Camping Can Be Fun - 4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When I woke the next morning my feelings of euphoria and security had somewhat dissipated, leaving behind an absolute train wreck of a hangover. I literally felt like I had been hit by a train…possibly several times. It was safe to say my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders and it took me a moment to realise what had woken me. It was the sounds of my friends, obviously outside the tent, enquiring as to where I might be.

“I think he crashed in Adam’s tent last night. He was absolutely wasted, we couldn’t even carry him back to yours,” said Karl, obviously covering for me.

Then it hit me at once and I realised I had my arms around somebody and was leaning on him rather than a pillow. SHIT! Oh my fucking God. Adam! How could I forget? We… I mean him and me, we… Oh my God. I can’t believe this is real, it can’t be real.

“I’m going to wake them; Dan’s supposed to be coming hiking with us today…we go every year,” Steven said from outside the tent.

I could see his silhouette as he bent down in front of the tent searching for the zip to open it.

If he comes in here I’m fucked. Caught red handed. No getting out of it. I’m laying bollocks naked next to another bollocks naked guy on a single bed looking far too ‘comfortable’ whatever way you look at it. What do I do?

I heard the sound of a zip opening and light started to creep into the tent.

“I’d leave them man,” said Karl

The tent stopped opening

“Honestly the state those two got into last night, I’d be surprised if they get up at all today, let alone go hiking. Seriously, they drank a full bottle of Sambuca between them and a fuck load of beers. Plus I know how pissed off Adam gets when he wakes up with a hangover.”

“You think?”

“Yeah man, I’ll let him know you came looking for him.”

“He’s probably right Steven, plus we’ll have to wait for him to get ready and that could take ages. Let’s just leave him to sleep it off and meet up later,” said Lisa

Yes, please for the love of God let me sleep it off, let me sleep it off.

“I guess you’re right.”

The tent was zipped shut again and I breathed a sigh of relief. I listened to them say their goodbyes and head off on their hike.

“That was close wasn’t it?” said Adam rather croakily. This scared me half to death in itself, my nerves already shattered. I thought he had been asleep.

“I nearly shit myself. I thought for sure he was about to catch me…I mean us. I can’t believe this is real, last night we… this can’t be real.”

“Do you want it to be real?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I think I’m going to be sick.”

I frantically searched for something to cover my modesty and found my jeans, pulled them on as quickly as I could and rushed out of the tent. I barely made it a few yards and I found myself spewing up just about everything I had pumped into my stomach the night before. It wasn’t long before I felt a hand on my back, affectionately stroking me and trying to comfort me.

“That’s it mate, get it up, better out than in.”

“You weren’t saying that last night,” I replied referring to all the alcohol we had drunk the previous night, but then realised the unintentional double entendre. I think he understood that I wasn’t trying to be rude, but we looked at each other and both started laughing. This just made me retch even more and the vomit just kept coming. I was really fucking ill and the tears were streaming down my face with the strain that throwing up was putting my body through. I could barely breathe for the most part and was afraid at times that I wouldn’t be able to stop and would choke to death. I knelt there in the grass for a good ten minutes, before I felt I could move again. That’s when the headache hit me, an intense pain that was almost blinding. I felt awful.

Adam was a sweetheart and tried to take care of me even though I knew he was feeling pretty shitty too. He brought me water and made sure I took sips rather than gulps. He also dug out some painkillers from his bag. Thankfully Karl had disappeared, perhaps back in his tent and no one saw me spewing my guts up but Adam, who was probably the last person I would have wanted to see that, but at the same time I was grateful for his care. We went back to the tent and I was so tempted to just crawl back into bed with him and sleep it off, but after our scare already this morning I thought better of it. So we got dressed and decided that we should head to the shower blocks and get cleaned up. I fetched the necessities from my tent and we made our way over.

On the way he kept asking me to shower with him, constantly flirting with me. Why I don’t know after he’d just seen me vomit up half my digestive system. I tried laughing it off, but it turned out he was serious about the idea.

“Come on, you know you want to. How can you resist seeing me naked and all wet and soapy?” he teased.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t resist me or you can’t shower with me?”

“I can’t shower with you.”

“Why not?”

“Well… I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” he repeated, persistently and rather annoyingly.

“Because I’m not drunk.”

He stopped dead in his tracks

“Excuse me?”

I stopped a few yards ahead of him and turned to face him. He looked completely different…stern, angry and offended.

“What?” I asked apprehensively. I was a little afraid of his tone.

“What do you mean you’re not drunk? Are you saying the only reason you stayed with me last night, the only reason we hooked up at all was because you were drunk?” he asked in a raised voice.

