me. Seems to be a pattern with the guys I fall for. As stunning as he was...I had to remind myself why we broke up in the first place.

"Music, huh? That's....that's great." I said. "So...are you guys still, what was it...'Damaged Butt-Monkey'?"

Nick laughed bashfully. He always had such an adorable laugh. "No. No...that was a long time ago. Different drummer, different bass player...it's like a whole different band now."

"Really? What was that first single you guys had before? It was like...'stuffed guts' or something?"

"Hahaha! The 'Splatter-Gut Soufflé'? Yeah....wow! I had pretty much forgotten all about that. Weird phase I was going through, I guess. Teen angst and all that, you know?" He said. "Actually, we go by the name 'Midday Horizon' now. Everything is a lot more alternative. It's a mellowed out vibe. More mature, you know?" He said, and I nodded. "I sing now, too. Can you believe it?"

"Oh...really?" I said.

"Yeah, well, I was writing all of the lyrics so...why not? Right?"

Eddie's tongue was almost hanging out of his mouth at this point, and after a few serious looks from me, he decided to make his exit. "I've got class. I'll see you later. Byyyeeee, Nick." He smiled, and it made Nick giggle to see him being unusually silly today. Back when we were dating, Eddie would often tell me that if we were EVER up for a threesome, he'd better be the FIRST person we call. Heh...wild.

Nick focused his eyes back on me, the most alluring smile on his lips. And, I don't know...there was this...this weird shiver inside of me that almost felt like it missed him. His warm arms around me, his lips, his tongue, the way his slim ass would move in the most erotic ways as I spooned up against him on the living room couch to watch TV. Little intimate moments came to mind, and the sensation of being this close to him again after so long made my bottom lip quiver ever so slightly.

"So...that's why you let your hair grow out? So you can be the big blond 'emo' singer boy in the band?"

Nick blushed slightly. "Yeah. I kinda let it get down to the shoulders sometimes, sure. I'm not wearing a ponytail though, promise. People say it makes me look like an asshole." He grinned. "Besides...my boyfriend kinda likes it long. He says it makes me look 'pretty'."

Hit the brakes! His WHAT?!?!?! "I'm sorry, d-d-did you say boyfriend?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, dude..wait a sec..." Nick smiled, and he called out to another boy who was also hanging up a few flyers around the student hall. This boy was....wow..he was just as amazingly cute as Nick was, if not more so. It was the kind of beauty that almost blindsided you if you weren't ready for it. He was one of those boys who wasn't overly flamboyant, but you could easily tell from his movements, voice, and gestures, that he as obviously gay. Fragile and slightly feminine, but in the most endearing way. He had short dark brown hair, like a soft fuzz around his scalp, and the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. Like giant pools of crystal clear magic. And a smile that could bring anyone to their knees after just a few seconds of exposure. He came over to say hello...ad my heart felt as though it was being crumpled up like a wad of paper to be thrown in the trash. "Keith...this is my boyfriend, Eric." Nick smiled, and hugged him around his slim waist as he placed a kiss on his cheek.

This was NOT normal for Nick. Not at ALL! If I remember correctly, Nick was always kinda squeamish about gay displays of affection in public. In fact, I remember him being terrified of his parents finding out that he liked guys at all. So...what the hell is THIS shit? "Hi, I'm Eric." He said, looking all happy and comfortable in Nick's arms. I managed to maintain a fake smile, but something about this just bugged me right off the bat "Did you get a flyer?" He said, and handed me one of the papers that he was hanging up.

I looked at it, and saw that it was for Nick's band. I guess they were playing at this little cafe downtown this coming weekend. "Um...thanks." I said, taking the flyer and sliding it into my back pocket after a fold or two. "So...you got a gig. That's...that's something." I said to Nick, who was still holding Eric lovingly around his soft middle and slowly rocking back and forth.

"We've been getting a lot lately, actually. And we're looking into getting some studio time to maybe put out an EP some time this Spring." He replied, and Eric leaned back to kiss him on the cheek.

"They're really good. I never get tired of hearing him sing." Eric grinned tenderly

What the hell was THIS? What happened to the 'jerk'? Where's the self absorbed abuser that never had time for a relationship? Now he's all hugging and kissing some boy in the middle of the student hall and smiling like he's just had an excessive dose 'happy juice' injected into his neck? This is hardly the Nick that I remember

"Hey! Why don't you and Eddie stop by? I can put you on the guest list. It won't cost you anything." Nick said.

"Oh...Eddie....Eddie and I aren't dating or anything..." I said. I don't know why, I just felt I had to say that.

But Nick just wrinkled up his forehead with a smirk. "I know that. You and Eddie are too far gone in the 'friend zone' to ever date each other. I just figured...you know, if you wanted to bring someone..."

"My BOYFRIEND! I'll probably be bringing...him. My boyfriend." I blurted out. "You know? We've been looking to spend some time together anyway."

Nick's face changed a little bit, but not much. "A boyfriend, huh? Cool."

