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    Ron
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

A Prompt Response - 4. Prompt du jour 2

Tag - List of Words
Cross, war zone, lighter, torn picture, flashlight

Sandbox

By RL Hunter

 

 

Thomas Aaron Gage or Tag as known by his initials is six years and one week old today. If you asked him what the highlight of his birthday was, he would tell you that it was the video call that he got from his daddy. It was the bestest day ever according to Tag.

Today like most days during summer vacation, Tag woke up earlier than his mommy did. Dragging his teddy bear, Mr. Winkles down the stairs a thumpa, thumpidy, thump, he made his way to the kitchen for breakfast. Tag knew it was the most important meal of the day, because his daddy said so. He dragged a kitchen chair over to the counter by the sink and climbed up on top to reach a cupboard for a bowl and his favorite cereal. The milk jug in the fridge was extra heavy because it was almost full and Tag used both hands to pour it, and he felt very proud of himself for only spilling a small puddle, this time. After breakfast, he managed to rinse out his cereal bowl and spoon by climbing up on the chair again and then he put everything in its spot in the dishwasher.

The sun was shining outside and Tag thought that it would be great fun to play soldier in the sandbox as his daddy does. Outside in the yard he scooted over a lawn chair and propped Mr. Winkles up on the seat; Mommy yells at him if he gets all sandy and she has to put him in the washer. Tag ran back inside to get his bucket of green army soldiers, tanks, jeeps and airplanes. His daddy told him that they were not Marines but they were the next best thing. Once he got back to his sandbox, Tag used his shovel to create the perfect war zone and began placing his toys in different positions. He didn't see his mommy stick her head out the back door to make sure he was okay and so he continued to play on unknowingly. Tag reached into his bucket and pulled out his ‘Daddy soldier’, the biggest and strongest one he has and puts him on a hill. He pulled out his daddies’ old lighter from when he used to smoke, it doesn't work anymore and even though his mommy didn't want him to have it his daddy said that it was okay, and so making hissing a popping sounds Tag used it as his walkie-talkie.

Tag heard his mommy cry out and he ran and ran as fast as he could to get in the house and when he got to the living room he jerked to a stop. His mommy was sitting on the couch holding a paper and there were two men dressed like his daddy did standing inside talking to her. Tag dropped his head, he was confused and even though his mommy was crying, he didn't want to step into the room because the men scared him. He shyly looked up through his eyelashes and the younger man of the two was looking at him with a sad look on his face. The older man said a few more words and when both of the men left, Tag ran to his mommy.

When Tag asked his mommy what was wrong, she grabbed him and squeezed him so tight he could hardly breathe. She told him that his daddy was not coming home, that his daddy was dead. Tag knew what dead meant. His grandpa died last year and he cried and cried because he loved him so much. His daddy told him that he was a young marine and that marines were tough, so he should not cry so much. Tag remembered his grandma, mommy and other people crying but his daddy didn't and he tried so hard to be just like him. He remembered his grandma pulling her necklace with the cross over her head and putting it in his grandpa’s hands and he didn't know why she did that but he was afraid to ask. Tag knew that this year he was older and bigger and he wanted to be like his daddy. So when his mommy asked him if he knew what she meant, he slowly shook his head yes but he didn't cry.

Later that night when he could not sleep, Tag remembered that his soldiers were outside in the sandbox. His ‘Daddy soldier’ was out there. Mr. Winkles was out there too. Tag reached for his flashlight on his nightstand, because sometimes he got scared in the dark, and he made his way out his door. His mommies’ door was closed but he could see light under it and he knew she was awake so he sneaked as quietly as he could down the stairs. Standing at the bottom with his thoughts running everywhere, he remembered all of the pictures when his grandpa died. He tiptoed to the bureau in the dining room, pulled out the photo albums, and looked through until he found one of his daddy and him. When Tag tried to take the photo out, it stuck and when he pulled harder, it ripped down the middle. He knew his mommy would be mad at him for ripping it and he almost cried but sniffing it back and wiping his nose on his jammy sleeve, he took it outside with him.

When Tag got to the sandbox, he put his flashlight beside Mr. Winkles and aimed it at the sand. He took his toy shovel and dug a hole in the sand and he put his ‘Daddy soldier’, the torn picture and the useless lighter inside and covered it up. He was not supposed to cry but he couldn't help it. Tag grabbed Mr. Winkles and hugged him tight and cried aloud…

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I know I’m not supposed to cry.”

I hope that you liked my response to Prompt du jour #2. Please consider leaving a review.
2013 R.L. Hunter; All Rights Reserved
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Very effective. Although I had not read the prompt, you foreshadowed the death; the Mother's cried was only confirmation. I was most touched by Tag's choice of burial items. I'm sure he was choosing his favorites--he would have also buried the birthday videocast if he could--but to me his choices signal the abrupt end of his relationship with his father. You ask in the forum if the piece is over the top? Well, it's easier to smoothly work in all the required words in a longer piece, giving you a bit of an unfair advantage over two-paragraph responses, but we readers win. :*)

On 11/15/2013 08:51 PM, knotme said:
Very effective. Although I had not read the prompt, you foreshadowed the death; the Mother's cried was only confirmation. I was most touched by Tag's choice of burial items. I'm sure he was choosing his favorites--he would have also buried the birthday videocast if he could--but to me his choices signal the abrupt end of his relationship with his father. You ask in the forum if the piece is over the top? Well, it's easier to smoothly work in all the required words in a longer piece, giving you a bit of an unfair advantage over two-paragraph responses, but we readers win. :*)
I'm perfectly happy to let you win. ;) It's all about where the words take you. Thank you for your review, Knotme.
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On 11/15/2013 11:12 PM, podiumdavis said:
This was deeply touching. I really enjoyed this flash piece and I couldn't help but want to hug Tag. You worked the words in very well that I had to take special attention to find them. Very good work. I look forward to seeing more from you.
I'm very happy that you like the story, Podiumdavis. Thank you so much for the review.
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I think you need to add in your tags something to the lines of: Will invoke lots of tears - have plenty of Kleenex around.

 

What a beautiful chapter, Ron. I loved how you "showed" the readers everything instead of "telling" them. The way Tag ran inside when he heard his mom cry, when he remembered his daddy telling him marines didn't cry (what a load of horsehit. I hate when parents tell their kids they shouldn't cry), burying his 'daddy' soldier and the picture...it was all so touching.

 

Great job, Ron. =)

On 11/16/2013 04:42 PM, Lisa said:
I think you need to add in your tags something to the lines of: Will invoke lots of tears - have plenty of Kleenex around.

 

What a beautiful chapter, Ron. I loved how you "showed" the readers everything instead of "telling" them. The way Tag ran inside when he heard his mom cry, when he remembered his daddy telling him marines didn't cry (what a load of horsehit. I hate when parents tell their kids they shouldn't cry), burying his 'daddy' soldier and the picture...it was all so touching.

 

Great job, Ron. =)

I'll take the Kleenex suggestion under advisement, Lisa. I'm so very glad that you found my story moving. What nice things you say. Thank you for your review.
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