I looked around me and noticed that some other campers in the distance had looked up to see what was going on. I hoped that they were too far away to hear what was being said.

“Adam, no, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

I was caught off guard, the truth was I probably wouldn’t have done any of those things last night unless I had been wasted, but they were my insecurities and had nothing to do with Adam.

“I guess what I meant was that last night I had no inhibitions and today I’m fully sober, it’s daylight, I’m hung-over and I’m just, you know, not very confident when it comes to this stuff.”

“So you did only get with me because you were drunk.”

“You’re not listening to what I’m saying Adam. Why are you getting so offended?”

“Are you for real? How am I supposed to feel? You’ve just told me you don’t want to be with me unless it’s dark and you’re shitfaced.”

“That’s not what I said!”

I was getting angry now.

“You’re twisting my words. I do want to be with you, I’m just not ready to go fucking in public showers!”

I definitely just shouted that!

We glared at each other. Both feeling offended, but at the same time sharing a bit of guilt for having shared such harsh words. He apologised first.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I feel like shit and my words aren’t coming out right this morning. I want to be with you and I wanted that before I got drunk. Last night it was just easier to let my hair down and just do what I wanted. Plus right now I’m not feeling very well and romantic liaisons in the shower room aren’t really what I need.

“You’re right, again. I’ve been insensitive. Forgive me?”

“Don’t be stupid, there’s nothing to forgive. Let’s just forget about it.”

“Agreed.”

Although we’d called a truce, I could tell he felt bad about flying off the handle like that. And to be honest I had found it very strange. I’ll admit I know very little about him, but so far he’d shown himself to be very kind and gentle and now all of a sudden there’s this aggressive side. Maybe I’m not the only one with insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.

We showered separately and freshened up. I was unbelievably grateful to brush my teeth and the shower had worked wonders for me. Slowly but surely the painkillers were kicking in, and I was starting to feel more normal as the morning went on.

When we got back to camp, all clean and tidy, Karl and Joey were sitting round what was left of last night’s fire, which now consisted of mostly empty beer bottles. When Karl spotted us he looked very pleased with himself. Adam nudged me as we approached.

“Hold on tight buddy. I doubt that Karl is going to go easy on us.”

He was right. As we neared their site Karl started belting out “Puppy Love” by Donny Osmond and I was unable to control my embarrassment, my face getting warmer and warmer.

“Yeah, yeah, very funny,” Adam retorted. As we sat down to join them. He seemed completely unfazed by the attention, but then again this was his best mate and they seemed to be really close.

“So Danny boy, how was he?”

“Ignore him Dan.”

“What do you mean how was he?” I replied trying to hide my mortification.

“Well you don’t expect me to believe you two shared a tent last night and did nothing.”

“Ignore him Dan,” Adam repeated.

I was embarrassed, but at the same time felt safe in this environment. They were nice people and for some reason I felt close to them and trusted them. I had been honest with Karl last night, so why not now? Honesty, as they say, is the best policy.

“He was very good, thank you,” I replied, grinning as I said it.

“Ooooooooh,” chanted Karl, amused by the information.

“The cat’s out of the bag now Adam,” said Karl, as if all his Christmases had come at once.

It was Adams turn to be embarrassed as he turned away to hide his blushing face. He also had the biggest grin on his face that completely gave the game away.

“Well I hope you know I covered for you two this morning. Your friends came looking for you Dan, something about a hike.”

“Yeah, I heard. I was scared to death in there. I thought for sure he was going to come in and see…” I didn’t finish the sentence and instead looked at Adam. We both looked so guilty.

“See what exactly? Were you two doing it this morning?”

“Karl!” shouted Adam. “For fuck sake, stop digging man. And no, we were not “doing it”, but I don’t think it would have passed for a sleep over, either, if someone had walked in.”

“I see. Well, I’m happy for you both, you’re a cute couple. Joey’s happy too aren’t you Joey?”

“Mmm,” he replied grumpily.

He didn’t look happy at all. He was annoyed if anything.

“Don’t worry about Mister Grumpy Pants here; he’s just jealous and hung-over,” Karl reassured us, whilst teasing Joey at the same time.

Joey suddenly stood up

“Why would I be jealous? I’m not a fucking faggot!” he spat, and stormed off towards the lake.

The mood round the camp suddenly plummeted. No longer was it jovial and comforting. In fact I felt utterly hurt. It had happened so quickly, my first homophobic insult. I had expected it eventually, after all you get some horrible people out there, but I wasn’t expecting it like this, from my boyfriend’s little brother, practically a kid. Last night Joey had seemed completely comfortable with his brother. Perhaps he hadn’t known about Adams sexuality until now, but that didn’t fit. He told me last night to be good to his brother, he must have known. I felt emotional and scared all of a sudden, not to mention confused.