"Yeah. His name's Rodney. Really cute. We kinda met here at school. He's a film student. I'm sure he'd love to come hear your band play." It was some deep hidden instinct that made me want to prove that my life had gone on. The same way his had..evidently. And Rodney really WAS cute. Nick's gonna flip when he sees him, I'm sure. "We've been together for about six months now."

"That's awesome. God, Keith, I wish you guys the best. Seriously, it's good to hear." Nick said, and I swear, he squeezed Eric a little bit tighter.

Eric giggled playfully, and they shared another quick kiss right in front of me before he pulled himself out of Nick's embrace. "C'mon now, I've gotta finish putting up these flyers so I can get to work on time."

"Ok, hon." Nick grinned. And they kissed...AGAIN! Arrrgh!

"I'll see you later tonight, alright? Promise." Eric said. "It was nice meeting you, Keith. I hope to see you this weekend."

"Yeah...sure thing." I said, and shook his hand a second time as I tried to keep my intestines from tangling up in a series of impossibly tight knots. He left to help Nick with his flyers, and there was a moment of...I don't know...'weirdness' between me and Nick as we stood there alone. Finally, I said, "He seems nice."

"He is." Nick said, another blush rushing into his cheeks. "It'll be a year next month. Things are going great."

"That's...good. Really." I lied. "I hope it lasts forever."

"Well...here's hoping." He smiled, and there was another awkward silence between us as we both tried to pretend that weren't madly in love with one another at one point. And also...that we weren't at each other's throats when it ended. "Listen...there's no reason for you and me to be strangers, you know? I mean...if you wanna come see us play this weekend, I'd really love to have you stop by. It would mean a lot to me. Ok?"

"Yeah. Of course." I said. "I'll...I'll be there. You better be good, though."

"Hehehe, we'll sure try to be."

"Are you gonna do 'Splatter-Gut Soufflé' for me?" I giggled.

"Hahaha! NO! But who knows? Maybe I'll put it on the song list for next time. You'll just have to follow me around for a while." He said, and after another uncomfortable silence, he said, "Well...it was really good seeing you again, Keith. Really good. I'm glad you're doing well for yourself." And he gave me another affectionate hug around the shoulders.

Somewhere between my mind, my body, and my heart, there was a special place for this random meeting. Some strange place where Nick 'fit' into what I was feeling at that moment. And I just couldn't figure out what that place was. I was thrown into such a turbulent storm of confusion at that moment. Not knowing what to say, what to feel, what to DO with myself. I couldn't even tell why the idea of him being so happy with a new boyfriend bothered me so much. But when he let me go and looked me in the eye, all I could do was smile. Not a fake smile like the one I had been maintaining the whole time we were talking before...but a genuine smile that came right from the center of my heart. Fuck...why was I falling into his trap all over again? Why was I allowing his good looks and sweet smile entrance me like it had two years ago? It was almost as if I didn't know any better.

When Nick left...I was seriously at odds with myself. Plagued by memories that should be dead and gone by now. When I thought back to Nick and me being together...all I remembered was heartache. Not being able to talk to him, being left out of his life, being ignored, being forgotten, broken promises that came one after the other until I couldn't take it any more. I remember being in tears two or three days out of the week because he just didn't have the time to care. I remember shouting at him while he attempted to 'sweet talk' me back into trusting him again I remember my friends telling me that he was no good, and that I needed to get away from him if he was truly making me THAT miserable. And...most of all...I remembered finally telling him that it was over. After all the hard times and the forgotten commitments...I finally found the courage to let Nick know that I deserved better. And it hurt. It hurt BOTH of us! But it had to be done. And I don't regret doing it. Because he didn't know how to love someone else completely. Not back then, anyway.

But...seeing him with this 'Eric' guy...being so snuggly and sweet...I have to admit that it annoyed me. It was like having a really sore toothache in my stomach. And it wouldn't go away. Not even for the few seconds it took to say that I'd see him later.

There's something about seeing your ex-boyfriend succeeding without you that really digs in deep when you first see him again.

He walked around the corner, out of my sight, and the FIRST thing on my mind was..."I've gotta call Rodney and make everything all right again! He's GOTTA come with me this weekend! I'll look like a total loser if he doesn't." I mean, I'm just as happy as he is, right? It's not like I don't have a sweetheart of my own to 'show off'.

So later on that night, I made sure to send Rodney an email to apologize for earlier. To be honest, it was one of the few times when I was happy to actually send him an email instead of talking to him on the phone or in person. On nights when he was tied up with 'busy stuff', and didn't come home until the middle of the night, he'd send me a little note to say g'night. Normally, those little impersonal notes would make me miss him twice as bad as I would without them. But this time, I was hoping that it would spare me from some of the wrath of dealing with what I said last night. Maybe Eddie was right. I was kinda hard on him. I don't mean to be 'cruel' to him...I just...sometimes I get hurt and I end up doing something to hurt him back. It's not that I don't love him, because if I didn't care, it wouldn't matter that he was gone all the time. I made sure to put that in the email. I guess I can understand him wanting to work on his film for class, even if it is on our anniversary. I made sure to put that in the email too. And I told him that it wasn't fair for me to say what I said. Not at all. I was being an asshole, and I apologized for it Funny thing is...