Adam shot up to his feet.

“That fucking little bastard. Who the fuck does he think he’s talking to?” said Adam aggressively, obviously also offended.

He charged forward after his brother, but Karl quickly got up and blocked his path, holding him back.

“Let go of me Karl, I’m going to kick the shit out of him. He can’t say shit like that.”

“Leave it Adam, you know he didn’t mean it, there’s obviously something wrong with him this morning.”

“Yeah there is something fucking wrong with him. He’s fucked up in the head and I’m going to knock some sense into him.”

Adam was stronger than Karl and managed to force him off and started to run after his brother.

“Shit!” said Karl, and he ran after him.

I also joined the pursuit.

Adam was fast and caught up with his brother quickly. He was pushing him around and shouting at him. It was all very loud and dramatic and they were both shouting over each other and it was hard to make out what they were saying. I heard Joey shout something about making the same stupid mistake over and over and that he wasn’t going to be there this time. It got more and more heated as Karl and I watched on. Adam eventually took it too far and got his brother on his knees in a headlock struggling to breathe.

“SAY YOU’RE FUCKING SORRY YOU LITTLE SHIT!” he screamed at his brother.

“ADAM LET HIM GO!” I shouted, becoming concerned. Surely Joey’s comment wasn’t worth this much.

“SAY YOU’RE FUCKING SORRY!” he screamed again.

“F..f..uck… you,” choked Joey.

Adam began punching his brother hard on the head.

I couldn’t watch anymore and stepped in, pulling Adam off Joey. He was thrown back a few steps, but then started coming forward again, more determined. He was obviously stronger than me, but I wasn’t going to let him just beat up his little brother. So when he was close enough I pushed him back with all the strength I could muster and he fell flat on his back. I was full of adrenaline now and started screaming myself.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” I shouted, staring determinedly down at Adam.

He could see I meant business and instead of challenging me he just sat where he was staring at me.

“Take him back Karl,” I said, not breaking my stare or standing down.

Karl moved towards Adam and tried to help him up, but Adam threw his hands up in the air to gesture he didn’t need help.

“It’s fine, I’m going,” he said, still staring at me.

Karl put out his hand to try and help him up again.

“I said it’s fine,” and he got to his feet and started walking back to camp.

Karl gave me a nod before following Adam back.

I turned now to see the cowering little figure that I had been protecting. The same little prick that had insulted me just minutes before, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He was snivelling and obviously quite shaken. Adam could have killed him if he’d kept choking him like that.

“Are you ok?” I asked

He blanked me and turned away from me. I watched him and could tell he was crying by the way he was quivering. I walked over, knelt down beside him and put my arm around him. I didn’t know what else to do. He needed comforting and I felt compelled to help him. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t really accept the gesture at first either. Then all at once he broke down and pulled into me tightly, sobbing.

“I’m s..s..sorry,” he stammered. I could tell he meant it; it was packed with both sincerity and emotion.

“Shhhh, it’s ok”

“I didn’t mean it, I’m not like that. I don’t hate gay people.”

“I know you don’t.”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt again. It’s me that has to put the pieces back together.”

Suddenly things were becoming clearer; this was an issue with me, not an issue with homosexuality. I adjusted our embrace so that I could look him face to face.

“I have no intention of hurting him.”

“Neither did the others.”

“You make it sound like he’s had a lot of boyfriends.”

“Three.”

“Well that’s not a lot.”

“It’s not the quantity; it’s what each one put him through.”

We separated now as he became consoled and calmer.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not for me to say. You’ll need to ask him. I don’t want to give him another excuse to beat me up.”

“Does he do this a lot?”

“No, God no, that came out wrong. He’s never really hit me before. I must have really offended him.”

“Well the word faggot can have that effect.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking ashamed of himself.

“I forgive you. I’m sure it’ll be ok. People argue all the time, especially brothers, but if you care about each other it usually sorts itself out. Just let him cool off for a bit, then apologise to him.”

“I will. Thanks by the way, for stepping in like that. I thought I was going to pass out, I could barely breathe.”

“It’s fine, he took it way too far. I’ll be telling him he was out of order.”

“You’ll only make it worse,” he stated, concerned.

“I don’t care,” I said with conviction. “He can’t go around beating people up, just like you can’t go round calling people names. I certainly won’t be sticking around if he’s going to be violent all the time.”

“He isn’t violent. Actually I think he acted that way to protect you. I hope I haven’t spoilt things between you two. He’s the nicest guy you could meet really. He’s been a great big brother. He only gets violent when he’s protecting people he cares about - friends, family…you.”

“He’s been weird today. We’ve already exchanged words. I think I need to have a long chat with him and get to know him better. I can’t believe this has all happened so quickly. I’ve never just… you know… got with someone the first time I’ve met them. Then he turns out to have this nasty side. I thought he was such a nice guy before.”

“I’ve ruined it for you, haven’t I?”

“No, it’s not your fault. I just need to find out what’s up with him. We should go back.”

“He won’t want to see me yet.”

“Well what are you going to do, sit over here on your own?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Don’t be stupid, get up.”

He reluctantly followed me back to their site, where we found Karl and Adam arguing about the rights and wrongs of the whole event.

“I want to speak to you,” I said to Adam, interrupting them and gesturing that we should take a walk.

Karl and Adam fell silent and Adam looked at me absorbing my request, then he glared at his brother, before heading in the direction I had pointed to. I followed him until Adam had decided we were out of earshot.

“Look before you start defending him, he had no right to say what he said and to be honest he was lucky it was me he said it to because…”

“Shut up Adam. I’m not angry at your brother, I’ve sorted things out with him, it’s you that I’m annoyed at.”

“What? Are you for real? Why am I the bad guy all of a sudden? He was a complete dick back there.”

“And so were you,” I replied. “He’s your brother for fuck’s sake; you don’t go beating up your brother. Plus it’s not the first time I’ve seen you angry today. So level with me Adam, what’s going on? I know nothing about you and the more I find out, the more you seem less like the guy I thought you were.”

“Then ditch me if you want. What do I care?”

“Bingo, now we’re getting somewhere. I gathered as much…this isn’t about me at all; it’s about other boyfriends isn’t it? You’re afraid we’re going to split up or fight or something?”

“What the fuck has he been saying to you?” said Adam, referring to his brother.

“Not a lot, he’s surprisingly loyal to you considering you almost choked the life out of him. I did find out that your three exes weren’t very nice to you. I was hoping you might fill in the gaps.”

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” he replied, trying to act cool but I could tell he was shaken. This was obviously not a subject he was comfortable with.

“That’s fine with me; if you’re not going to be honest with me then we’re over before we’ve even started. But I’ll say this one last thing; it’s pretty shitty that you’re treating your brother like that, when it seems to me like he’s supported you through all sorts of shit. Goodbye Adam. Thanks for last night. Believe it or not I’m glad I shared my first experience or whatever you want to call it with you. It meant a lot to me, it’s just a pity it’s not going to work out.”

I turned and began walking away.

“Wait!” he called after me. I turned to face him. “Do you want to have breakfast with me?”

“Are you for real?” I asked flabbergasted by his tangent.

“I’m for real. We can go into the village. I’ll drive us.”

I took out my phone to check the time. It was nearly hitting one o clock.

“I think it’s a bit late for breakfast.”

“Call it brunch then?”

“What’s the point?”

“Dan I don’t want it to end like this, I haven’t even got to know you yet. I’ll explain everything to you, just please come out with me.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Yes.”

I stood analysing him for a moment. His demeanour had completely changed. He’d gone from raging bull to lost puppy. In honesty I didn’t want it to end like this either. The prospect of getting to the bottom of things was just about enough to sway me to say yes, but it was the ego boost of being asked out on my first date that convinced me.

“Ok.”

“seriously?”

“Sure, why not? As long as you’re going to be honest with me.”

“Right then.”

“Right then. I’ll need to draw out some cash.”

“Don’t be bloody stupid. If I’m taking you out, you’re not paying for a thing.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know I don’t, but I want to. Think of it as my way of saying sorry for this morning. I’m not usually like this; it’s just been weird this morning. Joey hasn’t helped. Come on, let’s just get out of here, I’ll feel better when it’s just you and me. I’ll tell you what’s on my mind.”

“Ok. Let’s go then,” I replied and we walked back to their site.

He walked toward his car, an older model Ford Escort. “We’re going out, be back later,” Adam said to Karl and Joey as he passed them and got in the driver’s seat closing the door behind him.

They both looked to me for some sort of explanation and I shrugged unsure how to explain.

“We’re going out for something to eat and a chat.”

“A date?” asked Karl.

“You could say that.”

“Wow, you’re good. That’s fast work. He can be really difficult sometimes.”

“Well, call me the voice of reason,” I said, winking and getting in the passenger side.

“What did they say to you?” asked Adam as we drove out of the campsite.

“They just asked me what I see in you. I told them I have absolutely no idea.”

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah, right.”