...I read his response email the next morning, and he had forgiven everything as though it never happened. There was no big fight, no 'you hurt my feelings', no guilt trips. He just smiled, told me he loved me, and said he'd love to spend some time together as soon as he's finished with everything. He was being so damn cute about it that I was starting to doubt that we ever had a fight at all. Awww, Rodney could be so damn lovable when he wants to be.

The weekend rushed at me faster than I expected. I was actually kind of excited about seeing what Nick's band would sound like these days. I mean, what he did was fine for some weird high school garage band..but I imagined that it must have evolved a lot since then. Especially if he's getting gigs around the city so often.

I definitely got to spend some quality time with Rodney before then. And by 'quality time', I mean lots of passionate make up sex, mixed with a few good hours of cuddling up on the couch. And when I told him about the show, he grinned to himself, and asked, "Are you showing me off to your ex? Is that it?"

"What? No...it's not JUST that..." I giggled.

"Hey, don't think I'm not flattered. I'd be happy to be your prize pony for a night. Makes me feel 'pretty'." He said with a chuckle, and then pulled me close to kiss me on the lips. "I love you, Keith. As long as you know that...I'll be happy for the rest of my life. K?" Sighhh...how am I supposed to stay mad at him when he does stuff like that?

I made sure that I was looking extra cute the night of the show, and Rodney was looking even more awesome than usual. Not to mention that we were totally bonded after spending the last few days together. So we were ready to go. Beautiful boyfriend, huh? Well two can definitely play that game.

We got to the cafe, and it was actually pretty packed. Even for a Saturday night. And everybody had a flyer in their hand, along with a few buttons passed out, and a small 'Midday Horizon' promo cd. As soon as Rodney and I walked in, we could see Nick's boyfriend Eric working the room, passing out stuff for the band. And Nick was already up on stage with his band, tuning instruments and getting their sound check ready. Eric saw me at the door, and came over to say hello.

"You came. That's awesome. Nick has been wondering all week if you were really gonna drop by. He's gonna be stoked to see you." He said, and handed us a cd and a button.

"This is my boyfriend, Rodney." I said, and Eric gave him the sweetest smile, greeting him like royalty.

"Hey, we've got a booth reserved just for us over there in the corner. Why don't you two go on over and take a seat? They're gonna start playing soon, and I wanna pass out some more of these CDs before the show gets going." Eric was such a sweetheart. Always keeping this excited, childlike, glimmer in his eye. Not to mention that he had this almost sensual sway to him. It's hard to put your finger on it, but it was just 'sissyish' enough to be hot.

I felt Rodney kiss me lightly on the cheek, and he took me by the hand to lead me over to the booth they had reserved for all of us. We sat down, and Rodney looked into my eyes for a moment, and then up at the stage. "So...that's Nick, huh?"

I laughed a bit. "Yeah. That's him. Old news." I said quietly.

"Funny, the way you described him to me before, I expected the Devil's stepchild at least." He said.

"He's not that bad. I guess...he just wasn't for me, you know?" I took a hold of Rodney's hand, and said, "You're what I needed. I guess, sometimes I forget that."

Rodney turned red, and couldn't hold back a big infatuated smile as it blossomed across his face. And that's when Nick hopped down from the stage and walked over. "What's up? I'm so happy you came tonight!" He met Rodney, and I glowed with pride as he got to see what the new love of my life looks like. Rodney was being his usual witty and charming self, and I was hoping that it was eating Nick alive inside. "So, I'm getting ready to start. But you guys wanna stick around afterwards and just hang out for a while? We can catch up on things."

"Sure. I don't mind." I said, and Rodney didn't have anywhere to run off to. So we agreed.

Eric came back to the table, and reached around Nick to try to grab his backpack from the booth. "Hold on a second, babe. I think I've got some more CDs in my bag."

Nick grabbed his arm and hugged him close. "Will you STOP with the CDs already? Hehehe, I'm sure you hit every single person in here twice."

"There's a FEW left. I swear. It's just gonna take a minute." Eric struggled a bit to get free, but all it did was give Nick a chance to get a more intimate grip on him. "Sighhh...Nick..."

He kissed him softly on the lips, and said, "It's ok. You're already the prettiest cheerleader I have. So quit being a psycho and just let me love you for the last few minutes before I go on stage. K?"

Eric blushed wildly from the comment, and they got lost in each other's eyes for a moment. Then, he kinda looked over at me and Rodney watching, and swatted Nick playfully on the butt. "Don't be rude. Hehehe..." But he took a little angel's kiss on the lips anyway before getting Nick to let him go.

"I love you." He said.

"Go...get on stage already." Eric giggled.

"Still love you."

"GO!!! Hehehe!" Eric was becoming sheepish from all the attention, but that only made Nick shower him with more.

He grinned warmly at us, and said, "Wish me luck." As he went to go take his place on stage.

And that's when I figured it out. It was all a GAME, wasn't it? It HAD to be. I mean, come on...this isn't like Nick at all. Showering people with attention, hugging and kissing in public, saying 'I love you' every five minutes? What's he trying to pull here? I'm not an idiot. Since when has HE been so lovey dovey over anybody but himself? Eric looked like he was just soaking it all up until he was ready to float away on a pink cloud of affection. But I knew better. I knew because I used to be where he is now, and if he has to put up with half of the shit that I used to...I feel sorry for him.

I saw the lights get dim, and the host came up to announce the band. Eric instantly sprung up from his seat and moved towards the front of the stage, taking a few more promo CDs with him and putting them in his pocket. Just in case. Rodney and I looked at each other, and decided to stand up and move forward too. Why not, right? So we got close, and Nick stepped up to adjust the microphone for his height, and after a few short words of thanks to everyone who came out to support them tonight, the band got the cue from him, and they started their 30 minute set.

Eric was right. They WERE pretty damn good! I could hardly believe my ears. It was leaps and bounds above what I was used to hearing from Nick. He was effortlessly wailing on that guitar, and his voice...his voice was amazing. I never heard him sing before. Not really. Well...maybe once or twice while he was writing song lyrics, but nothing like this By the end of the third song, I was literally a 'groupie' for the band. The crowd in the cafe cheered them on, and by the time the set was over, they were all crowding around to let the band know how awesome they were Nick had been stripped down to just his t-shirt during the performance, and even that was damp, his blond hair sticking lightly to the side of his face. He was...he was incredible. Really incredible.

The whole time, Eric was there at his side, still passing out CDs, which people were now grabbing for anxiously. And it was almost a full ten minutes before Nick was able to even make it over to the both again. He was a bit out of breath, but kept a humble smile on his face, even with people still patting him on the back on the way over. Even the girls that KNEW he was gay were flirting and trying to pass him phone numbers. It was crazy. He finally got back to us, and plopped down in the seat. "So...what'd ya think?"

"That was fucking GREAT!" Rodney said. "Dude..no wonder you guys are getting so popular! I'd buy your cd tomorrow if you dropped one."

"Yeah, well, that's kind of the idea. Hopefully soon. We're just passing out free promos for right now. Just enough songs to maybe generate a bit of a fan base. The buzz is going great so far, thanks to Eric working so hard to put the music out there." He said, and Nick looked over at me as I tried to find the words. "You like?" He asked softly.

"I loved it. You've definitely...come a long way from 'Damaged Butt-Monkey'." I grinned.

"Yeah, well THAT was no great feat, believe me." He grinned back, and that's when we saw Eric rush over and slam himself into the booth to smash his lips against Nick's and congratulate him on another great show. "You know, I'd think you'd get tired of hearing the same five songs over and over." He said between smooches.

"Maybe it's because you get better every time I hear you." Eric replied, and rested his head on Nick's chest as he tossed a loving arm over his shoulders. "Isn't he amazing?"

"Yeah...sure is." I said, and made sure to cuddle up a little closer to Rodney too. I mean, if Nick is going to keep on playing this game, no reason for me not to play along too.

We talked for a while as the cafe emptied out a bit more. A lot of people came by the table to thank Nick for being such a great act, and after we met the other band members, they went home. The whole place kinda mellowed out, and we were left to just talk over some caramel coffee drinks. As pleasant as that sounds...it wasn't. It was like...Nick kept pushing it. More squeezes and touches and kisses and mush! It's like the two of them were giggling every two minutes. Story after story of how 'happy' they are. How they talk on the phone every day, and email each other, how Nick is busy, but he makes up for it while they're 'alone'. I felt like a bubbling pot, ready to boil over at any second. The only reason it angered me was because he was purposely doing it in my face. And he KNEW he was doing it too! I'm sure of it. Look at them, all hugged up like a couple of newlyweds or something. Disgusting. It's SAD, really. Sad that he thinks he has to do something like this to 'punish' me for breaking up with him two years ago. Am I supposed to believe that he just miraculously became this perfect poster boy for beautiful gay relationships all around the world all of a sudden? I'm not buying it. Every single 'snuggly' moment of it was a lie, and it was getting tiresome fast.

"Nick's got a lot of work ahead of him, which means less time together, but I really think he could actually pull off a distribution deal if he keeps going." Eric beamed.

"Well...we're not THAT good yet..." Nick said bashfully.

"Yes, they are. He's just being modest. The cafe already asked him to come back any time he want for another show." Eric said, "Everybody loves the band, and when they hear the new songs he's got written...they're gonna flip out!" Nick was turning red, and started to tickle Eric's side to keep him quiet. They wiggled together for a bit as Eric laughed out loud, and after all this sweet talk and affection and bullshit...I couldn't take any more.

I suddenly stood up and asked Nick, "Hey...can I talk to you for a minute?" I was trying to hide the frustration in my voice, but it was shaking from the effort. All three boys looked up at me as if I had just pulled a dead rabbit out of my pocket. But I just...I felt like I had to stop this game right now. I don't know why it was driving me so crazy, but I just wanted to stop this and get what I had to say off of my chest.

"What's wrong?" Rodney asked me.

"Nothing. Really, I just...want to talk to Nick. Just for a few seconds, that's it"

Nick seemed confused, but he shrugged his shoulders and gently patted Eric so he he would sit up straight and let him out of the booth. "I guess we'll be back in a second. You guys go ahead and order another round if you want. It's free for us." He said, and followed me around the corner, over by where the bathrooms are. Nick could see the stressed look on my face, and asked, "What's the matter? You look mad."

"Are we gonna keep doing this all night?"

"Doing what?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "This game, Nick. I mean, what are you trying to do? You want me to feel bad? You want me to be jealous?"

Nick grinned a little, "Hehehe, what? Feel bad about what? We're just having coffee."

"You KNOW what I'm talking about!" I said, trying to keep my voice down.

"Um...no, I don't think I do." He paused for a second as he started to catch on to what I was saying. But I think he wanted to be sure. "What? What is this?" His smile faded, and his brow wrinkled up a bit. "Keith...what's going on here?"

"You know what you're doing, and I think it's sad that we've come to this." I replied, trying to fake my grin, but feeling my guts twist up just the same.

He folded his arms, his look hardening more and more by the second. "Why don't you tell me what's on your mind? Because I don't think I want to jump to any conclusions as to what this is all about."

The tone of his voice...it was almost like a dare of some sort. But enough was enough. I didn't see a need to hold it in any longer. So I called his bluff. "Ok, you wanna know what it is? It's a game. A big stupid game. I see you all hugged up with Eric, talking all sweet to each other in front of everybody...why don't you just cut the crap, ok? I'm not jealous. Nobody is."

Nick's smile was now completely gone, but he didn't raise his voice. In fact, he remained pretty calm. "Is that what you think this is? That I invited you out here tonight just to make you jealous?" He said. "I'm sorry, Keith, but that's not it at all. This may be hard for you to believe...but how you feel has absolutely nothing to do with how much I love my boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, whatever..."

"NO...NOT whatever." He said. "I'm in love. Completely and totally in love with someone who is constantly there for me. I'm sorry if I don't keep that a big 'secret' around you and other people, but he means a lot to me."

"He certainly means a lot more to you than I ever did." I let it slip, just a little. The words had escaped my lips so fast that I hardly had time to catch them. But so what? Good! It's out there now, he can deal with it as it is.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?"

"OH, COME ON, NICK!" I said, now feeling that frustration build to levels beyond my control. "I mean, what are you doing here? You guys hang out all the time, you email each other every night, you talk on the phone every single DAY??? You're ALWAYS spending time with him, you tell him you love him over and over again, you hold his hand and hug and kiss in public...you were NEVER this good to me when we were together! Not once the whole time we dated! You were never even around! You never called me, you never told me you loved me unless I asked you to, you were always too 'busy' to care. And now you expect me to believe that you're Mr. Perfect, flashing your smile and being all popular and shit? Strutting around with your model boyfriend and pretending that everything is all wishbones and fairy dust for you two? Well, I don't buy it. I WON'T buy it! I'm surprised Eric is dumb enough to fall for whatever 'super charming snake oil' you seem to be selling him."

At that, a look of true offense came over Nick's face, his mouth slightly dropped open in surprise. The sad thing is...he STILL looked cute...even when he looked like he was one impulse away from socking me in the face. "I can't believe this. I really cannot believe this." He said. Then, a light sarcastic chuckle came out of him, and he looked at me in disbelief. "So, let me get this straight. You're mad...at ME...because I'm enjoying a healthy relationship with someone who loves me just as much as I love him? Is that right?"

"I loved you just as much, Nick. And you know what? You treated me like garbage..."

"Like GARBAGE??? Are you fucking KIDDING me?" He stopped me in mid sentence, putting his hand up. "Hold on...didn't YOU dump ME? Isn't that how it happened? Don't you already HAVE a boyfriend right now?"

"You have no idea how much it hurts to really care about somebody and have them break your heart time and time again because they're too busy to give a damn. I got tired of you making promises and breaking them. So yeah, I ended it My friends were sick and tired of seeing me depressed all the time, and they told me I should follow my heart. So I did."

"Your friends didn't know SHIT about me! And Eddie wanted me for himself. He would have told you anything if he thought it would get him a shot at my heart."

"It's not about them. It's about how you made me feel." I told him "I really loved you, Nick. And you just couldn't take the time to love me back."

"So that's what this is about then? You're upset because you think I treat Eric better than I ever treated you."

"It's pretty obvious, don't you think?"

Nick paused for a moment, and that's when he gently shook his head. "You know what, Keith? You are so full of shit that you can't even recognize your own screw ups anymore." Somehow, that wasn't the answer I was expecting.

"What?"

"I haven't changed, man. I haven't changed anything at all." Nick said. "And unfortunately, neither have you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You broke my HEART, Keith! Do you remember that? Or was that my fault too?"

"You deserved it.."

"I DESERVED it???" He yelled. "When didn't I tell you how much I loved you? When didn't I try to give you some kind of indication that I cared about you? When you were feeling down, I was there. When you needed help, I was there. When you were in trouble, or needed inspiration, or advice, or just needed a smile...I was there. I dedicated so much of my heart to you that it literally HURT when you kept telling me how it wasn't enough."

"Bullshit!"

"Yeah...you say 'bullshit', because I couldn't be your little genie in the bottle, who would drop everything in the whole world for you 100 percent of the time. You say 'bullshit' because our relationship couldn't be ALL about YOU, and what YOU wanted, and what YOU needed, and what YOU had to have to feel special. Eric was the first person who ever stopped being selfish enough to actually want ME to be happy." Nick stared me right in the eye, but I wasn't gonna fall for this trick either. "You wanna know why I love my boyfriend? Because Erick gives back every ounce of love that I can give him. He WANTS to laugh and have fun with me. And anytime that I do something to let him know that I was thinking about him...he appreciates it with his whole heart. And it brings me to TEARS sometimes to know that I can make such an important person in my life HAPPY once in a while" I didn't know what to say, but I stood my ground regardless. "Do you know that Erick came to every single one of my shows. EVERY one! He asks me about rehearsals. He listens to recorded copies of my single and gives me detailed feedback. He understands when the band has to practice or get ready for a performance, and he's right there waiting for me when we finish. He SUPPORTS me, Keith. He didn't just come out and say to me, 'I'm all alone, and you don't even CARE because you're too busy recording with your stupid little amateur rock band!'"

"I never said anything like THAT to you..."

"Yes, Keith...you did. Trust me, I remember. Because it was truly one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me in my life." He told me. "You might not have cared for my music all that much, and you stopped reading the song lyrics or even asking what they were about after a while. But you could have at least thought enough about me to realize that that little 'amateur band' of mine was a HUGE part of my life. It was something I was really passionate about, and took a lot of pride in putting together. All of that work and heart and creativity and struggle was really important to me. And yeah...I'll admit...sometimes it's hard to push my biggest passion in life aside just so I could sit with you on a couch and 'chit chat' whenever you were feeling underappreciated. But despite all that, I ALWAYS made time for you! I told you that I loved you with every breath that I could muster. And I kept you in my mind and in my heart all fucking day! So don't you dare tell me that I was a 'bad boyfriend' or an 'absentee landlord' as far as your so-called love is concerned. Because it's just not true." Nick could barely contain himself now, practically pacing in small circles.

"I'm sorry for what I said about your band, ok? I was just....angry."

"You were ALWAYS angry with me, Keith. You think your simple apology makes up for all of the horrible things you said to me? Nick doesn't spend enough time with me, Nick is too busy to give a shit, Nick doesn't love me, Nick doesn't care about me. I tell you I love you with all of my heart and soul, and you swat the compliment away like an angry bee. You were CONSTANTLY fighting with me, no matter ho hard I tried to be as good to you as I could be. You'd go for a whole WEEK and refuse to talk to me. I couldn't even mention somebody else's name without you getting insanely jealous, and you absolutely DESPISED any person or activity that could possibly compete with my whole life revolving around YOU 24 hours a day. God forbid that you were to lose a few seconds of my precious attention so that I could follow a dream that I've had since I was a little boy."

"How do you expect me to understand that? How am I supposed to just 'not miss you' when I go for a whole week and I can't even TALK to you?" I yelled back. "You wanted to create music, and go party with your friends, and do whatever the fuck else you wanted to do while I stayed at home alone. Waiting for my boyfriend to think about me again so he could give me five minutes of his precious time again. Do you think Eric is going to put up with that?"

"Eric doesn't have to put up with anything. And do you wanna know why? Because he understands me having a passion, and he became a PART of it. He's right here, cheering me on from the front of the stage, passing out flyers, and sitting down to have coffee with my spoiled ex-boyfriend. Eric doesn't mind coming out to party WITH me and my friends, instead of wanting me ALL to himself, ALL of the time, without anybody else around. He doesn't 'freak out' every time he calls my house and I can't get back to him right away. He doesn't jump on me every time something we planned on doesn't work out, and we have to reschedule it. He loves me! That's it. That's all he needs from me. And when I kiss Eric, and tell him that I love him back....he believes me. He believes me, and he accepts my love. Hell...he even gives some back to me every now and then. He doesn't make demands, or give me ultimatums, or throw an emotional tantrum every time he doesn't get every little thing to go his way. Eric never once tried to change a single thing about me. Not the way I talk, not the way I dress, not my likes or dislikes. We have FUN together, Keith. We laugh until there are tears in our eyes. We have deep, meaningful conversations, we 'tickle fight' on occasion, we share good times and good friends. He just wants to make me happy. Most of the time the only thing that YOU ever worried about was whether or not I was making YOU happy. And when I wasn't...you ditched me."

"Don't turn this around on me. I found someone who was willing to listen to me and spend time with me..."

Nick interrupted, "And where are they now? Huh? I'm willing to bet that you lost quite a few other boys since then, haven't you?" There was a silence. "I thought so. Do you treat Rodney like that? Because he seems like a really nice guy. Not that it's going to matter once your own insecurities come into play. I'll just bet he's gonna get it just as bad as I did, if not worse." He said. "You know...I cried every single night for MONTHS over losing you. I never wanted to curl up and die so much in my entire life. You have no idea how much you hurt me." I looked into Nick's eyes, and they were beginning to water up a little bit. His voice shaking with the heartbroken sobs crawling up the back of his throat. "When you told me that you just weren't 'interested' anymore...a piece of my soul died right there on the spot. And it still hurts to this day, Keith. I'm never ever going to get that piece of me back again. And now Eric, and anyone else that I date for the rest of my life is going to have to deal with what you did to me that night. They're going to have to leap over the giant trench that you dug around my heart before I can even begin to feel anything like love and affection for them. You turned your back on me and told me to get lost. And then you just abandoned me completely! I mean...we couldn't even be FRIENDS any more! You couldn't even bother to talk to me long enough to let me know that my love for you was at LEAST somewhat 'entertaining'. It was like, you totally erased me from your memory. And until I actually came over to say hello to you and Eddie in the student hall a few days ago...I figured I'd never hear from you again. And that I'd just be some kind of forgotten trash that you brushed off of your shoulder without another thought as to what we used to have." He paused again, as a stray tear fell from his eye. But he never took his focus off of me. "But that's not why I invited you here tonight. I wasn't trying to show off my boyfriend, or make you jealous, or even to let you know that I was 'ok' without you. I invited you because I respected you as being a part of my personal history. Because there's a piece of you that will always stay with me, and I wanted us to be able to pass each other in the street without turning the other way. But, I don't know...maybe this was all a big mistake. But one thing it's NOT...is a 'game'." He said. "You hurt me worse than anyone has ever hurt me before, Keith. Ever. You cutting me off was like running right into a brick wall. But I love you too much to ever hate you as much as you want me to. And if you needed a kidney right now, I'd probably lie down on any sterilized table and give you one. Because the chunk of my heart that you stole from me was yours to keep. And you can do with it what you want. But I think you already know that, don't you?"

"Nick..." I started, but he put up his hand to stop me. Sniffling as a few more tears fell.

"I'm in love with Eric now. Do you understand that? He treats me like pure gold, no matter what the situation is. And he's willing to do whatever it takes to make this work for the BOTH of us. Not just him. I'm really happy now, Keith, and a part of me was hoping that you'd be happy for me. But I was wrong. You want me to feel 'guilty' just because I've found someone special and I'm not aching over you like I used to? Well, I won't do it. That isn't fair. Not to Eric. I'm not gonna hide the joy in my heart just because you're jealous of it."

"That isn't what I was saying at all."

"But it's what you meant, isn't it?" Nick asked. "You can forget it You HAD your shot, and you blew it. You threw it away just so you could find somebody to completely 'worship' you the way you feel you should be worshipped. And, for what it's worth, I hope Rodney is that guy for you. Maybe he's strong enough to put up with it, but I'm not. I gave you my love...but you weren't ready for it. You refused to be comfortable. I tried to make you feel good, I tried to make you feel sexy, I tried to be your shoulder to cry on...and all you could do was complain about how it wasn't enough to make you feel wanted. You never accepted my affections, you just let your own paranoia fool you into thinking that my every flaw and mistake was some diabolical plan to purposely hurt your feelings. You blamed me for everything, and even though it wasn't my fault, I tried my best to make it right for you. But I can't get past your self esteem issues. They're too strong. And they're always going to make you feel like you're not getting enough from the people around you. No matter how could you have it, you're always going to want more." I felt a tight cramp in the center of my heart, and Nick dried the few stray tears from his eyes. As though the extra emotion wasn't worth it. "Like I said, you weren't ready for my love. But Eric is. He's not solely dependent on me performing 'tricks' in order to make him happy. He's not trying to mold me or change me or guide me into being something he can love more completely, Keith. He loves me for who I AM, not for who he thinks I should be. He's actually 'enjoying' the time he spends with me, and that was something that you couldn't do. So don't go thinking that I'm giving him special treatment just because YOU'RE around. Because I'm the same person with him as I was with you a few years ago. He just sees value in me being just as happy as he is."

"You're right, Nick. Maybe this was a mistake. Me coming here tonight." I said sadly.

"Maybe it wasn't." He answered. "As much as it hurt me in the past...I feel I'm better for it. For what it's worth, I hope you and Rodney can find the kind of relationship you're both looking for. Whatever that may be. But as far as what Eric and I have...it has nothing to do with you. It never did. The only thing you did...was step out of the way so he could take your place." He said it with a cold stare...and I have to admit, I could feel that one comment hollow me out inside. Truly cause damage. I'm gonna go get Eric and go home now. I wish this had worked out better. Because it really was good seeing you again." He said, "Just don't put the same pressure on Rodney. Nobody should have to jump through hoops of fire just to be with someone they love. Love is effortless. And it took me a long time to realize that. If you wanna go build yourself the 'perfect boyfriend', then I wish you luck. But me and Eric? We're building something together. With BOTH of us having a say in how it turns out. And whether it lasts forever or fizzles out a week from now...I'm going to know that I shared something real with someone special. And that's all there is to it." He backed away from me, and said, "I'm glad you liked the show." And then he was gone. Just...gone.

I walked not far behind him, and Eric looked worried when he saw the look on Nick's face. "What's the matter? Baby, you ok?"

"I'm fine. Really. It's just time for us to go." Nick said, gathering his stuff. Eric held his hand for a moment, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. But he didn't smile this time. "Rodney...it was good to meet you, dude."

"Hey, it's even better to meet you. You'll let one of us know when that cd comes out, right?" Rodney asked, but Nick gave me a sideways glance.

"Uhhh...you know, my MySpace page is on the promo cd. Just stop on by and we can put you on the mailing list. K?" I guess that means that our little 'reunion' had come to an end then. Because he didn't seem to be making any plans to talk to me any more.

I kinda mumbled a goodbye to Eric, and then...even though he had basically torn my heart in half with what he said to me...Nick gave me a look that almost seemed to pity me. And he gave me a hug anyway. A long one. And then he kissed me on the cheek as he sniffled a bit. "I guess this is goodbye for the second time, huh?" He said, and I felt a tear fall from my eye. "Be well. Ok? Seriously." He hugged Rodney next, and thanked him for the support. "I'll be looking out for that big movie with your name on it."

"I'll be looking for you on the soundtrack." Rodney smiled back. And then...I watched Nick walk out of the cafe, with Eric still asking him what happened. Leaning his head on his shoulder as they got outside.

"What was that all about?" Rodney asked me.

"Nothing." I replied. "He's just...more than I remembered. That's all."

"What does that mean?"

I looked into Rodney's eyes, and found myself seeing a beauty in them that I often took for granted. And I said, "It means...I'm really sorry...about earlier this week."

He seemed confused. "Keith, it's alright. You were upset, and...I get it. I'll just...I'll make it up to you somehow, ok? I'll try harder..."

"No!" I said. "You don't have to try harder. Love is...you know...effortless." I said, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Are you SURE you're feeling alright?"

And I stepped forward to kiss him sweetly on the lips. Regretting that I ever even thought up this stupid game for tonight. "No, actually. But I'm gonna start feeling a lot better. We both are. And we'll start right after you finish your film project. If you have time, that is." I smiled, and Rodney kissed me again. I could feel his smile against my lips, and a rush of energy as his eyes sparkled in my direction.

"You mean it? I mean, I really don't want to be gone so much, I just.."

"No, it's ok. It's important to you. I...I can wait." I said it, but I knew that it was going to take a bit more work than that Still...seeing the smile on Rodney's face, it was like he had been magically lifted off of the floor. And something about that...made me feel pretty damn good too.

"Hey, you know what? I know you hate to do this stuff, but maybe you could be in my next movie? I'll write you a big part. We can write it together, if you want!"

"Hehehe, really?"

"Hell yeah! I know that I always ask and you always say no, but this time, if I move a few things around on my schedule..."

"I'd love to." I blurted out. And the brightness that glowed in his expression was just too damn adorable to resist. I held him close and kissed him deeply, just before we grabbed our stuff to go home.

I just remember heading to the door, and Rodney sighed to himself, and said, "I love you, Keith."

To which I replied, "I know you do, Rodney I know you do."

Yeah, it's easier said than done, but maybe I can make a real go at this relationship after all. Maybe I was the demon in my relationship with Nick. Maybe in ALL the disasters I've had with the boys I've dated. And just maybe...I let a good thing go when I shouldn't have. But Rodney's good to me. He's good FOR me too. And maybe I can learn to appreciate that more. Because, looking back on the things I've done...he's better than I deserve. And the strange thing is, he's too far in love with me to notice. It's time I gave him back some of that energy. It's time I tried to understand.

This is a relationship. It means compromise. It means give and take. And sometimes it means sacrificing something WE want for something the other person wants. And dammit...it's MY turn. It's MY turn.

© 2008 Comicality

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